Sakura Saku
Description: AU. Robin is a sidekick, trying to become a solo hero, when he ends up alone, hungry, and without a place to stay. Now… how'd he end up being the leader of an all-female team of superheroes? (Inspired by the Loser Guy – Cute Girls formula of… ... … er… every anime ever.)
Disclaimer: Not mine, and don't try and sue me for it, 'cause I'm a poor college student, dammit!
Episode 1: BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
Act 1 – I'm just a poor boy…
"Since when did the Federal Government mandate Super Hero Testing?" Robin moaned, looking over the sheet in front of him. "I just had to pick now to go Solo. It's not like Batman had to fill out these papers."
Though the thought did amuse him. Batman, cowl and all, fuming over the little questions that they pulled out from the blue, and just scribbling the notes on there. He wondered, too, if he'd be in the same mess he was in right this moment.
He looked at the questions – Name, Powers, IQ – and filled out them pretty easily. Then he got to the first real question on the test.
"There is a burning building. You can only save one person, what do you do?" He rubbed the back of his head, "Is this some kind of trick question? How many people are in that building?"
He filled down something, and moved on to the next, "Your mother is ailing, but at the same time your archnemesis has begun to attack your city. How do you divide the time to make the most of it?"
"Wonderful," he filled in 'N/A' and moved on.
"What is your favorite color?"
Robin skipped it.
"This is the capital of Arizona."
"Phoenix?" he put down. "Why would I have to know the answer to that to be a superhero?"
It went on like this for approximately an hour, at which point he felt pretty confident. The questions really seemed easier this year, and his hard work was really starting to pay off. Which was great, considering his rent was about to run out and he couldn't exactly find a job with all the studying he had to do.
And if he went solo super-heroing without a license…
He did not want to be a third year sidekick.
XXXXX
"So, I'm resigning from my post as leader of the team!" said the older woman, "I'm just getting too old to be taking on this whole Teen thing, and, well, I want to move on with my life. Maybe move to Bermuda before I get too old for it."
"You're only 24," commented one of the four girls watching. She was dressed up like a bee, "That wouldn't be that old. I know people 82 who moved there and started dating muscle-bound dorks on the side."
"Be that as it may, the thought repulses me," said the older woman.
"But, but, Flamebird! What about us? The team!" Bumblebee demanded, taking a stance. "I can't keep on the team without an older supervisor to… hey, where are you going, Raven!"
The dark one looked over, "I have much to attend to this week," she said curtly. "Now, if you will kindly let go." Her eyes flared up angrily as Bumblebee noticed she was holding onto the cape rather tightly. "Thank you."
She left, fading into the floor.
Then, looking over at the other girl, who was blonde and apparently half-asleep. "Terra…?" the girl just collapsed on the couch, "Wake up! This is important! We can't continue this without a leader." She nodded, "Okay! I'll be the leader!"
"But there's nothing happening," Terra muttered, "And I was up late last night playing video games. Can't I just sleep?"
"Well, uh," Bumblebee stuttered, "Okay?"
"Thanks," she said, but she was already asleep as the syllable escaped her lips.
"Jinx!" Bumblebee then turned to. The girl was lurching to her bed.
"Too early. Want sleep."
"It's almost noon!" Bumblebee complained. "Why are you still sleeping?"
"Partied all last night," Jinx answered. "See you in a few hours." The door slammed shut and the sound of her snoring could be heard.
"We're doomed! Doomed!"
"Oh, don't be like that!" Flamebird said, waving her hand, "I've gotten everything already taken care of, don't you worry."
XXXXX
"I'm doomed. Doomed!" Robin muttered.
"It isn't that bad, man," Cyborg commented, looking quite pleased with himself. "After all, you're only in the bottom twelve in the national index." He presented the physical evidence, which only made Robin sob harder.
"And hey, at this rate, we'll be third year sidekicks together! We could form a band or something." Beast Boy, shorter, more obnoxious, and just plain annoying, had piped in at this point. "So don't be so glum."
"But, but!"
