-1"Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?"
Excerpt from "Reluctance"by Robert Frost
The kiss we shared on the mountain was when I knew it was over. It had been the pinnacle of my desire for Bella, and I had laid it all completely on the line. But she hadn't come after me. I know she would have followed after him, would have begged him not to leave her side, not to fight. The day had not ended so well either; I laid in bed, shivering and consumed in pain as my bones worked to repair themselves. I had welcomed the pain, at least I didn't have to think of her when I couldn't focus on anything. By the time I saw her next, after Dr. Cullen had left, I had accepted the rejection I had found. She never met my eyes, instead letting her long hair fall into her face, as if she were trying to hide. It was easier to just let her. She didn't stay long, and for once, I wasn't fighting her to remain.
Finally, I couldn't even stand the stench of myself. Fighting the pain and heartbreak all night had left a thick sheen of sweat across my skin. "Seth," I growled, my voice hoarse and dry.
He bounded into my small bedroom, a goofy smile plastered across his face. "Hey, Jake! Feeling any better?"
"Yeah," I grumbled attempting to sit up. My breath hitched as a sharp pain stabbed my ribs. "Shit!"
"Here, man, let me help you." Seth reached out for me, unsure of where it was okay to grab.
"Just-ugh-hold out your hands." I maneuvered into his awaiting arms.
"Dude, you reek!"
"Shut up," I laughed, instantly sorry I had done so. "Don't make me laugh. Just get me in the bathroom so I can take a leak and get a shower." It took us forever to cross the hallway and make it into the narrow bathroom. Seth pulled me in front of the toilet, and I placed my weight against the sink on one hand. The only problem now was, how on Earth was I going to use my other hand? Thankfully, Seth had stepped out into the hallway. Looked like I was going to have to do this like a girl. I was suddenly very happy no one could read my thoughts while I was in my human form. Turning myself around slowly, I gingerly sat down against the cool seat of the toilet.
Getting a shower was extremely difficult, and by the time it was over, I was exhausted. My empty stomach vetoed my weariness, though, and I hugged the wall as I limped toward the kitchen. My dad and Seth were camped out at the table, laughing about some corny joke my dad had heard. Leah was bent over the stove, carefully taking slices of chicken out of a baking dish. Her short hair hung in her face as she filled up a couple of plates with chicken, mashed potatoes, and couple ears of corn.
"Good to see you up. We were wondering when you would decide to shower," his dad laughed, plugging his nose dramatically.
"Ha ha," I sighed, grateful to finally reach the nearest chair. Collapsing into it, I allowed my head to lull back on my shoulders.
"Doc Cullen is due over soon," Billy continued. I stared idly at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take to count all of the specs. Specs-that made me think of the sprinkling of rust along the right side of Bella's truck, Bella, the kiss. God, was I ever going to quit thinking of her?
"Earth to Jacob," Leah waved a hand above me. I dropped my head back down to look at her. She gave me a small smile and sat a large plate down in front of me. My stomach instantly groaned, and I quickly began to devour the mound of food. We all were silent as we ate, and I was glad for the peace. Leah moved to stand, but Seth was up before her.
"I got 'em," he said, taking the empty plates and stacking them in the sink. He turned on the hot water and began filling the sink with a warm, sudsy rinse.
"You want some fresh sheets?" she offered, looking towards me, "I did some laundry earlier."
"Sure, thanks," her kindness was unexpected, and I shrugged awkwardly. It felt stupid to be so helpless, though I wasn't looking forward to getting into a dirty bed. Looking around, I could tell there had been a female on the premises. The countertops had been cleared and wiped down, the table had been set for dinner, and there was even some wildflowers arranged neatly in an old mason jar. I would have to remember to be a little nicer to Leah, apparently her and Seth were here to help out while I was healing.
"How are you feeling, son?" Billy took a sip from his beer.
"Pretty much hating life right now," I admitted. Seth cursed under his breath as some of the water splashed up on him.
"The pains you feel now will heal with time." I didn't know if he meant the physical or emotional injuries, but I figured he probably meant both.
"Yeah, I know," I replied with a sigh. My ribs were beginning to hurt again, and I told my dad goodnight before Seth helped me back down the hallway to my bedroom.
The lamp next to the bed was on, and a stack of tuner magazines sat next to some bottled water and my pain meds. Wow, guess Leah felt bad for me. I really needed to remember to thank her.
"Looks like I need to get a few bruises," Seth joked jovially, "Maybe I would have everyone fawning all over me."
"Shut up," I laughed as I eased into bed. The new sheets smelt good and were cool against my feverish skin. I popped a few pain pills and opened up one of the magazines. I was halfway through an article about a man rebuilding a '69 Cobra, trying desperately not to think of Bella. I was not thinking about our kiss. I was not thinking about the feeling of my fingers holding her head gently. I was not thinking about the way her lips had yielded to my advances.
"He's in there, Doc," I heard Seth from the living room. I caught Carlisle's scent as he silently walked down the hall. The skin on the back of my neck tingled slightly as the vampire entered my room.
"Hello, Jacob," he smiled, his teeth equally as brilliant as his pale skin. "How are you feeling today?"
"Like I was hit by a Mac truck doing eighty," I replied, setting the magazine back down on the nightstand. He sat his medical kit down on the small desk on the adjacent wall, unzipping it and taking out a stethoscope.
"I'm going to listen to your breathing first, and then we'll check the progress of your healing."
I nodded with a long sigh. He helped me sit up and instructed me to take several deep breaths. He followed by taking my temperature and blood pressure. His hands were icy as he listened to my groans as he had me move into various positions.
"Bella will ask about you," Carlisle stated evenly. "May I pass on a message to her?"
I thought about it for a moment, trying to decide on what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I loved her, that I couldn't stop thinking of her, that I felt completely empty without her. But, she had heard all these things before, and yet here I was, still no Bella.
"No," I replied shortly.
"Very well," he smiled sadly, "Give it another couple of days before you attempt to phase. Your bones and muscles cannot withstand the force of the change yet, so please Jacob, do not attempt it yet. It's probably best for you to remain in bed for at least two more days." I shook his outstretched hand and thanked him for stopping in.
His visit only stirred up every thought of Bella I had vainly tried to suppress. I wondered what she was doing. Most likely at the Cullen's obnoxiously large home, with her beloved bloodsucker. I scoffed at the thought and pushed my nose back into the car magazine, determined to push her from my mind.