A/N: As a few people have asked over the months for me to make the Memories two-parter a longer fic, I've decided to give it a go. Not sure how long it will be, or quite what will happen as yet, but I hope you enjoy it!
For those who haven't read Memories, it can be found in 'Chocolate Selection Box'. It is basically a prequel to this fic.
Please review, they make the time I spend writing instead of studying totally worth it :D
Caroline stood in the centre of the kitchen looking around slowly. So many memories surrounded her, of when the boys were small, as they grew up, arguments with John, proposing to Kate, Flora's first smile. But now there was nothing- no furniture, no people, no noise, no life, just Caroline stood in an empty building. She had been worried she'd be upset about leaving this place, that she would mourn it, but stood here now she knew she wouldn't. She might think of the door that had notches in it from the boys growing, one she could have used to measure Flora, too, or the stain on the carpet in the living room from Lawrence dropping god knows what. He had brought her a lovely rug and still didn't think she knew about the stain. But she wouldn't miss the house. She'd realised months ago now that it wasn't the house she loved, it was the idea it had brought with it- of a large, happy, loving family. She hadn't had that for a long time, but now she did, and they were hours away waiting for her to join them.
With a sigh, Caroline's eyes swept once more over the empty house and then she placed the keys on the table. As Kate had said, memories live in you, and not in places. Places may hold echoes, but your heart held the real memory. Caroline had smiled sadly when Kate said that, for she knew her wife still had nightmares of the accident. She'd held her close countless times as Kate cried pitifully into her. They never spoke of it in the morning, it ceased to exist when sunlight streamed through the window. Caroline was determined to fill Kate's heart with so many happy memories that the bad ones would be chased out.
Caroline was almost there when she suddenly felt overwhelmed and had to pull the car into a layby. She couldn't do this. She couldn't give up her job, her house, her life, and move somewhere else. Not at her age. She couldn't do it. She absolutely couldn't do it.
From where she'd stopped, she could see the front steps of the rehabilitation centre. Kate was already stood on the steps waiting, her bag beside her and crutches resting against the wall.
What if Caroline let her down? What if she wasn't good enough? What if she went back to how she was before? Kate would feel trapped now, so far away from friends and family and the life she'd build.
Caroline couldn't do this.
As her breathing began to grow eratic and her hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel, her phone rang loudly. The Bluetooth speakers answered it almost instantly, and there was suddenly the jarring noise of music.
"Mum!" William yelled over the music that Lawrence had insisted on. "Gran wants to know if you and Kate will be here in time for dinner, or should she make you some sandwiches to have when you get in?"
Caroline watched Kate glance at her watch and then shift carefully from foot to foot, right hand lifting to her left so she could play with her wedding ring. Caroline wondered if Kate knew she was panicking.
"Mum?"
But then Kate's face broke into an excited smile, and Caroline fancied she might have broken into a little dance if she'd been able. Caroline felt the panic beginning to leave her.
"Mum, are you there?" William yelled. In the background somewhere Flora gave a loud cry.
She could do this. It wasn't just her now who held all the responsibility. Kate was by her side.
"Yes, sorry, William. I'm not sure. I'll see how Kate is being in the car, we might have to stop off once or twice. Tell your brother to turn down that music." Caroline started the car again, indicating.
"Florence! Mum says turn the music down!" William yelled, much to Caroline's dismay as she heard Flora wail.
"Is someone actually looking after the baby?!" She asked, exasperated. Kate had seen the car now, and was already trying to balance on one crutch so she could carry her suitcase down the steps. Caroline increased her speed.
"She's just crying because she wants to eat Alan's hat and he took it off her."
Rolling her eyes, Caroline waved to Kate, silently willing her to stop what she was attempting. "She might be teething. Ask your Granny to have a look. I think I put some gel in one of the bags, but if you can't find it someone might need to go to the chemist. I need to go, I'm just picking up Kate."
"Ok, bye mum! Love you!"
"Love you too, William." Caroline smiled as she slipped out of the car. "Put that down, young lady!"
Kate stilled, then gave a sheepish smile. "I'm just eager to get going."
Caroline took the suitcase from her hand and then handed her the other crutch. "Well I have very firm instructions from Flora to get her mother to her in one piece, so no more weight lifting, thank you very much. I'm going to go and put this in the boot, and then I'll come back and help you."
Kate huffed but didn't argue. She barely even needed the crutches these days, unless she was tired. "I woke up this morning in a panic sure we'd made a terrible mistake." She provided instead.
Caroline smiled to herself as she pushed the suitcase into the last remaining space in the boot. "What changed your mind?"
"Thinking about you, and the fact you probably had a panic too. I thought of all the ways I'd reassure you, and that reassured me, too. We're doing the right thing."
"As if I'd have a panic." Caroline took the crutches into her hand and instead took Kate by the elbow to lead her down the stairs. Once they reached the bottom, she lowered her hand to take Kate's. "As if Caroline McKenzie-Dawson ever panics."
"You've had more than one, haven't you?"
"I have." Caroline nodded as she left Kate to get in the car and pushed the crutches into the back seat.
Kate smiled as she rested back in the seat. "Knew it. How many times?"
"Oh, half a dozen. That's just this morning. I've probably got another 20 or so coming today." Caroline sat down in the driver's side and turned to her wife with a smile. "Ready?"
Reaching out to take Caroline's hand, squeezing it with a strength she hadn't had months ago, Kate nodded her head. "Ready. We can do this. Together."
Kate slept through the beginning of the car ride, having had little sleep the night before. One of her hands rested limply on Caroline's thigh, and when they were on a straight piece of road, Caroline would encompass it in her own hand and hold it tightly. Her Kate. She'd come so close to losing her. But she hadn't. Kate was right here, by her side, and they were doing this together.
"I'm beginning to lose feeling in that hand."
Caroline jumped at the voice, then sheepishly released the hand from her grip. "Sorry. Did I wake you?"
Kate gave a wide yawn and stretched as much as the cramped space would allow. "Imagine if we'd been forced to make this drive in my little car."
"I have told everyone more than once that Jeeps have their uses." Caroline smiled.
"Aside from making you look rich and superior...and allowing you to get out of a car without flashing your knickers." Kate offered, opening the glove compartment in the hope of finding something to eat.
"Ha! You've caught me out. I only have a petrol guzzling car so no one sees my frilly knickers."
"I might get one, too. A new model. Top of the range." Kate nodded to herself.
Caroline gasped. "You wouldn't."
"Imagine that. Me having a bigger, newer, better car than you!"
"...You could have this one, and I could have the new one?"
"No, no. I know how much you love this car, I'd never dream of asking you to give it up for me."
Grinning like an idiot now, Caorline realised how much she'd missed these teasing chats they'd have. Everything had seemed to serious recently. All their conversations had involved plans or ideas, leaving no room for the silliness that Caroline had so recently discovered in herself. "You know I was going to stop at a service station, but I think I might drive straight past now."
Moaning at the thought of not getting food soon, for she'd been too excited to have breakfast, Kate quickly backtracked. "You could have the new one. You could get it custom made, so it would be as elegant and beautiful as you are."
Nodding her head in approval, Caroline indicated left for the service station exit.