Lawndale was now no longer the small town burb it had been since the Morgendorffers' arrival. Indeed, over the years, the town grew, spreading out with new landscaping and new buildings springing up, until it spread to the size of 338 times greater than Hibbing, Minnesota,
with taller buildings (even skyscrapers, a major first in Lawndale history,
given the recent immigration of Japanese business magnetes settling there.
But just like any town or city, life in Lawndale can get dull, even a crashing bore. Such was the case at Casa Lane, where two bored girls named Daria who was laying on the bed, and Jane, who was bored with painting, was picking her nose, till she said, "Bored. I can't think of a thing to paint today."
"Not like you to say that," said Daria. "With so many channels, all we ever get is reality shows, paid programming, ladies telling you how to make cakes and b movies, there's hardly anything worth seeing. Especially since the Sick Sad World staff went on strike, cause the show to wind up on hiatus."
"Got any other ideas?" said the black haired Lane gal.
"We could check out the film theater," said the brain.
"Last time you said that," said the artist, "we ended up standing on the road trying to lip read at the drive in. Wait, how 'bout ice skating?"
"Nope," said the auburn, "every time the Zamboni tech sees me coming, he puts up the Thin Ice sign."
"I never thought of you as fat," grinned Jane. "Must be The Fashion Club influence since they also hang out at the rink."
At that moment, Trent showed up and said, Janey, Daria, me and the band got to use the house for practice so hang out someplace else."
"Huh?" said a drowsy Daria.
Turning to the cynic, Trent said to her, "What I want to tell you is .DARIA, GET YOUR A** UP!!"
Getting up in a flash, Daria jumped up and said, "Let's beat it, Jane, your sib's on the warpath!!"
"And how," agreed the artist, who along with the auburn, ran out in a flash.
Out on the street, a disillusioned Daria and Jane were walking down to Dega Street, the only place for people like them.
"Well, what now, the arcade?" said Jane, who dug in her pockets for change.
"If we pool in our resources," said the misery chick, "we just might......ain't that Sandi's car?"
Sure enough, Sandi's yellow car was parked before a store named Beauty Gardens; upon seeing that,
the auburn asked, "Got any new ideas on how to take the dull out from the dull day?"
"Got my pencil sharpener and my paints," said the black haired Lane gal with a grin.
"Get with it and don't miss," said the brain.
Producing four daggers, Jand gave two to Daria and they threw them backhandedly, one dagger puncturing a hole in the tires of Sandi's car, each tire deflating on the spot. Then after taking out the daggers, they used Jane's paints, to paint all sorts of graffiti, like KKK, peace signs, HOORAY FOR KAYNE WEST and even UPCHUCK LOVES SANDI on the car, even painting on the driver's seat the words, DIVA'S THRONE, then ran off before Sandi came out, into many alleys.
Arriving at The Pizza King, Daria and Jane wasted no time in dining on a bell pepper and onion pizza, and they were almost finished when Daria said, "Jane, does you side of the pizza taste like it's been cooked? I swear mine tastes raw dough-y."
"Mine tastes just fine," said the black haired Lane gal. "Cooked, sure. But then, given the fact The Pizza king's old ovens have been turning out half baked pizzas........"
"Let's just finish and get going," said the cynic.
Upon exiting The Pizza King, Daria soon found out her share of the pizza she ate wasn't cooked,
and she was feeling nauseous, her face as green as a frog--and that was when, in lightning fast speed,
her puke was coming up fast and with no time to run, she threw up into a red car's front seat cab,
puking till the driver's seat was drenched in upchuck (pardon the pun).
"Sorry," groaned the auburn. "It came up too fast, I couldn't run to someplace in time....."
"That ain't the worst of it," said Jane. "That was Brittany's car you just barfed in. We'd better get you to a drugstore for some P.B. and 7up, fast."
"And how," said the cynic, as she and the artist made tracks from the premises; one minute later, Brittany, who was saying her goodbyes to Angie, Lisa and Nikki, came out of the building, unlocked her door and jumped in the cab--only to feel the stinking mushy puke.....and yelled, "EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!"
After having recovered, Daria and Jane went to the local arcade and won several prizes from the games they played and were sampling their pizza there which was cooked all the way through, and they were just on their way home,
when they heard Upchuck yell in the distance, "BUT SANDI, I SWEAR I DIDN'T PUNCTURE YOUR TIRES, NOR SPRAY 'UPCHUCK LOVES SANDI' ON YOUR CAR------------OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!"
Up ahead, was Upchuck, slammed against the wall, a furious Sandi getting the eye of the tiger by punching Upchuck in the stomach and snarling, "You big fat liar!! You did so trash my car!! You owe me $550 for new tires, $300 for a new driver's seat and $400 for a new paint job for my car, you sleazy bastard!!"
"Sandi, I swear I didn't do it!!" said Upchuck. "It's got to be a big fat joke!!"
"Right," charged the brunette, "and you're the big fat joke!!"
Little did anyone know that Daria and Jane were having a hard time try not to laugh at that specticle, as they walked off discreetly......
Passing by House Thomson on the way home, Daria and Jane saw Kevin kick his football around the front yard, then tossed it over a taping camcorder mounted on a tripod before running inside for a root beer; on a spur of the moment,
Jane threw a dart with a string tied to it at the football, which deflated upon impact, then the artist pulled the string, which pulled out the dart, so when Kevin came out, he saw the deflated ball and said, "Oh, man....." Taking a tire pump, he tried to reinflte the ball, but with the hole from the dart in it, it didn't take long for the ball to deflate again. Many times over,
the QB reinflated the ball and every time, it deflated, resulting in one frustrated quarterback.
"No wonder cave people had a hard time walking," said Jane.
"Seems that way," grinned Daria. "Well, so much for a dull day."
The next day at the Lawndale High cafeteria, Daria and Jane were eating Kevin came up to them and said, "Did you hear what happened the other day?"
"Bing Crosby's horse didn't come back yet?" said Daria.
"Worse," said the QB, "some sicko threw up in Britt's car, and Britt got all stunk up when she sat on the driver's seat."
"And if I ever meet the %#*&^$ bastard that puked in my car," said a livid Brittany who just arrived, "I am goin' to break my foot off in his/her butt-y!! I smelled like BARF when I got home for a shower and hosed out my car!! I was lucky me and my step mom had plenty of disinfectant soap, hot water and eau de colonge to kill the stink of upchuck!!"
"Speaking of which," said Jane on the sly, "did you ever stop to think it may had been Upchuck that barfed in your car? After all, his name IS Upchuck."
"I thought so!!" snarled Brittany. 'I'LL KILL THAT UPCHUCK AND NO COURT WILL CONVICT ME!!!!"
"AND I'LL BUST HIS BUTT LIKE A BALLOON!!" growled Kevin. After that, the furious jocks walked off.
Grinning, Daria said, "So much for a dull day."
"Poor Upchuck," said Jane. "I hope he's covered for State Farm after the Pom Pom Princess and The Pigskin Prince get through with him."
So you see, maybe life in anyplace, even Lawndale doesn't have to be dull all the time, if you know where to look for the right diversion....
--a440
MTV owns Daria. Got it? Good.