by
Carl Price (elbeaner@hotmail.com)
Diary entry
I've forgotten how long it's been since James and his new girlfriend, Alicia Wyatt, were buried. I think it's been at least a year. I miss him so much, I can't think about anything else except him.
I remember he used to bring me flowers just for "shits and giggles" (as he put it), I could never tell when he messed up, because everyday he saw me, he handed me a bouquet, (not just one flower, a whole bouquet!) and told me he loved me.
"You're everything to me, don't leave me alone,
If you leave me, I won't know if life goes on"
~Angels of Dissidents "White Lives"
Elaina Rhodes woke up that morning and felt the same. The same sad feeling hangs over her, the same light doesn't shine. She unwraps herself from the down quilt and pushes it to the foot of the bed. Her eyes adjust to the warm light pouring into her bedroom and she tries to smile.
There was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" she asks, changing out of her nightshirt he bought her.
~You always wanted him to see you wearing that~ a voice whispers in the back of her mind.
"You gonna come out for breakfast Elaina?" her younger brother's voice asks. Elaina pulls a dark colored t-shirt on and then ties her hair into a ponytail.
"Yeah Chris, I'm coming," Elaina answers. She walks out of her room and down to the kitchen. She makes her way down the hallway and catches a sideways glance at a photo of him, a friend of theirs named Brady, and herself. She closed her eyes and reached out to the photo, remembering...
-"James! Laney! C'mon, there ain't a line!" Brady shouts. James and she jog up to Brady and get in the line for the Ferris wheel.
-The three are on the ride and looking out over the town. She could feel James's breath on her neck, warm and soft, caressing her. She reached behind her and took his hands in hers, then drew them around to the front of her body.
-"I love you James," she whispers. He whispers his love and admiration for her back, and kisses her gently on the neck.
-"Hey, lovebirds," Brady interjects, "before you two start breeding, you might want to take into consideration that we are in a Ferris Wheel. Notorious for snapping at the largest amount of swinging motion, these things are."
-"Brady," James says, "shut up." Brady looks at his friend in shock, then sees the smirk on James's face...-
Elaina wipes at a tear that's made its way down her face and walks into the kitchen. She sits down at the table and silently picks at her food. She knows the usual conversations that are going on: her mother talking about the previous nights work, her father talking about all the landscaping he has to do, her brother and sister talking about school.
She feels a tapping on her shoulder that brings her back to a conscious state.
"Laney, you gonna take me an' Barbra to Aunt Mary's?" Chris asks. Elaina nods slightly, then resumes picking at her breakfast.
Elaina finishes her breakfast and takes her brother and sister out to her car.
"Don't forget to buckle up you two," she says, "I don't want to get another ticket."
She took her brother and sister to their aunt's and stayed there the whole day, just for the company. As she drives back from taking her brother and sister to their aunt's, Elaina inadvertantly takes the same route that James had took her down one time. She cracked a smile at what happened that night.
-Riding with him to the riverbanks on a summer night, blindfolded so the destination is a surprise to her.
-The blindfold finally being removed. A beautiful orange glow from the setting sun illuminating the field through a thin canopy of branches. Before her is spread a large blanket with candles and a fully cooked meal. A bottle of wine is chilling in a bucket full of ice.
-"Oh James, it's beautiful," she whispers, tears in her eyes. She hugs him and he spins around, holding her tightly.
-"I thought you would like it, Elaina," James breathes into her ear, "come on, that dinner ain't getting eaten with us standing here."
-She eats the dinner with James as the sun begins it's final descent into the night. When they finish, she crawls into his arms and sighes in contentment. She watches the horizon and sees a far off tree shake in the wind. Suddenly, she and James see a small crow fly away from the tree.
-"You know there's several legends about crows, right, Elaina?"
-"I know there's an old wive's tale about cutting a crow's tongue down the middle and teaching it to talk," she answers. James laughs, she feels him rocking against her.
-"That's one of them," he whispers, playing with her hair, "there are two that stick out in my mind though. There's one about crow's having the gift of bringing souls back from the land of the dead for a last ditch attempt at justice."
-"Ressurection," she comments. He nods. James leans back, taking her with him.
-"The second one," he explains, "has to do with people telling the future through how many crows they see in a given amount of time."
