Danny and the Iran-Iraq Squabble
By Joe
Summary: Danny Tanner patches up that pesky Iran-Iraq squabble – albeit in an unintended way.
Author Notes: I do not own Full House, its characters, or any other copyrighted material. I wrote this solely for entertainment purposes and not to make a profit.
The setting of this story is in the first season of Full House – starting in the episode "Half a Love Story." Also, the specific battle of the Iran-Iraq War in which Danny finds himself is ambiguous – although when writing, I was inspired by Operation Karbala-5 and the Second Battle of al-Faw.
Chapter 1
One evening in the Tanner residence in San Francisco, California, Danny Tanner's brother-in-law, Jesse Cochran, went to his room and argued a little with his love interest, Robin Winslow. Danny, who had been sitting with Robin as she practiced speaking for Channel 8 News, found himself quietly sitting between Jesse and Robin on the bed – caught in the middle of their argument. At one point, he made some commentary about one of Jesse's relationships, at which point Jesse snapped, "Get out! Get out. Get out of here."
Danny walked out of the room and said, "Yes, I can leave now." He laughed a little and said, "I'm off now to patch up that pesky Iran-Iraq squabble." He intended it as a joke, but after Jesse closed the door to his room, Danny wondered for a minute. He was usually good at resolving conflicts in his family, so he very well could have a shot at ending the long-lasting Iran-Iraq War. It was worth a shot, at least. And if he succeeded, it would give Channel 8 News incredibly high ratings. Maybe he would even get a promotion.
Danny went to his room, packed his suitcases, and left a note for his family.
Dear family,
I've realized that my warm, compassionate nature and ability to solve this family's problems can allow me to do bigger and better things for the world. I may go around the world – solving international disputes, and I'm going to give this idea a trial run by trying to end the Iran-Iraq War.
I don't know how long I'll be gone, but hopefully, it won't be too long. Just so you guys know where to find me if needed, I'm going to fly to Kuwait City, Kuwait – and then travel to Basra, Iraq.
Anyway, girls, while I'm gone, obey Uncle Jesse and Joey, stay in school, get good grades, do your chores, and keep the house clean.
Jesse, Joey, take good care of the girls. Jesse, make sure that you don't expose the girls to any naughty music, movies, or people. Make sure they don't stay up past their bedtimes. Joey, don't joke around with the girls too much since they need parental figures and to take their lives seriously.
Anyway, I wish you guys well, and I hope you wish me luck in my new quest to solve the world's problems.
Love,
Danny
Danny taped the note on the kitchen table, and then, he left for the airport – where he got a plane ticket for Kuwait City, Kuwait.
A few minutes after Danny left, Jesse and Robin came downstairs. Jesse saw the note that Danny left, and his eyes popped open in horror. "Oh no!" he gasped.
"What's the matter?" Robin asked.
"I don't believe this," Jesse said. "Danny just left to use his mediating skills to resolve the Iran-Iraq crisis. I can't believe that he was actually serious about that! I mean, how could a guy like Danny Tanner end a major international war? I mean, sure, Danny's speeches around here are cute, and they work for families with trivial problems like ours, but there's no way in hell a corny guy like him, no offense, could get two ideologically-driven, battle-hardened countries to stop fighting. Not even the U.N. can stop it. Danny's going to get himself killed. I know how it felt to lose Pam – I don't want to lose another family member. We've got to stop Danny before he gets hurt!"
Jesse then called up the stairs. "Girls, get down here! We've got a major family problem!"