Wishing You Were Here Chapter 1, an one tree hill fanfic

After taking a year off, I am resubmitting this story, Wishing You Were Here. This story was my first attempt of creative writing, please read and review. Let me know if I should continue.

This post is the first 7 chapters of the story written. The following chapters will not be as long.

Sorry, the story is single spaced. I could not get it to double space in the editing format in the story dox.

Disclaimer: I do not own OTH.

Enjoy..

I have not been as fortunate as others. I, Peyton Sawyer, have had a pretty crappy life in my short eighteen years. I lost my mother in a car accident when I was nine years old and was left with my very loving, but distant father, Larry Sawyer. My father is a captain of drudging boat, and spends more time out to sea, than he does with me. I recently discovered that I was adopted. My birthmother showed up on my doorstep, only to spend a brief time with me. I finally got the nerve to get to know her, only to have her die from cancer a month later.

I have learned to embrace the loneness through music, art and my best friend, Brooke Davis. Brooke has been with me since we were eight years old. She was there when my mom died, and every day after. Well at least until three weeks ago, because three weeks ago, everything changed. To put it in simple terms, Brooke is in love with Lucas Scott… Lucas is in love with Brooke Davis… and I, Peyton Sawyer am in love with Lucas Scott, who if you didn't catch before, is my best friend's boyfriend.

Let me jumped back, I need to give you background information, because we in Tree Hill, North Carolina, have very messy and tangled histories. It all started in junior year; I was dating Nathan Scott, "Super -Hotshot" basketball player for the Tree Hill Ravens. We had a dysfunctional relationship. Nathan was an ass, and I guess I didn't think I deserved better. Everything changed when Nathan's unclaimed, half brother, Lucas joined the Ravens. Lucas was the quiet, bookish type. He didn't talk much and hung with Haley James, who was later named "Tutor Girl" by Brooke. Lucas and Nathan have the same father, Dan Scott, but different mothers. Lucas' mother, Karen Roe, became pregnant at the end of senior year. Dan left for college where he met Deb Lee. Dan and Deb got married, moved back to Tree Hill, where she gave birth to Nathan three months after Lucas was born. Dan walked out on Karen, never having a relationship with Lucas. Lucas and Nathan pretty much hated each other their entire lives. So, when he joined the basketball team, it was a huge deal. There was alot of hazing and fighting. Nathan tried everything to get Lucas to quit. He went as far as to coerce, Lucas' best friend, Haley James to tutor him, promising that he would leave Lucas alone. After a party at Nathan's beach house, I finally saw the light and broke up with him. I saw the way he treated Lucas, how he was playing Haley and the last straw, he crashed my car and left it for Lucas to deal with.

During this time, I was finding myself in the presence of Lucas quite often. I was an emotional wreak, well I still am, but he seemed to be at the right place and the right time. We ended up together at a party at Dan Scott's house; he told me had wanted to have everything with me. Truth be told, I felt the same way and I didn't know how to handle all the emotions I was feeling, so I freaked out and ran.

There is one more person to introduce, that is my best friend, Brooke Davis. During this time in junior year, she was the fun, go lucky gal. All the boys liked her and she like a good conquest. She decided that she wanted Lucas, so after my grace period to "claim him" as she described, she would jump at the chance to know Lucas.

I was scared to admit my feelings for Lucas. Since I had my head in my ass, I was too complicated and Brooke was fun and easy -going, Lucas chose to date her. It was hard at first, I really was into Lucas and seeing him with Brooke broke my heart. It was my fault. I took too long to admit my feelings for Lucas and when I did, Brooke walked into his room carrying a can of whip cream, saying something about "getting ready to score", while I was confessing my love for him. So, I did what I do best, I ran and tried to forget what happened in his bedroom that night. That was the night that Lucas chose Brooke over me, for the first time.

Our lives became a huge mess a month and a half later. Lucas and I hooked up while on a road trip. You see, my dad was at sea during a hurricane. I got a call saying his boat capsized and I needed to identify the one body found. Lucas volunteered to come with me, while Brooke stayed at my house in case someone from the Coast Guard called. I was a mess. Thankfully my dad was alive and on his way home. Lucas and I had to return to the motel, because I lost my bracelet in the bed. As they all say, one thing lead to another, we got carried away and made out for a while. We stopped ourselves; well actually, the necklace Brooke gave Lucas got caught in my hair, which brought us back to reality. Reality being, me doing something I never thought I would do. I betrayed my best friend, my sister in the most horrible way. I know that if Lucas hadn't stopped us, I would have gone through with it. I would have made love with the boy I love, who also is the boy that belongs to my best friend.