-"Like how long?"
-"Let's give it five minutes for you," James whispers, "then another five minutes for me. That little one we first saw don't count."
-She and James watch the tree for what seems like an eternity, but was only three minutes, before they saw a pair of crows fly from the tree.
-"Two crows, what's that mean?" Elaina asks, slightly nervous.
-There's going to be joy in your future," James answered, kissing beneath her ear.
-"What kind of joy?" Elaina asks, holding back her laughter as best as she can. He always knew where her ticklish spot was.
-"Any kind of joy," James answered. "Joy is joy. Be it physical pleasure, or something more deeper."-
Elaina comes back into reality as she pulls up to her parent's driveway. She sighs and gets out of the car, making it only three steps before she collapses in tears.
"Why'd he have to die?" she cried into the night, "Why'd I have to break up with him?!? Answer me Goddammit! Answer me! Why'd I leave him? Why'd he only have one crow?!? I should have had one crow, not him!"
She feels a familiar presence near her and looks up, her eyes red-rimmed with sorrow. Slowly, the young woman stands up and looks around.
"Mom? Dad?" Elaina asks, "Is anyone there?" No answer comes to her.
"C-James?"
Still no answer.
Elaina goes into her house and lays down on her bed. She closes her eyes, and dreams.
She dreams of him returning, his eyes filled with sorrow. His face painted in marks of ancient times. She dreams of the movie he loved so much, about the musician and his fiancee that were murdered. She dreamed he was the musician, and she was his fiancee, but she was still alive.
Elaina wakes up later and turns the television on. She flips through the channels to the news and leans back in her bed.
"Good morning Florida this is WJXT News at 11:00," the newscaster, Mary Baer, says, "this morning's top story; The grave of a Northern Florida murder victim was found desecrated this morning. Joyce Morgan has more on this, Joyce?"
A young black woman appears on-screen, "Thank you Mary. I'm here in Green Cove Springs where one of the past year's murder victim's grave was found desecrated. Police reports say that the grave had been dug up, the body removed and the headstone destroyed. They speculate this happened sometime late last night, or early this morning. Unfortunately, police are not going to release the name of the victim, for fear that the family of the victim will file a suit against the county."
"I wouldn't blame 'em for suing that county," Elaina whispers, changing the channel to a cartoon. She looks above the television and stares at the blown up photo of James. For an instant, it seems like his face had gone paler, except for around his eyes and his lips. She looks harder at the photo, and watches as thin lines seem to stretch from his lips and his eyes.
She continues to watch as the area around the photograph blurs and James reaches out to her. His eyes are filled with the same sorrow they had in the dream. His face is still deathly pale, and painted to resemble a Greek theater mask. James walks towards her and looks down to face her.
Elaina's throat goes dry as she tries to call her mother or father. Elaina shuts her eyes and buries her face in the pillow, hoping to block out what she's experiencing.
"Go back to sleep, Elaina," the apparition whispers, "you need it."
Elaina feels a cold hand against the back of her head, then slips into sleep...
She opens her eyes and looks around.
"Where am I?" she wonders aloud. Somewhere she hears a crow's mournful cry. She looks around and sees nothing but darkness. Her vision is slightly distorted, everything's stretched out, broader than normal.
"Welcome to a Land of Silence and Noise," a second voice comments. She looks over to where the voice comes from and watches as dust starts to coalesce and form into clothes. First, boots and tattered leather chaps formed out of the dust. Next, the dust gathered to form a ragged, torn and faded flannel shirt. A long duster formed over the shirt and flowed down almost to the ground. Elaina watched as worn gloves and skeleton-thin fingers pushed through the sleeves and the final swirls of dust formed into a broad-brimmed cattleman's hat, pulled down to block his face.
"Well, li'l lady," the cowboy whispered in an age-choked voice, "you ready for tonight's shin-dig?"
"What?" she asks. The crow caws again.
The cowboy slowly raises his arm and points to the distance, "Your friend, James, he's waking up. You have a choice of who can greet him. My friend over there-" he points at the crow, "you-" towards her, "or me." The cowboy pushes the hat up, revealing a gnarled, pale white skull. Threads of ancient flesh, that should have long since rotted away, still clung defiantly to the cowboy's face. Elaina couldn't break her gaze away from the pits that had once housed the cowboy's eyes, but now are filled with a dark fire.
