I do not own White Collar, no matter how much I wish I did.
This is my second White Collar fanfic, and boy is it long! I'm trying to keep it running with the new episodes of the series, but with a taste of an alternate universe. I even have a plan for a certain new character that we'll be meeting on White Collar soon.
This is set after "Hard Sell"
WHITE COLLAR CRIME is a number of miscellaneous nonviolent crimes lumped together as white collar crimes. There is no fixed definition of white collar crime, although it usually includes bribery, embezzlement, fraud, forgery, and violations of trust committed by corporations or individuals engaged in commerce. Historically, in the U.S. many white collar crimes have received lenient punishment from a criminal justice system that considered white collar crimes to be less serious than more violent crimes. Today, the trend is for stricter punishment of white collar crimes in recognition of the financial damage they inflict on society. (as defined by VentureLine)
Chapter One
---
Peter sighed from in-between the two brunets. El was on her side, mouth open, snoring lightly and drooling on his shoulder. Neal had somehow wormed his way on top of his other arm, which was now half asleep. Damn it, he was Special Agent Peter Burke, of the FBI's White Collar Unit, not some glorified human teddy bear. It was his own fault really. He should have kicked Neal on the floor when he had the chance.
It had all started the evening before. Friday was Elizabeth's birthday, and she had made it very clear to Peter that Neal was to be there.
Peter had driven them straight home after work to pick up El, so they were stuck in their work clothes. Neal had simply taken off his jacket and tie, and loosened a few buttons, leaving his waistcoat and fedora on, of course. El was in a shiny metallic dress the same shade of blue as her eyes that he'd never seen before. He assumed that she'd gotten it just for the occasion.
The girls from her catering business and Diana were also there at the house and the group had gone out for sushi at El's favorite restaurant, Yama.
And hon, make sure it's the one on Carmine, It's nicer than the one on 49th.
"Yes dear" he dutifully said, even if he could care less about location, they served the exact same thing, didn't they?Only a woman could be that finicky about where they ate... No, that wasn't true. Neal was pretty picky too. Okay, only a woman OR Neal could be that finicky about whether they at at the one on Carmine or the one on 49th and 1st. What did it matter to either of them? They weren't the ones doing the driving.
After that, they'd given her her presents. Peter had given her some jewelry. The girls had all chipped in and bought her a spa package. Diana had bought her the most interesting set of lingerie.
"What?" You could use a little spice in your marriage!
El laughed, "Oh believe me, between those two," she said looking at Peter and Neal, "I think I've got enough spice."
The girls had all burst into giggles, and Peter couldn't help feeling like he was missing something.
Neal had given her a painting of Peter, El and Satchmo. Peter was going to punish him for that later. The kid had stolen that out of the photo album in the hall closet, yet Peter had no doubt that if he looked, the picture would be exactly where it was before. The boy was sneaky like that.
After they'd finished with dinner and presents, they'd all packed up and headed to a nightclub. Neal had charmed all of El's friends, as Peter had expected, and danced with everyone several times. Peter included. He hadn't been thrilled about that. But Neal would hear none of it, and dragged him on to the floor.
Diana leaned over to El. "That boy's going to steal your man out from under you."
El laughed. "He's been trying to do that for many many years without even knowing it. Besides, they look kind of adorable out there, my boys dancing together."
"You keep your eye on Caffrey" Diana said "Or there's going to be a day when I'm going to be telling you 'I told you so'"
"Oh believe me, I've got my eye on him. And the rest of New York probably does too."
The two took a moment to admire Neal Caffrey. "Yeah, The rest of New York minus me."
"It is nice to know there's someone out there that can resist the Caffrey charm! You know what I can't resist any more? This music! Let's dance!"
Perhaps Peter could blame it on the alcohol, not that he had had any; being a designated driver and all. El, however seemed determined to get everyone else shit faced drunk. Luckily Peter was spared being the only sober one. Michelle, El's assistant was in charge of making sure all of the other girls got home safely.
"You two make friends!" El said. "The rest of you, let's party!"
Neal had joined right in when they'd started the drinking games, winning them all, save for the last one, which Elizabeth won. Peter was almost sure that Neal had lost on purpose, something about chivalry.
The night had finally started to tapper off around 2. Diana and Michelle herded the girls together, and treated El to one last drunken chord of Happy Birthday before they turned in for the night. Neal and El had one last drink before Peter decided it was time for them to leave as well. They'd boo'd at him when he said it was time to go, but they allowed themselves to be lead out of the club and towards the Taurus.
Peter had a hand on each of their backs guiding them towards the car, when suddenly Neal placed his fedora on his head.