Lucas and I decided that we wanted to be together and had planned on telling Brooke. The night we were going to admit our feelings to her, Lucas was in a car accident and so the admitting never happened. After Lucas was home, he had broken up with Brooke, but wanted to wait tell her that he wanted to be with me until he felt better. During this time, Brooke caught us in a lie and saw us together on my webcam. Everything fell apart after that. I lost Brooke's friendship and I pushed Lucas away. I decided that life was too short and the only way I would get my friend back was by giving up Lucas.

After awhile, Brooke, Lucas and I repaired our relationships and by the end of junior year we were friends again. During this time, I started dating Jake seriously. I was happy with Jake. I loved Jake. Jake is a teen dad, who had to protect his daughter, Jenny. Nikki, his baby momma was a crazy bitch. The only way to keep her from Jenny was to run. So, I said goodbye as Jake and Jenny left Tree Hill and me for the second and last time. Brooke dated Felix, Lucas dated Anna, and Nathan and Haley started dating and eventually got married, only to have Haley leave to pursue her singing career on the road with Chris Keller.

The summer before senior year, Lucas and I were the only two from our group of friends left in Tree Hill. Brooke spent the summer in California, but not before Lucas told her he loved her and wanted to try again when she returned in the fall. Nathan went to basketball camp in Florida and Haley was touring the country with Chris Keller and Jake had to leave to find Jenny. Lucas pulled his ass of a father out of his burning dealership and I discovered I was adopted. Lucas and I became close, as close as friends can be. It was a summer to remember, the two of us dealing with the difficulties of life and missing the ones we love. Lucas missed Brooke, and I missed Jake and Jenny.

As summer ended, Brooke, Nathan and Haley returned to Tree Hill. Brooke decided that she would date Lucas, but non-exclusively, meaning that they would also date other people. Nathan was not ready to forgive Haley for leaving, and I also had issues with Haley leaving without a word. Eventually, Nathan and Haley worked things out; Brooke and Lucas became Exclusive; and I buried another mom, was shot in the leg, almost died and Lucas' Uncle Keith was shot and killed during the school shooting. It was during this time, while Lucas and I hid in the library that I told him that I loved him and then I kissed him. I played it off as I had lost a lot of blood and was dying, he laughed it off and we pretended that I didn't mean it.

This is when my life gets messy again. I realized that my feelings for Lucas are very real, and right before Nathan and Haley renewed their wedding vows, I admitted to Brooke that I still have feelings for Lucas. Ok, maybe that was a mistake, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted her to understand why I would be distant. I told her I wasn't going to act on my feelings, and it wasn't like Lucas felt anything for me. He loves Brooke not me. I guess I should have known better. Brooke didn't take the news well. She slapped me and called me a "two-faced bitch" and cut me out of her life. The worst part, she also broke up with Lucas. I still don't understand why she broke up with Lucas, he loves her, he fought for her, and he continues to fight for her. Lucas doesn't understand why she broke up with him either, Brooke tells him it's not because of the kiss in the library the day of the shooting, which he mistakenly revealed at Nathan and Haley's wedding. Lucas thought she found out about the kiss, and that was the reason Brooke was not talking to me. Lucas is heartbroken and I'm just happy that he doesn't know the reason why Brooke is cutting me out, because if he did, he would blame me for the break-up.

It's been three weeks since Nathan and Haley's wedding. Three weeks since Brooke broke up with Lucas. Three weeks Lucas declared his love for Brooke and has vowed that she is the one for him and he is going to get her back. Stupid me, I agreed to help him.

I have spent most my time alone or with Lucas during these weeks. I try to distance myself from him. I know that if he wants Brooke back the only way she would get back together with him, is if I was out of the picture. At some point he will choose her, and I will be cut out of his life.

A few days after the wedding, I found a note from Ellie. She tells me that I have a brother. He is the son of my biological father. I debate whether I should call him. Lucas gives me the final nudge I need and I call. He hung up, but only after telling me to not call back. The next night my brother, Derek showed up at my house. He seemed great. He cared. He wanted to be in my life. It felt good and it felt easy to open up to Derek, to share my feelings about Lucas and the drama with Brooke.

After a few days, Lucas was concerned. Apparently, Derek was acting too protective of me, taking pictures of my ass, smelling my hair. I asked Lucas to not make me doubt myself and just be happy for me.

I should have listened to Lucas. Lucas was right, as always. Derek is a freak. Hell, he isn't even Derek. This guy found me on the internet; he had been following my site, watching me, following me around town and listening to my podcasts. That's how he got into my life, learning about Ellie and that I had a brother, Derek and I asked him to come to me. God, I'm stupid. He broke into my house, he told me we were meant to be together, he told me that he loved me like no one else and he was going to prove it.