"No!!" Elaina shrieks, she stumbles backwards and lands on the ground.
(That can't be real, this can't be real, god I don't want this to be real)
The skeleton/cowboy cocks his (its) head and looks at her. There is a dry creaking as his(its) mouth opens in what could have been described as a smile. His (its) eyes still burn with the same dark fire.
"W-what are you?" Elaina asks.
"Please allow me to introduce myself," the skeleton/cowboy said, "I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long long time, stole many a man's soul and his faith."
Elaina looks at it, her fear still running rampant, "Are you...?"
The skeleton/cowboy shook his (its) head, causing locks of hair to wisp down.
"Watch the crow." The skeleton/cowboy points towards the distance again, "Your friend will come back, but not for you. He has a duty to perform."
"What kind of duty?" Elaina asks.
"Justice," the skeleton/cowboy replies, taking a single step backwards. As he (it) steps back, a strong wind picks up and he (it) seems to disappear in the wind.
Elaina looks to where the cowboy had pointed and started to walk. As she does, she keeps looking over her shoulders, expecting something to jump out at her.
(This isn't real Elaina it can't be real skeletons don't appear in dreams and say your ex-fiancee has just returned from the dead)
She keeps walking, ignoring the voice that denies what has just happened.
"James!" she cries out, cupping her mouth. "Are you here? Can you hear me?"
Elaina sees someone by a grave, standing with his arms to his sides. Slowly, he turns to face her.
"Oh my god," Elaina breathes.
James looks at her, his head cocked to the side. Elaina sees a large scar cut deep into his neck and her hand instinctively goes to her own neck.
"God, James..." Elaina moans. "What happened?"
James only looks at her, his eyes like a young child's.
"I can't tell you yet, Elaina... The time isn't right."
"What do you mean?" she asks.
James turns around, "One crow for sorrow, two crows for joy..."
"Three for a girl, four, a boy," Elaina continues, "five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret that's never been told."
James crooks one side of his mouth into a smile and points over Elaina's shoulder.
Elaina turns and sees a young couple sitting on a blanket under the stars, much like she and James once did. She barely hears the words of a song he had wrote for her as she sees a group of crows fly by.
"Count the crows my love," he recited, "see dark winged angels sigh my love. Not one, or two, or even three, There are seven crows for you and me."
Elaina wakes up for the second time and clenches her eyes shut against the brightness of the afternoon sun. She expects the hallucination (apparition) of James to return when she reopens her eyes. Instead, there is a much more welcome sight.
"Brady!" she nearly shouts, throwing herself into her friend's arms. She nearly knocks him off the bed, and then leans back, collecting herself.
"Hey Elaina," Brady whispers, "your momma said you were still in your room, so I decided to visit you... Y'know, see how you're holding up after..."
"Brady, I'm doin pretty good," Elaina lies. "Just been having these dreams, that's all."
"What kind of dreams?" Brady asks, concern trying to emerge. Elaina shrugs.
"Dreams about James... that he came back from the dead."
"Laney, don't take this the wrong way," Brady comments, "but you watched that movie too much."
Elaina shakes her head, "That's just it Brady, I never watched that movie. James would ask me to, but I never did. I wouldn't feel right watching it... I mean, a guy comes back from the dead."
"For love," Brady adds, "he came back for love. Which is more than likely what James did."
Elaina ponders this for a moment in silence, then asks, "What time is it?"
Brady looks at his watch.
"Five forty five in the afternoon. Why, you planning on goin somewhere?" He looks up and sees Elaina is already dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
"Yeah. You and I are going to check something out."
She walks out of her room and down the hallway with Brady a few steps behind. Elaina leaves her house and hops into her truck, keying the ignition.
"You gettin' in Brady?" she asks, holding the door open for him. He gets in and barely has time to buckle his seatbelt before she throws the truck into gear.
The two arrive at their destination, a wooded path leading to a cemetary, near dusk. Elaina stops the truck and gets out, Brady soon follows suit and follows her.
"Elaina, I have just one question," he asks, making his way through undergrowth. "Where are we going?"
"A graveyard, Brady," Elaina replies. "We're going to check something out."
