Always, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of these characters. They all belong to Stephanie Meyer. Nor do I own Always, this wonderful song belongs to Jon Bon Jovi. I just combined the two to make a nice song fic.

This is a repost of this same story that I took down last year. This is a O-S and thought I would just put it back up. Hope you enjoy… Thinking of re-posting another story I had up last year, but took down. I am thinking or reworking to spice it up a little bit and then repost. Let me know what you think of that. I hope you enjoy this one too. Not Beta'd. so all errors are mine and mine alone.

***OoEg***

This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up.

I had just come home when I saw a wedding invitation on my father's refrigerator. My natural curiosity got the better of me and I grabbed the invitation to inspect it more closely. There is nothing I can do now that I will regret more than looking at that seemingly innocent paper. The beautifully printed paper was just a reminder of the worst mistake that I ever made. Bella is getting married, she was going to marry someone and it was not going to be me.

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up.

The memories of 'our' end flood my mine. I begged and pleaded with her to stay, not to go anywhere. I prayed for her to forgive me for making the stupidest most clichéd error that anyone could have ever made. I tried to explain to her that I had been horribly intoxicated the night of the 'incident' and unable think things through, but she refused to listen to me. I guess honestly I couldn't really blame her for seeing things the way they looked. There was so much story behind it and she just refused to listen. If she would have given me that chance I would have proven to her that I would never do something that stupid again. I would have shown her how she truly deserved to be worshiped. She was my everything, but now I know there will never be that chance again. I know that she has truly gone on with her life and I will never get a chance to be with her again. There really is no longer a reason to fight, to beg, to plead for that one thing I will never get back.

Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby that's just me.

I watched her walk out of our home with bags packed, I saw her throw all the years we had together away like the box of love gifts I had given her throughout all our time together. Soon after she walked out of our house her brother came to pick up what didn't fit into the two bags that she took that day. I can not blame him for all the hate and pain that I saw in his eyes. He loved his sister, he trusted me for many years to take care of her but sadly I did not know how to make up for all the wrong I had caused. A part of me is grateful that Emmett did not inflict all the pain that I knew he could have on that day he came. Yet another part of me wished deeply that he would have knocked me unconscious so that I wouldn't hurt emotionally anymore, but I deserved all that pain. I couldn't stay in that house any longer, I put it up for sale soon after I saw that I had no chance of getting her back then moved back in with my dad. That only caused me to see the pain each and every weekend, Charlie, her father, would no longer talk to me. He would come to the house to pick up my dad to go fishing and in his eyes I could also see all the disappointment, pain and anger. He had loved me so much and I had not only hurt his little girl but betrayed that trust he had put in my hands. He had allowed me to have something that was very near and dear to him and I was able to hurt him just as badly with one bad mistake.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme
And I know when I die you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you always.

Now after 3 years I can sit down and finally let all these feelings out. I can sit in this dark room crying tears of pain, anger, frustration and self hatred. I know I will never stop loving her I will have her in my heart and soul forever. I will go to bed each and every day wondering if she is ok, if she is happy. I will hope and pray that he has been able to open up to her the way she deserves, the way that I had, the way she needs to be loved. I hope she knows that even though I don't deserve her to come to me, I will be here for her. That I will always be there to comfort her if she is in pain, to heal any wound that she may have. That I will lay my life down for her, because even though she will belong to another man I will always belong to her. There will never be anyone in my eyes who can do that for her better than I.

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh
Some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good bye.

I don't know how she got a hold of that picture in the first place but it is what caused all my heartache. That picture is what cause me to lose the only women I would ever love. How could I have been so stupid in the first place to let Leah do those things to me? I knew there was only one woman that I would ever love but I let the alcohol take over my thought process. I let my body react to the things that Leah did while I was drunk. Bella would never understand or know that I was thinking about her while Leah was above me. No one would ever know that if I was sober there was no way I would have ever fucked with Leah. I would have been smart enough to have at least worn a condom if I wanted to consciously do something like be unfaithful to the only woman that I loved. I would never have gotten Leah pregnant, she would never had needed to get a sonogram, then there would never have been a picture for Bella to see. To know in the end that it was not even my child that Leah was carrying, it turned out to be Sam's. If someone wouldn't have sent Bella that picture of the sonogram she would never have had a need to ask me why she was getting it and I would never have had to confess to my drunken stupidity.

