ELENA POV
It's been two weeks since my transition, and everything has changed.
I never wanted to be a vampire, and although Stefan and Caroline have been helping me through every step of the way, they haven't really made this any easier. I feel like I'm on a leash, like everyone is just waiting for me to snap- explode.
Even though I've told Stefan that I can't even think of being in a relationship right now, he's hardly left me alone for one minute these past two weeks. And I'm suffocating. Since my parents died I've been forced to be strong, act like an adult.
I've had to be responsible, make life or death decisions, and deal with impossible supernatural drama. But Stefan and Caroline have been treating me like a child. I understand transitions are hard, I know this. But instead of being supportive friends, I feel like I'm getting persistent parental supervision. I need to breathe.
Unfortunately, my breath of fresh air has been avoiding me since the night I transitioned.
He was there for me when I decided to drink the blood and become a vampire, and then he was gone. Damon. I miss him. I know I promised him that night that I'd let him go, but I guess I had never even fathomed the idea that I wouldn't have him by my side anymore.
He had always been there- making me uncomfortable with his dismissal of personal space, flashing his smirk that lightened the mood, or making endless sexual innuendos that I've always tried really hard to not laugh at whenever he was around. What has he been doing all this time?
I don't even know. I'm not quite sure I want to know, especially if it involves him, female company, and a lot of alcohol and blood. I figure ignorance is bliss in this situation, but I really do miss him.
I assume he's still at the boarding house, as I saw his car there yesterday although I couldn't hear his movement upstairs while I was with Stefan and Caroline.
Should I call him? Just to make sure he's okay? I feel like a terrible person. I know he's hurting- I'm the one who inserted the knife.
I left my best friend and my rock to die completely alone while I drove back to his brother. What kind of monster does that? He loves me with complete and utter devotion, with so much passion, and he promised me he'd always choose me. But I've never chosen him. I chose his brother, and I should be happy with Stefan. Only Stefan.
But why do I need Damon so much? And although having Damon helping me with my transition would be ideal, I need him in other ways too. I need him to make me smile, make me laugh. I need to tell me everything's going to be fine and to quit stressing so much. I need him, just in general.
And there's also the constant haunting of the memories he compelled me to forget. One, the first time I actually met him, and two, the night he told me he loves me. Although I'm a little bit pissed he compelled me, these moments I finally have restored into my brain are truly beautiful.
They're both moments that show the true side of Damon- moments that I live for. These moments surprise me, and show me even further how selfless Damon really is, although he thinks he's selfish. It's funny really, how completely wrong about himself he is. Although I guess nobody has ever really shed that much light on his good qualities, and I haven't helped there either.
I know I played a big role in bringing out his humanity again when he first arrived into town, but a lot of the times I always managed to blame him and make him feel unworthy- unloved. And I hate myself for that. Because the truth is, I do love Damon.
How? I'm not really sure. That's why I haven't told him. That, and, where the hell is he? I need him! He promised he'd never leave me, and yet he's not here.
I know he never technically left, but still. He should be here with me all the time, helping me, making me laugh, and falling asleep next to me while cuddling my teddy bear like he often did during our summer searching for Stefan.
Living without Damon is just wrong. Empty. He's a dash of reality, insanity, and hilarity all in one, and he can make me forget even the most stressful of days. That's it. I'm going to see him, I need to. I need to know if he's okay. And, hopefully seeing him will make me okay.
DAMON POV
Fuck this. I'm so sick of this routine.
Elena chose Stefan and I need to get over it, accept it. Elena will never chose me, and I need to stop sitting around in this house and getting shit-faced drunk and holding onto the idea that maybe she could one day love me, one day choose me.
But that will never happen.
"It's always gonna be Stefan," she repeats over and over again.
Well, fuck. Excuse me for thinking that being with Stefan doesn't sound like all that much of a fun time.
In fact, it seems rather boring and dull. And stressful. Jesus. Someday soon, I'm going to pack up and leave.
I can't watch Stefan and Elena together, it's absolute torture. I do want them both to be happy, but I'm not about to walk around brooding about my miseries and watching it happen before my eyes.
That's why I've been avoiding Elena since she's become a vampire. I can't do it. I love her. God, do I love her but I can't do this anymore. It's time to pack my bags and go. I do have to live up to that agreement with Stefan, afterall.
I shoot my bourbon back to the bottom of my throat and take a huge gulp, feeling it burn my throat. I set the glass down and narrow my eyes as I can hear a vampire walk up to the front door.
