A/N: If you haven't seen the Promo's for Always, stop right here. This story is based on those and what's gone through my head since watching them.

Disclaimer: I'm just another dedicated (*snorts*) fan.

FREE FALL

I'm holding on. I'm trying to stay because you asked me to. You asked me to stay with you. You're not here to tell me again, you're not here next to me because I didn't allow you to be this time. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It hurts so much. My body is aching, I hit my head. My scar from the surgery – all those sessions with Roger helped but it's still there, and it hurt from stretching so much. My body reacted; my left hand isn't helping me stay anymore. It's just my right. It's just the few fingers that are keeping me with you – but not with you. I can't stay awake anymore. Maybe that's good. Maybe it'll hurt less. "Rick, I love you".

Just before it all went dark; I could feel it – the free fall. My arm still stayed stretched, as if still trying, still grasping onto air, hoping that would be enough. My hair flew up, near my ears and above, like flames rising to the sky. I closed my eyes, just a second of peace and it would be over. And then it went dark.

I didn't think it would hurt so much to be in heaven – did I even make it there? I don't know where I am, come to think of it. It's all blurry and my eyes are still shut. I think I hear someone calling out my name but – it hurts so much. I can feel it, without seeing it. There are cuts on my arms, my fingers hurt from trying to carry all my weight. My head hurts like a bomb blew off in there. It must be bruised, from where I hit the building just before… and my side hurts. Oh God, it hurts so much. Why does it hurt so much? Isn't the pain supposed to end?

And my cheek hurts – why does my cheek hurt? I didn't even hit it anywhere. "Kate", I hear, "Kate, wake up." Wake up? It doesn't work that way, Espo. Espo? What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here, did he get you too?

"Javi?" I can hear myself, and it's slurred and … but where am I?

"Yeah boss. I'm here. The paramedics are on the way. I need you to wake up, okay? Open your eyes."

I'm trying, I'm trying. I can – paramedics? They have paramedics here?

"What happened?", I ask him and it's raspy. It's taking me so much effort to open my eyes, but I did it. Heaven – or wherever I am, looks very much like New York.

"You fought with him; he must've thrown you off the building. I was climbing up the fire escape. He got away but I think Gates was chasing him, I don't know. I was kinda busy trying to save you for the hundredth time. You really need to stop almost dying, boss. It's getting exhausting. Or get them to give me a raise."

I'm chuckling and it hurts but it feels so good. But I still don't get –

"You fell, and I caught you by your arm." He's huffing. Hah. Silly man. Fantastic brother. "You were no help at all. I had to pull you up all on my own." His voice is shaking. Silly man.

"I'm – I'm alive?"

He's laughing. The nerve. I'm going to squeeze his ear red, as soon as I can pick up my arm. Let me try –

"Don't move. Let the paramedics check you out. I should call –"

"No", it's the first time since I've woken up that my voice sounds so strong. "Don't call him."

"Kate", he's shaking his head at me.

"Don't, Javi. Please. I'll go to him. I promise."

"You need to tell him."

"What?", I'm confused. There is a lot that I need to tell him. Espo always knows, somehow. He's always known. But, what's he talking about?

Espo's always known.

"You need to tell him what you just told the world."

"What I just - ? How long ago did I fall?"

"Psh. Tried to fall. I'm here to keep to standing for another day. Just five minutes ago."

"That's it?" It really felt like more. Hasn't my internal monologue itself lasted more than five minutes already?

He's angry now. "You want it to be more?"

"No – no. I – sorry – it just felt like longer."

He's rolling his eyes at me. Hey! No. I taught him that. Sheesh. I'll just show him how it's done.

"Here they come."

"Five minutes, that was fast."

I can see that he's suppressing another eye roll. "Yeah, well, we called them on our way here. Knowing you, you'd probably need it. Thought ahead."

I can't help the chuckle falling loose. They all know me too well. It's funny. I don't know myself but – yeah. My family knows. They've always known.

XxxXxxXxxX

They're checking me out, the paramedics. Poking and prodding and – ow – but they're being nice. I don't even need any stitches or bandages. They're just small cuts and abrasions, a little bump where I hit my head. I'll get him to kiss it better. I asked Espo just a minute ago if he'd escaped. He did. But Ryan and Gates are trying to get a lead on him - checking the building security and traffic cams. Good. Yeah, I hope they get him. I'm not running head first into this for a while. Not without him, and not before I get a few things out of the way.

