Snape's memory

Scene from HBP film (you know which hehe). This is just after poor Lavender has left crying.

"Oh to be young, and to feel love's keen sting. Well, come away everybody, Mr Weasley is well tended," said Dumbledore sweetly, before everyone exited the hospital wing. As Snape left, he couldn't help but observe how Dumbledore's comment seemed to erupt an unpleasant memory within him, and as he passed the Headmaster on his way down the clock tower, he gave him a rather cold glare. Dumbledore seemed to have anticipated this however, for he merely smiled complaisantly. Having just watched, in silence, the dramatic exchange between the mud- the Granger girl and the all together ridiculous Lavender Brown, Snape had somehow felt an immediate sympathy towards Miss Granger which was so unexpected that he had had to stand stock still, or else reveal his emotions. He remembered precisely her words…

"I happen to be his girlfriend!" said Lavender in both anger and absolute bewilderment.

"And I happen to be his- friend," Hermione stammered feebly.

Snape reached the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, and proceeded to walk swiftly and silently up to his office which was presently lit dimly by candles. The curtains were drawn, and the air inside was terribly stuffy but Snape nevertheless went up behind his desk and sat down, breathing in the air which suited him, trying to calm down. Yet he could not rid himself of the memory. The memory of Lily…

Spring 1977 Hospital Wing

"Miss-Miss Evans," stammered a seventeen-year-old Severus Snape, clutching his knees as he looked up at the nurse, panting from having run from the Slytherin common room. He had just overheard Avery complaining about getting a month's detention for pushing Lily, causing her to fall over and hit her head on a slab of rock. He had been using one of third year Hufflepuffs in order to test out one of Snape's new spells when Lily had appeared, telling him stop. He didn't oblige.

"She's in there, I've just finished tending to her," said the nurse, who was looking at Snape rather skeptically. It wasn't everyday that a Slytherin came to the hospital wing, concerned about a Gryffindor's welfare.

"Is she ok? No major injuries? May I go in?" asked Snape eagerly, and seeing the nurse's hesitant nod, he wasted no time to glide into the hospital wing. He recognised her immediately of course. Her mane of red hair lay on either side of her body, displayed like that of an ornate fan. How could anyone miss it?

"Lily," he murmured softly before shuffling quickly to her bedside. She was asleep and appeared to not be suffering from any major pain. He sighed in absolute relief. Thank god, thank god… His stupid spells. His prejudices and beliefs had turned away the one thing he cherished the most. And there was no way he could get her back. He could only try and protect her from harm's way. That harm was growing stronger and stronger by the day…

Suddenly he froze. He had just realised that he hadn't been this close to Lily since he had called her-. He looked with pain and regret at Lily's pale face, at her eyelids which hid away the irresistible green orbs which did not look his way anymore, which refused to look at him with any warmth. How could he have been so stupid? It had just been a word. One silly word. Hesitantly Snape lifted his hand and placed it on her hair, and tentatively started to stroke it. She always had such soft hair…

Abruptly the hospital doors opened and Snape abruptly stood up, and turned towards the general direction of the sound of footsteps. The moment had vanished, and Snape's sneering and cynical expression showed no signs of what had happened previously. It was like it had never happened.

Potter, thought Snape with bitterness. Indeed, the sight in front of him was despicable. Potter had come in, surprisingly without his other "companions"; his face distraught and looking rather helpless. Upon seeing "Snivellus" however, James' expression changed immediately to anger.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here Snivellus?" whispered James, careful to not wake Lily but bitterness still coming through his voice.

"I might ask you same the question," said Snape hoarsely, stepping forward in deviance.

"Er I happen to be her boyfriend!" said James, his voice rising slightly with astonishment that Snape should ask such a stupid question.

"Well I happen to be," retorted Snape before saying feebly, "her - friend."

"Don't make me laugh," said James sarcastically, "you two haven't spoken ages. Actually, for over a year now. I suppose you've come to see to the result of her injuries, now that she's finally been punished for her rescuing which you so clearly despise. Ever since you called her-"

"SHUT UP!" said Snape, brandishing his wand as a sudden rage rose up within him. "You have no idea what you're talking-"

"James?" came a feeble voice next to Snape as he turned his head slowly to see Lily looking at Severus in bewilderment. He stood still, his wand still pointing towards James. She looked at his wand. And then at where it was pointing. Then back at him. Her eyes expressed that of surprise and, Snape's greatest discomfort, horror. He couldn't move. He was stuck. Yet he couldn't bare to look at her for a second longer. James broke the silence first.

"Lily," he said warmly, rushing to her other side. "Lily, are you ok? I heard about how that idiot Avery had tried to-"

"It's ok, I'm fine," said Lily, feeling relief to hear James close to her, and turning towards him as he grasped one of her hands, the other holding her cheek. He stared at her the same way as Snape suspected he had been, only mere moments before.

He couldn't stand it a second longer. Before either of them noticed, he left the hospital wing, gliding silently out, just like he had come in. As he passed the nurse, he saw her look up at him expectantly, but Snape merely sneered at her, causing her to huff in disdain.

Gradually he let the memory fall away… He sighed as he thought back at what Dumbledore had said. He didn't understand.

Love's keen sting…. That's what Dumbledore had said. But he was wrong. It wasn't a sting for him and Granger. It was beyond pain, beyond agony. It was hell.