"Grief"

By: Ginomo

Takes place during and in the direct aftermath of "Tears of the Prophets." A scene I wrote in my story "Zhin'tara" inspired this one. 20 years of writing Worf and Dax fanfic and I have never taken on the days following her death. So, here it is!

Jadzia Dax turned over in bed, hoping to steal a little more sleep before she and her husband had to get up and start this hectic day. She reached for him but felt only empty sheets and blankets.

"Computer, time."

"The time is 0217 hours."

Dax squinted towards the window of her bedroom. In the darkness she could see her husband's shadowy figure standing before the oval window, his arms folded, and his gaze fixed on the black sky.

"Worf? What are you doing awake already?"

"I could not sleep," he replied quietly.

"Are you okay?" she asked as she sat up.

"I did not mean to disturb you, go back to sleep."

"I will, if you come back to bed…"

Worf sighed but did not move.

Something was wrong. Jadzia tossed aside the blanket and padded on bare feet to where he stood. She sat on the windowsill and reached up to touch his hair as it hung across his shoulders, "You usually sleep soundly the night before a battle."

"This night is… different."

"How so?"

"I do not know."

"Do you have a bad feeling about invading Cardassia? The fact that it's happening sooner than we planned and that I'm stuck here on the station is certainly bothering me."

"No," Worf answered quickly, "No, I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you are not going. That you will be safe here on DS9 is the only good thing about all this."

Jadzia frowned, "You love it when we fight side by side. When it comes down to it, no one is going to have your back the way I will."

"I know that, but," Worf looked at his beautiful wife, her face lit only by the stars, "I have faced death more times than I can count, and I have never backed down from it. There were times when I would have even welcomed it. My life never meant enough to me that I would have missed it if it ended."

"And now?"

"Now," he paused, "I have you."

Jadzia understood what was wrong. Worf was, probably for the first time in his life, scared to go into a battle. It wasn't his own life he feared for, but the life they had together. He finally had something to lose and the prospect of that was overwhelming. It was a perfectly normal feeling for anyone else, but for him it was about as unsettling as he could imagine. She knew her husband well enough to know that words were not what he needed right now.

Dax stood, wrapped her arms around him and brought her face close to his, "Yes, you have me. And I have you. Nothing's going to change that." Worf's arms tightened around her waist as their lips met. There was a desperation in the way he kissed her, as if he wasn't sure it would ever happen again. Jadzia reached for the bottom of his shirt and pulled her lips from his just long enough to slide it up over his head. He did the same with her nightgown. Worf sometimes felt as if he had to share too much of his wife with the many people in her life but this part of her, this was all his.

As his strong hands lifted her with ease, Jadzia wrapped her bare legs around him. In rhythmic motions, the cool surface of the window pressed against her back as the warmth of her husband's body pressed against her front. She knew her husband well enough to know this was what he needed. He needed her.

"If you ask me, it's an ungodly hour to go to war. You can quote me on that," Chief O'Brien said as he gripped his mug of coffee."

"I will," Jake replied with a smirk.

Miles turned towards Dax as they walked through the corridors of DS9 towards the Defiant's airlock, "Oh Jadzia, will you look in on Keiko and the kids while I'm gone?"

"You can count on it," Dax replied, her hands tightly clasped behind her back.

"And, try to keep Julian out of trouble," he added.

She smiled, "Now that's pushing."

O'Brien stepped into the airlock, along with Jake.

"It's your station, Old Man," Captain Sisko quipped.

"I'll take good care of her," Kira was the next to make her way down the corridor, with Worf right on her heels, "Give my best to the Jem'Hadar," Dax said to the Major.

"Oh, I'll do that," Nerys paused, "Said a prayer at the shrine last night for the two of you."

Jadzia gasped, "About having a baby?"

"The Prophets can be helpful in such matters," She replied, placing a warm hand on Jadzia's arm.

"I hope they're listening," Jadzia said with a hopeful breath.

Major Kira Nerys gave her a smile and stepped into the airlock, leaving Jadzia alone with her husband, "Did you hear that?" Jadzia draped her arm over his shoulder, "We have the prophets on our side."

"According to Dr. Bashir we need all the help we can get."

"Just remember when you get back we have a lot of work to do," Dax said with that sly smirk Worf loved so much.

"I don't consider that work," Worf replied, returning her smile.

The memory of how they spent their morning made her blush. But that feeling quickly turned to a knot in her stomach, "Wish I was going with you."

"You are," Worf touched the center of his chest, "In here."

Jadzia looked into her husband's eyes. This was the side of himself that he saved just for her, and she somewhat selfishly loved that. Beneath the exterior he showed everyone else was man who loved more deeply than anyone she'd ever known, "I love it when you get romantic."

Just as they had only a few hours ago, Jadzia settled into her husband's embrace, except this time their uniforms were between them. Worf rarely kissed her in public so she knew he must still be feeling some anxiety about this whole thing. She knew that there was nothing she could say to change that, so she didn't. When their kiss ended she tenderly, she touched his lips with her fingertips. Their road to get to this point had been rough, but in this moment Jadzia knew she'd made the right choice, she knew she wanted nothing more than to love this man for the rest of her days.

Worf stepped into the airlock and the heavy gear rolled shut behind him.

"Worf, I need to talk to you about something,"

Worf nuzzled his face in the crook of her neck and kissed the delicate skin there, "We are talking."

Jadzia giggled, "This is serious, you've got to listen."

"I'm listening," he mumbled, all the while still kissing her spots.

Playfully she hit his arm, "No you're not."