"If you're going to play the part of a pimp, Peter, you gotta have the hat!"
El broke into giggles, and he rolled his eyes, but the hat stayed where it was. They were almost to the car when Neal tripped and went flying.
He found himself once again rolling his eyes as Neal, looking dazed on the ground said "Peter, the ground is trying to eat me!"
"Come on Spazz." He said as he pulled Neal up.
"Not a spazz" Neal protested, his blue eyes flashing.
"Right, the ground is just out to get you."
"Exactly."
They had made their way to the car without further incident, well, almost.
"Where are my keys?" Peter said as he patted his pockets before looking at the conman off to his left.
"Caffrey..."
Neal flashed his million watt smile and held out the Taurus' keys.
"And my wallet?"
"El's got it!" He said holding up his hands.
"Do not!" she said indignantly.
"Oh yeah? Then what's this?" He asked as he pulled a wallet out of her pocket with a flourish and handed it to Peter.
"Oh! Do that again!"
Peter rubbed his forehead. "Alright David Copperfield, get in the car. You too little missy." He said as he opened the front passenger side door.
Neal had honest to god giggled as he had climbed into the backseat, Elizabeth following him.
Peter sighed and closed the door. "Are you two comfy back there?" he asked as he leaned on the other door.
"No!" She said as they sat down. "I have to be over there and Neal needs to be over here!"
"Why?" Neal whined like the four year old he obviously was.
"Because that's my window!"
"Kay!" Neal said with a nod, and the two climbed over each other to get to the opposite sides of car.
"I don't want to know" Peter said as he closed the door.
Somehow during the exchange El had ended up with Neal's hat. Peter hadn't even realized that he wasn't wearing it anymore. How did he do that?!
"Home Jeeves!" His wife called, interrupting his thoughts.
"Yeah Jeeves, you heard the lady!"
Peter gripped the steering wheel as they pulled out of the parking lot. "Don't make me come back there"
"Uht oh!" Neal said in his best chastised voice. "We're in trouble!"
"Hm. Maybe he'll give out spankings later!" the birthday girl stage whispered.
"You are soooo drunk right now!"
"Yeah, but you're drunker."
"Duh, That's because I'm drinking for two. Had to make up for Peter."
"Ah."
The two kept up their very intelligent conversation, which had taken a turn towards fashion as they had gotten closer to their house, and Peter had tried not to bash his head repeatedly against the wheel.
"Alright guys, we're home." Peter said as he twisted around in his seat to see Neal lying awkwardly in El's lap, seat belt twisting behind him.
"Your hair is so curly right now, I just want to sproing it!" she said as she ran her finger's through his hair.
"Duh. My hair always gets this way after it gets wet, and someone happened to pour a glass of water all over me."
El laughed. "Well, you looked hot out there on the dance floor."
"Of course." He said seriously. "It's cause I am hot! Right Peter?"
Peter sighed as he got out of the car.
"Oh! Denied, but don't worry, I think that you're very hot. Capital h, a, w, t!"
"Alright lovebirds," Peter said as he hauled Neal upright and unbuckled him. "Inside."
"Gee Peter, I love it when you manhandle me." He said as Peter pulled him out of the car by his arm.
"Yeah, well there's plenty more where that came from." Peter said as he helped his wife out of the car.
"Promises, Promises" Neal said as he let himself into the house. Satchmo met them at the threshold, wagging his tail excitedly, and nearly knocking Neal down when he jumped up on him.
"Oh yes! I'm very excited to see you too! Yes I am!" he said as scratched Satch's ears.
By the time the Burkes made it into the house, Neal was flopped on the staircase.
"I dare say Mr. Caffrey, if you keep looking like that, I may have to ravish you." El said with a mischievous smirk.
"No Ravishing." Peter said as he walked past the two to let the dog out.
"And you," He said when he came back. "Quit flirting with my wife!"
"Oh honey, he's not flirting, that's just the way he is." Elizabeth said with one hand on her hip.
"No, I am flirting." He lifted his head off of the stairs. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm flirting with you too Peter." There was a solid thunk as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back to it's previous place.
"Ow."
"Alright Peter, we'd better get him into bed before he falls asleep."
"Oh?" Neal purred as he slit one eye open.
"Not like that." Peter said with a smirk.
"Denied again, that's harsh."
"Yeah yeah, now get up. I'll let you sleep on those stairs if you want."
Neal had sighed as began the task of pulling himself up. Peter had sent the two to go brush their teeth while he pulled out a pair of blue silk PJ pants that El had bought him a few years back and a white T-shirt.