"A GRAVEYARD?" Brady shouts, "Why are we going to a GRAVEYARD?"
"I have to see something Brady," Elaina replies, "I have to see it for myself." Brady sprints up to Elaina and grabs her by the arm.
"What do you have to see?" Bradys asks.
"James's grave. I dreamt he came back... but he wasn't the same. He looked.... sad." Elaina starts walking again, pushing her way through the path's shrubbery. Brady shakes his head and follows her.
The two trudge through the woods for nearly an hour before they finally emerge at the rear of the graveyard.
"Okay, now where's his grave?"
"Over there," Elaina answers, pointing to a headstone surrounded by yellow barrier tape. She starts walking towards it, Brady two steps behind her.
Suddenly, she stops in her tracks, barely missing being knocked over by Brady.
"Oh my God," Elaina breathes, her face going ashen pale. As she starts to fall, Brady slips beneath her and catches her inches before she hits the ground.
Brady looks up to see what caused his friend to faint, and nearly joins her. He sits down roughly, still holding Elaina, and shakes his head, hoping to clear the grayness away.
"Why did someone dig up James's grave?" Brady asks.
Diary Entry
I think I'm dreaming. If I am, I want to wake up. The news tonight said someone that was related to James was found murdered in a hotel room. I wouldn't think anything of it, except his was found beheaded (something James told me would be his preferred way to kill someone), and a drawing of a crow was painted on the wall in his own blood.
I'm still having those dreams with the skeleton cowboy. Except now, I'm not frightened of it. It seems to almost comfort me.
Have to go, someone is at the door.
Elaina turns her bedside light on and pulls a robe around her body. She walks down the hallway as quietly as she can, the linoleum tiles freezing the bottom of her feet.
She makes it to the door and opens it up, and what she sees is almost beyond belief.
Standing on her porch, dressed entirely in black, is James. He looks at her, his eyes bright, yet hollow. He stands silently, his hands clasped behind his ankle length jacket.
"You mind if I come in?" he asks in a deeply rasping voice. Elaina slowly moves out of his way and lets him in. He walks past her wordlessly and slips the jacket off. Elaina watches how he moves; ethereal and animal like, almost like a ghost. The clothes that he wears, the black turtle-neck and leather pants, add to the ghostly appearance.
"James..." Elaina says, she tries to say more, but the words get stuck in her throat.
"Yes Elaina?"
"How did you... y'know, die?"
James turns around and looks at Elaina. She notices now, in the flourescent lighting of the trailer's kitchen, that his skin in paper white, save for the entire left side of his face, which is painted jet black.
"I was murdered."
"I know that," Elaina whispers, "but how?"
"The only thing I remember at this moment is my girlfriend, Alicia, and I were murdered by my cousin..." James answers, "and by a gang that I used to belong to."
"You were in a gang?"
James nods slowly, "Yeah... I ain't too proud of it either."
"I'll say," Elaina said softly, "they killed you."
"No. They just killed me," James remarks, "I caused my girlfriend to get killed."
"How?"
"Because I tried to help someone, and she was with me," James answers. "She died because of me."
Elaina touches his face gently, and looks at him, "James, I know for a fact you didn't cause anyone's death. You're a sweet, loving person, and you always think of other people."
He stays silent as her hand travels down to his neck and works the neck of the shirt down. James shies away, turning his face from her.
"What's wrong?" she asks, her hand resting on his shoulder. James pulls the turtleneck down all the way and turns to her, revealing a deep, barely healed scar on his throat.
"My throat was slashed," James whispers, "then, she was shot in the chest. I...I died looking at Alicia and thinking 'God, why'd this happen?' "
"What happened then?"
"I just woke up," James answers, shrugging his shoulders, "I just woke up and I was in my coffin. I... I crawled my way out and I just went from there... the clothes, the make-up... I don't know why I did this..." He sighes.
"Have you... killed anyone yet?" Elaina asks. She maintains a strong face, but secretly, she's afraid of the answer.
"One person," James answers, "my cousin. I didn't know it at the time, but he was the one that did this," he points to the scar on his neck.
"He slashed your throat, so you chopped his head off?"
James remains silent, but pushes the collar of the shirt up.
Elaina notices the shadow of facial hair growing on James face and touches him again. James looks at her, puzzled.
