It's All For You
A/N: I'm not sure if this is an oneshot or not. If anyone wanted me to continue, I probably could. I've never written from Sirius' point of view before, so I hope it's not too shabbily done.
Disclaimer: Really? We still need to do these?
This was the worst day of his life. At least, so far. Tomorrow would be worse, now that he really thought about it. A cold feeling of remorse for the actions he had committed earlier that day rushed though his body. A low groan escaped Sirius Black's mouth as he buried his head in his arms, letting his unruly hair create a curtain between him and the rest of the world.
"Up, Mister Black!" Professor McGonagall's sharp voice came from the front of the classroom. "I can tell you, it's going to be a lot worse than lines next time you come in if you continue this attitude." And Sirius tried his best stone-cold glare at her, the one his younger brother had mastered, but the Professor simply stared icily back and he returned to repeat the same line over and over again on the faded parchment that was in front of him.
I will not light Peter Pettigrew, or anyone else, on fire for my own amusement and will furthermore use my knowledge of spells for good rather than to entertain my classmates. "Stupid old bat," Sirius muttered. "Since when did lines get so bloody long?" His assignment was to write five hundred lines, and though he was nearly done his hand was sore and his handwriting, already messy, was nothing better than a scrawl across the paper.
This entire day was torture. Normally the acts of misbehavior he got into were a partnership with James Potter. If that had been so today he might be sitting here sniggering with his best mate at what they had done to receive the detention. But today had been different. Like James with his little redhead, what Sirius had done today was an act to impress. Except the person he wanted to impress wasn't impressed at all. Not even a bit. And the worst part was he really should have known.
After all, since when had Remus Lupin ever really approved of the acts of jest that Sirius and James were constantly committing? It had been a long five years and Remus still never approved. Now he would join in but his conscience was probably chastising him the entire time. So why on earth had Sirius imagined he could get Remus to laugh by doing something that would land him in detention?
Not to mention the fact that this detention was the longest he had ever served. At least, in his mind it was. Mainly because he hadn't eaten much at dinner. James had given him a strange look, probably because Sirius was usually stuffing his face with everything in sight and earlier he had just been pushing things around on his plate. The entire time he had been trying to catch Remus' eye but hadn't succeeded once. His werewolf friend was doing an excellent job in avoiding him.
Right after dinner Sirius had to head to Professor McGonagall's classroom and from then on it was no-nonsense, just lines. No matter how many times Sirius sighed or draped himself across the desk, the professor paid him no attention. By the time he finished the lines, all five hundred of them, it was almost eleven at night. He handed the parchment to Professor McGonagall. She eyed them for a good five minutes before excusing him.
"Mister Black," she said, as he was walking out of the classroom. Sirius turned around to face her, cringing as he thought of what his teacher was going to say. "I hope you learned from this. I don't know what you were thinking, but don't think about it again." Sirius gave her an exasperated sigh in answer and left the classroom, shutting the door behind him.
As he walked up several flights of stairs to reach the Gryffindor Common Room Sirius found himself more exhausted with every step. He hadn't been sleeping well recently, and, though he may not be the brightest guy around, he knew why. It was because Remus Lupin slept a mere bed away. He could get over the fact that he liked his friend and he could get over what that meant for his love life. But he could not get over Remus sleeping right there, in perfect view.
"Erm," he said, staring up at the portrait of the Fat Lady. For the life of him, he could not remember the password. Oi, come on Sirius, you know this one. Last month's password had been simple. How hard was it to remember 'werewolf' when you were in love with one? But the new password had completely slipped his mind. As he thought of what to say, the Fat Lady tittering at him, he didn't notice someone sneak up next to him.
"They only changed the password last week, Padfoot, and you've already forgotten it?" Sirius was startled to hear Remus' voice, but not entirely surprised. He was surprised to turn and see his friend offering him a small smile, and he returned it weakly, and then nodded. "What are we going to do with you, Sirius?" Small words with a large affect. "Acid Pops." For a moment Sirius thought this was what they were going to do, but he quickly realized it was the password.