"Alright guys, bedtime."
He had sent El down the hall with the promise of making sure Neal got into bed safely; Not that there was much trouble he could get into, the guest room was pretty bare, a double bed, a nightstand, and a desk in the corner, but with Neal, you can never be too careful.
"Shoes!" Peter remanded Neal as he flopped onto the bed.
Neal groaned but made no movement, so Peter sighed and leaned down to untie Neal's dress shoes.
If you fall asleep in those clothes, they'll get wrinkly, and as we all know, that's like the end of the world to you."
"Let the world end, I'm to tired and/or drunk to care."
Peter snorted and reached over to unbutton Neal's vest and white long sleeve shirt. "In the morning, though, you won't be drunk, and I'd never hear the end of it if I let you sleep in those clothes. Now quit being uncooperative, I can't do all of the work here."
Neal shrugged out of his shirt and tossed it on the ground.
"Am I sufficiently naked for you?"
Peter threw the white tee shirt at Neal which fluttered down and landed on his head, and reached down and picked the shirt off of the floor; hanging it on the back of the chair before coming back to the bed and reaching down to unbutton the semi-conscious conman's pants.
Neal poked his head out from under the tee shirt. "My dear Peter, are you trying to get into my pants?"
"No, I'm trying to get you into mine."
They paused and Neal raised an eyebrow.
"Not what I meant."
"Right, well whatever the case, don't stop."
"Yeah yeah," he said as he tugged on Neal's pant's. "Raise your hips."
The younger grudgingly complied.
"Umm..." He said when he spotted Neal's boxers. They were black, and alternated between 'I've been a bad boy' and a pair of handcuffs.
"What? El got them for me for Christmas."
"I thought El got you new paintbrushes."
"Oh she did, but now I'm part of El's Awesome Exclusive Gift Club. I told her I wanted a pair to match your sweet socks, but she got me these instead. I have to say, I like these better than the doggy socks."
"I see." He said as he pulled the pants the rest of the way off. "You know, you really should eat more, you're far too skinny."
"You just say that because you're old and fat and jealous of my youthful metabolism."
"Caffrey." he warned. "Don't make me hurt you. Besides, you're not that much younger than me, soon you'll be old and fat too."
"What?" Neal sat up, horrified. "That can't be true!"
"Oh yeah, the longer you work with the FBI, the more you start to look like one of us."
"Oh God, that's it, I'm running away." Neal said as he shoved off the bed.
Peter looped an arm around Neal's waist. "Nope. You're going to put your pants on and lay down like a good boy." He held the pj bottoms out to him.
"Yes Dad." Neal said as he took the pants and halfheartedly put them on, finally covering his awesome boxers.. They hung low on his hips. "By the way, if these pants ever fit me right, no lie, I will run."
"By that time you'll be to old and fat to run properly."
Neal snorted. "Yeah, well you run pretty fast for an old guy. You managed to keep up with me"
"Yeah, well I'm starting to think that you wanted to get caught" Peter said as he pushed Neal on the bed.
"Oof." Neal said as he reached for his stomach.
"Don't you dare puke now." Peter said as he rushed to get a bucket from the bathroom.
Lucky for him, Neal's stomach seemed to have calmed down by the time he returned with El's bright pink cleaning bucket.
"Alright, put your shirt on, and get in bed. I'll leave this over here if you need it."
"Thanks Partner."
"mmh."
"I didn't hear an objection. Am allowed to call you that now?"
He pulled the covers up over the boy. "Go to sleep."
"Wait! Where's my good night kiss?" Neal called as Peter started to leave.
"I'm not your mom."
"True. My mom was harrier than you."
"Harrier or Scarier?"
"Both"
"I see. Good Night Neal."
"Night Partner." Neal lilted from his place under the blankets.
He had clicked off the light and then headed down the hall to his wife.
"Oh ho ho." He said when he entered the room to see his wife wearing Diana's present.
"Are the kids in bed?" she asked him.
"Indeed they are."
"Well then you'd better get over here. If you won't let me flirt with Neal, then you better keep me occupied."
"Yes Mam!"
- - -
"Come on" Peter said as he flicked open the blinds and crossed the room. "Up and at 'em. It's a quarter to eleven."
"Mgh." Neal groaned and tried to bury his head in the pillows.
"If you're not up by the time I come back up stairs with some aspirin, I'll pour a glass of water on you."
Peter laughed when Neal growled.
"Satchmo! Here boy!" He called and the behemoth crashed into the room and jumped on Neal's bed.
"I hate you Peter." He moaned as Satchmo attacked his face with his tongue.