"I still love you," she whispers, leaning towards him slowly, "you think you can love me?"
"I do love you Elaina, just not in the way that I love Alicia. You have my heart, but she has my soul."
Elaina looks down at her feet, trying to hide her pain. James places a gloved finger under her chin and forces her to meet his gaze.
"I have something for you," he whispers, reaching into the jacket. Elaina watches as he pulls his other hand out, closed into a loose fist.
"What is it?"
James opens his hand up and shows two folded pieces of paper. He unfolds the first one, and hands it to her.
"One crow for sorrow," he whispers, unfolding the second one.
"Two crows for joy."
Elaina looks at the two paper crows silently for several minutes. As she sits there with tears forming in her eyes, James gets up and walks out of her house.
Diary Entry
I did research on resurrection beliefs tonight (Brother Ronnie's gonna love this). It seems that early pagan tribes, like Native Americans and Irish Celts, believed that crow's could bring a soul back to "life" to seek justice. Apparently, souls that were so burdened by their own grief couldn't move on to Paradise, so Yahweh (to the Indians), or Erin (to some of the Celts), would grant them a final chance to redeem themselves.
I always joked with James about which one of us would have come back for the other. I guess I'll have to settle with knowing that he came back for someone, even if it wasn't me.
I still miss him so much. Everywhere I go, I see him. I guess that's why he left me his jacket and those two paper crows.
God I love him.
He blends in with the night. Those like him blend in the easiest. The clothes they chose to wear, no matter how bright, seem to absorb the light, causing them to almost vanish in the shadows. He doesn't care about the others though. He only cares about her. Alicia.
He waits on top of a truck, perched like an animal waiting for the right moment to strike. He reaches behind him and grabs the semi-automatic pistol, then brings it around to his front. The wind whipping around his body is bitterly cold, yet he cannot feel it. He only feels the fierce determination for justice that fuels him. It is that determination that brings him here.
"Hey man, who do you think called us here?" someone standing beneath him asks.
"I don't know, and I don't care," another answered, "all I want to do is get this over with, so I can go home an' get some pussy."
James leaps from the fire escape to the roof of a bus without a sound. He stalks to the end and jumps down to the street.
"Hello boys," he greets, walking towards the two people. "I am in the drug dealer/rapist/murderer's part of town, right?"
The two men look at him, each pulling out a weapon, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Oh, you know, the usual," James answers, "my father was a priest, my mother was a Gypsy named Esmerelda Zella, they got freaky on a Ouija board. I join a gang sometime later, get out, meet a girl, fall in love, then, I get murdered."
"You been hittin' the reef tonight man?" one of the men asks, holding his fingers in the international pot-smokers sign. "'Cuz that story don't add up."
"Hey man, look at his face," the second one, a Mexican, laughed, "it's all painted up like he's a clown for some party. You goin' to a party clown-boy?"
James nods, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. Would you like to join me... Miguel?"
"What the fuck? How you know my name?"
"I told you," James answers in a soft voice, "I was murdered, and now I'm back... to rob from the women and rape all the men."
Miguel pulls out a revolver, "You are one fucked up individual man." Without a warning, Miguel empties the revolver into James. He and his companion watch the young man's bullet riddled body fall into the shadows.
"Hell yeah!" Miguel's partner, Earl, shouts, "score one for the pissed off Mexican!" Earl lights up a blunt and drags a long hit off it.
The two start walking down the street, joking about what just happened. Neither can hear the soft footsteps following them.
"Man, can you believe that cracker? Painted up like some sort of freak and he still gets a cap popped in him."
"Yeah Mig," Earl says, taking a hit off the blunt, "he looked like a fag too."
Earl laughs, then drops to the ground with a strangled sound coming from his throat. Miguel turns and watches as his friend hit the ground, a black throwing knife stuck in his back. Miguel stands paralyzed in fear as James emerges from the shadows, very much alive.
"He shouldn't have said that," James whispers, "I don't like being called names."
Miguel whips his gun up and pulls the trigger, only to hear a sad -click-.
"Somebody forgot to reload."
In three steps, James is on top of Miguel. He grabs the Mexican by his shirt and slams him into a wall, knocking the wind out of his lungs.
