"They say it's five kilometers an hour," I said.
We were waiting at a train crossing on our motorbikes, with several cargo trains moving at an incredibly slow pace in front of us. On one of the train carts, in engraved bold, were the words NASDA SPACE. With the small amount of light emitted from the crossing post, I could see the surprised look on his face.
"Huh?"
"It's going to the launch facility around here."
"Oh," he said.
"This year, we're going to see a launch at long last."
He nodded. "Ah... they say it'll continue traveling through the solar system and beyond... no matter how long it takes."
I stretched once quickly, touching my toes before breathing out deeply. I took the strap of my surfboard and strapped it tightly to my right ankle before standing up straight, gazing at the ocean that lay before me. With determination I ran forward, holding my board with me.
From that day forward, a few typhoons happened to pass by. And on those occasions, the island became cooler bit by bit. The wind which nudged the sugarcane gradually became pregnant with chilliness. The sky really became a little higher, the contours of the cloud became gentler, and the classmates whom my cat jumped on ended up looking like they'd put on thin jumpers.
The morning when I managed to stand up on the wave for the first time, there was still a little bit of summer left. I remember clearly when I steadily rose from my stomach onto my feet, the way the waves rose higher and higher, towering over my board and me. I remember the way I stuck out my arms to balance myself, and the ragged breaths I took in both excitement and fear. And of course, I remember the shouting out in joy as I stood up and managed to ride the wave I'd been trying to conquer for so long. The shimmering droplets of water shone like pearls in the sunlight and I could hear nothing but the roaring of the waves crashing all around me, as if applauding my success. That day when I went to school, I was filled with contentment and joy. At lunch, my friends seemed to notice by bubble of energy.
"One of my friends confessed to her crush. Just what you'd expect from someone as straightforward as her." My friends then turned to me curiously.
"You seem really happy today," one of them said. "Did something happen between you and him?" I only smirked coyly in response, leaving them both astonished and confused.
I had decided that today, I too would confess to him. Later that day after school, I dived into the girls' bathroom and washed my face and hands thoroughly. I looked up from the sink to my reflection looking back at me. My cheeks were flushed red and I held a floral-patterned handkerchief in my mouth, but my eyes were ones of determination. If I didn't tell him on the day I managed to get on the wave, I would never be able to tell him. I stood again at the edge of the building near where we parked our motorbikes, the corner where I would peek my head out and see if he was coming or not. I took a deep sigh and poked my head around the corner, but to my astonishment he was already there and had seen me peer around.
"Hey," he said. I gasped involuntarily and my I felt my cheeks turn rosy red. I looked down and turned the corner, walking toward him.
"H-hi..." I said shyly.
"Are you going home now?"
"Yes."
"I see. In that case, let's go together," he said. We had gone home once before, and today we took the same route on our motorbikes. We made a stop at a local convenience store like we had done last time. When were we inside, we both headed toward the refrigerated section that housed all the drinks. I knelt down to look for what I wanted, and took a furtive glance at him standing next to him. He always had a serious but gentle look about him as his eyes surveyed the various drinks the shop had. He opened one of the clear doors and took a large iced-coffee. He had always picked his choice first and waited outside for me while I took my time agonizing over what beverage I wanted. This time, however, I opened the door right after him.
"Huh? You've decided already?"
I nodded, clutching a small-sized iced coffee, the same brand he liked. As we left the store, I trailed after him, holding my drink tightly to my chest. My heart beat so hard it felt like it would leap out of my chest. Feelings of trepidation filled my entire being. I bit my lip and stared downward, before taking a deep breath and grabbing the back of his shirt gently and tugging.
"Hm?" He turned around, staring right into my eyes. "What's wrong?"
I took a step backward in surprise.
"I..."
The moment was now... however, neither my mouth nor my entire body could move. I stood there in silence for a few awkward moments; the only sounds were the ones being made by the cicadas in the nearby field.
"...to me," I managed to mumble. I looked up to his kind but confused eyes, the ones I'd admire from afar for hours at a time.