Peter had just smirked and left the room.
When he came back upstairs, Neal's bed was empty, and the blanket was gone. He stepped back into the hall and noticed Satchmo sitting outside his and El's bedroom.
"Satchmo, downstairs." The retriever complied, and Peter opened the door and leaned against the frame. His brunets were curled up in the comforter from the guest bedroom. He smirked before entering the room.
"Guys, this does not count as getting up."
"Speak for yourself." El said.
"Here." He said handing them each a glass of water. "I come bearing drugs."
"Not the really nice ones I bet." Neal said from his cocoon.
"It's this or nothing. And do I want to know why you know what the 'nice' ones are?"
"Probably not." he said as he held up a hand out.
"Mine." El said as she took the pills out of his hand.
"Peter!" Neal whined.
"Relax. There's more where that came from." He doled out two more pills and handed them to Neal. "Wait a sec, where'd your shirt go?"
Neal glanced over at El, and Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose.
It was quiet for a moment, and Neal clutched his glass and pills.
"It's not like he's never seen a naked woman before Honey, besides, you should be happy he gave me his shirt. What would you do if you found me naked under here with him?"
That sentence probably excited him far more than he should ever admit.
"Fine, Neal's a gentleman."
Neal relaxed and downed the pills. "Wow Peter, did it hurt you to say that?"
"Don't make me send you back to prison."
Neal burrowed beneath the duvet, as if it could protect him.
"Babe, you know I'd never let you do that. That is," she paused and gently thumped Neal. "Unless he did something really bad. Like steal something... again. Or if he started wearing your suits. Then it'd be time to ship him back."
"So as long as I look pretty, I'm safe?" Neal said as he crawled out from under the covers.
"Pretty much."
"Don't I get a say in this?" Peter asked? "I mean, I am the one in charge here."
"It's funny how he thinks that." She said as she flopped backwards with a yawn.
Neal laughed and pulled the covers tighter around himself.
Peter raised an eyebrow. "You two are far more comfortable with each other than I like." He received no reply. "Well? Are you guys just going to lay there all day?"
"Depends. Are you going to keep talking?"
"Come on babe, give us a break. We're hung over, and you're punishing us because you're not. Now get in here and be quiet." She held up the sheet. "Besides, I still need my good morning kiss."
"Fine" he said as he wiggled in-between El and Neal, to separate them of course, not for any other reason.
"My kiss? It's not polite to keep a lady waiting."
"It is when the lady's got stale beer breath."
"Peter!" She said and smacked him playfully.
"Now Peter, you know it's never polite to keep a lady waiting. No matter what. I thought you would know that, growing up all the way back when you did."
"Oh? Way back when?" Peter said as he leaned over and pinched Neal's side.
"Eh!" Neal said as he squirmed away
"Is that a bit of fat I see? You forget I'm not much older than you."
"Yet your hair is so much grayer."
"You'll have that to look forward to by the time your anklet is gone. Curtsey of the FBI"
"What in the world are you boys talking about?" El said as she leaned on her elbow and looked at them.
"It's nothing. I'm just teasing the kid."
"Kid? Weren't you just saying that we're around the same age?"
"If you get to call me old, I get to call you a kid."
"Fine" Neal said with a sigh. "You're not that much older than me. However, I look so much nicer than you."
"Atta boy, you keep telling yourself that."
El sighed. "I'm never going to be able to understand you two. Then again, that may be because my brain isn't quite working yet. Now will you lay down and shut up Peter? You two may be adorable together, but I'm tired, and if I don't get enough sleep, I'll turn into the Ueber Bitch."
"Yes Dear." he said as he wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her shoulder.
'She will' he mouthed to Neal as he pulled a face.
"Night boys."
"Night El." they chorused back to her.
Neal had sighed and snuggled into the comforter, and it wasn't long before his wife and his con were asleep, leaving him wide awake, and sandwiched between the two.
This was where he found himself two hours later, with El drooling on him, and Neal cutting off the blood supply to his arm. Bored out of his mind with nothing to do but think. What would the guys at the office say if they could see him now? How had Neal Caffrey managed to worm his way into his house, his bed, even his heart? And why was that fact bothering him less and less lately?
His eyes ran over the conman. Sure, Neal was pleasing to look at. He was smart, artistic, and charming. But there were things that he couldn't ignore. Caffrey was a criminal, he conned simply because he could. He didn't work well with rules, preferring to bend them, or make his own. He was childish, and had a Robin Hood complex. And then there was Kate, the bitch who manipulated Neal's heart.
