Disclaimer: All belongs to the great one called Janet Evanovich, with the exception of this plot.

Oh so often people tend to break into my apartment and every once in a while one of those people threaten my life. But lately everything has been quiet. No break ins, no threats, no dead bodies sitting on my couch or moltov cocktails, all a little too unusual for me. My name is Stephanie Plum and I'm into law enforcement. I do the jobs the cops can't. I hunt down the felons who fail to appear at court and drag them off to jail. I suppose my official title would be bond enforcement agent or bounty hunter.

My mentor and sometimes partner in bed Ranger broke into my apartment every week or so but he hasn't been around for a midnight visit in 3 weeks and my on again off again boyfriend, if you could call him that, Joe Morelli hasn't been around since the last break up, which was a month ago. This is all a little unusual for me.

The annoying buzzing of the alarm started. God damn it! What was I thinking last night. It's 7:00 am. I rolled my ass out of my bed and dragged it directly to the shower where I let the shower massager distract me for a good 20 minutes before I forced myself out. I got dressed in my usual jeans, tank top and flannel over.

I walked into the office at 9 o'clock. Lula wasn't there yet. Connie was behind her desk, hair teased to the max, heavy make up, deep V-neck red top. She looked up from painting her nail and waved in greeting. "Hey there. I have a pile of FTAs for you." Then she waved to the pile at the edge of the table.

There must have been about 3 files in the pile, without Ranger around it was up to me to get all the FTAs in. I've been lucky so far since the last incident, I haven't run into any psychos or rapists or psycho rapist for that matter. I picked up the files and flipped through them. My lucks run out, I have a DUI, assault with a deadly weapon, and a grand theft auto. I was pretty sure I could handle the DUI and the grand theft auto but the assault?

Suck it up Stephanie Plum, you are a big bad bounty hunter. You can handle this. Who am I kidding! I wish Ranger was here.

"Any word about Ranger?" I asked Connie.

"Not yet. You hear anything?" she asked as she gave me a significant look.

"Hear what?" Lula had just walked in. She was in Hot pink Spandex pants, a two sizes too small light pink low cut top and her hair this week was sporting the same color as her pants.

"Ranger's a no show. I was just asking Stephanie if she's heard anything." Connie told Lula.

"Well?" Lula turned to me.

I sighed. "I haven't gotten word."

Lula looked closer at me. She eyed me and sighed herself. "She's not lying."

"Well I'm off." I quickly said before they started any interrogations about my relationship with Ranger. The truth is, even I don't know what kind of relationship I had with Ranger. There was the once in a while smoochies and that oh so wonderful night of animal sex, but apart from that we were strictly working friends maybe even good friends. Right?

I pondered this while I got into my latest car, a silver Toyota Highlander. I sat in the car for a minute as I looked at my latest cases. I decided to go with the DUI first. John Smith. How original! I looked at the photo, he looked to be around 40, showing signs of balding and graying. He was pale and obviously on something when the picture was taken. I read his file, he was 43, 5'8", 180 pounds, lived in the burg? I didn't recognize the address. I started the engine, pulled out and drove towards the burg anyway.

Minutes later I was driving up and down Chamburg St. Sure enough the address was a fake. I can't believe Vinnie allowed this guy to bond out. I'll ask Grandma Mazur about this guy when I stop in for dinner. Chocolate cake for desert!

As I sat in the car I considered my options. It was too early for lunch, I didn't really want to go looking for another FTA this early, I could go back to the office. But what I really wanted to do was find out where Ranger was and when he was coming back and if I wanted to know this I was going to have to go to the one place that I knew there would be people with this information.

I sat in my car outside the Rangeman Building thinking if I should really go in. I was deep in thought when I was startled by a knock on my window. My hand went to my chest and then I slowly let my breath out as I realized it was Tank standing by my window. I put my window down and smiled at Tank.

"Hi." I said cheerily and he gave a slight nod and stared, waiting for me to explain myself.

"Uh… I was wondering. Have you heard from Ranger?"

