Masochist: ok, well I was on a loooooooonnnnngggg vacation with my best-est buddy, sadist or lilly sh—
Sadist: --glares—
Masochist: fine, lillith, I had no inspirations, people never reviewed unless I begged I was re-reading my first story and noted the crappiness of it and it completely shattered my confidence, not to mention my friend got phemonia or whatever that's spelt so I was heart-broken…--bursts into tears—
Sadist: --sighs—stop crying and give them the story not your life story…idiot.
Masochist: oh right! Ok well to spark plug my inspiration I decided to write this pointless one-shot, with…sadist! –squeals and attacks sadist—
Summary: I tried so hard, I wanted to be everything, I wanted to do anything I wanted to become invincible…just to save you, but I couldn't even save myself and you wanted nothing from me, except to…hate me, sasusaku, naruhina and wait for…wait for it….sasunaru! YATTA!
Warnings: Masochist: --smiling and clapping--omg my first angst that ends with no sequel of happiness complete and utter sadness, so obviously angst, romance, character ooc…maybe I mean we never really see the characters thought when their completely sad, and technically no matter how good you write since you're not the author their always a bit ooc, I just hope I made them goodJ. Implied lemon, I'm not ready yet and I want this story to be completely mine without help whatsoever sooooo, it's implied which is why the rating T not M, get it? Good…cause I confused myself….
Disclaimer: I own…SADIST! Ha! Take that copyright! But I still don't own naruto, this one time me and nacelle pretended we did but then we got yelled at by sadist for being annoyingly loud and idiotic…but hey I owned it in my imagination and I still do, but in reality I own nothing, copyright can't sue me for imagining! So there!
Masochist: did I miss anything?
Sadist: probably
Masochist….aaaannnnd? what did I miss? –looks at screen—well?
Sadist:--walks away—
Masochist: wha?! Wait up?! What did I miss?! Lillith? Aww, your mean…waaahhh don't throw that!—runs away from angry lillith—
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
It's meaningless, to try so hard, sometimes I wonder why I did—do, why even bother? I know the outcome but I can't stop hoping, wishing, pleading for just that one person to notice me. Does it ever work that way? For anyone? Or do we all end up with someone we can only learn to love slowly and painfully, I'm not sure I want to know the answer it hurts too much. But I'll be strong for everyone, so they don't worry but mainly for me if I don't I think I won't have anything left I've always been strong or tried to be so I'll keep trying even if it kills me. Sometimes I wish it would.
9-9-9(Masochist: 666 upside down…does this mean heaven or something I've always wonderedXD)
I have always though emotions to be a weakness, keeping me from my goal, my…passion. Everything I have done up till now has been to keep them at bay, these…feelings…hopes…but at some point--maybe I never even really was emotionless--I got them anyway. Technically I had them always, the hate for my brother, the urge to sometimes protect my teammates, I just choose to focus on the ones I wanted and not the ones I didn't. I didn't need them. I still don't…but I need them, because I want to revive my clan, it is my goal. Obsession, whatever it is. And I will get it. At any cost.
9-9-9
"I…I care for you a lot" I have said it, I needed too even if he hates me for it, I need to be free of it to know I tried so I can get on with my life.
"I tried so hard, I wanted to be everything, I wanted to do anything I wanted to become invincible…just to save you, but I couldn't even save myself and you wanted nothing from me, except to…hate me. But you know I don't mind, I'd rather be hated than ignored anything is better but it doesn't stop it from hurting like a bitch"
"…that is all?"
The phrase doesn't hurt as much as I expected it too, if anything I wouldn't have died from shock if he said anything else.
"yeah teme, that's it"
His kiss I wasn't expecting, but from the mild surprise I guess he wasn't going to do it but did it anyway, and he calls me an idiot.
"dobe" he mutters darkly before sighing slightly and pulling away, is this what heartbreak feels like? I expected it to be more painful.
"until then…" that simple phrase implies a lot, tells me everything, he will stay with me until his want of the goal pushes these emotions aside and I'll take it, just for this day. I nod and kiss him, just for today is good enough for now.
9-9-9
I feel sore, that must mean he feels even worse, I want to care but the days almost gone, I want to stay…no I need to stay, but I want to go. I have gotten emotions I can use and understand that's what I came here for. He knows it and I know it. But it feels wrong. Heartbreak. I never imagined I would feel it and I don't want to, so I won't.