"But what?" Cyborg asked.
"I have to be somewhere," he said. Now, he wondered why he had been called to the Jump City Tower. Then it hit him, "Oh yes, that's right. An old friend of mine wanted to talk to me. So I guess I can't stay and chat, so, see ya guys!" He ran away.
"Get back here, you coward!" the two of them gave chase. They just weren't fast enough, he seemed to have already gotten to the stairs.
If they had looked at the window, they would have noticed that it was open, and on the ground was a very, very confused looking Robin.
"How, how did I fall through that…?"
XXXXX
The Tower was a Giant T. That's quaint, Robin thought, cradling himself on a makeshift crutch. "I finally made it!" he said, collapsing at the foot of the lake. He looked at it, then at himself, "Oh great, now I have to swim."
One lake traversed, and one soggy pair of clothes later, Robin was at the island with the giant Tower looming overhead. He sneezed, "Better change out of these," he thought aloud, then began to remove his uniform. He stumbled into the Tower.
Then the alarms went off. And he was now only wearing a pair of soggy pants.
"Oh great. What's going on?"
The Tower, when he was younger, was the clubhouse for him and a few younger sidekicks to just have a little fun every once in a while. Back then it had a bridge connecting it, and it didn't have quite as loud an alarm, to his memory.
"Hello? Is something wrong?" he called.
There was a buzzing sound, and then he was knocked clean on his back. A fairy-like girl said. "Great, a break-in by some two-bit thief!" She noticed his state of undress, "And a pervert, too! That's it."
"No, wait, I can explain!" It was too late, she had already drawn from her side two B shaped weapons, and grown to suddenly human proportions.
"Save your explanations for after your punishment, evildoer!" The Bs began to surge with power. It was only due to his quick reactions that he managed to dodge the stinger as it shot. "Stand still!"
"If I do that, you're going to shoot me!"
"Exactly!"
He ducked and weaved and dodged through the hall, coming to a stairway and an elevator. He took the stairs.
"What's going on in this crazy house," he said, coming to the top floor. "It hasn't been this long, has it?" He looked around, "The place looks great! Very modern!"
The elevator opened up, and he was kicked in the back of the head, "Now I got you!" the bumblebee girl said. "Now, surrender and maybe I'll go easy on you!"
"I'm not here to fight! I just came here to see an old friend of mine!"
"You'll find no friends to a pervert thief like you!"
"I'm not a thief!" then a long pause, "Or a pervert! Where'd you get a crazy notion like that!"
"You're almost naked!" she yelled. "In an All-Girl Super Team's base of operation!"
"Wait, all – girl?" Robin said. He didn't get farther than that when small pebbles started to assault him.
"Take this, Super Pervert! And that!" said a younger voice. She was laughing with glee. "Bumblebee, you should have waited for me! I haven't had this much fun in ages!"
"What are – Ow! – you – Ow! – doing?" he demanded. Then he noticed the size of the next rock (read: impressively large) and jumped to his feet, dodging past the shocked Bumblebee with his agility. "I've got to find my way out of here before more of them arrive!"
He ran up the stairs to the roof, only to remember how long a way down it was. "Oh great, I've fallen from enough buildings for one day!"
"So surrender, and we'll let you go without hurting you!" Terra answered. "Well, after you answer to the authorities."
"I'm not a thief!" Robin yelled.
"You're a panty thief too?" Terra yelled, "Oh, we can't let you go that easily."
"You're not listening at all! My name's Robin, and I'm here to see – "
"Oh, Robin, there you are." Flamebird leaned against the doorframe from the Tower. "Was waiting for you down in the underwater passage. What took you?"
"Bette!" he ran to his old friend. She hit him in the head.
"Flamebird," she corrected.
XXXXXX
"So, that's why I called you here," she said. "Sorry to lay it down on all of you so suddenly, but it was trouble getting in contact with you."
"No, no way!" Bumblebee protested. "There is no way that he'll be the team leader! I'll challenge him for the title if I have to!"
"Uh, Flamebird, isn't this an all-girl team?" Robin asked, quietly.
