Going to Be OK
After the 'Mudblood' encounter, Lily stopped speaking to Severus. It wasn't that she thought he didn't deserve her friendship, just that she thought he needed some time to sort himself out. Time to decide if he was going to turn his back on the Slytherin 'ideal' and fight for good.
She hadn't expected it to take him two and a half years.
The time had whizzed by, she had to admit. It seemed like just yesterday she was taking her OWL's, entering her sixth and then seventh year, becoming Head Girl, taking her NEWT's, falling for James Potter. And dating James Potter, and all the excitement that dating James Potter entailed. She could still remember the day she'd said she would go out with him . . .
FLASHBACK
He stood in the middle of the Quidditch pitch after an amazing victory – Gryffindor vs Slytherin; Gyffindor 430, Slytherin 420. His clothing and hair was soaked through (it had been raining solidly for a week), but his beaming smile was like a beacon for her as she strode through the crowd to stand next to him.
"Well done, you did it!"
He grinned, and hugged her tightly. Lily felt a tingling all over her body, as she only ever did when James was around. His happiness was contagious, and soon Lily felt herself beaming just as much as James was.
"We did! I can't believe what a miraculous catch that snitch was, I mean, wow!" He was speechless. Lily laughed.
"I know, I was pretty surprised myself."
James turned to look at her. "Lily Evans, will you go out with me?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "You asked me that question already today, Potter."
He grinned goofily at her. "Yeah, I know. But that was before we won an amazing game of Quidditch. I'm hoping my good luck will continue to shine."
Biting her lip, Lily considered his request.
"So will you? You know, go out with me?"
"Yes."
END FLASBACK
But despite the fullness that filled Lily's heart having James around, there was a very large gaping hole where Severus had once stood. She hadn't spoken to him in years, but she still loved him, and even (Merlin forbid) missed him. And yet, she had never taken the time to seek him out and ask him the question she had been longing to ask ever since that fateful day.
And so it was, on their very last day of Hogwarts and as the train pulled up in the station to take the students back to London, that Lily finally plucked up the courage to face Severus.
Smiling at James, she whispered, "I'll be back in a sec, I just want to say goodbye to someone."
And with that, Lily was off, leaving a slightly confused James Potter behind her. Lily pushed her way through the students milling at the platform, until she got to the back of the platform, and found Severus Snape, standing with a bunch of other Slytherin students. They jeered at her, but Lily found her courage and said,
"Snape. A word?"
She didn't really expect him to follow her down the platform to a quiet place they could talk. But he did. She also didn't expect the look of mixed disbelief and sadness that appeared on his face. She turned and looked him squarely in the eye, tears forming in her own, and asked the question so long on her mind.
"Why didn't you come after me, Sev? Why?"
He was silent for a moment, and Lily thought he'd refuse to answer. But then he opened his mouth, and words came forth.
"Because I thought I'd lost you. Because . . . because I realised you deserved better."
A solitary tear leaked out of her eye and coursed silently down her cheek. "There was no one better, Sev. You were it. You are it."
He took a step towards her. "No, Lily. I'm not it. Don't you see what I've done? You deserve someone who can love you with their whole heart. Mine's broken, Lily."
Her reply was whispered. "I can fix it."
He smiled sadly. "No, you can't, and I wouldn't want you to. Lily, your heart is too good and kind and pure, I don't want you to sacrifice yourself to save me. I've made my choice."
He turned, and whispered, "Goodbye Lily. I love you."
A fresh course of tears streamed down Lily's face as he walked away from her one last time, striding forth into the unknown. James came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into a soft embrace.
"Ssshh, Lily," he murmured into her ear. "I'm here now. It's going to be ok."
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A/N: please review! :D
Skysong