It was time for the Sadie Hawkins dance again at South Park Elementary School. The fourth graders danced around the gymnasium to the latest pop songs with their dates, unless they had gone stag like Butters, Kyle, and Cartman.
Stan and Wendy twirled together happily under the disco ball while Kenny and Bebe watched, both of them seemingly bored to tears.
Kenny sighed, and Bebe shot him a dirty look. "I don't know why I chose you to be my date," Bebe growled angrily. "I've had the worst time!"
Kenny looked over at her. "Want to skip this part and go straight to the motel room?"
Bebe gaped at him in shock. "You're a pig, Kenny McCormick!" She slapped him before running over to Kyle and dragging him out onto the dance floor.
Kenny shrugged, not all that upset over losing his date. He decided to join Butters and Cartman on the sidelines.
"This one is for all those couples out there," the DJ called out. "A slow song to slow dance with your honey to…slowly."
As the song began, the couples moved closer together. Kyle frowned and looked extremely uncomfortable as Bebe put her head on his shoulder. Wendy and Stan joined hands and grinned at each other.
Butters sighed. "I wish I could have a partner for the s-slow dance," he mumbled.
"Partner dances are gay," Cartman muttered, though he didn't exactly look happy himself. "All of the slow songs suck ass."
Kenny shrugged again, not really caring.
"If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song," the song began.
Kenny perked up as he heard the lyrics. He frowned and looked over at the DJ as he continued to listen.
"The sharp knife of a short life, well, I've had just enough time."
Kenny jumped up. "What the fuck is this shit?" he shouted angrily.
"I know, sucks ass right?" Cartman agreed. "I could write a better song than this."
Kenny walked towards the center of the dance floor in a trance as the song continued to play.
"Kenny?" Cartman called out. "Ay! Kenny! Where are you going?"
"So put on your best boys, I'll wear my pearls. What I never did is done."
Stan stared at Kenny over Wendy's shoulder as the hooded boy approached the dance floor. "Hey Kenny, are you okay?"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner."
Kenny was livid at that point. He was headed straight for the DJ booth. He growled in frustration under his breath as he marched onward.
"And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singin', funny when you're dead how people start listenin'…"
Kenny stopped dead in his tracks under the disco ball.
"Kenny? Dude, what are you doing?" Kyle asked, finally breaking free of Bebe.
Kenny looked over at Kyle. "This song is so fucking terrible! No one listens! No one ever listens!"
Stan and Wendy had stopped dancing. "Calm down, Kenny," Stan said worriedly.
"No! Fuck you! This song is complete bull shit!" Kenny shouted.
"If I die young, bury me in satin…"
The disco ball snapped off its perch and nailed Kenny in the head, killing him instantly.
"Lay me down on a bed of roses, sink me in the river at dawn, send me away with the words of a love song…"
All of the fourth graders stared at Kenny's corpse in shock. The DJ stopped the music after hearing the commotion on the dance floor. Suddenly the entire gym was completely silent.
After a long pause, one person spoke.
"Am I the only person that can appreciate the irony of the situation?" Cartman asked.
Everyone glared at him.
A/N: Okay, so this idea randomly came to me. I actually have an idea that could turn this into a multi-chapter fic, but for now it's a one shot. It can stand alone. Let me know your thoughts.
I heard this song one day because a friend of mine is absolutely in love with it, and I thought to my self "Wow, these lyrics really makes death sound oddly beautiful." And then the thought occurred to me that that might piss Kenny off. And now here we are. I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews are appreciated.