"Javi, I need to go.", I'm telling him. I hope he can see it in my eyes. I hope he doesn't try to stop me, not right now. I already gave him my statement. Told him to take care of it. I need to go.

"Is she all set?", he's directing the question to the guy who's packing up his first aid kit. He's being a great brother, looking out for me. I know that, but I can't fight off an eye roll. It's my thing, I guess. But the paramedic is nodding. Good. I need to go.

"I'll see you later. Please, please, call later, Kate.", he's telling me as if – oh – the summer. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Never again.

"Of course. I won't – again – I won't", I'm trying not to cry. Really. "I'll call you, Espo. Soon, I promise."

He nodded just once and went off. I got up to leave too. It's already better. Now that I've relaxed a little, and the meds they gave me. Pain killers are good. I'm feeling better. I need to go – and so I do.

I'm going home to change first. I need a bath. I know it'll sting at the cuts and bruises but – yeah, I need to look presentable. It's not every day that I go there. I'm doing a quick job of it; not going out of the way to look different or anything. I don't see her every day, but she sees me, right? She's always been looking over me. Really, what else can explain the amount of times that I've escaped death. She's looking over me. Sending the guys in when I need it. Maybe she sent him into my life too – because he's doing the same, isn't he? He's looking after me. He's saving me, constantly.

I'm here, I don't even know how I reached this quickly, but I'm here. I walked over tentatively. No – I know what I'm doing, but that doesn't make it any easier. "Hi mom." Hi mom. Ugh. I already want to cry. I'm fidgeting with my hands. My nails seem really fascinating right now. I can't help it. Huh. But I have to tell her so –

'You've been watching, huh? You've seen me be stupid, yet again. Don't laugh. It's been hard. I wish you were here, mom. How I wish – for so many things. You know what's going on. You know me. You're probably surprised that I'm here, right? Or maybe you're not. You've probably been trying to get me here earlier than this. But I'm stubborn. You always said that."

I'm chuckling, mirthlessly – and that's a tear of laughter. Only, it's not.

"I'm going to step away, mom. I can't keep doing this. It's hard. I resigned, you know. Well, you do know.", I close my eyes for a fraction, at the stupidity of it all. "She didn't let me resign. I didn't think – I didn't really give her a chance after Roy.. you know." And really, what kind of a conversation am I having with my mother. I'm just telling her that she knows everything. But yeah, I need her to know.

"It doesn't mean I'm walking away from you. I could never -". Deep breaths, that's what Dr. Burke told me. Yeah. "I love you, mom. That will never stop. I know you understand. You always understood. I'm the petulant one. But, I understand now. I'm going to go live a life that I'd always dreamed of – that you probably hoped I would have."

I'm smiling at the thought of it. She would really be so happy if she knew – I should tell her. "He's fantastic. He's a good man. He loves me – really, really loves me – and I love him too. So much. I wish you could've seen him. You would have loved him. He's a brat."

I'm laughing.

"That's the point, you know?" Oh, there I go again with the 'you know's. "He makes me laugh, he makes me smile. He makes me happy. He tried to take a bullet for me. He's silly. No, really. He's silly. He's a man child. He believes in irritating me. Most men stick to diamonds and chocolates, my man sticks with annoying the hell out of me. God, I love him."

Hah. "I know you want to say it, so I'll just do it for you. I told you so, Kate. Yes, yes. I get it. Thanks, mom." There I go, laughing again. "Bye, mom. Until next time."

My cheeks are wet – but oh. I didn't cry that much. Oh. My hair is wet too. When did it start raining? I'm walking and I really don't know where my feet are taking me. I should be running to get under some shelter. This can't be good for health. And I just had a bath. Jeez.

How'd I get here? My mind and body are both taking me back to him. I'm on the swing, again. He's not here, so I don't really know why I am. But I'm here. On the swing. The wall is down. He should know, really, because he's the one that blew it up. Blasted it to bits with his big love bazookas. Oh God, did I just think that? I can't be sitting here with red cheeks in the middle of a downpour. Maybe just a few minutes more. Just till I gather myself, because I need to tell him. I have to tell him. I want to tell him.

This time my body and mind are in sync. One last deep, steadying breath and I'm pressing his door bell. Oh God. I'm nervous – but I'm not – and I don't have time to think because he's just opened the door.