9-9-9
So before wasn't heartbreak, this is. Watching his back again as he walks away and being powerless to stop it…no being afraid to stop it, I want him to stay to say anything but I need him to go for both of us it won't work and a part of me already doesn't care.
Heartbreak is weird, it spins you on a small wire with so many emotions you have trouble knowing left from right, knowing right from wrong everything is just gray for awhile, until someone can pull you out, you can pretend to pull yourself out but your mind will linger on the day it started but you will always need someone to pull you out.
"I do"
She's not what I expected she's braver than me, she knows but she will still go for what she wants to be happy. I want to be happy I am happy, aren't I? I'm not so sure I know I care for her but it's not the same you cannot compare the two. The redefine logic all these feelings, I want so much but I'm happy anyways, is that selfish? To still want it? I don't know and I don't care for as much as I do. I just need it to stay like this and we'll all be fine.
9-9-9
Married. It's an odd feeling. Strange and unknown, nothing. I feel no different than before but I think I should, it's simple something that says…to me it means nothing but she is happy I want her to be happy.
Children. To revive my clan was my goal, I never expected to actually…care for them, enjoy their achievements and want them to do better.
Death. I've experienced it, it is nothing new, but I can't stop this pang of guilt, she knew and I knew but we tried, we both wanted it for different reasons. I am only sorry she knew and was never got what she needed.
9-9-9
I need to be happy to function, maybe it's a fault but I don't care but eventually I guess I came to care for her. I hoped the child would be able to help fix what she started to but they've both left me. I want to go to him. I know I will. And I think that's what hurts worse than heartbreak the knowing it will never change.
9-9-9
I don't want him but I need him he is a part of daily life, I hate needing him but he is useful a good babysitter and in a way a good mother to them, I want them to be happy so he can stay.
9-9-9
I don't know what I'm doing, I seem to need to tear my sanity away by staying with him by needing sasuke close for my happiness by needing him happy. Some days I wish that day had never happened or that I really could become as strong as people say I am…but maybe I already am? To stay with him even through all of this, I have to be strong or incredibly stupid…but then again no one's been able to tell the difference with me and I don't think I can either.
9-9-9
I have accomplished my goals, both. My brother dead, my clan revived, strongly, my grandchildren all bearers of the sharingan. I want to be happy…but I cannot find the urge to be, so I am content.
I watch him still and see the painful happiness, I feel the need to fix it a small want but that would do more damage than good now. So I'm going to keep hold of this present he left me. Next time. I want to do better next time. So for now I'm content, his hurt will fix and if it doesn't, mine is. For now I am content and without want, I want for nothing. He can wait.
9-9-9
So long, I have decided it was both strong and stupid to stay like this. But it's not as if I can leave, he has my heart on a leash and refuses to let it go. He's still a bastard and he doesn't even know it, he could fix all this I know he can I want him to but he doesn't need to things are fine the way they are nor does he want to.
I don't mind though, as long as he has my heart and has thrown it away that means he cares even if he refuses to admit it and knowing that hurts and I hate him for it, but I's ok maybe he'll want to return it one day or give me his, I don't know. Although in a way I'm hoping I already have a piece of his and we're simply waiting till we can give them to each other? But for right now I hate himmost of the time but I'm happy being near him.
Stupid boy sometimes I really hate that I hate to love him.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Masochist: quick note, I have a complete love hate for sasuke, I see his points as well as naruto's and I'm not portraying or trying not to portray him as bad, he simple will put other things aside for what he wants most rather than what he needs and isn't that human nature? To push aside what you need and go for what you want even if you step on people? On your own self? And naruto isn't necessarily selfless, he does it for everyone else as much as himself, if he didn't pretend he'd feel empty and have nothing left, see? Naruto is basically the opposite, he refuses what he wants for what he needs, even if he's not always happy. Which make them think the other is weak, get it? I changed my mind if someone, anyone likes it a bit I'll make a sort of sequel. Ochay that's all.
Sadist: she enjoys psychology, but she is still an idiot.
Masochist: --grins—yep
Sadist:…wow
Masochist: what? What did I do?
Sadist: insult yourself.
Masochist: huh? How?
Sadist: review. It keeps her sane. –drags masochist away--