Worf sat up, "Alright, you have my attention."

The two were sitting on the couch in Jadzia's quarters, Jadzia resting comfortably in Worf's arms. They'd been separated for months while the Dominion and Cardassians were occupying DS9- Worf had been assigned to the Rotarran and Jadzia was on the Defiant. Now they were finally back together and hadn't stopped celebrating.

"I have been trying to find a time to talk to you about this," she sighed, "With our wedding coming, we need to talk about."

Worf could hear the change in her tone, "What is it?"

"I'm a joined Trill…"

"Yes, I know."

"And I swore a vow that my responsibility as a host would take precedence over anything else in my life."

Worf narrowed his eyes, "Yes…"

"As my husband, if something ever happens to me, you are responsible for making decisions for me, and for Dax."

Worf was silent. He knew where this was going.

"If ever a choice must be made, Dax comes first. If somethings happens and you have to decide for me, remove the symbiont so that Dax can live on."

Worf's throat was tight, "Jadzia, I… I cannot…"

She looked Worf in the eyes, "I have to know that you will. If we are to be married, I have to know that you understand this. You have asked me to accept a whole host of things related to your culture, and I have. I need this from you," she paused, "Dax comes first."

Worf swallowed, the nodded, "Dax comes first."

She reached out and hugged him, "Odds are you will never have to worry about this. I just had to put it out there, you know?"

Worf nodded again, "I understand."

"Good," she smiled, "Now you can go back to telling me which one of my spots is your favorite."

The mood on the bridge of the Defiant was exuberant. The first wave of their invasion of Cardassia had been a success, the orbital weapons platforms guarding the border to Cardassian space had been destroyed. It came at a heavy cost, especially to the Klingon portion of the task force, but their losses were not in vain. This was the kind of victory the Alpha Quadrant Alliance needed.

Unfortunately, the celebrations were short lived.

"Major," Chief O'Brien began, "We're receiving a priority one transmission from Deep Space Nine," he paused, "It's from Julian."

"What does it say?" Major Kira asked.

Miles scanned it, then looked at her with wide eyes. Kira crossed the Defiant's bridge to his station and read the message over O'Brien's shoulder. They both looked at each other with stunned expressions, and then across the bridge to Lieutenant Commander Worf.

"Worf," Kira managed to choke out. She opened her mouth to say more, but no words came. Worf rose to his feet and came to where they were. He read the message on the screen.

Jadzia has been injured and is going into surgery. Her condition is critical.

Worf narrowed his eyes, read it again, then looked at the two of them, "I do not understand…"

Kira could see the disbelief on his face, "Helm," she said aloud, "Set a course for the station, maximum warp."

Everyone else on the bridge exchanged confused glances, but whatever that message said it was obviously grave enough to warrant a complete about face, "Aye, Sir. Course laid in," Nog replied.

Worf turned to go back to his station, took a few steps, and froze in his tracks. Jadzia was safe on the station, he was supposed to be the one in danger. What could have possibly happened?

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder, "Go to your quarters, Commander, we've got the bridge."

Worf did not object.

It was as if he was moving through water. His legs were heavy, like they were weighted down. His body was numb. He tried to run but he could not move fast enough. People crowded around the airlock. They were in his way. Worf pushed through them. The infirmary was so far away. Each step took an eternity. The voices around him were deafening. The lights were blinding. Where was the infirmary? Where was she?

He entered. Where was she? A Bajoran nurse was speaking to him but he could not hear her. Where was she? Finally, the woman stopped trying to talk and instead took Worf's hand. She pulled at him like a child. He followed her into a darkened room. His head turned. Dr. Bashir was placing a slug-like organism into a stasis chamber. Worf was moving through water. Weights pulled at his legs. Every nerve in his body was numb. Where was she?

And then he saw her. She was alone. Lying there, in the center of the room. Why were they walking away from her? Why weren't they helping her? Her eyes were closed. Every nerve in his body was numb.

Suddenly, her eyes fluttered open, "Worf," she whispered.

Worf rushed to her side and took her hand in his, "I am here," he managed to say, and then called out, "Nurse!"

"No," she whispered, "We don't have much time."

There was so much that he wanted to say but no words came. Worf pressed his face into her hand, trying to make sense of all this. How could this have happened?

"I'm sorry," he heard her whisper.

Worf raised his head to look at her face. He had looked upon death enough in his life to recognize it, "Save your strength."

She did the opposite. Jadzia used what little was left in her to reach up and touch her husband's face one last time, "Our baby… would have been so beautiful."

Jadzia's eyes fluttered again, and then closed.

Worf could feel it rising in his chest as if by instinct, by sheer unconscious will of his body. He didn't want to. But half of his heart lay dead before him, and there was nothing he could do but cry out. Cry out in agony, cry out in anger, cry out to the heavens with a sound that shook the station.

All their friends were there, with looks of horror and disbelief on their faces. The sound of Worf's roar was deafening, and they all knew what it meant. Worf came stumbling out of the surgery room, his head swimming. He paused and looked at all those faces. They were quiet, none of them knowing what to say and all of them afraid to say the wrong thing. Worf stood there for a brief moment looking back at them. He hated them all. He hated the sad looks on their faces, the tears flowing from their eyes. Most of all, he hated them for being alive when she was not.

"Worf…" Kira started to reach for him.

He could not bear to hear her say how sorry she was, to listen to each of them say all those things people said to the living when they had no idea what they should be saying. Worf took a few steps backwards, towards the door. And then he disappeared.

Hope you enjoyed Chapter 1. Please review!