That night changed my life forever. Lucas saved the day again. After contacting the police with his suspicions, it was discovered that this guy really wasn't my brother. Along with Lucas, the real Derek showed up during the attack. Derek, the real one, stayed around long enough to give his statement to the police. He said I was a reminder of what an ass "our" father is and he didn't have time for an additional family member.

I told the police that I was fine and refused to go to the hospital. That night I went home with Lucas. I continued to stay with Lucas. I couldn't stay alone in my house. I did drive to Brook's house one night. I pulled up to the house where she lives with Rachel, but I couldn't get out. Then, I noticed Brooke watching me through the window. Our eyes connected, she closed the curtains and I drove away.

It got worse at night. The nightmares were never ending. I would wake up screaming, I would be sweaty and the sheets would be wet. Lucas would just hold me as I willed myself back to sleep. There is one detail that I have kept to myself. I lied; Lucas didn't get to me in time and now when I close my eyes, Psycho Derek is all I see. Him on top of me; I feel him on me, in me. I just didn't know how to admit it. I couldn't handle having everyone know, the whole town, the school and most importantly Lucas and my dad. How would they look at me? They would pity me, and pity I already and receiving is too much and I couldn't handle anymore.

It was the third night at Lucas' house that changed everything and it wasn't changed for the better. I woke up screaming, as always Lucas was there to comfort me. He held me as I cried, rubbing small circles on my back. As his kissed my forehead, I looked into his eyes and made the biggest mistake, I kissed him. He started to respond, but then he pulled away. He told me that I really didn't want to this, that I was upset and that I would regret it in the morning. I told him that I wanted him, that I always wanted him. I begged, I actually begged him, "I need to feel something, please Lucas just give me this".

I woke up the next morning, terrified. What had I done? What was Lucas going to say? He was in love with Brooke, not me. I freaked out, collected my things and snuck out the door. As I walked home I realized that I made a mistake. I shouldn't have ran. I sent Lucas a text. "I'm sorry I left. Needed to shower and change will be back before school. "

I changed and headed back to Lucas. All the way over I played what I was going to say, how I was going to say it. I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I always loved him. I wanted to tell him about the rape, I needed to find away to open up to him.

I walked up to his door, which was slightly open. I heard them before they noticed me. Brooke was holding Lucas' hands in hers. Their eye's connected to each other. "I've missed you, Lucas" Brooke said while cupping his face with her right hand, leaning up to kiss him. The next thing I hear is Lucas, "I have missed you Brooke." I didn't wait to hear the rest or watch them make out. I ran. I didn't stop until I got home. I ran to my room, locking all the doors, including the three deadbolts on my bedroom door.

I didn't go to school that day or the rest of the week. I ignored Lucas' calls. He came over to the house three times. I refused to acknowledge him. My dad got a call from the school. I hadn't been in school all week. I told him that I had the flu and would be going back to school on Monday. He asked about the attack. I told him I was fine. When he continued to push it, I told him that if he really cared he would be here. He said the usually; "I love you and I'll be home in a week." I told him I understood and apologized for my attitude. He said he loved me and that I need to get back to school.

It's been four weeks since Nathan and Haley's wedding, one week since I slept with Lucas and one week since Brooke took Lucas back. I could feel all eyes on me as I walked down the hallway. Everyone knew about the attack. They also all knew Brooke was cutting me out of her life for kissing her boyfriend. I looked like shit. I haven't been sleeping, and eating was just as difficult. As I rounded the corner to my locker I found Brooke and Lucas leaning against the lockers, and of course it was my locker. They were laughing and holding onto each other. It made me sick to watch.

"Excuse me." I say as I try to get to my locker. I wish I didn't need my history text. I looked at Brooke and said "Congratulations". I grabbed my books and tried to get away before Lucas said anything. I got about ten feet. "Peyton, wait". I figure that I would have to talk with him at some point, so I stopped. "Peyton" "Lucas" I start as I cut him off. "It's ok Lucas. You're with Brooke. You love Brooke and she loves you. You can't have us both. She won't let you. Just like Nathan and Haley had to pick a side, you do too. You chose Brooke. So, be happy and leave me alone." I turn around and enter the class as the teacher is beginning his lecture.

The rest of the day went by slowly, with Brooke and her gushing loudly about Lucas and Haley trying to talk to me. Luckily I have only one class with Haley. It's not that I don't want to talk to her, but Brooke and then I'm pushed out. It is just easier for Haley and me if she would just leave it alone.