I sprint to the door, praying it's Elena. I just need to see her, see her gorgeous and knowing eyes. I swing open the door and cringe as soon as I realize who is smirking back at me.
"Hello, lover." I lean against the side of the door, and holding my hand up on the other side of the frame. I sigh heavily, bracing myself for the added annoyance that washes up the moment Katherine does.
"Eh. Katherine, what can I do ya for?" I ask, knowing there must be reasoning behind her arrival. There always is.
She ducks under my arm that crosses the door, and sexily makes her way into the house, her hips swinging the whole way.
She plays with her nails as I close the door and look at her questioningly.
"I'm actually not here on business Damon, I'm just bored. I missed my boys," she says with a wink. Right.
"I heard Elena just became the newest member of the undead. How is she?"
"I wouldn't know," I mutter as I walk back over to pour myself some more bourbon.
"Well why not? Did something happen?" she asks far too innocently, as if she doesn't already know. She makes her way over to the couch, and I come over to lounge on the one opposite her.
"No need to be a bitch Katherine, I'm not really in the mood. I know you already know all of the fuckery that takes place in this damned town."
"Hm, yeah. I do know what's been going on." She moves from her couch and moves over to sit next to where I'm laying on mine.
"And I do know that you're in need of a little fun," she whispers seductively, moving to undo the top button of my shirt as she leans down to kiss me.
For a moment I consider giving in, but then I remember I would just be her fuck buddy until her beloved Stefan returned home. It's always Stefan. I shove her off and get up, leaving her on the couch.
"Not this time, Kat." I mutter as I go over to take another swig of my bourbon.
"Fine, then we'll just hang out, have some fun. We can cause some trouble, bite a few necks. It'll drive Stefan crazy," she says.
It actually sounds appealing. Maybe having Katherine around won't be so bad afterall. We could have some fun. And I figure I need some of my manhood back. I've spent this past year whipped by a girl who's not even mine.
So fuck it, I can tango.
"Fine," I reply, liking this idea. "We'll go out tonight, but I need to take a shower."
"Oh, can I join you?"
"No, thanks!" I call as I head upstairs for my room, taking the steps two at a time. But a minute or so later I can hear her climb into a shower in one of the guest rooms and turn on the water. At least there are some boundaries established.
ELENA POV
After taking a shower and spending more time on my appearance than usual, I grab my keys and head out to my car to head over to the boarding house. I'm determined to speak to Damon. But, what if he's different?
What if he's not my Damon, but no humanity Damon, or all walled-up Damon? The latter seems most likely. I'm sure he won't be open or inviting by any means, but I'm hoping he'll listen. I only need him to listen.
When I finally arrive, I open the front door without knocking, because Damon and I are too close for formalities like this. Or at least we used to be.
When I close the door behind me and step into the living room, I'm greeted by...Katherine? Soaking wet and in a robe? My heart rate accelerates quickly before I realize that I'm a vampire and she can't hurt me like she once could.
"Katherine? What are you doing here?" I ask accusingly, glaring my eyes at her.
"Oh hello Elena. How's vampire life? Stefan's not here by the way," she says, as she scrunches her hair in front of a mirror.
"I uh, came to see Damon," I mutter quickly, even though realization dawns on me that I can hear him in the shower upstairs, and here stands Katherine wet and in a robe.
"Damon, huh? I thought you only wanted Stefan. Well Damon's busy and he and I are going to continue our fun when he finishes showering, so I suggest you leave."
What? So Damon and Katherine are sleeping together again? I know I shouldn't be upset or hurt, but I am. I don't like her anywhere near him, for many reasons.
"I need to talk to him, okay? And I don't know what game you're playing Katherine, but if you hurt Damon again-"
"If I hurt Damon? Do you know how much that man loves you? I don't think you do." She turns towards me. "Cause yes, I did hurt Damon. But I think you broke him. I can't do that, because Damon doesn't love me. But he loves you, and you destroyed him," she spits out.
I stand in complete shock. It dawns on me that a lot of what she says is true.
The way that Damon loves, the way that Damon loves me, of course me choosing Stefan would be devastating for him. He loves me with everything he has, with all of his passion and ferocity. Or at least he did. Is it possible that Damon doesn't love me like that anymore?
I can't seem to wrap my head around that idea. I don't even know what to say, how to defend myself. Mostly because she's right. I took a beautiful and strong man and I broke his heart in a horrible way.
I'm speechless until both me and Katherine turn as we hear Damon make his way downstairs, stepping into sight. Shirtless. Shit.
"Elena?" Suddenly, a million emotions roll over me as his fierce blue eyes capture mine.
But the main one is love.