Recovery:
1. the regaining of or possibility of regaining something lost or taken away.
2. restoration or return to health from sickness or bodily or mental harm.
by blackraven23
Naruto can't say when.
If there's a time and a place where you call it quits—a decisive ending, Sakura calls it—Naruto can't find it. He's incapable of giving up on something and sometimes it works, sometimes things just come together through sheer hard work and will. It's these successes that make him optimistic, these triumphs that fuel his passion for the future, for the present, that allow his past to fall into shadow. It's these things that allow him to keep working under the belief that, eventually, he'll be completely happy. Sometimes these things work—
and sometimes they don't.
It's those times that confuse Naruto, who's never been much for deep-thinking and much less for self-reflection. He doesn't understand why things won't work even with all of his hard work and hope in them. He doesn't fully comprehend that so many things are outside of his control—that he can't make the world spin on his own. He keeps slogging on in the face of overwhelming odds, and the majority of the time, he doesn't even win.
He couldn't win with Sasuke.
He gave and gave and seemed never to get anything back—the few times he did nearly made up for the rest, but its impossible for someone so far away, so distant, to make it worth it. So he's struck with the overwhelming sense of apathy, desperation—he can't do anything to change someone so stuck in his ways as Sasuke so he searches for him, trying to fill the void he can't bear to have. At the very least he'll have an ending—maybe it won't be a happy one—but at least there will be one at all.
But he still can't say when, find a place where he wants it to stop. For when he finds Sasuke, finally, there's an overwhelming feeling of not wanting to let him go. How could he give up on something he had put so much work into? Sasuke is worth it, right?
But Sasuke's hard stare and the set line of his mouth make Naruto's will waver for the first time in years. Naruto's worked and worked for this moment—and Sasuke's willing to just let it all fall away. He's always been giving and this time, Sasuke isn't giving back.
His chest tightens and something throbs where his heart is, and it's hard for him to concentrate. Should he just call it quits? But he knows—
"I don't want this," Naruto says, looking up at Sasuke. "I want more."
Sasuke pulls his sword out, blue electricity crackling across his pale skin, unconcerned. "This is it, Naruto."
"Come back, Sasuke!" Naruto yells, feeling things slipping away. "Don't leave things like this! I know there's more for you! This isn't what you want. You're not a villain."
"I am. This is what I am." He throws himself down from the trees, blade aimed straight at Naruto.
And Naruto knows that he's not kidding, he won't pull away, won't stop an inch from him, spare his life.
Because this is his ending. Their ending, together.
Naruto doesn't move, doesn't close his eyes, just watches as Sasuke comes closer, closer. Sasuke flies with an unearthly grace, and an unseemly speed. Time does not slow, does not allow for Naruto's life to flash before his eyes. There is only this moment.
Sasuke is then there, right before him, and Naruto can feel the edge of the blue electricity sniping at his skin, burning him, but as it comes closer, it infuses his skin with warmth, because it is not electricity, it is chakra—Sasuke's chakra. He can feel Sasuke's cool, fragile outer shell, descending layers increasingly freezing, and then it breaks, ice suddenly heat, once trapped beneath, spilling out in an exhilarating rush.
Sasuke stares at him, searching, and Naruto can't feel anything below his waist. There is surprise in Sasuke's expression, but even though Naruto never planned for this to happen, it doesn't bother him. "Naruto," Sasuke whispers, pleading, so close. "Don't do this."
It's too late. "Sasuke," Naruto responds, eyes bright with anticipation, "I'm not doing anything." They have not been so close in years, and Naruto finds he cannot focus on anything else but the slight play of light over Sasuke's black eyelashes, the way his eyelids flicker shut and open again in a millisecond, the sheer black of the few strands of his hair that fall across Sasuke's pale forehead. Such strange things to focus on, he thinks, in these moments.
"Don't let me do this." Sasuke's breath is warm, and his black eyes close, face turning in sorrow, as though he cannot face Naruto, even in blindness.
But it Naruto who is going blind, even as his blue eyes glow more aquamarine than before, and he has never loved Sasuke more than in this moment. The feeling explodes outward from his chest as unfeeling battles its way up his spine and his kunai goes clattering to the ground. There is the faraway scream of Sakura, but Naruto's eyes never leave Sasuke's face. This is what he has been chasing, all these years, this feeling that only Sasuke can force from him and it's these brief moments that make him realize that Sasuke is giving back. All along, he knew there was something he was following, and as Sasuke's face begins to crumple in pain, hands reaching for Naruto's shoulders, sword fallen long ago, he congratulates himself on being right for once.
Naruto's lips crack a halfway smile, breath short.
"Say when, Sasuke."
Sasuke's mouth opens wide as Naruto's eyes close, voice reverberating through the darkness behind his eyelids with an intensity his best friend doesn't deserve. "Never," Sasuke barks. "Naruto, this isn't over!"
If I could understand this better, I would. I'm not sure where this would even go, were it to be continued. Which it won't be, because I have no idea where it would go... =___= Yes, it's like that. And that quote there, where Naruto says, "Sasuke, I'm not doing anything," it's not misquoted. The 'it's too late' is a narrator interjection. I just reread over that and was like hmm... someone might get confused at that (because I did).
Anyway, I haven't read Naruto in a while (the manga, I mean). How's it going? That's probably why my stories in this fandom aren't really moving forward anymore. Maybe I should go watch some more SasuNaru AMVs to be inspired? I've been watching too many Epik High and 2PM videos, even though "Heartbeat" makes me sad (especially since it's without Jae).
Interpret this how you would.