A/N: So you all know, this was NOT intended to be Elricest. It's just brotherly love. I'm a big Elricest fangirl, but I've managed to keep it out of my fics so far. Anyway, I got this idea from BlackMercifulFaerie, I think. XD One of themjoked in their "reviewer worship" that Ed will go to hell and Al will go to heaven. That gave me this fic plan. I HOPE IT DOESN'T SUCK TOO BADLY! T-T

Um... I guess I should start doing this:

Disclaimer: I totally don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Nope.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, Alphonse…"

The youngest Elric did not know. He did not know the reason for which Edward always apologized, the true meaning behind his sorrow. But every time that his brother begged for forgiveness, Al vaguely felt two words rise to the surface of his mind: human transmutation.

However, there was more than that which Al acknowledged— more guilt that clung to every fiber of Edward's being, more nightmares to which he fell victim every night. The crushing issue was not merely that Ed could not stop blaming himself for all of his brother's pain and misfortune… but that he had not been ignorant.

"Al… Let's bring Mom back."

From the moment he allowed himself to utter those words, Ed had known. He had known that it was not necessary to drag his brother down with him, to lead him by the hand into the ultimate sin while gently reassuring him that everything would go as planned. Honestly, Ed had not been as confident as he pretended.

It was because he loved Al as much as he loved their mother that he was desperate to involve him in the taboo. At times it made so little sense to him that he would consider turning back, but he always ignored the faint voice in his mind that begged him to. He introduced Al to more and more books that revealed new secrets of alchemy, and with every alien fact about human transmutation that he watched sully the young boy, he felt himself sinking deeper.

"Brother… are you sure we should…?"

'Fuck, Al. Of course I'm not. Tell me that you won't help me. Tell me that you'll stay out of this and let me stain my own hands. Yours are still so clean…'

But that was Ed's main concern. He was devoted to Al… He cared for him more than he could bear. And when their mother died, it dawned upon him that someday, whether that day would be soon or in the distant future, they would die as well. Death would separate the brothers, and although Ed claimed to have lost faith in the afterlife, he believed that there was more to come. There had to be more, he reasoned; death could not possibly end the relationship that they had created.

Ed swore to himself that he would commit the taboo for Trisha. He would use every ounce of power that he possessed to return her life, without a doubt. As for Al…

'… let me stain my own hands. Yours are still so clean…'

Al was pure. He was immaculate and he was beautifully naïve. By promising to commit the sin of human transmutation, Ed strayed from the promising path that he had tried to follow alongside Al. This led him to panic: 'No matter what, I am going to hell for this. But he… he's still headed toward heaven.'

He could not be torn from his younger brother.Unlike Al,he was too weak, too reckless to make it to paradise. In that case, he had frantically reasoned, he would have to take Al away from that radiant path. There was no other option; how could they spend eternity together on opposite ends of the universe? How could they continue loving each other if they were so far apart?

"I'm sorry."

Ed woke in the middle of the night, and even so many years after that fateful day, he began to cry for all he was worth. This time, he did not struggle to blink back the tears. He let them pour down his cheeks as his sobs and whimpers filled the room.

"Brother? Brother! What's wrong?"

He had been so foolish. How could he have labeled it as an act of love? He wound up scarring his brother worse than he could have imagined. Perhaps eternity together was not worth such misery. Perhaps Al had not even cared what would happen once he died.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

And for the first time in a long while, as he heard metal clanking as his brother rushed to his side, Ed wondered if he had been wiser when he pretended not to believe in anything. Perhaps there really were no such things as heaven or hell; they had nothing waiting, after all.

Perhaps he had trampled on his brother's everything… for nothing.