So why was he letting Neal become part of the family? He could understand El, she had fallen victim to his charms. What woman wouldn't? Peter thought he was above them though. So why hadn't he forced Neal to get out of their bed? Why was he currently letting him get away with so much when he was with them? He was supposed to keep Caffrey in line, but he also had to protect Neal, and it was getting harder and harder to tell the difference between Caffrey, the con, and Neal, his friend.
No good could come out of any of this. He had to nip this in the bud, whatever this was.
"Peter, whatever you're thinking about, stop it."
Neal's sapphire eyes were cracked open, studying him.
"Huh?"
"I can see your thoughts running at a thousand miles an hour. Now come on, lets go make breakfast."
"Breakfast? It's nearly 2 pm!"
"Fine," Neal said throwing his hands up. "Brunch. No come on before you wake El up."
Peter found himself being dragged out of bed by a shirtless Neal Caffrey, which in itself was quite interesting.
In a matter of seconds the two were downstairs debating about what to make. Peter was all for his Sugar-O's, but Neal shot that idea down, saying that was okay for weekday mornings before work, but this was Saturday, so they deserved real food.
"Okay Martha Stewart, make us some real food." Peter said with a smirk.
"Well, Peter I think there's something you should know." Neal said biting his lip. "I can't cook. Not even Hamburger Helper."
"Oh?" Peter raised an eyebrow. "Something the great Neal Caffrey doesn't know how to do?"
"Hey, I do know how, I'm just terrible at it. My mom banned me from the kitchen when I was 16 and I broke her favorite kettle and cracked the stove-top."
Peter stared at the man in-front of him. "You... burnt water?"
Neal held up his middle and pointer finger and mouthed the word twice.
"And you broke the stove?"
Neal nodded and leaned back against the counter. "Kate wouldn't even let me use the microwave."
"I have no words for how this makes me feel inside. It's just too good!"
"Peter! It's not nice to make fun of people's faults."
"You shouldn't have told me if you didn't want me to use it against you."
"I'm telling El when she wakes up." the younger said as he crossed his arms across his bare chest and pouted.
"Maybe if I make you cook, the smoke detectors will wake her up!"
"Peter!" Neal whined.
"Fine fine. Go get me a loaf of bread out of the pantry. I'll make French Toast."
Neal got the bread while Peter hunted through the fridge for the ingredients he would need.
"Got it." He said brandishing a loaf of white bread.
"Great, now get over here. Even if you can't cook, you're still going to have to work." Peter said as she shoved a square container into Neal's hands as he took the bread.
"What exactly did you have in mind?"
"Well," Peter said slowly, "You take these little white things, and you break them so that the stuff inside falls into the bowl. Then you stir that stuff with a whisk."
"Dude. Not cool. You're picking on me again!"
Peter laughed heartily as he dug through the cabinets for a pan. "I can't help it. It's too much fun."
"You just watch yourself. I'm dangerous with food." Neal said with his eat-shit grin.
"Yeah, well I'm trusting you not to kill us all with food poisoning. I'll keep a close eye on you though, I'm here every step of the way."
"Oh Peter." There was a hidden meaning in that sentence. Neal knew it, but chose to ignore it. "I promise to try my hardest not to make us all sick. Now pass me one of those eggs."
The two continued to banter as they made breakfast. Peter giving Neal directions one at a time.
"Wouldn't want to overload your brain." He said as Neal measured out the cinnamon.
"I'm armed and dangerous, Peter."
"Uh huh," Peter said as he grabbed a package of bacon from the fridge. "I'm very scared of that fork."
"You should be. I can do things with a fork that will blow your mind."
The two looked at each other, and Peter tried to suppress a laugh.
"Not what I meant Peter! Not what I meant."
"Of course." He stepped back over to where Neal was currently sitting on the counter. "Okay, now mix that in with the rest of the stuff. Try not to get any on you though, beating eggs can get messy."
"See, that right there is why I'm not a cook. Beating, whipping, tenderizing, pureeing. Cooking is so violent."
"Cooking, Caffrey, is an art."
"Alright, don't be so defensive about it." he said as he stirred the eggs with a fork.
Peter arranged the bacon on the pan. "I'm not getting defensive."
"Yeah you are." Neal said as he held the fork above the bowl and watched the liquid glop back into the bowl
"No I'm not."
"Yeah you are."
"No I am not."
"Yes you are."
"You are a child."
Neal's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Nuh uh!"
"Don't make me hit you." he said brandishing his spatula at Neal.
"I wasn't aware that you were a fan of corporal punishment."
"Only if it's used on you. Add the milk."