I skip lunch and hide out in the art room. I was listening to music and drawing when someone stepped in front of the table. "I've been looking for you" he says as he takes a seat. "Well here I am" I respond. Nathan smirks "remember when we used to hide out in here when we were dating". My eyes meet his "yeah, you would be the only one that would know to look for me here." Nathan sits down in the chair across from me. "How have you been doing? I mean truthfully, how have you been doing?" I close my sketchbook, and look up. "Honestly, I've been better. Brooke is making my life hell and the entire town knows that I let a psycho stalker into my life and into my home." I gather my things and as we are walking to the door I add, "The worst of it is that it's my fault and I am learning to deal with that, it's just going to take some time." I turn and smile before I walk the other direction.

Later that day I find a note from Nathan in my locker. I smile as I read it and realize that maybe I am not totally alone.

Peyton,

I know things are difficult with Lucas and impossible with Brooke right now. You need to know that Haley and I are here for you. We want to be here for you.

Please let us,

Nathan.

I have cheerleading last hour of the day. Since it is a Phy-Ed credit I have to go, at least until next quarter. As I walk into the locker room, Brooke storms by me, pushing me into the lockers. I know that she is looking for a response from me, but I refuse to acknowledge her and continued to my locker.

"My man a waits" Brooke sings as she heads to the gym. Bevin looks at me, "Great, Nazi Cheer Captain is back. You really pissed her off. Now we're all screwed until she gets tired of this." All the other girls are looking at me when I hear Rachel "or Peyton quits". I look at each girl; most won't even look me in the eye. I grab my stuff and walk back out the door into the hallway.

Walking into the school office, I ask if Ms. Jackson is available. Ms. Jackson is my guidance counselor. "Just a second, Peyton" The secretary says as she walks into Ms. Jackson's office. "Peyton Sawyer, What can I do for you?" Ms. Jackson's says walking towards me. "I want to talk to you about my class schedule. Do you have time?" I ask while following her back to her office. "I sure do, have a seat. Now, what's wrong with your schedule?" she asks as I grab a seat. "I know that this sounds childish and that we all have to work with people we don't get along with, but I hope that you will understand. I need to quit cheerleading and I would like to switch out of period 6 cheerleading into another class." Ms. Jackson is observant. She sees many things in this school that go by most adults. I'm sure that she is aware of my relationship with Brooke, and her sudden hatred of me. This hatred seems to be leaking out and infecting my other relationships around the school.

"What's going on that you would want to give up cheerleading?" Ms. Jackson asks. "You've been a cheerleader since freshman year."

"Yeah" I answer. "I know that to you it sounds like "high school drama", but it's more than the typical teenage angst that adults play off as unimportant. I've had a hard year. I've haven't dealing well since I was attacked. Along with struggling with the attack, is being around Brooke. I'm sure you've heard that I have been cut out of her life and it seems she is making our friends choose sides as well. Considering that Brooke is Brooke, the most popular girl in school and she is quite demanding, most of the student body is siding with her and it's hard." I shift in my seat and continue "Having to participate in cheerleading will be miserable, not only for me but for the other girls too. Brooke takes out her anger on the others. They blame me and I just can't handle it. I didn't last more than 10 minutes in the locker room today. I know that this sounds childish and I should be strong enough to deal, but I'm not." I look up at Ms. Jackson, tears forming in my eyes. "Please, Ms. Jackson. Let me switch my class. I'll take whatever class is available; word working, auto shop, home economics."

Ms. Jackson opens her computer. "Peyton, I will allow you to change your class. I want you to know that I do understand how difficult it has been for you this year and I am not one of those adults that look at student's drama and play it off as "high school drama". Being a teen is hard enough without all of the events that you have gone through." She put down her pen and turned to face me. "One condition to the schedule change, I want you to talk to someone. Like you said, you are struggling right now and I think if you would work with someone it will help you get through this. You don't have to do it alone." She started shuffling papers on her desk. "This person can be one of the school psychologists here or we can find a doctor/counselor in the community. I have a friend, female and young that you might like. This is your choice. Meet with them one time, that's all I am asking. Just give it a try." I need to switch classes, so I answer "Yes, I will give it a try. I will work with whoever you want.

Ms. Jackson nods her head with a smile and turns back to her computer. "I will need to talk with your dad to get your insurance information. We will need to see which clinics accept your insurance."

Shit, my dad. "I, um.. my dad is away right now. You know works on a dredging boat and won't be back for a few weeks. I have all my insurance information. I can bring it in tomorrow." I say, hoping she will let the conversation with my dad go.

"Sounds good, bring it in tomorrow; now let us check out the open classes."

I discovered that if I get to school early enough, I can get my things from my locker and make it into my 1st period without having to walk through the packed hallways during morning social time.

