Author's note: this idea suddenly came to me while I was bored, trying to listen to music in my dusty and oh so noisy apartment (its under renovation now .) oh wells.. sorry for not updating with any new one shots lately and stuff~ its midyears now and I'm super busy :3 forgive me please with cherries on top please? : okok~ on to the story~
Summary: It felt like a thousand bullets going through my heart.. Her with him, him with her. My heart couldn't take it anymore. Jealousy,betrayal… it was something I never thought I would have ever felt... Hotaru's point of view. R&R one shot.
Hidden
She loves me… she loves me not… she loves me… she loves me not…she loves me….
Hotaru's POV
Mikan. We had been friends since kindergarten. We shared our woes, happiness and probably everything we had with each other. She was just a friend… until I don't know when I started feeling something weird for her… At first, it was just the "normal" urge to want to see her more and more, or at least I thought it was normal since we were practically like sisters. However the more I saw her, the more I had the urge to do something different. Her hair, I just wanted to touch it. For a moment it seemed so silky, soft. Her smile, she was like an angel. It could have light up this whole city. Her lips.. they looked so kissable… I don't know, I guess she was just different from all my other friends. I wanted to know more about her, know more about her day, her life, her everything. It even came to a point where I started stalking her in secret. I don't know… I really just don't know…
I always knew I was partially bisexual, but... Mikan? Seriously? It was almost impossible for me to believe. My best friend, my best friend in the whole wide world. Yet I was going to ruin our friendship with my crazy ass heart and head longing for her, lusting. It was probably all in my head, I thought. Maybe, I was working too much that my brain had fried, maybe I was just single too long, maybe I just needed to get a boyfriend. There I spent more than a month trying to find the perfect guy. Yet it was almost impossible. Mikan was on my mind 24/7. I tried, I really tried, even to the point of losing my virginity to some sex crazy maniac boy. However thoughts on how Mikan would look- naked, filled my mind during that little fling. It was crazy, I couldn't help myself but to crave for Mikan more and more. Mikan… I knew this crazy feeling would scare her away. But I just wanted her to be mine.
Then came the unforgiving day when Mikan came running to me in her excited voice telling me that she got a boyfriend. Why? It felt like a thousand bullets penetrating through my heart. Who was the bastard that stole her heart from me? I knew that I had no rights to be jealous, however the feeling wouldn't go away… Putting my stalking skills to use, I followed Mikan around from the start of school till the end of the day. Only to find out that her beloved was no other than Natsume Hyuuga- the infamous player in our school who was known to change girlfriends every week. I gave a sly laugh. Soon, Natsume would have broken up with her and I would be the one to comfort her and be there for her. Yet amazingly, as the weeks past, they'd never broke up as I waited in jealousy. Impatient, I tried all methods to break those two lovebirds up but I guess it fate never meant for them to separate…
Finally, I knew it was time to give up. My feelings for Mikan, my heart and soul… it was to be kept with me and only me. No one else would ever find out about it… My heart hurt every time I saw them together. Hatred would flow through me, yet every time I saw Mikan smiling brightly, a deep yet remorseful feeling would feel me. Did I really want to break them up? Did I really want Mikan to lose her smile? My heart stopped beating instantly. I wanted to forget all of these feelings, I just wanted to empty my head… slowly and slowly… the world started to be a blur. My head emptied, as I slowly fell deeper and deeper…
Sorry Mikan… I love you…