What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes I'm just a man.

I knew, sitting here holding their wedding invitation in my hands, that even though she no longer belonged to me I would never stop loving her. I will always remember how her smile made me feel, how her touch made my body come alive. How her lips would send a fire down to the deepest parts of my mind, body and soul. I will always remember how every time we made love she would scream my name; how her face would contort with pleasure as she would orgasm tightly around me. I will never forget how my own body would react just to being in her, to feeling how her body would tighten. How she could say something that would cause me to lose total and complete control of my own body. Just sitting here remembering how she would writhe under my hands and my body could react. I knew that I would soon have to take matters into my own hands. I knew soon after she left that I would never be able to be with another woman again. I knew that I would end up spending my life alone because no other woman would be able to cause this type of reaction in my body. I would end up dying alone and always regretting but that would be the cross I would carry with me for making that mistake.

When he holds you close
When he pulls you near
When he says the words
You've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him with those words of mine
To say to you till the end of time.

I know she ended up meeting Edward through Emmett. He has been best friends with Edward for as long as I can remember. Heck I used to hang out with Edward and Emmett every once in a while. Edward used to work in New York so when he would come over to Washington to visit his family he would spend a couple of days with Emmett. If I happen to be alone that day because Bella had gone out with Rosalie and Alice, Emmett would call me to go out with them. Edward is a good guy. I know this but now that he gets to have the one thing I will never get back it is very difficult to like him. He gets to have what I long for and can no longer have. Edward will be the one that will whisper words of love to her. He will get to kiss her beautiful lips, and receive all the gifts of love that Bella is capable of giving. He will get to be the father of her children. All those things I had hoped to have had one day with her. Edward will be the one to have the life that I once had the chance of having. I lost all that with one stupid night of drinking. I hope that he knows to value all those precious moments that they will share now. She will be his wife and he will be her husband. That is something that I will never be able to say to her in return.

And I will love you baby always
And I'll be there forever and a day always
If you told me to cry for you I could
If you told me to die for you I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you.

I would have done anything and still would, if she would to just give me the chance that I can now only dream of ever having. I know now that my days of hoping for that are soon going to be over. This invitation shows me that I have lost her for good. If she would have asked me to never speak to any of my friends again, I would have done it. I know she blames them as much as she blames me for what happened. I was out with them drinking for Paul's bachelor party the night I fucked Leah. If she would have asked me to move to Arizona, where her mother lives, I would have done it. I would have done anything she wanted to have her back. I would leave anything and everything behind just to have had her in my arms again.

Well there ain't no luck in these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams and our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines.

I know now that I will never have that chance again. I lost any hope of ever having Bella be the mother of my children, the woman that is sitting next to me for the next 50 years. I know this now, my luck has run out for good. I now can only hope that she spends a life happy and doing all those things that she has always prayed to have. I will dream of her for until the last of my days, but I don't know how many of those will be left because I don't know if I can live knowing she is not in my arms but the arms of another man. I will always love her, and I know that she will always hate me and hurt because of me. I pray that darkness comes quickly, I must stay for Billy but I know that I will leave as soon as I know that Paul and Rachel can care for him. I can no longer stay here! I have to find a way to get away.

I can hear Billy walking into the house. "I'm home Jake."

"In the kitchen dad." I hate how raw I sound.

"Oh, Jake I am so sorry, I didn't realize that I had left that out." Billy looks really upset once he realizes what I am holding in my hands. "Son, I meant to put it away before I left." I can see the regret in his eyes. I know he sees the pain this invitation is causing me. Its hard to hide the tears that flow from my eyes.

"Are you going?" I ask in a now broken voice.

"No, I know she only invited me because of Charlie, but I can't go. I can not hurt you like that," my father explains. I know he is doing that because of me but I can't let him do that, he should go he shouldn't be stuck here just because of me.

"You should go. Be there for Charlie, and help him celebrate the happiness of his daughter, the one thing I was never able to appreciate," I tell him as I leave to go and sulk in my room alone some more. I have lost my happiness and will not take that way from anyone else. Not ever again.

A/N I would like to thank mugglemom for all her help in pre-reading this. She is always there to make my things better. Go check out her O/S One Night of Love Also a special thanks to Nat… thank you for letting build this story from your idea. I hope you all enjoyed this one-shot.