Alan was enjoying himself. He was fapping to particularly nasty anal cavity searches on YouTube and was about to spurt 40 mile shots of skeet all over the world, when suddenly a knock at his door interrupted him.
"Wonder who that could be?" Alan thought aloud, in a girly voice. He was transgendered all along. He opened the door, and saw a Taken with a 50 meter long penis!
"Oh fuck my neck and call me a faggot!" Alan screamed in horror, about to reach for his dildo pistol. It was a failure of SOPA proportions. The Taken flipped him over and took him in the ass, the place where men take other men and make them taken. You see.
"Oh shit shit shit... Literally shit, I can feel it coming out in streams!" Said Alan, as his dick ejaculated shit. He shat shit in streams. He never felt worse in his life. Another Taken devolved from the current one. Unfortunately, the old Taken is now retarded and pisses in Wake's ass. It burned pretty badly. Alan reminded himself to use it as a plot device for a story if he lives through this.
The newly formed Taken began fucking Alan's mouth in such a manner that it burst into flames. And it felt good, Alan was a bit of a masochist. But to recap, he was shitting out his dick, shitting streams of shit out his ass, and somehow his face got fucked into flames. Even Stephen King probably couldn't understand the artistic merit of this.
Also, the rape, but that was the least terrible part.
One of the Taken, the one taking his ass, pulled out a gun and began firing it into Wake's prostate area! It felt like too much for Wake, so he began crying skeet. An impressive feat. So to recap, he was dick-shitting, ass-shitting, face-fucked-into-flames, something Stephen King wouldn't approve of, and now crying skeet, an impressive feat.
He had to formulate a plan, he wouldn't live because of the blood loss that was only just now acknowledged. It would end him, he would be consumed by the darkness. He would be consumed by the manuscript. In the manuscript, he would be consumed by the darkness. The darkness would then let the manuscript consume him. He would then be consumed by the darkness.
He thought about his gay brother, Faggot Wake, the butt-monkey in many ways of the Wake family. It wouldn't be easy to escape, but he had to in order to film more horrifying incest scat porn which must not be described further.
He started skeeting and shitting fire. He learned it from an Indian man. Anyways, he killed the Taken taking him from behind. He went down in a flaming ball of glory and shit.
He began leaping all over the place, skeeting fire and killing more Taken! He was leaping all over, it was like a circus of asshole jerkface writers all jumping around, he tried ramming the dick into a Taken, but it broke off! He was truly screwed now...
So to recap, dickless, on fire, shit-skeeting, shit-shitting, fire-skeeting, fire-shitting Alan Wake was now a monkey. He really was. Really. So he fell down, began eating his own shit, being a monkey, and got decapitated by a Taken's dick.
THE END...?
"Hue hue" said Thomas Zane, "My evil plan is finally working!"