Neal poured a cup of milk into the bowl. Was Peter Burke flirting with him?
"Okay" Peter said, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Now for the fun part."
"There's a fun part?" Neal really didn't like the smirk on Peter's face.
"Yup. Now you get to coat the bread in the mix. Make sure they get a good coating, but don't soak 'em or they'll disintegrate. While you're doing that, I'll finish making the bacon."
Neal grimaced as he dropped a piece of bread in the mix, and got splashed, but continued the task that was appointed to him.
"It feels like refrigerated snot." Neal said a few moments later as he reached into the dish to flip each piece over.
"Thank you Neal. That's a lovely image."
"Imagery is my forté "
"Really? I thought your forté was being annoying."
"You think I'm annoying?" Neal said with mock hurt.
"Only about fifty times a day."
"Only fifty? You're starting to like me."
Peter scoffed. "More like I'm becoming immune to you."
"You keep telling yourself that. Oh, are these done yet?" Neal asked as he poked one of the pieces of bead.
"You're going to tear the bread. Quit poking them." he said as he slapped Neal's hand away.
"Ow!" he said as he pulled his hand away.
"Oh hush. They're almost done. Now go get me a plate for the bacon."
"Yessir!" Neal said as he hopped off of the counter and reached into the cabinet.
"Oh, and while you're in there, you can set the table."
Neal peaked out from behind the cabinet door.
"Don't give me that look. I'm making breakfast, you get to set the table."
"Hey." he said holding up a plate. "I was just going to ask what plates you wanted me to use."
"Oh. Use the square ones - the green ones."
Neal set one plate on the counter for Peter, then grabbed three more and headed to the table. He kept himself busy setting the table while his handler finished breakfast.
"Done!" Neal said as he reached for a piece of bacon.
"Nope." Peter said as he hit Neal's hand with the spatula.
"Oww! Would you hit your dog with a spatula?" Neal pouted as he rubbed his hand.
"I like my dog more than you, but I would if he was trying to steal a piece of bacon." Peter flipped the last few pieces of bread onto a plate.
"Oh wow guys, this smells amazing!"
"Oh good, you're awake. And just in time!" Peter picked up the plate of bacon and handed it to Neal. "Put this on the table. And don't eat it!" he called as Neal meandered towards the table, stopping to chat with El before leaving the room.
"You two made breakfast? How sweet." his wife said as she walked over and kissed him.
"Of course we did. Take this out to the table? I've got to get the juice."
"Sure thing hon."
Neal was already sitting in his seat at the table, but he turned to look when the door opened.
"I must say," Elizabeth said to Neal as she set the plate down and took her usual seat. "I'm really liking Peter since you two have started working together. You guys are good for each other."
"You're just saying that because you're getting food."
"Oh Neal, I got a lot more than food out of this deal. I got the husband I married back, and I got a new friend. Well, friends. What more could I want?"
"You got your husband back? How? I've been stealing almost all the time that the FBI doesn't get."
"Now Neal, it's not stealing if I let you take it. Besides," she said as Peter walked out with a bottle of syrup and a jug of orange juice. "That is what I'm talking about."
"Kay guys, dig in." Peter proclaimed
"You're not going to hit me this time, are you?" Neal asked as he reached for a piece of bacon.
"You hit Neal?" El asked, aghast.
"He was trying to steal some of the bacon." Peter defended himself as he speared two pieces of French Toast.
"Hon, you should have let him! He's so skinny. He needs to eat more."
"What is it with you guys and trying to fatten me up? If you guys keep this up, I'll start thinking you guys are going to eat me. Do I need to go find a chicken bone?"
"We're not going to eat you. It's just, well, look at you, Neal, you're so scrawny."
"I'm not scrawny." the younger said with a flip of his hand "It's just everything I eat goes straight to my ass."
"Hm. You do have a pretty nice ass."
"El!"
"What? Even you have to admit that."
"I am not going to comment on how nice Neal's ass is. I'm just going to sit here and eat my breakfast and try to wipe that comment out of my mind."
"Now Peter, you don't have to be jealous of my assets."
Crystal blue eyes met across the table and glistened mischievously.
"He's right, no matter how nice his assets are, I still love you."
"That's it. I'm ignoring the two of you."
"Alright, we'll stop messing with you." El said as she bit into a piece of toast.
"Oh god." she said, trying to hide her disgust as she chewed.
"What?" Peter asked as he sampled his own piece with a similar fate.
"What in the world happened?" She asked.
"Neal happened."
The con just shrugged his shoulders. "I tried to tell Peter that I'm a disaster in the kitchen, but he just wouldn't listen."
