Disclaimer: all to Ishida.
English is not my first language.
This is after the reunion, last arc, but the times are... all around. Is it a What If? Idk man this is crazy.
For Andantino.
Together
They kiss and is almost perfect. The only problem is this feeling, attacking their hearts the moment their lips join in a kiss that consummates years of longing and yearning.
An ache, a feeling tangled in the inner workings of their very own souls; nostalgia, like missing someone.
Seidou.
They love him. And they're not sure if Seidou would ever want something like this. Akira perceives Amon's brief fight against desire; his eyes show confusion, sometime after that, acceptance. She takes his hand, a silent promise. They want Seidou to be with them, and they will make it happen, if Seidou also wants them back.
But Akira still has to ask, after Amon stated that he needed him.
"How do you need him?"
Because she fears misunderstandings and excommunication; she fears the two most precious men in her life after her father leaving her. She thought she could live without them but the past few years weren't really living and she wants to have them both for herself, even if that's greedy. If Amon also wants him the way she wants Seidou, well. That would make things easier.
Maybe not, she thinks, when she sees Amon fighting with embarrassment, a blush covering his cheeks; a smile adorns her lips at that. But the question is answered, and she'll roll with that.
Seidou is not easy, that's something they knew, but it feels bad to have him actively ignoring them and avoiding them.
He doesn't want to talk with them again, but not because of anything they've done, it's because of him, his ugly self. He's burning with the desire to be with them, and drowning with the fear of disappointing them.
He doesn't realize Amon and Akira are beyond that already, and they want to help him, because they care for him, they love him so very much. They insist. Because in any other situation they will take that no, but they fear it's not really a no, that Seidou is only making things hard because he believes Amon and Akira's lives are better without him.
Which is bullshit, and they tell him so, when Seidou finally comes close to talk. They're all standing on a bridge in a lonely park, the sunset is falling and Akira looks like the prettiest woman alive under that light. Seidou's heart is fragile, it breaks at such sight.
"You guys are wrong," he mutters when Akira and Amon tell him to come with them. Where? That's not important, his heart wants to follow them to the end of the world.
He shouldn't want that.
"Seidou," Akira whispers. It would be enough, in any other time that would be enough to make him crawl to her; but Amon is with her now, and Seidou can't understand why they think he would be that much of a bastard to get in the middle of them.
He runs away, again. It shatters their hearts into pieces, but they try again, if only because they know Seidou is fighting them for the wrong reasons.
&.&
She remembers better days, easier days. Being happy at the CCG, thinking the world was as clear cut as she always thought it was. Ghouls were monsters, humans needed protection. Akira yearns for those days with all her might, missing her old life like you would miss a part of your body. She feels as if they cut her legs, unable to move away, to run away, defenseless.
It is only with them, she feels, some peace will find her heart.
&.&
He never liked Akira except he always did, her sole presence is enough to leave him breathless. And Amon is there too, handsome and perfect, and he still has his necklace and he should probably return it now that Amon and Akira are around his life this often, when he's trying to mind his own business.
But the necklace is them, and while he still doesn't accept the proposal, blurry confuse not specific proposal, he doesn't want to lose them.
&.&
Amon has always been a simple man, and he likes to believe he moves on quickly. That he doesn't indulge in his own drama like many other men do. He needs a plan of action, but with love there never is one, and that stresses him out. He would like everything to be clear, as it feels with Akira, though he remembers it wasn't always like that.
Amon only has one wish even now days, to make everyone around him secure.
&.$
Seidou finally stops running.
It happens without planning, without too much thought, he just asked them what they wanted with him, why they didn't go to live happily ever after and leave him out of this, he can't protect them if they are always around, this was supposed to be about them and they're making it about him and they are ruining everything and there are tears running on his cheeks and suddenly Akira's eyes are wet and Amon is speechless.
They let him talk. They don't say much after it. They try to hold him close, hug him, caress him.
He's still shaking his head, his whole body shuddering, but he let's Akira softly pet his hair while Amon is dorkly trying to pet his shoulder. He's awkward about it, but it feels so reassuring.
When he ends, they're still there, and they don't let him go. He doesn't want to go, because Akira is smiling as she never does and Amon's eye are sweet as they never are, and Seidou doesn't remember how to speak anymore.
He indulges in the warmth of Akira and Amon. Only for this time, he thinks. They were both at each side, hugging him.
He feels pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.
Undeserving. He shouldn't be with them. He clearly ruined them, spoiled them. He spoiled Akira, someone who always knew what to do but was in this moment wasting his time with him; he spoiled Amon, someone who always did the right thing and was here with him right now.