"Well, I didn't know any other girls on the team when we were still the Teen Titans, so I gave you a ring. You're a natural leader. Strong, assertive, and… apparently soaking wet. Did you swim?"
"Yes, since you didn't tell me that you made the bridge go under water!"
"Sorry!" she said, looking a bit ditzy for the moment, "It just slipped my mind. But a solo hero like you, you should be able to handle this right?"
"But I'm –"
"A solo hero!" Terra exclaimed, then paused. "What's that?"
"A Solo Hero is a superhero that doesn't belong to a team or a sidekick, they're respected and looked up to," Bumblebee answered. "I'm trying to become one, someday, myself."
"Really?" Terra said, "You'd leave us?"
"'course not! But I'd like to be solo someday. So Mr. Solo Hero, where do you operate?" Bumblebee asked, hands on her hips.
"Well, I was looking at Bludhaven…"
"That place is a mess!" Terra exclaimed. "I've been all around. Terra's the name, rock and rolling's my game. How's it going, Mr. Robin sir!"
"Uh, hi," was all he managed.
"So, the big leagues? Haven't we met before?" Bumblebee asked. "Or am I just getting a sense of déjà vu?"
"Uh," Robin thought quickly, nothing coming to mind. "Not that I know of. Maybe it's just you?"
"Maybe," Bumblebee said, "But that kind of misses the whole Female Team thing. He shouldn't even be allowed to stay in the same building!"
"Would you rather the team fall apart?" Flamebird said. "Well, now that you're here, I guess I can get on my way. See ya!" she waved.
Robin waved back. But just as she closed the door his thought-processes raced forward. He no longer had her to back him up, and the look Bumblebee was giving him made him worried for his life.
"So, uh, how'd you girls end up here?" he asked, lamely.
The look on Terra's face was ecstatic. "Okay, back to playing!" The boulder knocked Robin down the stairs. Terra gave chase.
Bumblebee just sighed. "What have we gotten into?"
XXXXXX
XXXXXX
Act 2 – Thunderbolts and Lightning, Very Very Frightening
"Boulders… everywhere I look, stones and rocks!" Robin complained, hiding out in what he thought was an abandoned room. He heard footsteps, and the mocking cry of the younger member of the "Teen Titanesses" as she searched for her 'playmate'.
"It's like one of those stupid Japanese cartoons," he shivered. "Just one more reason to hate Japan."
"And what if they find out that Bette was wrong and that I'm still trying to get my license? This isn't going to end well, won't end well at all."
"I've got it! I'm going to dive into the lake and escape."
There was a yawn.
"What's all that racket out there?" a woman's voice said. She slinked out of bed and looked over at the man at her door. She rubbed her eyes, "I think I partied too hard last night," and promptly fell back onto her bed.
"Oh great, there's another one! I should have seen this one coming." He opened the door quietly and peeked out.
And found himself eye to eye with Bumblebee. "Now you're sneaking into our rooms? I knew we couldn't trust you!" Her hand reared back for a mighty punch, but Robin grabbed it and brought a finger to his lips.
"She's sleeping."
This startled Bumblebee.
"If you don't mind, where was the Leader's room? I think that one would have a computer linked to the main one, right?" Please let it have a key to getting out of here!
"Well, uh," Bumblebee thought. "Look, I know we're not getting off to the best start here, but I'd appreciate it if you'd just let it lie? I'll take care of leadership and…" Robin nodded again and again, hoping to hurry her along. "What I'm trying to say is, we don't need you, no matter what Bette said."
"Sure, sure. Just, I need to see if you can help me first, really quick?"
The door slid open, and the sleeping girl stuck her head out. "Do you two mind not flirting in front of my door?" the pink haired one asked. "I'm trying to get some sleep here!"
The door slammed shut.
Oh, he was going to get it now. Bumblebee reached for her Stingers, and she could feel the rage welling, and Robin could feel the intensity rising. It would take a miracle to save him this time.
-- Klaxons!
