I've been restraining myself from making fifty stories at once. This story is a little more like me (rude). Oh, and please don't feel offended by this stuff; I just wanted to make Axel sound really opinionative so don't mind some of his opinions. Opinions are always appreciated, yes?

Disclaimers: AA, pet shop of horrors, Babies R us, dane cook (the heist/monkey joke) Alexander myth (?), american dream, and requiem for a dream. Oh, and kingdom hearts. Duh.

Axel's Point of View

I've been having a seriously hard time with life. Why? Cause I fucking suck at it.

To put it bluntly.

I'm about nineteen right now. People my age bug the hell out of me. And that is, my dear children, because of all their fucking sickeningly cute dreams they have. I swear, it's like they have stars in their eyes. Oh, I'm going to become a doctor and get married and have two kids, one girl and one boy, of course, and live to a grand old age, and then get buried in some dusty old cemetery until my insides rot. Okay, maybe I added the last part, but the rest is true, I swear. Oh, and did I mention it already? I swear a lot if you haven't noticed. But who gives a damn anyway. Some people like to cuss, some people eat their weight in chocolate, and some are psychos who kill people cause they feel like it. So sue me cause I'm expressive. I fucking dare you.

You wanna hear about my dreams? Yeah, about that, I don't have any. I'm sorry that I disappointed you so early in the game. But I do have a job. I work at Cutesy Pets 4 You. Just pull the goddamn trigger already. Like I don't already deal cutesy shit to deal with, let's add some fluffy rabbits and vicious cats.

I'll tell you one thing, though, and that is that I absolutely hate snakes. Back sometime in my late childhood, I was walking home with some friend (whose name is escaping my memory) after school. We'd just learned about Greece and Rome. That meant Alexander the Sexy too. I'm kidding. I don't remember his whole name; let's just call him Lexy. A mixture of Alexander and Sexy. Lexy was my idol immediately after I heard about him. He had everything that anyone could have wanted. Fame? Check. Eternal Glory? Check. Riches? Check. Lots of chicks lining up for him? Fuck yes…I mean Check. Then my asshole of a friend told me about how he was born. His mom apparently made lovey time with a snake. I know what you're thinking. Are you stupid? That's just some strange superstition (alliteration baby!). In my defense, I was like nine or something and didn't know better. So get of my back. Now you're probably wondering why I still don't like snakes. That is simply because every time I see on of those slithery bitches I imagine it going up some chick's love spot. Yeah, it's gross. Disgusting, filthy, vulgar, unpleasant, nasty. If you want any more words I suggest you go and look through a thesaurus.

This leads me to another point and that is that I didn't follow the goddamn American Dream shit and go to college. That is, the American Dream of my age that I have previously mentioned. I'll answer it before you even have a chance to ask me. Could you seriously imagine me at college? A bum, sure, but some college student? No offense to all you collegers, but I can confidently say that I have no place there. Then again, I don't think Cutesy Pets 4 You is that much better.

So here I am. The only person that was employed for the job other than my manager. I feel so very special. I think it's a mixture of who'd actually want to work here and cause this dinky shop doesn't get that much service. Which leaves a lot of Axel time. Or Axel and Aerith time. I call it double AA time. Like Alcoholics Anonymous and like AA batteries. Both have their very important uses. Anyways, Aerith is my manager. I think she's like the fricking symbol of what this store represents. Complete utter almost I wanna puke Cuteness. However, she's also the nicest chick you'll ever see. She almost makes me feel bad when I cuss or flick off the customers when they leave. Almost.

She's also the granddaughter of the guy who started this joint. She worships the animals here almost as much as her grandpop. Well, I've never seen him before, but you gotta hear her talk about him sometimes. The other day, I was resting at the cash register and she was going on and on and fucking on about him. "Oh, Axel, you know my grandfather? Well, he's so adorable. Yesterday he got out of the shower and forgot to wash out the shampoo! He was so embarrassed; he said he was just so excited when he heard I was coming to visit him. Isn't that the sweetest thing you've ever heard?" Yeah, now I'm going to go puke my innards out in that corner of there. See you in five.

Don't get me wrong, I like Aerith, but when she talks about that damn grandpop of hers…I mean, if she loves him so much why doesn't she just get hitched with him in Las Vegas? Then she can go wash his hair…ew, that is fucking …ew. Is that considered incest? The mental picture won't go away, how peachy.

Back to the shop of hell. Man, wouldn't be so awesome if this was like the Pet Shop of Horrors? And there'd be this real bitchy customer who'd I'd be like 'Ma'am, I have the perfect pet for you'. Then I'd hand them the man-eating plant that would awake at night to eat. And by eat I mean someone. Like the bitchy customer.

Currently I'm sitting at the cash register (no big surprise) cause otherwise I'd have to help the shoppers. A major no-no. More than half of the time the customer includes a kid that takes forever to pick the damn pet and even by the end the kid isn't even satisfied with it and starts a tantrum. That's when my handy headphones come into play. Poor Aerith has to deal with the squirt. After the monster is pacified, they come up to me where I'll pleasantly smile at the parent of the demon. I'll politely tell them the price and while they rummage through their purses or wallets, I'd stick my tongue out at the kid. I like to call it my personal sticking it to the man, or rather child.

Last time I did it the mother caught me in the act and started to rant about how she'd never come back here because of the awful service. It's times like theses where I can tell how the kid got so bitchy. The only bad part is that Aerith is like a mommy. A nice mommy, but a mommy that can give one hell of a lecture. One would think that my job would be endanger, but we all know she'd never fire me. It's my irresistibility. But, in all seriousness, she was so close to shoving soap down my throat. She can be crazy. She went up to me and said "Open wide. Bon appétit." If it wasn't for my reflexes my mouth would have tasted like soap to this very day.

So you've learned a lot about me. Or at least as much as I'm gonna tell you. Or what? You wanna know my fucking favorite color? I'll give you a hint; it's in the rainbow.

Another thing, which you may have just realized, is that I can be a prick. But, hey, who isn't at some point or another? Just cause I'm really sarcastic and cool doesn't mean that you can just fling accusations at me. We're not monkeys here who fling poop at each other. We're people. And people don't fling things at others. Except love.

See? I can be romantic. I'm the whole fucking package.

Now this is another topic that I bet you're all yacking your heads off about. Am I single? That's a debatable topic, really. I'm a sweet package, so why did Roxas all of the sudden decide that he doesn't want to be with me? Hell if I know. I'm not mad, no sireee. I'd like to know why, am I not good enough for his highness. Yeah, but I'm cool with it. His loss. Yup. Bitch.

"Axel, can you stop squeezing the snake?"

I look down at my hand, on which a snake rested, wrapping its tail around my fingers. "What is that thing doing on my hand?" I tensely asked. Calm down. Don't think about it. It's … a rubber …thing that somehow got between my fingers. That's it.

"Well… you were spacing out so I thought it'd be okay…" Aerith knew that I hated snakes and was waiting for an explosion. "We got a new order of hamsters today. They're dwarf hamsters and they fit on the palm of your hand!"

"Oh…" I gulped. "…that's nice." What were we talking about again? Damn short attention span. I felt something cool around my elbow. It was kinda nice on my relatively warm skin. Wait…what is something cool doing on my arm? "SHIIIIT!"

Mount Axel has just erupted. Please evacuate in a orderly fashion.

This was such a stretch from what I usually write. Longer than usual as well. So please GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS. I wanna know if this way of writing is interesting..or something. Thanks!