"Perhaps you can just follow me around all the time and remind me what the new password is?" Sirius suggested, hopefully. Remus laughed lightly as they entered the common room. The room was dimly lit by the fire in the fireplace. They both stopped a few feet away from the dormitory doors. "Can I talk to you?" Sirius asked.
"I'm not sure if right now is the best time," Remus replied. Remus was different from everyone else Sirius was friends with, and this was just an example of those differences. James would still be angry and probably wouldn't have even helped Sirius into the common room in the first place. Peter would be shaking and nervous, the only reason he would agree to talk would be fear of rejection from the group of friends he had managed to make his way into. But Remus was an extraordinary mix of the two. He was probably still angry, but he handled things more humanely than their four-eyed friend. Still, he didn't completely reject the idea, but didn't do exactly what Sirius said.
"I'm pretty sure this is the best time," Sirius said, giving Remus a meaningful look.
"Sirius, to put it bluntly, I don't feel like talking right now," Remus said. He didn't seem to be able to look Sirius in the eye when he said this, and focused on the fireplace instead. "I know why you did what you did. I mean, it's just like always right? Some big show-off to every girl in the class?"
"Actually, it was for a…well, a guy, actually," Sirius mumbled.
"What?" Remus said. Sirius had forgotten how quiet it was in the common room with no one else around. "Never mind. The point is this was just everything else you do. You don't think, Sirius, and I really wish you would have today. You could have seriously hurt someone."
"I did it for you." The words flew out of his mouth, unprovoked, it just seemed right to say. Remus opened his mouth, ready to say something, but no words came out. Sirius felt his face turning warm, but he refused to blush. "It was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. But here's the thing, I figured out why I did it."
"Why?" Remus asked, looking incredibly awkward, like he wasn't sure how to react to this. Sirius wasn't sure how to either. He hadn't been expecting this anymore than his companion had. The words were just as much of a shock to him as they were to Remus, but they wouldn't stop.
"It doesn't make any sense," he admitted, his voice dropping in volume. "But I don't think it was supposed to. I did it because I wanted to impress you, Remus. Not that it worked or that I should have even thought it would have worked. Stupid, even for me, I know."
A short flicker of astonishment swept over Remus' face, but he quickly reclaimed his composure. "Can I just ask why in the world you would want to impress me, of all people?" he asked, his voice a blend of everything confusing. It was adorable, Sirius decided, that he was so utterly lost as to what was going on, but entirely frustrating at the same time.
"I don't know," Sirius said, wavering, unsure of what to say now. "I don't know. Why do people usually try to impress others? Because it sure as hell wasn't so you would promote me to whatever new position is available." He didn't know if Remus would understand what he was saying, but it was the least embarrassing way to get his point across. A bit of biting humor was always great help.
"Well I don't…I don't see why that would-I mean, you aren't…are you? You don't, do you?" Remus' voice managed to stutter out, in spite of the look on his face. Now he couldn't hide the disorientation that he was struck with. It was quite attractive, the way his eyes searched Sirius' own face, looking for some hint as to what was going on.
No longer could Sirius control himself. The sheer charm of his werewolf friend was incredibly inviting, and he just couldn't say no, not anymore. They were already only separated by a foot or so of air, and he closed to gap by simply leaning forward. It was an effortless kiss, a seemingly meaningless one, except that it was their first. There was no mad grab for each other or huge sexual gratification. But it was still a defining moment for both of them.
When he leaned away Sirius saw that there was a smile on Remus' lips. The ones he had just kissed, he had to remind himself. "You did say that you didn't feel like talking, if I recall correctly," Sirius said coyly, letting himself smile, even as he received a slap on the arm from his friend.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it," Remus said quietly, although the smile still showed on his face. "Not that I'm objecting, by any means." There was a certain awkwardness that was bound to fall over them, and it did, in the form of exchanging smiles and not knowing what to say.
"So I'm taking it that I didn't impress you?" Sirius finally said, grinning at Remus.