Oh the klaxons were a life-saver. "Trouble," Bumblebee said, rushing over to the main window. A button was pressed and a giant computer screen appeared. "Great, Plasmus." She shivered, "A girl's worst enemy, next to the pervert, is the walking zit monster."
"Well, that doesn't sound too bad," Robin commented. "What's he made out of, exactly?"
"Pus," she shrugged.
"Have you tried freezing it?"
"Yep."
"How about super-heating it?"
"Only makes it worse. The only sure-fire way to beat him is to put him to sleep. Let me handle that. Without Raven here, we're going to have a harder time of it than usual." She hit another button and spoke loudly, "Wake up girls, we've got business to take care of!"
Terra was first in, "You found my playmate! Hooray!" She grabbed onto Robin. "So, boss, what do we do?"
Jinx yawned, "What's a guy doing here anyway? I thought this was a girl's team." She was putting her hair up into pigtails. "And what's the zit thing doing back again? I thought we dealt with him already."
"Look, I don't know who released him, or why, but I'm sure we can take care of this," Bumblebee said, "Just the three of us."
"One, two, three, four – what about you, Bee?" Terra asked, Terra's finger having moved through along herself to Robin, then Jinx, then to her. Lingering, it accused her of something.
"I'm leading!"
"But Robin's our leader!" Terra said.
"He is?" Jinx asked, rubbing her eyes. "Nice to see some eye candy up front for a change."
"Why me?" Robin muttered.
"Listen! Jinx, Terra, we can handle this without him."
"Sure," Jinx said. "But what about Wonder Boy over there. Should we just leave him here?" She whispered aside to her, "What if he steals our unmentionables?"
"Urgh, I hate it when you're right," Bee said. "Okay, Wonder Boy, c'mon. We're going to show you how the girls play."
"Oh boy," Robin muttered, monotonously.
XXXXX
Plasmus was disgusting.
Oozing pus from every pore and every movement covering the ground with remnants of its putrid mass, the stench alone would drive a man mad. And yet, here the three girls – and one guy – of the Teen Titanesses were running headlong into the mess.
"Great, just great," Jinx muttered. "Thought we'd dealt with this guy!"
"Obviously he missed you," Robin commented. "So, what's the plan, Bee?"
"Bumblebee to you, buster," Bumblebee reacted. "Jinx, distract him. Terra, try and get through to that thick head of his with a brick. I'll try and find a way to get him unconscious."
Robin just watched.
"That's not going to work," he said. They didn't listen. Jinx was covered in slime before she could even start moving, and Terra's boulders just became a make-shift helmet for the massive mound of muck.
"Told you," Robin muttered.
"Well, smart guy, give us a hand if you're such a know it all," Bumblebee muttered. She stung at the big thing, but it just seemed to annoy him. He scratched the place she stung, and looked content.
"I, I'm just an itch!" she muttered. Robin sighed, and from a nearby store that Plasmus had wrecked in his rampage, something had caught his eye. Bumblebee tried to turn up the energy on her Bs in the meanwhile, but noticed what happened next. "Wait, what are you doing with that watch?" Robin was walking forward calmly with a watch in his hand. It was a pocket-watch, a rather old one. He spun it around, then began to swing it from left and right.
This seemed to catch Plasmus's attention.
"Listen to the sound of my voice," Robin said, soothingly, "You're becoming very, very tired."
Plasmus looked confused at first, but then the suggestion began to take hold. "Very tired. You wish to go to sleep, don't you? Good. Sleep."
The monster yawned loudly. Jinx, wiping the ooze off of her (designer! She insists) clothes, just watched the massive pile stagger from side to side until it slowly began to fall over onto her.
She flinched, but the incoming gunk didn't hit. Instead, a boy was sleeping peacefully in a pile of the substance that made up Plasmus. He didn't look at all aware that he was only in a pair of underpants.
"Well, that worked," Jinx said. "Nice thinking Wonder Boy. So, is that what you do? Hypnotist?"
"Nah," Robin said, "Just figured that it was kinda mindless so it'd be really open to suggestion. Looks like I was right." He shrugged. "No big deal, right?"
