A few seconds was all it took, one moment of lost control. It was residual anger from the confrontation with Jacob Black.
Edward hugged Bella close to him, he was shaking in rapid tremors, angry that Jacob had come and hurt her again. She kissed him, and he could taste the tears on her lips. Maybe it was that that caused him to lose it. Because suddenly his grip on her was iron and his mouth was at her tender throat. The blood pulsed underneath his lips. He could feel it, almost taste it. And perhaps it was a jab towards Jacob as well. Take Bella from his reach irrevocably. She had stiffened when his grip turned hard, sensing that he was not in control. Then his teeth punctured her skin and he was draining her.
If Bella had screamed, perhaps he would have stopped sooner. But she couldn't, some part of her knew that hearing her pain would have hurt Edward so much. Her instinct of self-preservation had always been slow to respond. Edward couldn't stop, wasn't thinking, until a growl sounded behind them and Emmett, Alice and Carlisle streaked into the meadow and pulled him away. Bella collapsed out of his arms, pale and limp.
"What have you done, Edward?" Alice cried softly. Carlisle was frantically feeling Bella's pulse, pressing his thumb over the wound where the red blood was still pulsing out. Edward was still beyond reason, eyes wild, tinged with red, struggling against Emmett's iron grip. Then Bella moaned, a sound that tore through the air and escalated into a scream of agony. Carlisle held her still as she started to thrash. At the sound of Bella's scream Edward suddenly stopped struggling, and every bit of him vibrated. His eyes, now a pale golden-pink, were full of torture as he saw Bella screaming and writhing against the grass.
"I'm sorry Bella…" He whispered so that only Emmett, close to him, could hear.
"You can let go of him now, Emmett." Alice said quietly. "He's—fine." But she said 'fine' hesitantly, as though she wasn't sure. This scared Emmett more than if she'd said to keep a tight grip. Alice was always sure of everything.
Emmet loosened his grip and stepped aside. In an instant Edward was beside Bella. He tentatively reached out a single long finger and ran in down her jaw, over the slight wounds at her throat that were already healing. Her eyes were tightly shut, but at Edward's touch she opened them.
"I'm sorry." She groaned. "So sorry." Then her eyes closed again and a long scream ripped itself out of her.
Edward looked at Carlisle with anguish. He could hear the accusatory tone of Alice and Emmet thoughts, even if Carlisle was keeping his mind carefully in check. Carlisle's thoughts were—if it were possible—even more painful. Free of blame, full of compassionate understanding and acceptance. It was terrible to think that this wasn't his fault, because Edward wanted to wallow in his misery and guilt. To hear his Bella apologizing for her pain was almost too much, but Edward didn't run away as he once would have. Ignoring the almost imperceptible growl of Emmet, he leaned down to Bella and picked her up gently.
"Take her to the house." Carlisle said quietly. Edward nodded, still shaking. In his arms Bella clung to him with all her strength, if he had been human she would have left bruises. If he were human. That was the key. None of this would have happened—if he were human. Edward ran as fast as he could through the forest to the car.
You can take my Porsche. Alice had told him, flicking him the keys in a movement almost too swift to catch. So when he got to where the cars were parked he flashed into the yellow Porsche and gently laid Bella beside him in the passenger seat. Her screams had quieted, but her face was pale and she moaned again when he pulled away. Driving faster than was safe, even for him, he sped back to Forks.
"I didn't mean to—push you too far." Bella whimpered in a rough voice. "I'm—so sorry—Edward." The words were far apart, pushed out between teeth ground together. Her eyes were squeezed shut against the wall of fire that was surely consuming her. He wondered at her strength, to keep from thrashing. When he had driven her home and laid her down on the large bed he curled up in a ball on the floor and let the guilt wash over him in larger and larger waves.
Alice, Emmet, and Carlisle arrived soon. The whole Cullen family watched Bella for three days, staying there for their new daughter or sister, and to support Edward. Even Rosalie was there.
How could you, Edward? She thought coldly, over and over again.
Finally he looked up, eyes black, expression fearsome. "Get. Out." He said in his calmest, most reasonable voice. Rosalie sent another thought charged with venom in his direction. Edward rose slowly, gracefully.
"If you do not get out right now, I will cheerfully kill you." He continued in a conversational tone, though his eyes smoldered with anger and pain.
"What is she thinking?" Emmett growled. "Rose, leave him alone."
She looked at both of them, supremely disdainful, eyes hard. "It's not enough to tear her heart again and again, you had to change her like this. She trusted you. And now she'll never know what she's missed."
Edward snarled and Emmett stepped protectively in front of her. Rosalie calmly left without a glance back.
"She's feeling what Bella is going through." Jasper remarked. "She's very emotionally involved with her, you know. She may hate Bella's humanity, but she hates that it's being taken away even more."
"I know Jasper." Edward muttered. "I know every thought that goes through her shallow head. She's angry because she didn't have a choice, she's angry because she wanted Bella to love Jacob, she's betrayed because I lost control and now Bella is changing. Bella's gotten what she wanted, but not on her own terms."
He'd promised himself he wouldn't run away, but now he leaned over Bella, pressed his lips firmly to her forehead, and shouldered past Emmet and Carlisle out the door.
"Take care of her." He choked, and then he was gone. The door slammed, echoing through the house.
"He'll be back." Alice said in a small voice when Carlisle and Esme exchanged worried glances.
And he would be, in a way.
But he would never, never be the same after doing this to his angel.
That night Alice went into the rain, and pretended the drops on her cheeks were tears—she wanted to weep for her lost brother.
It was shattered by the fresh taste on her tongue through her parted lips. Rain had, and would always taste pure to her.
Not like salty, bitter tears.