"Neal, from this moment forward, you are banned from my kitchen. No touching anything."
"El, I think that's a wonderful idea." Peter said as he poured a generous helping of syrup on his plate
Even Neal had to agree that it was probably the best idea that they'd had all morning.
"You know, that makes you the fourth woman to ban me from her kitchen." Neal stated as he too poured a generous helping of syrup on his plate.
"Fourth?" Peter and El asked at the same time.
Neal retold his story about breaking the stove to El, and Kate's banning him from using the microwave.
"So who's the other girl?"
"Noémi. I met her when I lived in France, back before I met Kate. She wanted to be a Sous-Chef, and needed a roommate to help pay the bills."
El glanced over at her husband, and it became apparent to her that this was the first time he was ever hearing about this.
"Were you guys, I mean did you..." Peter trailed off.
"We weren't dating. I know that's got to be hard for you to wrap your head around."
El rolled her eyes. "So?"
"Well, she finally convinced me to help her make Bouillabaise. It ended up so bad that even Amande wouldn't even touch the stuff."
"Amande?"
"Yeah, her goat."
"She had a goat? Just where in France were you?"
"A year before I got there, Noé was supposed to be making some kind of baby goat simmered in almonds" he said, purposely avoiding Peter's question. "She couldn't bring herself to kill it."
"Isn't that what the butcher is for?" El asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Her dad ran le boucherie." Neal said as he bit into a piece of bacon.
"Ah."
"Yeah. Noé spoiled Amande. That goat was more at home there than either of us were. She was fun to paint though, lots of spunk. Noémi nearly grilled her alive though when she got into my paints." Neal said with a laugh. "She was more upset than I was over a couple of ruined cheap brushes. I think she was afraid that I was going to make her get rid of Amande. I could never do that though."
"So what ended up happening between you two?" Peter asked as he forced down another piece of Neal's disaster.
"She ended up getting married a few years later to Shawn, they met at cooking school, and I ended up heading back home for my mom's funeral."
"Oh." El said as she reached out and grabbed his hand. Neal's eyes filled with emotion for a second, but then he was all charm and smiles.
"Ah but that was years ago. I think I've eaten as much of this stuff as I can. I'm going to go get dressed now. You guys want me to take your plates?"
"Sure," El said as she handed him her plate. "I think I'll go get dressed too. Peter?"
"Thanks Neal." Peter said as he followed his wife upstairs.
Once they were safely behind their bedroom door, El turned to him.
"Neal's mom is dead?" she asked in a hushed voice.
"Yeah." he said as he rubbed his face. "She died when Neal was 23."
"Oh wow."
"Yeah."
"And his dad?"
"Neal never met his dad. He took off before Neal was even born."
"Oh Peter." El crooned.
"Yeah, in the file on Neal Caffrey, there's a blank spot from the day he turned 18, till he flew back into the US for his mom's funeral. We knew he was in France, but once he landed there; it's like he just disappeared. This is the first time I'm hearing about where he's been. We're not even sure why he went there in the first place."
"I guess he'll tell you when he's ready."
"I guess so."
"Today was a big step. He trusted you enough to tell you about as much as he did. Don't push him though."
"El, I know how to do my job."
She turned and gave her husband a long hard look. "Your job? I was under the impression that Neal Caffrey meant more to you then a job."
"You might be able to forget this fact, El, but he's a criminal."
"Neal could have done a lot worse. Yeah, he's done some bad things, but I don't see him out there brandishing a gun, or raping people. I see a kid who would do anything for the people he loves."
"That's the problem. For Neal, anything usually involves breaking the law. It's my job to keep him from doing stupid things while he's under my custody, not to be his friend."
"And then what?"
"What do you mean 'then what'?"
"Peter, you already are his friend! Hell, you're practically family to him. Now I don't know what's running through your head right now Peter Burke, but I really don't like this new attitude that you've adopted."
"And what happens when Neal does something stupid? When he runs, or ends up back in prison. What then? Where does that leave us?"
"No better off then where we are today. Do you even realize how cruel you're being to him? One moment you're his friend, the next you're his boss, the next you're his partner, and then the next, his enemy. How is Neal supposed to trust you when you keep switching sides on him?"
"I'm the one who can't trust him! I'm doing my job, keeping him on the right path."
"You had better get your act together soon before Neal decides that he'd rather run then sit through another day with you."
"Get my act together? Oh that's a good one. You don't know him El."
"Yeah, well I'm beginning to think that you don't know him either."