Ms. Jackson put me in an art class, Basics of Watercolor. Due to my skill level and the fact that I am coming into class mid-way through the session, Mr. Hanks, the teacher is creating an independent project for me to complete. I have not had much experience with watercolor in the past, so I think it will be changeling and I am determined to enjoy it. My assignment is simple. Find something, a location, an object, or a person that gives me peace. I am determined to find something with I can truly find peace and happiness. I think this project will help pull me out of this funk.

The 1st day of class I walk into the art room and at the back table is Lucas. I completely forgot that he is in this class. Most basketball players have Phy-ed this period, like the cheer leaders'. Due to Lucas limited time on the court and his heart condition; he stayed in his 6th period class when he rejoined the team a few weeks back.

Of course the only stop open is next to Lucas. "Hey, is this seat taken?" I asked.

"Hi! No, it's yours" Lucas says as he moves his bag out of the chair. "What are you doing here? Don't you have cheer practice?" he asks as I sit down.

"I quit cheerleading" I say as I am pulling out the materials for class.

"You might find this class a bit easy, maybe even boring. You should see the art I am doing in here. It's very 3rd grade." Lucas says while pulling out his latest assignment.

"Nice, I like the colors. Good use of space." I say. He laughs and puts the painting back in his bin.

I go on to explain how Mr. Hanks is giving me an individual assignment. "Plus, I haven't used watercolors much and I think it will be changeling."

"Good, Listen Peyton. I'm sorry you feel that you had to drop out of cheering. I keep trying to get Brooke to let up about the kiss and forgive you. She's just being stubborn. I'm sure the other girls don't want you to quit, they'll want you to cheer with them. Don't you think…. " "No" I interrupt. "I don't think I should be in cheerleading, because Brooke has turned into Nazi Cheer Captain, again and it is because of me. It's not fair to the girls, so I'm back off. I have other things more pressing to deal with than trying to work things out with Brooke when she obviously isn't interested.

Lucas backs up a bit is his chair, putting his hands in the air. "OK, I surrender" he says while laughing. "I 'm glad you got into this class. I know that this is not the place, but I think we need to talk about what happened."

Luckily, Mr. Hanks decided to start class at that moment and I didn't have to respond. I can only pray that Lucas will forget what he said, but it never works that way.

Her name is Connie Fields. She's young, late twenty's, early thirty's. The office is very hip and comfortable. The walls are painted an earthy red, which provides a calming effect immediately. She has three possible chairs; I take the oversized armchair in the corner near the windows. She offers a drink then takes the chair opposite of me.

"You can call me Connie. "She starts. "Ms. Jackson has told me a little bit about you." I sigh and wonder what kind of things she has told her. "What, like I tried to steal my best friends boyfriend? Kissed home while I was bleeding to death on the library floor and now I am the school whore? My ex- best friend is slowly intimidating everyone to side with her, leaving me without my friends, not that I had a lot of close friends to start with." Connie waits until I am finished. "No, actually she told me that you recently lost your mom to breast cancer; you were involved in the school shooting and that you had another traumatic event that she felt was better if you told me. She smiled and looked out the window and continued. "Jessica, I mean, Ms. Jackson, says that you are smart, hard working and a good student; an amazing talent for art, especially drawing. You have a passion for music unlike anyone she knows." I smile "Yeah, I do love my music." "Ms. Jackson also said that you had an interest in a career in music or art." She looks over with a questioning expression. I nod. "I really don't know what I want" I mumble.

"While you have a long life ahead of you and plenty of time to make a decision or change careers several times if you wanted." I smile. Connie continued "Ms. Jackson was concerned enough to ask you to come see me. So, what I want from you is to relax and talk to me. Talk about anything you want. We can start deep, you can tell me what is bothering you the most or we can talk about various bands or the weather. You decide on the topic and we can change the subject anytime you want. Ok? I nod and respond "ok."

She continues to look at me. After a minute I state "I got tickets to see Elvis Costello at Southside Field for next Saturday." Connie shifts in her seat "Really? I have always liked him." "Yeah, 'My Aim is True' is the first album I purchased." I look down at my hands. "Of course I have two tickets and I can no longer go with the friend I was planning on going with. I guess I should give him his ticket, since he already paid me. I could give him both tickets. I don't have anyone to go with and he could take my ex-best friend."

We spent the rest of the time talking about music. It was nice to have someone to talk to. Connie is kind, relaxed and didn't push me to talk. On the way home I stopped by Lucas' house. I decided that I would give him the ticket. I figured I would go and see if he would show. I got to his door and just I as I raised my hand to knock, the door opened. Standing across from me is Brooke, giving me a look that actually has me wondering if I should just turn around and run. I don't want to deal with her, but I decided that I needed to be strong and stand my ground.