I'm welling up again. Finally.

"Rick", I'm reaching out to him and he's taking a step back. He's probably surprised that I'm here.

"Kate. What happened?", he's grabbed my wrists and he's looking at me with those sad, worried eyes. "Why are you wet?"

Haha. What? Oh, right. I'm shaking my head. Later, I'll explain later. "I'm okay, it's fine. I love you."

I could laugh at his stunned expression. I would have except, it's not so stunned anymore. It's – ravenous, predatory, thirsty. He's holding me by the waist and slamming me into the door. Oh. It's taking my breath away, but too late, he's already taken my breath away. He's closing in, and I don't want to stop him. I'm parting my lips, inviting him there. He's zoning in on them. Like there's no one else, nothing else. No more stewardesses, no more doctors, no more captured team members, no gun to my head, no cuffs and no pretenses. Just him, and my. Just his lips and mine. And then – wow. His lips are on mine, his tongue is dancing with mine. Waltz – rumba – I can't even. Forget coherent thought.

I really hope Alexis isn't home, cause we'll be scaring her for the rest of eternity. I asked him, somewhere in between the mess of limbs that we've now become. He's carrying me to his room. He's swept me off my feet, for real. They're not home. I didn't really register where they are. He's kind of mumbling and I'm kind of busy eating up his mumbles with my mouth.

I can tell, he's been waiting so long. I need to show him that I have too. For so long. I've loved him, for so long.

It's late, and I'm awake and I'm kind of hungry. But he's sound asleep. His apartment is really good. I've never been in here before. Right now, even in the dark of the night, there's a moon beam that's falling right on the bed. His bed head – I want to laugh, out of joy. It's just so adorable. He's so adorable. I slid my arm across his side. He mumbled something in his sleep, a smile playing on his face. I don't want to look away. I'm not going to. He deserves it after all the creepy staring he's subjected me to. I'm getting back at him for that. It's sweet revenge. He looks so – happy. Like everything is right. It's not. Not by a long shot. There's still so much we'll have to work out. But – another time. Right now, we stay happy.

I'm taking his shirt and boxers. I know that no one's home, but – just. Yeah, I'm not waltzing around naked at his loft. Yet.

I just had a glass of water and a few cookies I found in his pantry. What? I like cookies. I'm getting ready to go back – I'm not going to try to wake him up – maybe. But – what's that noise?

Oh God. Oh God! I thought – what's Martha doing here? I should run but – stupid feet.

"Who's down – oh! Kate."

Oh Kate. Get out of here. Run. Hide in the fridge! She's coming towards me. Is she angry? Is she – I don't know. It's Martha, she's eccentric. I can't predict – I can't – she's hugging me. She hugged me. And now she's taking a bottle of water and heading back towards the stairs. I'm releasing the breath I didn't know I was holding. That was relatively easy. Only – she's stopped at the base of the stairs and thrown both her arms, and her head towards the ceiling.

"Hallelujah!", she's screamed, and now she's on her way back upstairs.

Thank God it's dark and no one can see the blush that's covering me from head to toe, I'm sure. I can hear chuckling. Why, that good for nothing –

But he's come up behind me, and he's surrounding me with his body. His arms are holding me so delicately and he's chuckling into my neck. His breath is tickling me. It's sending shivers down my spine and I can't help the giant smile that's escaping me. My teeth are trying to reign it in, out of habit, I suppose. I'm bumping him with the side of my head.

"I think she's happy.", he's saying in a low, baritone voice.

I'm giggling. Giggling. Ew. Stop, Kate. "Yeah, I think she might be."

"Are you?"

Such a stupid question. He really can be dull sometimes.

I turned around in his arms; put mine around his neck and looked him in the eyes. I'm trying to be sincere, real. To show him that it's real, more than it's ever been before. "What do you think?"

He's smiling and God, I've missed those crinkly eyes. I'm moving my fingers over them, trying to memorize them. "I'm happy.", I told him. Just to make sure that we're not lost in translation again.

"Me too", he said before kissing me again.

We're happy.

A/N: Okay, so this is the first time I've done a first person perspective fic. Please let me know how it is. If I've butchered it, even then, let me know so that I don't make the same mistakes again. : ) . I needed it out of my head, and I feel better now that it is. Thanks for reading.