"Yes big deal!" Terra said, levitating on a rock, "That was awesome!" She jumped on his back, "Do it again! You were so cool!"
"Uh?" Robin asked.
"Hey, Bee, can we keep him?" Jinx asked.
"I, I," Bumblebee came up to Robin, looking him dead in the eye. "Don't steal my scenes again, got it?"
"Your scene?" Robin asked.
"That's right!" Bumblebee roared, "You moron!" She punched him, his movement going across the street like a pinball, until he hit a stop sign, which bent back, then forward, sending him flying off in a northward direction. It wagged back and forth for a few moments until it stopped. Bumblebee, her fist still in the follow through, pulled herself upright. She was quite pleased.
"And he is outta here!" Jinx cried, "That's a homerun, Bee!"
She scowled, "Jerk."
Terra grinned, "So, we should probably find him. C'mon, Jinx!"
XXXXX
Chu Hui looked up at the sound of screaming. "Ara ara," she muttered, "Looks like I've got visitors again."
The sound got closer, and the young boy skidded across the balcony, and into the penthouse. "Ouch," was all he said.
"My my, are you alive? That was quite a distance, young man."
"Yeah, I think so. I think that one qualified differently than most hits I receive," he muttered, "Either that or I'm getting super powers." He stood up, there was a lot of blood running down his face. "So! Uh, sorry!"
"That's quite all right." She offered him a cup, "Tea?"
XXXXX
XXXXX
Act 3: Anyway the Wind Blows
"This is some good tea!" Robin said. "I must have the recipe!" He sipped the tea again. "Very nice. What did you say it was made from?"
"Oh, just some herbs I planted myself," she said, deciding that the slight amount of sake she put in for flavor wouldn't have to be discovered. "So, young man, you come flying into my penthouse and drink my tea, there must be quite an interesting story behind you and that dashing mask, hm?"
"Well, it's really because I annoyed some girl," Robin said. "I'm not sure what she was getting so angry about. I was just trying to help."
"Ah, yes," Chu Hui nodded, "I see. Your girlfriend probably felt that you were being insincere."
"She's not my girlfriend!" Robin announced. "She hates me, for one thing. And she's just a complete tomboy, not my type at all." He sighed, "It's not like Bette told me everything. She just said 'You're the leader now, ciao!' and left. It was not my choice!"
"So, you're the leader of the Titans now," she nodded. "You're quite resilient. And very strong."
"I'm not that great," Robin said. "That's part of the problem. They think I'm a full-fledged solo hero, but I'm just a second year failure. I'm just going to have to leave, even if it means I'm out of a place to live."
"And yet, what of the girls?" Chu Hui asked, calmly. "They need a leader, I know. I've seen them many times, they're unorganized, undisciplined. Not like you. You have a calmness to you, well-trained and disciplined." She poked him with her staff, "You're a tough cookie, too! I'm impressed! Not many people could just pop up from that. Even with super-powers."
"That's the thing, I don't have super powers. I just think the laws of physics are strange when that girl punches me. I mean, she can shrink and stuff, it's not like we should believe that gravity and momentum are hard and fast rules here."
She nodded, "That is certainly true! Now, how about we get you on your way home. You shouldn't let a little thing like being a man get in your way. I'm sure they'll enjoy the company. Oh yes, I remember being that age…" as she closed the door, she was unawares of the unseen eavesdropper. The miniature form hid carefully behind a potted plant.
"So that's where I recognize him from," Bee murmured, growing back to full size and flying down towards the ground. Terra, levitating on a rock, joined her, "C'mon Terra, let's go home."
"Why? We still haven't found Robin!"
"He'll be back before you know it. I'm sure he's fine."
"Okay!" Terra said, seeming fine with this. They met up with Jinx, and she insisted that they go the long way home.
They did, and they saw the elephant.
XXXXX
Robin was working hard on making sure everything was neat and clean. There was a lot of dust from Terra's rocks all over the place, so he was coughing and covered in dirt himself by the time he was through. He went last to the girls' bath quarters.
