Don't Let Me See Your Eyes

Disclaimer: I'd like to see the person who thinks I own this.

Archives: Please, just ask.

Warnings: Slash Draco/Harry, Het Harry/Ginny. Dark..

Rating: PG13

Reviews: Constructive criticism? PLEASE.

A/N: No kind of not AU. In simpler words, AU.  Ginny POV.

When we were together that first, blissful time, you looked as if you were dead. I thought you were, but for the fact I could feel a pulse beating when I touched your throat and your eyes were filled with tears. When you called out in your dreams, you never called my name, not even when you were smiling, not even when you were screaming.

I loved you, more than anything, more than Ron, more than Mum, Dad, Bill… and because I loved you I'll hold you when you cry and kiss you when you wake up as he would have done. I know you love him, that you still love him, and I know you love me just a little, enough to marry me at any rate, but you're the only one I could ever love.

So don't let me see your eyes when you say his name, when you make stilted, false conversation with me, when you scream and your eyes open wide, because when I do, I see him there. Malfoy.

I'm so sorry he died. I'd have given you up so you can be with him, you know that. But when Lucius was found weeping over his dead body, and you found out, I had to be there for you because no one else understands what it is to lose someone you love more than life itself. I lost you, Harry.

And I love you still, through life, through death I'll always love you.

Don't let me see your eyes when you lie to me though, when you say you love me and what you're really saying is I love Malfoy, not you, Ginny Weasley. You're just a little part of my life. Draco is half of me, and you'll never be any part of me except my wife. Just that.

I remember when I came into your flat and found you crying, "Draco's dead," you whispered, "Lucius was under the Imperius curse, killed him… oh God, what's the point of living?"

I took the knife away from you and cleaned the wounds where you'd slashed at your arms and took you down to St. Mungo's for a stomach pump because of all the aspirin you'd swallowed and when you woke in the night calling his name, talking to him in your head, I was there, because I love you.

And when you were discharged you came to me and said, "Ginny, I want to thank you for everything, for being there for me and because I love you."
Because I love you, he said, but not as much as Malfoy, I knew. He's just a Slytherin, I'm a Gryffindor and… I loved him before Malfoy. I hate him. I hate him for taking someone I felt I deserved, for insulting my family, for getting Harry, for ruining my life.

So when I look into his eyes I see Malfoy. The one I hate most, living in the one I love most, cool blond hair and eyes like ice, blue and malevolent. I see him at twelve, thirteen and up until he's a young man and I see the gravestone that Harry goes to every Sunday.

In a way, he's having an affair with Malfoy, even though he's dead. I know on Sundays he'll be out from eleven to eleven and come back smelling of drink, but I'll be there.

Just don't let me see Malfoy in you. I'd rather put your eyes, the part of you I love most, out rather than see a Slytherin looking out, instead of the one I love. He's possessing you, breaking us apart.

Yet I'll always be there for him until he closes his eyes and goes to Malfoy and I can look into your cold eyes and not see him there any more, just a corpse's blank stare. Until then…

Don't let me see your eyes.