Authors Note; While talking about Sillybella's story "Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers" and condoms I came up with this idea. ;End Authors Note

"This looks like a good one. Look, Ed! It's got two bedrooms two baths, spacious kitchen…like you'll need that…It looks nice." Alice pointed at a magazine labeled "Home Sweet Home." She nodded and turned the page, "I think it'll be good for you and Bella."

"I hope so." Edward took the magazine and read the details on the condominium Alice was looking at. "Yeah actually…it does look pretty good, Ally."

"I can't believe you guys are going to move out and live in a condominium!" Alice sighed and lay on her back on the couch.

Emmett walked in and grinned widely at Edward.

"What?" Edward cocked his head to the side in confusion. "We're looking at condo-"

Emmett held out one finger symbolizing Edward to shush, "Oh I know what you're looking at, Edward." Emmett winked, "I'm not that stupid, bro."

On the contrary, Emmett, I do believe you are…Edward thought. "Okay. Whatever."

Emmett slapped Edward on the back, "Way to go my man! But why are you looking at mini ones? I didn't know you were…small…You think Bella will be pleased, man?"

"Emmett…I don't think you understand…" Edward raised an eyebrow at Emmett.

Alice giggled.

"Of course I do bro! You're getting some! At last man, now Jasper won't be complaining all the time! Way to GO! I didn't think Bella would allow it!" Emmett's grin widened and Edward took a step back.

Alice giggled again.

"Emmett we're not going to…" Edward started.

Emmett interrupted him, "Right, man, I got it. You'll go to her house. Yeah, I understand man! You two like privacy. It's all cool."

Edward slapped his forehead and Jasper stepped in. "What's going on?"

Alice burst out laughing and rolled off the couch and onto the floor. She continued laughing.

Edward glared at her, "Jasper is it really that bad?"

Jasper stared blankly at Edward until realization finally hit him, "Emmett? Is he finally going to have sex?"

Emmett nodded, still grinning.

Jasper looked back at Edward and fell to the ground, kneeling. "IF THERE IS A GOD, THANK YOU! THANNNKKK YOOOUUU!!!"

Alice laughed so hard she hit the table. Emmett patted Edward's back, "Congratulations, man. I didn't think you'd ever go through with it at 105!"

"Guys…Listen!" Edward stared at them incredulously, "I'm not—"

"We already know, Edward, there's no need for secrets! Come on, just confess already! What kind of condom are you going to use? I betcha Bella would like those Chocolate flavored ones, only if she's…you know…oral."

"I am. NOT. Having. This. Conversation." Edward closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

Jasper stood up, "You know Edward, why don't you just go ahead and get it over with! I'll be much happier this way! No more feeling of your sexual…needs on a daily basis! Go on you old pervert! Go get some!"

"GUYS! SERIOUSLY! I'M NOT GOING TO—" Edward screamed so loudly that Esme and Carlisle walked in the room, "Is everything alright?" Esme asked.

Alice managed to stop laughing long enough to say, "Edward and Bella are going to finally do it."

Esme smiled and Carlisle looked uncomfortable, "Edward?" Carlisle asked nervously.

"Yeah?" Edward turned to look at Carlisle with a very "I am going to kill you" pissed off like look.

"It's uh…Time we had a little…talk."

"FOR THE LOVE OF! THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!!" Edward picked up his car keys and marched out the front door.

"TELL US HOW SHE IS IN BED WHEN YOU GET BACK!!" Emmett called as Edward slammed the car door of his Volvo.