"What are you doing at my boyfriend's door?" she snarls. I sigh. "Is Lucas home?" I step back while Brooke walks out onto the porch. I'm not sure if I she's gonna hit me again. "No! So, why don't you leave before he gets back and embarrass you when he tells you that he no longer wants to talk with you." I turn to walk down the stairs and when I look up there is Lucas walking up the sidewalk. He lifts his head to connect his eyes with mine. I see the look of shock. I can tell he is also nervous about me being there with Brooke and him. "Um.. Peyton. Hey" He says as his eye's travel from me to Brooke. I quickly change my plans. "I just stopped to give you your ticket to Costello for next Saturday. You might as well take both. You have someone to go with." Low blow, I know. I hand him the tickets and walked away. "Peyton.. wait." He jogs down the steps. "You take the tickets. We got them because you wanted to see him." I turn around. "WTF" I scream. "Didn't you hear me? I HAVE NO ONE TO GO WITH!" I turn on my heels and walk away, slowly. As always, Lucas Scott stood on his sidewalk watching me walk away. I hear Brooke say, "Who's Costello?" I shake my head and keep walking.

I spent the rest of the night locked in my house. I'm in my room doing what I do every night. Listening to music; completing my homework and drawing. I finished my history assignment and was going to move onto English when I heard someone in the house. I've kept all the doors locked and have removed the hidden key. So, I start freaking out. The handle on my door moves. Thank god I have the dead bolts, I think to myself. I pull out my cell and am ready to call 911 when I hear him. "Peyton, what's going on? Open the door." I sigh in relief. It's my dad. I jump off to the bed and unlock the 3 deadbolt locks. Opening the door I smile and say. "Hi" He just looks at me. "Peyton, you lied." I'm shocked. "What?" He moves closer and holds my head between his hands. "You're not fine. You said you were fine." I let me pull me into a hug as the tears begin to roll down my face. He holds me for a few minutes, and then pulls back. "I'm going to go downstairs and order us dinner. You clean up and meet me in the living room." I give him a small smile. "Ok.. Dad, I'm glad your home." Me too Peyton, me too."

Twenty minutes later, the pizza arrives and we are in the living room, eating in silence. "Talk to me Peyton. What's going on?" I place my pizza down on my plate. "Dad, I am ok. Really, I am. I just still feel scared at times when I am alone in the house." He nods his head. "I thought you were staying at Karen's?" Great how do I answer this? "No, there's just not enough room. Plus Lucas and Brook are together and I just can't stay there anymore. Brooke and I are fighting. No, actually we're not friends anymore." He takes a drink of his beer. "Ok. Didn't know that. Why are you and Brooke not friends?" How do the answer that. Tell me the truth or not answer. I decide that I should just be honest. "I.. I kissed Lucas.. It was during the school shooting. I thought I was dying. So, I kissed him and told him I loved him. Brooke found out. We're not friends anymore." I left out the part of me confessing my feelings for Lucas. "Oh, honey." The look on his face is it sadness for me and the situation, or is it disappointment that I kissed a boy that wasn't mine to kiss. "I'm sorry dad. I know you're disappointed in me. I'm disappointed in me. I should've kissed him." I start to cry again. He grabbed my hand. "I understand Peyton. I'm not disappointed in you. I am disappointed in Brooke a little bit." He looks in the eyes. "but, not you." I lean over and hug him. We finished our dinner and watched TV. As I tried to sleep, I debated whether I should tell my dad what happened.. tell him everything?

It's Thursday, my dad has been in town for couple of days. He told me today that he has to leave on Saturday. Since his first night home things have been good. We have been hanging out at night, having dinner, watching TV while I finish my schoolwork. It's almost as if we were a normal family. I still have not said anything about the attack.

The nights have gotten better. I am sleeping better, having him in the house. I am haven't locked my door since he has been home. We'll see if I can keep it unlocked after he leaves. The nightmares still come, but I haven't awoken screaming for Lucas, at least not until last night.

I woke up screaming. My dad ran into my room, trying to wake me from my dream.

"Peyton, honey… wake up. It's just a dream." He grabs my shoulder trying to shake me from the nightmare. I continue to cry out for help, begging for him to stop.

"Please stop. Don't hurt me. Please Derek.. You don't want to do this. No.. No.. No.. " I then scream "Lucas!" As I scream I jolt awake from the noise.

Sitting up in bed, I am disoriented. My dad pulls me into a hug. "Peyton, it's ok.. It's dad.. I'm here." He continues to hold me, whispering "I'm here. You're safe. I love you. He isn't going to get you, he is in jail."