"Gee, glad I didn't go in here while everyone was chasing me. Then they'd call me a pervert for sure." He opened the door and was met with what had to be something completely out of place.
"How did they put a Grecian Bath in here?"
It was lushly decorated with ivory and gold painted tiling. There was the sound of running water from a tiny waterfall that descended into the pool. He could only whistle. "I can't say I'm not impressed."
"Dick Grayson, AKA Robin?" Robin turned around. Bumblebee was standing there looking quite imposing. "In the national index, you score in the bottom twelve on the Heroic Aptitude Test."
"H, hey, where'd you hear that?"
"Two guys were laughing about it when I got my results," she said. "So it was you! I'm surprised you have the guts to go around this place, cleaning it up, just so we'd forgive you?"
"That's not it!" Robin said. "Look, someone told me that maybe it'd be for the best if I was the leader, but, you're a good leader to and I'm just a two-year loser so… I was just making up for stealing your thunder out there."
"What?" Bumblebee's face lightened. "You're going?"
"I'm sorry," Robin said. "I just thought that it's the least I could do. After all the trouble I caused everyone. I'm not the hero everyone thinks I am, not yet anyway."
"But, that's not what I meant!" She walked closer to him, but her footing, on the wet floor, began to topple and she was sent careening right at him.
Robin, if he had been thinking straight, would have probably have questioned the nature of her slipping on the wet tile right onto him. But at the moment, he was kind of close to an attractive girl, and so his only thoughts were focused at her. Why hadn't he noticed some of the things about her before? Her eyes were deeper than they had any right to be.
He was so lost in that thought that he didn't even notice his mask flew off in the confusion.
"You're kind of cute without that stupid mask," she said. His hand ran to his face to check, and sure enough, the domino mask had been flung off. "So, how does it feel?"
"Wh, what?" His hand reached up to touch her arm. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted the tactile pleasure of knowing that this wasn't some daydream. The tactile pleasure soon transformed into tactile shock. Particularly on the part of those dark eyes that were staring into his. Her wrist freed itself of his hand.
Then she punched him into the tile, knocking some of it upwards as he left an indent. His thoughts returned to normal, and he noticed how his brain hadn't been crushed like a grape.
He didn't particularly mind it this time.
"We're back!" Terra exclaimed, "Huh, Bumblebee? Why are you on top of the Team Leader?"
"She's on top of him? I didn't know she liked being on top!" Jinx yelled, leaping in to look at the scene. Bee panicked, standing up.
"No way! This isn't anything like you think!"
"The truth is," Robin said, getting up. "That I –"
"That he's helping me study for the HAT Test. Yeah, that's the ticket. And you can learn a lot about it from someone who's already passed, right?"
"I'm going – what?" A part of him looked over at Bee's smug face. He didn't know what was worse, the lying or the fact that she now had the upper hand.
"Right?" she said, winking at him.
"Uh, yeah. That's right!" Robin said. He'd deal with this whenever he got a chance. But for the time being, he was finally someplace he could call home.
"Hooray! Bumblebee and Robin are friends now. Now we can play!" The boulders came flying around the corner, training in on Robin. He leapt up, being caught on a smaller one, his hand holding on for dear life as it rocketed about.
"Why me!"
XXXXX
"Mr. Slade, the report."
The man named Slade, hiding in shadows, read the report. "So, the Titans have a new leader, and he's a boy. Most interesting. I'll keep my eye on this one."
TO BE CONTINUED…
NEXT TIME!
The Love Hina spoof is over. Now Robin's settled in as Team Leader when a space ship carrying two beautiful alien women crashes on the Tower Roof. Robin meets the darkly cute Blackfire while the girls deal with the ever bubbly Starfire.
And how will one little, innocent gesture put Robin into a life-or-death battle with an alien empire?
And what's those two losers, Beast Boy and Cyborg, doing snooping around the tower? There's No Need for Robin next time when he asks someone to…
BE MY YOKO ONO!