But Amon isn't sure what is right anymore and Akira doesn't know what to do anymore.
They are sure of only one thing, that they want this.
They want to be with him.
They hug him harder, and they finally kiss him. He doesn't remember who kisses him first and honestly he doesn't care, all that he knows is that Amon is nibbling at his shoulder and Akira is peppering kisses all around his face the moment happy tears are falling from his eyes. Their kisses now taste salty from the tears, but they feel immensely sweet.
It feels magnificent. It feels like flying.
It's awkward and messy because they have very different bodies and Akira tries to play it cool and say sarcastic stuff that doesn't cover her nervosity. She roll her eyes like her body didn't just shuddered because Amon placed his big hands on her hips.
Everything in Amon is big and potent, it's devastating; Seidou and Akira feel small and at his mercy, it feels good. Akira's slim body is athletic enough to break them both if she wanted and there was something extremely hot about that, about the strength in her sweet touches. Seidou is skinny and he feels at disadvantage, but he has some muscles under those robes and he's eager enough to compensate any sort of physical flaw.
They roll together, Seidou laughs. It's not a pretty laugh, it's kind of maniac and loud, but it makes Akira giggle and Amon snort and they kiss again, harder, taking turns or sharing sloppy kisses that end with saliva hanging everywhere; but no one cares, they're too busy working each other lips red to notice. Amon's hands are in his hip while Akira's hands are in his chest and there comes a moment where he stops trying to keep count of the hands in his body and just enjoy how they feel on him, how they turn him crazy.
The ache in their chests roars at finally being petted.
It is not awkward anymore even when they still aren't completely sure of what to do. Amon and Seidou don't pretend they are experienced and Akira doesn't pretend she's not, and everything rolls better with Akira's powerful instructions. She blushes, everyone does, and Seidou finds himself in the middle of them, giggling at remembering that was exactly what he didn't want.
But he wants this, wants them all over him, pressing against him and making him forget how much he hates himself.
He nods enthusiastically when Akira asks again if he's sure about this, because he can't imagine not being sure about this, not when he hears Amon's harbored breath on his ear and Akira's eyes are glistening with desire, her pupil gone black. Her lips softly and sweetly kiss his lips again, a reward for good behavior, and he wants to be so good for her.
Everything ends quickly, perhaps too soon, it leaves him with a deep desire for more. More of Amon's masculine groans and Akira's delicious moans. But also more of their smiles, their smells, their souls. He thinks it's unfair to feel this way, but he can't really complain when four hands are still caressing all his body, lulling him to sleep, lifting all his weights. He hears a hushed conversation, but he feels safe, and Amon and Akira sound happy, and he feels happy as well with them. He will let himself have this moment.
&.&
Everything is so warm and good around them that Seidou feels he could drown in them and it would be a good way to die. To die for one of them was all he wanted in life, to die in their arms was a disgustingly self-indulgent fantasy that should have never seen the light of the day but here they were, Amon and Akira's bodies surrounding him everywhere, trapping him close to them.
He didn't want to escape. He wanted this.
He wanted this.
But tears still are sheed because he doesn't understand why he deserves such luxury. This wasn't supposed to go this way, but it is, and he didn't want to destroy it, and he may as well be stealing their breathing the same way he's destroying their lives.
He needs them, he wants them, he loves them. But he can't enjoy it fully, a voice in his heads tells him that this is all pitty. Amon and Akira don't really love him and they just want to make him feel better because they feel they owe him something for the last battles, because they were better than him in everything and now they're rubbing it in his face because they-
He loses all sleeping, feeling tortured by his own breathing.
&.&
Akira isn't patient for people, and Amon isn't good with them, but they can try, for Seidou, specially if he needs reassuring, especially if he needs them. He can't seem to see how much they love him, and it hurts them. They need to make him understand how much they truly and genuinely love him..
Seidou's voice sings proud while he claims his only good quality is how much he wants to die for them. And it isn't funny that "I'd die for you" can be such a powerful and romantic statement and now just bring pains to beloved ones.
They feel sad, being together didn't resolve any issue. They didn't expect it, but they didn't expect this to be that bad. And Akira has her own shit to work on, because she feels sad because of the life she's lost and sometimes you can caught her mindlessly petting MarisStella like life has lost all reasoning and she wanted to escape everything. And Amon tries to cover everything up because he doesn't want to worry them and Takizawa can't cover anything up no matter how hard he tries and it makes everything so difficult, Sometimes they feel drowning in desperation and fear, for the past and the future.
They wouldn't change it for nothing, for they are together.
Every touch helps to ease the pain, every smile brightens the days, every kiss sweetens the nights.