Jack Sparrow and the Fellowship of Rum
Jack Sparrow walked down the dirt path, humming happily to himself. He clutched his compass in one hand and was seemingly conducting the music with his other hand. "La di dah di dah di dah di dah, la di dah, la di dah,"Jack muttered, much to the tune of as song from The Music Man. He had absolutely no idea where he was, but he was Jack Sparrow and Jack Sparrow never turned down an adventure or a mug of rum, which was what he wanted most at the moment so he had no doubt that that was where his old compass was taking him. He passed a miniature bench where a boy, who he thought must be a munchkin sat tying his tiny shoes. The small boy looked up at him and Jack saw that he had wrinkles all over his small face. Jack gave the boy a look of digust and hurried away, leaving the short old boy to stare after him.
He at last came to a town, and he thought that he must have been dreadfully drunken already because all of the buildings and people were incredibly small. He saw a door that read "The Green Dragon" and made his way in, which was very difficult. He discovered that a normal-sized man was not made to go through doors built for people who were under four feet. Jack bent over and shuffled through the door, very gladly finding that the ceiling was almost normal height and that he could stand up perfectly. He glanced at the table and benches. Ugh, they too were made for little people. Little people like all of the staring ones that he saw silently watching him.
"Hey, you. What're you doing here? You're not a Hobbit are you?" One of the small men asked him. quite frightened, Jack noticed proudly.
"I am looking for a place to buy a mug of rum. Have you got one?" Jack asked, swaying slightly, which was perfectly normal for him.
"Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but... Men aren't supposed to be in these parts of the Shire. May I ask how you got here?" The man asked.
"I dunno. I was walking down the path outside of Tortuga, and all of a sudden I noticed that the palm trees were no longer palm trees but the woodsy kind instead. So I thought to myself 'Well, I must be somewhere different today, because I have certainly never been here before. And then I saw the most peculiar person. He had the face of an old man, but the body of a child. And then I knew that I was definitely not on my way to Tortuga anymore, but I said to myself, 'Well, a mug of rum is the same, no matter where you are and adventures, as I have found, are almost always a good experience. And if not good, well, it's better than doing nothing all day or being locked up in a cell or wandering Davy Jones locker." Jack nodded and went over to the counter, deciding to ignore the people still staring at him who had started to whisper.
"Sir, I don't think you need any more run."
"Of course I do, man! I would have never come here if I didn't, trust me, mate, and I'm a man of my word."
"As am I." The other said.
"Though you're not a man, are you?" Jack added.
"Fine, sir. I am a hobbit of my word, and mark me when I say, if you cause any trouble, you'll regret it."
"Not as much as you will." Jack muttered, placing a coin on the counter.
"What did you say?!" The little man cried.
"I said, my name is Jack Sparrow, mate. Really, what did you think I said, my little man. One pint of rum, please, my other little man." Jack received his mug, turned around, and nearly ran over Robin Smallburrow.
"I am Robin Smallburrow, the Sherriff of Hobbiton." Robin said, quite sternly. Well, as sternly as a Hobbit could try to threaten a person much taller than him who happened to be wearing a sword and a pistol.
"I
have no doubt that we all have good intentions, mate, really. You
just go along to your small burrow or whatever you little fellows
live in and I promise that I'll be good. Have we a deal, mate?
"Yes."
Robin hissed and stalked out of the Green Dragon.
Jack sat down and grinned at his mug of rum. Ah, it was beautiful, and like he had said, rum was rum, no matter where you were. Suddenly, he became keenly aware of someone staring up at him.
"What do you want?" Jack asked, turning to his two newest admirers.
"Is that a real sword?" The first one asked.
"And what's that other thing?" The second asked.
"I'm Pippin." The first said.
"I'm Merry." The second said.
"I'm Jack." Jack said, rather scared of the two curious people.
"I know." Merry replied smartly. "We heard you talking with the Sherriff. You're not from Middle Earth, are you?"
"Never heard of that before. I'm from Tortuga, actually."
"Oh, well I've never heard of that either." Merry shrugged.
"So is it a real sword?" Pippin asked again.
"Of course. I wouldn't carry around a fake one, that would be stupid and altogether uneffective and a crime against all pirates." Jack told the curious ones.
"And what's the other thing?" Merry asked for the second time.
Jack finished his rum and went outside, hoping to escape the questions, but to no avail. "It's a pistol, alright, it's just a bloody pistol. Anything else that you would like me to answer before I go mad?" Jack asked, rather angry at the disturbance.
"Do you like mushrooms?"
"What kind of bloody question is that?! Do I like mushrooms? Of course I like mushrooms! Who doesn't like mushrooms?" Jack threw his hands up in the air and suddenly paused. "You know, come to think of it, I've no idea what a mushroom is." He cocked his head to the side, trying to think of what a mushroom could be. "Is it very mushy or roomy?"
"Kind of. You see, Pip and I, well, we're supposed to meet our friend soon and we were planning on picking some mushrooms and we thought that you might want to come along." Merry said kindly.
"Why not? Um. As long as you both promise not to ask a lot of mushrooms... I mean questions. Don't ask any questions or I shall have to say no."
"Alright, sounds fair enough." Merry agreed.
"Come on, Merry, we're going to be late!" Pippen tugged on his cousin's sleeve and they all took off through the town.
They arrived at yet another path where a dark-haired Hobbit was waiting for them.
-Jack goes with them into Farmer Maggots crops to pick mushrooms but he gets scared off and runs out of the field, finding himself in a forest near Rivendell.
-Time has fast forwarded and the Fellowship of the Ring is about to be formed.
-he recognizes Leggy and gets into the Fellowship.
-as the orcs start to attack them in Moria, Jack gets lost and finds himself once more on the way into Tortuga, where he goes and buys a mug of rum.