"Oh, and you think that you do? What, do you honestly think that he's going to go straight now? That he's done his time and the system's reformed him? I've got news for you, it hasn't! He still does whatever he wants whenever he wants."
"Get out." She said, her voice barely above a whisper, but steady.
"El..."
"Out!"
Peter sighed. "Fine. I'm going." If he slammed the door a little louder than necessary, no one said anything.
He found Neal downstairs on the phone finishing up a conversation.
"No, no, I'll be there in a few. Okay, see you in a bit."
"Going somewhere?"
"Yeah, I'm meeting Mozzie. We're in the middle of a wicked game of chess."
"I see. Do you want a ride?"
"Ah, no. It's fine. You and El hardly ever get a chance to just hang out. I'll see you at work Monday."
"Alright, see ya."
Neal waved and headed out the door, and Peter sighed. Now what? El was pissed, so he figured he had better try to get back into her good graces.
"Dishes it is."
- - -
Once he was far enough away from the house, Neal pulled out his phone and dialed. "Can you meet me at June's?"
"Sure. I was just about to call you. I've got something to show you, "
"Alright, see you in a bit."
He clicked the phone off and dropped it in his pocket.
God, he didn't think he could get out of that house fast enough. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop on Peter and his wife, but having finished getting dressed, he was going downstairs, and could hear them talking about him in their room.
"I know how to do my job."
He stepped closer and held his breath on reflex.
It's my job to keep him from doing stupid things while he's under my custody, not to be his friend.
"You already are his friend!"
"You had better get your act together soon."
"Get my act together? You don't know him El."
"You don't know him either!"
'Oh man,' he thought as he wrapped his arms around himself 'They're fighting because of me.'
Neal stayed long enough to hear El telling Peter to get out, and then he rushed down the stairs as quietly as he could and practically threw himself at the couch, pulling out his phone on the way.
It had been easy to pretend to be talking to Mozzie that way he could worm his way into getting out of the house. Feh. And his handler had believed it.
He pushed forward, trying to pretend that Peter's words hadn't hurt him.
He was a good con man. He could make anyone believe what he said, but he could never fool himself.
- - -
"You've been spending a lot of time with the suits lately." Moz said when Neal entered the apartment.
"Oh don't worry. I'm just a job to Peter. I know who my friends are."
Moz crooked an eyebrow. "Something you wanna talk about?"
"Nope. Well, I do want to talk about what you have to show me."
"Okay." Moz said as he held a folder out to Neal. "You're going to love this."
"What is it?" Neal asked as he crossed the apartment.
"I found the jewelry box."
Neal flipped the folder open and looked at the pictures inside. "Moz, I could kiss you right now."
"Save the kissing for when we actually get the thing."
Neal laughed and continued looking at the pictures.
"Are you sure you really want to do this? I'm not so sure that Kate's actually in trouble."
Neal looked up at his friend. "You're starting to sound like Peter. Of course I want to do this."
"I'm not siding with the suit, I'm just saying she hasn't been too forthcoming with the details. You don't know if you can trust her. She could be pulling a badger game"
"Moz, of course I trust her. Now, what do you say we go get something to eat. Peter made me help him cook brunch, and it did not go well."
"The suit made you cook?"
"No, he made me mix."
"And?" Moz looked at him expectantly.
"I still managed to ruin it."
The two laughed.
"So... Chinese?"
"Sounds perfect."
- - -
Peter's cellphone jolted him out of his sleep far too early. The rest of his day had gone by very very slowly, but he had finally apologized to El, so he wasn't sleeping in the guest room. He glanced over at the clock, whose glaring numbers read 5:20 am.
"What?"
"Agent Burke, this is the US Marshals Office."
"Let me guess. It's Neal."
"Yes sir. His anklet was cut a few minutes ago."
"Cut?" he asked in disbelief
"Yes sir. The last location was Grand Central Station. It appears that Mr. Caffrey is on the run."
"Shit. Alright. I'll take care of it. Thanks."
El rolled over and looked at Peter. "What's going on?"
Peter sighed and ran a hand through his hair and over his face. "Neal cut the tracker a few minutes ago in the subway.."
"What?" She exclaimed throwing the blankets off.
Peter crossed the room and threw his clothes on in a rush.
"Stay here." He pulled his jacket on. "I've got to go. I'll call you when I know more."
That's all for now folks, I've got the next few chapters mostly planned out, I just have to write them.
If you noticed any mistakes, please feel free to point them out. I don't mind constructive criticism.
I was also wondering if anyone knew any places I can download White Collar clips at. I'd love to take a stab at making a few vidoes.
Please and thank you,
Lillita