I'm slowly regaining control out my breathing. My dad pulls back out of our embrace. "How about some hot chocolate?" he asked. I nod my respond and he helps me stand. I follow him down the stairs and into the kitchen. I take a seat at the table and watch him take out the ingredients to make the hot chocolate. We drank in silence as the sun began to rise. He offered me the chance to stay home. I thanked him for the hot chocolate and for being there for me and declined saying that I had a test in English that I couldn't miss. He didn't ask about the nightmare, and I didn't offer any information. He knows that it is better for him to wait until I bring it up, otherwise I won't ever talk about it.

I get another hour of sleep before getting up to go to school. My dad is asleep on the couch when there is a knock on the door. He rises to answer it.

"Hey, Mr. Sawyer" the familiar voice floats up the stairs.

"Hi Haley, how have you been?" He asks as he moves aside to let her in the house.

"I'm doing well. We're getting ready for the championship game tomorrow. Are you going to be able to come with Peyton?" Haley asked.

He looks up the stairs as I am coming down. "I guess Peyton forgot to tell me"

I grab my bag off the table. "I didn't forget. I'm not going, so no reason to ask you to come with."

"Why wouldn't you go Peyton? Aren't you cheering?"

Shit. I forgot to tell him I dropped out of cheerleading. "No, I am not cheering anymore. Listen.. I gotta get to school. I will talk to you about it later today when I get home. Which I will be a little late, because I have an art project I need to work on after school." I turn to Haley "you need a ride to school or are you here to see my dad?"

She smiles "As much as I like talking to your dad, I'm here for you. I'm ready, lets go. Bye Mr. Sawyer."

My dad opens the door for us. "Bye Haley.. Bye Peyton, I love you."

"I love you too, Dad. See you later" and I am out the door.

Haley jumps into the car, as I slide the key into the ignition and pull out into the street. She looks over at me. I know she wants to talk, but isn't sure how to start.

"What is it Haley?" I ask stopping at a red light.

"I think you should come to the game and cheer." She looks for my response.

"No, Haley. First of all I quit and your cheer captain wouldn't let me join you for the day. Most importantly.. I don't want to go. I have other things I need to do." I answer as I pull into parking lot. "Thanks for asking me. Now I've got to run to the art room and collect my project materials. Less time spent with Lucas in the room the better. See you later Hales."

"Yeah, see you later…and Peyton." I turn to face her. "Just think about coming tomorrow. I'll talk to Brooke and the other girls." I nod and walk into the school while Haley stops to talk to Brooke at the entrance.

The rest of the day at school was good. Since my 5th period is study hall, and the last period is my art class, I was able to leave at lunch to work on my project. I drove out to the spot that I choose to paint and worked until four. This was the first time I have been out here to work on the painting and I have to admit that I am happy with what I produced.

My dad was bringing groceries into the house when I arrived at home. I grabbed a couple of bags out of the car and followed him into the house.

"How was school?" he asked shoving items into the fridge.

I climb slide onto the counter. "It was adequate. I used my study hall time during 5th period to work on my art project, so I left school at lunch. I'm pretty happy with what I produced. Oh, and I think I did well on my English test." I jump down from the counter. "I better go grab my stuff from the car." I walk out of the room to the front door when I hear my dad call.

"Peyton, I'm glad you had a good day. What do you say to chicken on the grill tonight?"

"Sounds good dad" I reply as I run out the door.

After dinner I am working on a sketch that is part of my project for art when my dad enters the living room.

"Peyton, I need to talk to you." He sits down in the chair next to me.

"Ok, I'm listening." I close my sketchbook and place it next to me on the couch.

"I'm worried about you." He states, talking slow and cautious, not wanting to set me off about their decision. "I think that you need to move in with Karen while I am gone. I talked to her today and we both agree that it is for the best."

He was right to be cautious. "For the best?" I repeat. "The best for whom?...You?" I ask starting to stand up. "So, you can go out to sea and not have to deal with my shit? Just pawn me off on someone else? Karen's? How can you even suggest her house? You know the situation with Brooke, Lucas and me and yet you want to put me in the middle of it 24/7? Just leave, go do your job. It's what you've done since mom died. I will be ok, I always find a way and this time won't be any different." I grab my books and head to my room. I lock the door and dro wn out the rest of the world for the night, listening to my music, which for a change coming in through my ear buds, so I don't bother my dad.

I woke early on Friday morning. I hear my dad down stairs in the kitchen. I am dreading the conversation that needs to take place. I know I said things last night that hurt him. I just can't seem to control my emotions lately and it is starting to worry me.

I put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and head to the kitchen. Walking passed my dad's room; I see his duffle bag on his bed, ready to repack for his job. I walk down the stairs and find my dad cooking eggs and bacon.

"Morning, Dad." I say as I pull out a glass and grab the orange juice out of the fridge.

