Cracks In Everything
By Maddy

Summary: After Graduation, Buffy keeps having weird dreams about there being cracks in everything…B/A.
Rating: PG13 for the angst.
Spoilers: The first 3 seasons of Buffy to be on the safe side.
Timeline: About 2 weeks after Graduation Day.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, but the plot and the actual piece of writing itself.
Feedback: Please give me feedback, I'd love to hear from you.
Author's Notes: There is angst, so beware if you don't like that.

My attacker looked up at the night sky. I didn't think anything of it, but the demon was no longer trying to kill me now, that I thought was strange.

"Hey, are we going to fight to the death, or what?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" it snarled, taking his gaze off the sky and back onto me.

"It's kinda my job," I said with a shrug.

"It's more than that. whose death are we fighting to. Mine?" it grinned, "or yours?"

"Yours."

"But then the pain wouldn't stop. You'll still be alone. He left you, remember."

"This isn't about him. This is about-"

"It's always about him. It will always be about Angel-"

"Don't say his name, you have no right."

It looked back at the sky, this time I looked up as well. The dark bluish-black sky had large cracks running through it in lightning speed. I sucked in a breath.

"There's cracks in everything, you know. There always has been-"

"But he's left before," I said, trying to understand. "With Acathla…"

"You were dealing with grief and guilt. Now you have to deal with being alone. Loneliness is the scariest thing in the world. Or don't you remember that?"

"Shut up!"

It laughed. "Now you're all alone. When your heart is broken, you see cracks in everything."

Then the sky fell.

I bolted awake. I sat up, my breathing erratic. I tried to take a few deep breaths I only got one before I stared to cry. I'd been crying a lot lately, ever since he left town. The dark looming clouds shadows of loneliness had begun to completely envelope me. Angel was right after all, loneliness is the scariest thing in the world.

In the midst of my cries and tears I laughed harshly at how my life had turned out. I know that I may still be swimming in the pool of self-pity, but now that I'm alone and have to start the rest of my life without him, I think I deserve to feel sorry for myself.

I turned on my light, looked at the upside-down lampshade for a moment, realising that it's the perfect metaphor for my life: it's been turned upside-down. The clock radio beside my bed told me it was earlier, or later, than I thought: 12:17am it read.

I decided to go patrolling. Ever since Graduation I hadn't left the house other to go patrolling – which I did every night without fail – and bagged me over two dozen vamps in the two weeks so far in the Slaying-spree. I called Giles every few days with an update, I know that he's not my Watcher and that I no longer 'work' for the Council. But it's Giles and I still want his opinion on anything weird.

But each time I would ring, he'd tell me to take a break from the Slaying. Each time I would say that it was my job to stake the blood suckers and I wasn't going to have a break, since I knew they wouldn't.

Plus I couldn't sit at home moping about Angel, I had to do something to keep my mind off him. So far, nothing has worked. Angel is still my waking thought, I think about him when I patrol and when I go to sleep, and to make matters worse I keep having really odd dreams, abut him and there being cracks in everything.

Now that my heart is broken…

I felt another onslaught of tears, no, don't cry. You just stopped and you're going on patrol now, so you can't cry. I told myself, but I felt something wet fall on my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and blinked back the remaining unfallen tears.

After getting changed into some more Slay-friendly clothes, I grabbed 2 stakes and 1 wooden cross. I stood in front of the mirror and starred long and hard at the necklace around my neck…the cross necklace Angel had given me the first day we met. My first gift from him, I wore another: my Claddagh ring.

The day after Graduation, I went to the mansion half hoping that he was still there waiting for me so that he could tell me he wasn't going anywhere. But he was gone, a lot of his stuff was gone as well. But in his bedroom I found his bed still there and it was made up with fresh linen, and on the base of the bed was a note and an envelope. The note didn't say much:

To my dearest Buffy,

I should have given this back to you a long time ago. I'll always belong to you, so I'll be wearing mine with the heart pointing towards me.

I love you, Angel.

In the envelope was my Claddagh ring. I never knew he found it after he came back from Hell. We never talked about either of our rings. But I always figured that his was left in Hell, so I don't know how he could be wearing his with the heart pointed towards him – because he belongs to me – when he doesn't have it anymore.

Though, he might have bought himself a new one, but I realise that it doesn't matter. We'll belong to each other with or without rings, but I haven't taken the ring off since. I'm glad it still means the world to me. I lifted my hand and inspected the ring. The hands holding a crowned heart…with the heart pointing towards me…

It means you belong to someone…

I haven't been back to the mansion since, but when I found my ring, I curled up on his bed and cried myself to sleep, holding a pillow tight in my arms. I wish it were him I was falling asleep with. But it wasn't, it wasn't and it's killing me.

I gave myself a shake, "you're strong." I told my reflection, "and you're going to be fine. You're the Slayer and you're going to get through this." I could have sworn my reflection laughed at me.

I climbed out the window, being quiet as usual and begun walking to the normal vampire hunting grounds, i.e.: Restfield Cemetery, Weatherly Park and I'd swing by the main streets of Sunnydale to make sure no vamps were lurking in any alleyways.

50 minutes later I was dusting vampire ash off my jacket. Well, that's vampire no. 2 over and done with. The first one wasn't a newbie, but he wasn't too hard to get rid of, but vamp no. 2 was a newbie and had gloated before we started to fight that he knew karate. Well, he did. I welcomed the challenge, but he's dust like all the others.

I slid the stake up my sleeve for safe-keeping and continued to walk through the darkness that was Restfield Cemetery. I strolled along the path, feeling quite at home among the dead, I am a Slayer after all. Death is our life. But the graveyard was also filled with memories of Angel. Hours spent making out when we should have been hunting the evil undead.

It was in a cemetery that I told him: "when I look into the future, all I see is you…all I want is you." He replied: "I know the feeling." And it was in a sewer that I repeated my promise: "I want my life to be with you." And he replied: "I don't."

I don't…

I sighed and sat down on a wooden park bench, twirling one of the 2 stakes in my hands. There was a street lamp only a few feet from the bench. Can street lamps be called street lamps when they're not near a street?

There were two vamps nearby. I'm not sure if they are aware that I knew they were there. But I'm not worried about two vamps, unless they're better than I am or lucky enough to kill me, then I'll worry.

I stood up as one of the vamps rushed at me from the darkened woods in front of me. That was the last mistake you'll ever make, I mused as I side-stepped him and staked him in the back as he kept running.

"It's not my fave way, but it still has the same effect." I quipped as the vampire turned to dust. It's true, I don't like staking them through the back, there's a higher chance of missing the heart. Not that I've ever missed since my first vamp. Hey, I was new.

I kept my guard up, waiting for the other vampire to show itself. I could sense that it was still lingering in the shadows. It then showed itself, damn blood suckers, I thought bitterly.

He didn't rush me, I got impatient with him circling me, so I attacked him first. He's good, I thought as he blocked two of my punches. He got a couple of connects, but I bit back just as hard. I revelled with the knowledge that I was gaining the upper hand, then suddenly the tables turned and I was having trouble blocking his attacks…and before I knew what had happened, my arms were pinned to my side, my back was against the vampire's chest and in an instant he sank his teeth into my skin and tore my neck out.

Whose death are we fighting to? Yours or mine?

Mine.

Angel!

The End.

Thanks for reading, you know the deal R and R. Maddy.