"Well setting people on fire? Not so much," Remus responded, waving his hand in the air. "Now, er, kissing me? Wasn't really expecting that one, but certainly impressive. May I just ask…how long have you, er?"
"Loved you?" Sirius offered.
"Right, that would be adequate," Remus said, a dreamy smile gracing his face. Sirius could almost swear the idea made Remus happy, which of course only served to make him even happier.
"It's not really a matter of how long, it's more like when did I realize it," Sirius said. "I'm pretty sure I just didn't know it, but all that doesn't really matter. It wasn't too long ago, maybe just third year or so."
"Third year? Oh my, that's nothing," Remus said, letting out, possibly, the most wonderful laugh Sirius had ever heard in his entire life. Possibly. "I mean it wasn't the first time I saw you. Maybe around dinner or so, you know. I mean, your hair was just wonderful back then, you really should consider growing it out that long again."
"Oh no you don't," Sirius said. "I heard that. What the hell do you mean you've liked me since the first day we met and never even told me?"
"Well was I supposed to do? 'Hello there, I'm Remus Lupin, and yes I am a werewolf. Also I've never really considered it before but you're very good looking, so I suppose I must not be as straight as I previous had thought I was.' Was I supposed to say all that?" Remus asked, looking a bit worried as if, maybe, he should have said that, at eleven years old, that first day at Hogwarts.
"Yeah, I suppose that wouldn't have gone over very well," Sirius said with a small shrug. "So, I was thinking, that maybe now would be a good time to talk. What do you think?"
Remus looked towards the fireplace once more and for a second Sirius was nervous that this wasn't going as well as he thought it was. "I don't really know if I feel like talking," he said, looking back at Sirius. But this took on a much different meaning than before, as Remus grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couched in front of the fireplace.
"Merlin, Remus, you are quick. I never believed the stories about you," Sirius said. "Never thought you had it in you," he muttered as Remus sat so close to him he was practically on top of him.
"This is probably going to be the only time I ever tell you to do this. But shut up, Sirius," Remus said, leaning in and capturing Sirius' lips in the most exquisite kiss Sirius had ever had the pleasure to find himself part of. No one else could rival this, he was sure. This was a different kiss, which culminated in Sirius' hands all over Remus' body and the werewolf's hands playing with the Animagus' hair. They parted briefly, meeting eyes, and then their lips met again. Remus was stroking his leg, which caused Sirius to moan lightly, opening up his mouth for Remus' tongue to enter. The two were embraced closely now, arms wrapped around each other.
"I'm not saying you should, by all means that can be the only time if you want it to be," Sirius said as they separated, mere inches from one another. "But I'm giving you my approval to tell me to shut up whenever you feel like it, Moony."
"Not sure you should let me do that whenever I want, Padfoot," Remus said, raising an eyebrow at his friend. "I might just have to use that at a time when you really don't want to shut up."
"You wouldn't," Sirius said, confidently. But the look on Remus' face made him doubt himself. "Oh gods, you totally would, wouldn't you?" He got a smile in response. "Do what you have to, Rem, because, you know what, this is going to sound completely false, but I swear it's not. I'd do anything for you. Everything I do…it's all for you."
"I know, Sirius, I know," Remus replied in a whisper. The two kissed again, and it was some time before they made their way back up to the dormitory. Once up the stairs and into the fifth year dorm they went to part, but Remus grabbed Sirius' arm and gave him a look that he couldn't say no too.
As he lay next to Remus who was already asleep, breathing rhythmically in and out, Sirius realized that he didn't care anymore what anyone thought. Let people say what they would and let them think all they wanted too. Because Sirius had the feeling this was just the beginning of something wonderful.
A/N: I hate the word stroking. It makes me feel awkward and squirmy. I'm pretty Remus should have said all that. Or did. When is Jo going to tell us that he and Sirius dated anyway? Does she really expect us to believe they never had anyone? Why do I deny Tonks/Remus so much? How many licks does it take to get to the center of an Acid Pop? Review it even if you hate it.