He stared a moment longer and responded. "No." He looked a little hesitant.

"Well do you know when he'll be back?" I tried again.

"No." I thought there was something going on but I wasn't about to push.

"Well then, I'll be going." Well that was helpful. I put my window up again and pulled away from the Rangeman building. Since I skipped breakfast I was getting hungry and so I pulled into the McDonalds drive-thru and ordered a large friend and a large Diet Coke. I parked in the parking lot and I began to eat while flipping through my next case. I decided the moment I picked up the files I'd be procrastinating on the assault case as long as possible so here I was reading the grand theft auto file.

Hmm… Derrick Days had no priors. He was 26, 6'2", 260 pounds, lived on Stark St. right around where Lula lived. I wondered if Lula knew who he was. I finished my fries and drove back to the office.

I poked my head into the office and called out to Lula.

"Yo Lula. Wanna ride shot gun?"

"Who you after, girl?" She asked suspiciously.

"Derrick Days?"

"What? Gimme a minute." She went straight to the filing cabinet and gave the bottom draw a sound kick, it popped open and out came a Lula's glock. I sighed, no point asking her to leave it at the office. I walked out the office with her a step behind. We both got in the car and drove towards Stark.

"So what he done now?"

"I assume you know him?"

"I know his mother. So what he done?"

"Grand theft auto." I provided.

"His momma probably doesn't know a thing. He probably missed his date with court so his momma won't find out. I'll get him out of that place."

We pulled up in front of his house and sat there staring. "This is it." We both got out of the car and walked up the steps of a falling apart building to the second floor apartment. Lula knocked on the door. We could here the sounds of someone moving around on the other side of the door. We held our breaths and then someone opened the door. It was Derrick Days in boxers and a t-shirt, looking like he just woke up.

"Lula?" He asked and then stared at me. "Shit." He said suddenly realizing who I was. There weren't many people left on Stark that didn't know me after the Slayer incident.

"Derrick Days, you're momma know you got caught stealing a car?" Lula asked him sternly.

"Lula," he almost whined.

"Get you're ass ready, you're going to reschedule or your momma gonna find about this."

He grumbled as he walked back into the house to put on more clothes. He left the door opened, good sign he wasn't going to run. Good, 'cause I was in no mood to chase. Minutes later, he was outside ready and we guided him to my car. He got in the back no with no fight and sat quietly as we drove to the cop shop. We dropped him off, I called Vinnie to bond him out again and I got a body receipt worth a hundred dollars. I know pathetic, but small bonds are usually fairly safe. No one shooting at me, no psychos trying to rape and murder me. All very good qualities in small bonds. The only fault being they were small. On our way out I ran into Carl Constanza on his way in.

"Hey Carl," I waved at him.

"Hey Steph, bringing in bad guys?" He smirked.

"Something like that. Hey Carl, have you seen Morelli around?"

"He's been out of town on a case for three weeks now."

"What?"

"I thought you knew."

"Well I did, I just didn't think he was going to be gone this long. I thought he was avoiding me or something. But isn't this a little strange? Three weeks seems like a long time. He's never been gone this long before."

"The talk was that he was on a big case."

"Do you know what it was about?"

"Sorry Steph, its all hush hush. I haven't heard anything."

"Well thanks anyway Carl." I said bye and caught up with Lula at the car.

After the drop off we went back to the office. While Lula went into the office I went next door to Fiorelli's Deli and picked up some subs for us and walked back to the office. I handed Lula a sub then handed Connie my body receipt and a sub. I sat down on the lumpy couch and dug into my sub.

"How did it go?" Connie asked as she wrote out my check and then started on her own sub.

"Great!" Lula responded. "Derrick is more afraid of his mother finding out than the cops."

I finished eating my sub fast, got my check from Connie and bolted. I got in my car wondering where to go next. I started the car up and drove off. I drove on autopilot back to my apartment.