"You're still alive, right Miguel?" James whispers. He grabs Miguel's head and pushes it back and forth.
"Good, then maybe you can help me." "Go to hell, punta," Miguel coughs. James slaps him quickly, the sound echoing into the night.
"Where's your boss?"
"Out fuckin' someone man," Miguel replies, "prolly your girlfriend. I heard she likes it up the ass."
James lets out a painful cry and slams Miguel into the opposite wall.
"WRONG ANSWER!" he shouts, "now, I'll ask you again, then I start breaking things. Where is your boss? Mr Wallace? That name ring a bell?"
Miguel stares into the black and white face of his attacker, "Chinga tu madre, asshole."
James grabs Miguel's hand and squeezes until a loud crack rips through the night. Miguel bites back a scream and blood streams down his chin.
"Mr. Wallace," James whispers, "where is he?" He grabs Miguel's other hand and squeezes.
"Down by the river!" Miguel shouts over his breaking hand, "Wallace and all his little pussies are down by the river! Lemme go man, please!"
"No," James answers, "I'm going to tell you about a young couple in love. Their names were James and Alicia. Do those names sound familiar?"
Miguel searches his memory as hard as he could, "Y-yeah... they do."
"What happened to those two people Miguel? Do you remember that also?"
"The guy, James, right? He used to be in Mr Wallace's gang," Miguel sobbed, "he got out. He wasn't supposed to, but he did. He and his girl, Alicia, they was gonna go to the police, at least that's what this one chick told me..."
"Who told you?" James asks in a deathly cold whisper, "what was her name?"
"I dunno man," Miguel cried, "I ain't lyin'! I really don't know!"
"And Mr. Wallace is down by the river you say?" James asks. Miguel nods.
"Thank you."
James drops Miguel and puts both hands in his pockets, "By the way Miguel, which one did you kill?"
"The girl..." Miguel sobs, "I killed the girl."
"Goodbye Miguel," James sighes, spinning around and swinging at the Mexican's throat.
Miguel feels a stinging prick beneath his chin, and puts his hand there to scratch it. He feels light-headed, almost like he's going to faint. He draws his hand away and looks at the bright red liquid covering it.
"Son of a bitch," Miguel tries to say, instead spitting out an inhuman amount of blood.
James watches from a distance as Miguel falls to the ground with death following.
Diary entry
I went to James's old house today. Don't know why, I just did. I guess I wanted to see if he was really alive (ok, wrong term there). I went looking through his room and I found a box that had a dried up rose on it. I looked in the box and there were all these letters and stuff that he hadn't given me. I just sat there reading them and crying. I kept wondering why he had never given them to me.
Elaina sits in James's bedroom, his jacket wrapped around her. Her tears fall down onto his bed and are soaked up by the dust that has settled over time. She stays like this for hours, crying for him, for what he has become.
She holds the last song he had written, titled "Seven for Sorrow", close to her body and rocks back and forth, hoping that, by doing this, she can be closer to him.
"James I miss you," she whispers, "why'd you have to die?"
"I was fated to," a response comes.
Elaina looks up and sees him standing in the doorway, the make-up mostly washed off, only traces on his lips and eye remain. His shirt is tattered, shot up and ripped to almost a few rags.
He walks over to his bed and sits down beside her. Elaina only looks at him, her lips quivering.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, "What happened?"
"I got a little rough at a beach party," James answers.
"Are you ok?"
He nods, "As well as can be expected."
"What's that mean?" Elaina asks.
"I'm finished with what I have to do," James replies. He leans forward and wraps his arms around her.
"Please don't go."
"I have to Elaina," he whispers, "I have to see Alicia. She's been waiting for awhile."
"But I've been waiting longer!" Elaina shouts, "You think I enjoyed breaking up with you? I didn't! It's the one thing that I regret!"
"But you've got someone that's waiting for you, Elaina," James says, touching her face.
"Who?"
"Brady," he answers, "Brady's waiting for the courage to ask you out... but it'll take too long if you wait for him to ask. Ask him out, today."
James gets up and walks to the door.
"Don't let seven equal sorrow Elaina," he whispers, walking out of the room.
Elaina gets up and runs outside the house and watches as James becomes transparent, then vanishes.
"I love you."
-fin-
 |