"Morning, Peyton." He responds pulling a couple of plates from the cupboard and loading them up with eggs, bacon and toast. "Take a seat and have breakfast before you head to school for the day."

"Oh, we don't have school today. State Championship game." I take the plate and set it in front of me. "I planned on working on my art project. I have a lot of finish since I transferred into this class mid-term." After a beat I add "or we could hang out; do something together outside of the house, but I have an appointment this afternoon."

"I would like that. We can do anything you want…. I do think we should talk about last night." He says, as he looks me in the eye. I can tell he is worried, and a bit hurt.

"I know… I'm sorry Dad. I didn't mean to say those things to you." He puts his fork down and interrupts me.

"Peyton, I want you to listen to me. You have every right to tell me how you feel. I am not disappointed in you and you are right I have not been here for you like I should. I want you to know that there is no other reason than that we need the money this job pays. I love you and I promise you that after this job, I will only take day trips and I will stay in Tree Hill until your graduation and you get settled somewhere in the fall."

I shake my head. "Dad that is not what I want. I do understand. I know that you love me and if you could, you would only take day trips, but you have wanted to save money to send me to college, which I still don't know what my plans are. There are only a few months until I graduate after that I will be gone, so I don't want you to change your scheduled jobs. Ok?"

He smiles and says "Ok". Knowing that he will not change my mind and it is not worth arguing about. "So, what is it you want to do today, Chicken?"

I move to the sink and rinse the plates and place them in the dishwasher. "Actually, I have an appointment. Now don't get too excited, I just thought I would check it out." My dad gives me the look that says just spit it out. "My appointment is with the Art Department at UNC (University of North Carolina). It's at 3pm, so we have time to look around the campus. Will you come with me?"

He moves towards me. "There is no other place I would rather go. Thanks for asking me to come along."

"Chop, Chop then, the morning is a wasting and it's a 2 ½ hour drive to Chapel Hill." I yell I run up the stairs to my room.

Three hours later we are pulling into the parking lot in front of admissions office.

"We have a few hours before your meeting. Should we go check out the student union? I bet they have a book store and we can find some lunch." My dad says as he shuts the door and walks to my side of the car.

"Um, sure. Yeah that sounds good." I reply grabbing my bag from the backseat.

We walk to the doors of the admissions building when my dad speaks. "You seem nervous, Peyton. You ok?"

"Yeah, I am a bit nervous. I mean.. I am a little scared that they will think I'm not good enough to attend their program. I maybe one of the better artist at Tree Hill, but there's not much competition at the high school. I haven't even had professional classes, just what they offer at the school and what I have studied myself."

He puts his arms around my shoulder and sighs. "Peyton, Peyton. Stop second-guessing yourself. You're going to knock their socks off. Plus, they wouldn't have scheduled to meet with you if they weren't impressed with the work that you submitted."

"Thanks Dad. Look there's the book store and the food court. Do you want to check it out or get lunch first?"

"I'm starving; I want to check out the food situation." He says laughing as we towards the restaurants.

We spent the next two hours chatting while we ate; we walked around campus a bit and ended our time in the bookstore, where my dad made me buy a UNC t-shirt. He said that I might as well buy one now, so I will have it to wear the first day of school in the fall. I just smiled and handed him the shirt adding "Just because I let you buy me this shirt doesn't mean I am coming here in the fall. I mean, I may decide not to go to college… ok?" He nodded and headed to the cash register.

As I sat in the passage seat, next to my dad as we drove back to Tree Hill, I began to think that this could be a great move for me, to come to UNC in the fall. The interview went great. Mr. Jackman, a university professor in the Art Studio Department, was impressed with my work and said that they would be thrilled to have me in their program. Even with my late application, he felt that I would be accepted into the program for fall term.

The Studio Art program has everything I want, courses that encourage the development of technical skills and a personal creative vision; learn how to find creative solutions to problems and how to express my individuality. They also have an Art History program I could take part in some of their courses, along with a business management program that would come in handy if I decide to pursue in my dream of opening an art studio, or even a newer dream of opening a record label. So many things are running through my mind right now that I trying not to show my excitement.

One problem I have is that UNC is also the school that Lucas was planning to attend. I'm not sure how that would affect me, having him close and I am sure if he comes then Brooke will be at UNC too. I remember her talking a few months ago how UNC had a business management program that would be a great degree that she would need running her Clothes over Bros' clothing line. This would be an issue when I also would be working on a business degree along with the art degree.

As we pulled into the driveway, my decision was to apply to UNC. I am not going to put off my dreams because I am scared or because there is a possibility of having to deal with Brooke for the next 4 years while attending the same college. It's a big university and I should be able to live my life and learn to be strong and independent, at least I already have a head start on the independent part.

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