I took the elevator up to the second floor and into my apartment no problems. I locked and deadbolted the door behind me. The room was filled with the noise of Rex running on his wheel. He stopped for a moment when he heard me get closer and twitched his whiskers. I walked into the kitchen, got him a couple of grapes and dropped it into his cage. He stuffed it into him mouth.

"What do you think is going on Rex?" I asked him. "Ranger's gone, Morelli's gone." Rex twitched his whiskers disapprovingly. "It's not about the sex I'm missing out on. I'm concerned here. Rex blink a 'yeah right' stuffed the other grape into his mouth and tucked back into his can.

"What I asked him? Don't you believe me?" I sighed. I don't blame him. The shower massager has become a close friend since both men took off from my life. But I really was concerned about the men. Really.

I grabbed the cordless from the kitchen, walked to my room, took off my shoes and flopped back onto my bed spread eagle, thinking position. I don't know anything about what's going on. I dialed Eddie Gazarra.

"Gazarra."

"Hey Eddie."

"Stephanie. I don't know anything."

"I haven't even asked anything yet."

"You're calling about Morelli right?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then I got nothing."

I gave a heavy sigh at this. "Don't you even know where he went?"

"Nope." He paused. I heard muffled talk on the other end. "Listen Steph I have to go right now. I'll see what I can dig up, but no promises."

"Thanks Eddie." Click. He hung up.

Think Stephanie think! Did Morelli say anything before he left? While lying on my back I dozed off. When I woke up it was 5:30. I have to be at my parents at six. I dragged my ass out of bed and into the bathroom. I stepped in front of the mirror and stifled a scream. My hair had gone wild during the nap. I pulled it back into a pony tail.

I wasn't pumped up about looking good, so I decided what I had on was good enough and was on my way to my parents.

When I got to my parents, Mom and Grandma Mazur were waiting outside for me. I looked at the time 5:58. Ha! I made it. I scrambled out of the car to the front door where my mom waited.

"In now." My mother commanded and guided us inside.

My sister was already there with her daughters and Kloughn. My father was sitting at the dinning table ready to eat, Grandma talking to Kloughn about one of her friends who broke her hip at the mall. Kloughn was offering to represent her friend in a law suit against the mall. Suddenly Grandma noticed me come in.

"Stephanie! Catch any bad guys today."

"Yep. One." I answered her.

"Did you shoot him?"

My mother came in laid the last dish on the table and crossed herself. Dad took the roasted potatoes and began serving himself.

"Grandma, have you heard of a John Smith in the burg." I asked Grandma Mazur.

She thought about it for a second. "No, can't say that I have. Is he another one of those bad guys you're chasing? What did he do?"

"Nothing big, just a DUI."

"Darn, I was looking forward to the next time we went bounty hunting. I just got a new gun."

My mother's eyes went wide at this and she crossed herself again and mumbled something under her breath which sounded something like 'god help us all.'

"I have a picture of him in my bag somewhere." I made to stand up.

"Stephanie. Sit." My mother ordered.

Diner passed fairly quietly. No big incidents. When my mother went to go get the desert, chocolate cake and ice cream. I got my purse and pulled out John Smith's file. I detached the picture and passed it to grandma. "Do you recognize him?" Mom walked in with the desert and gave a scowl at the activity but continued to serve us.

She looked at it carefully. "No. Can't say that I do."

Kloughn peeked over Grandma's shoulder. "That's not John Smith." He said.

This was a surprise. Kloughn wasn't exactly the brightest bulb in Vegas which is why when useful information comes out of his moth it surprises me.

"No. I don't know him." He frowned. "But I'm sure that his name isn't John Smith." I sighed. He knew nothing. "He comes to the Laundromat next door. He filled out a complaint form once. I bet I can find it, then you'll have a name." I beamed at Kloughn, I almost wanted to hug the dough boy. "I'll give you a call if I see him there again."

I finished desert and drove back to my building. Today wasn't all a waste of time. I made some petty cash and found out some information on a FTA. When I got to my apartment, I was exhausted, not that I did anything strenuous, so I went straight for my bed after saying good night to Rex, who was already asleep in his can.