"Huh?"
"No..." I tore my gaze away from his and looked at the asphalt on the ground, shaking my head. "Sorry... it's nothing." He looked puzzled but I continued to look away from him as he silently made our way to our motorbikes. As I sat down on mine and twisted the handle to start it up, the engine sputtered to life before it let out a sound reminiscent of a drowning cat and died down. I tried again and again but to no avail.
"It's not working?" he asked.
"No... it's strange." He got up and took a look at the parts of my bike.
"No good?" I ask. He turns to me and replies, "Nope... it looks like the plug has given up the ghost. Was this a hand-me-down?"
"Yeah... it was my older sister's."
"Did it have problems while you were accelerating?"
"It might have."
He got up from the ground and stood up, placing a hand on the bike. "Let's just leave this here for today and have someone from your family pick it up later. We'll walk home today."
I waved both hands in front of me back and forth apologetically. "Eh? No... I'll walk home myself. You can go on ahead."
"It's not far from here," he said. "And I kind of want to walk as well." My eyes widened in surprise.
We ended up walking on the road, silently, side-by-side. The evening sun nestled near the horizon, drowning everything in a honey-golden hue and leaving the sky streaked with yellow and pastel pink. The long blades of grass danced in the fields next to us in the wind. My eyes trailed along the ground momentarily before taking a look at him once more. His head was tilted backwards, and he gazed at the sky wondrously as he walked slowly forward. I looked back at the ground, my heart stinging viciously.
Please...
I didn't know if it was the prolonged silence, the beautiful yet bittersweet atmosphere that surrounded us, or the lofty and gentle wind, but before I could realize it beads of tears were forming at the corners of my eyes. My heart felt a sudden stab.
No... why now...! I tried to keep it in, but I kept letting out short, involuntary whimpers. I could sense my heart beating faster, my feelings boiling uncontrollably- and it did nothing but hurt. I covered my face with my hands quickly, sobbing as quietly as I could, so he wouldn't notice. It must have not worked, since he turned around alarmingly and ran towards me.
"What's wrong?" he asked, with his eyes were full of worry.
"I'm sorry..." I sputter, still covering my face and crying, heavy tears falling to the ground. My breaths became jagged and uneven. I couldn't- not now, not ever. "It's nothing... I'm sorry..." I started wiping the tears away with my palms as fast as I could.
I beg you... please... stop being so kind to me...!
It was at that very moment the sky and everything around us seemed to turn dark. The cicadas stopped chirping, leaving behind silence. It was soon broken by a low rumbling in the distance. There a flashing light at the horizon, followed by a cloud of dust kicking up in the air. The glowing light shot upward, leaving behind a thin of column of cloud-like smoke as it rose. The distant rumbling grew quieter as the glowing light rose and rose, piercing through the wispy clouds of the evening sky. I watched as his eyes follow it as it soared higher, ever higher, until it became naught but a distant sparkle in the sky. We followed the light until it was out of our view, leaving behind nothing but the trail of smoke that slowly began to drift away, leaving behind a sinuous column in the sky. It left us in awe and wondrous silence as the cicadas began chirping once more and the wind starting blowing gently again.
As we walked home quietly in the pitch black, I stopped to look up at the full glowing moon hanging low in the sky as we reached my house. I remained silent as I waved him goodbye as he walked along the road into the horizon. As I did, I thought about the spectacle we had seen earlier.
To desperately and blindly stretch out our hands toward the heavens, to launch such a big mass in the sky, and to fix our eyes on something in the darkness of the far reaches of space... even if only a little, I've come to realize why he seemed so different from the other boys. And at the same time, I also came to the full understanding that he would never look at me. That's why I didn't say anything to him that day. Although he was kind... very kind... he had always been looking at something far beyond, far higher than me, and I realized I could never give him what he desired. Even so, I'm sure that even when tomorrow comes, or the day after, and even the day after that, I would still be hopelessly in love with him.
That night, thinking only of him and crying, I slept.