Chapter 1: We both know what we gotta say.

It is a rainy summers night. It is almost 3 am, and most people has gone to bed hours ago. But in an apartment not far from the Navy Yard, there is still a small light turned on in the kitchen. It is a candle burning. In the shadows of it, there is a tear. Falling down a young woman's cheek. An open bottle of wine and a glass is standing on the table. As her shaking hand moves across a small piece of paper, the tear is joined by many others. Some hit the floor. Some hit the table. Some hit the letter. The letter for the man that left her.

Tony. Tony. Tony. Anthony. Anthony. Anthony. Anthony DiNozzo.

I sit here. Alone. In my kitchen. Thinking about how I should have told you all those things
I have wanted to tell you for so long. You have always been my dearest friend.
Even when you were this stuck up idiot. You were still my friend.
But Tony. Then you killed Michael. Believe me, I was really close to killing you that night.
You were the last person I had ever thought would break my trust.
You might not know this, but .. I trust you more than anyone in this world.
Sometimes I trust you more than I trust Gibbs.
I have put my life in your hands every day the past 6 years.
Every day. I have trusted you to be there for me.
To take down a shooter for me.
To run to me if I got hurt.
To protect me.
Tony. You are my weakness. If McGee, Abby, Ducky or Gibbs was ever in danger,
I would be strong on the outside, but terrified inside.
But if you were in danger. I cannot allow myself to imagine something like that.
I would be this shadow of myself, left to stare at the wall
while someone was trying to convince me
that you were going to be okay.

Ziva's pen broke. She sighed and grabbed another one. The candle was still burning, and now, the thunder had started outside. The rain hit the windows very hard, but the sound and the smell of rain calmed Ziva down. She looked at the letter, as her hands began to shake. He would never read this. He was gone. He was no longer a part of her life. He had another life. A life he had decided to chase. A life he had decided to be reunited with.

*Flashback*

It was night. It was quiet. They were all there. Ziva was sitting at her desk in silence. Gibbs was sitting at his. McGee and Abby were standing by McGee's desk, staring at the stairs. Ducky and Palmer were there too. Ziva was staring at Tony's desk. Thinking if she would ever see him sitting there again. Throwing paper balls at her instead of working. Leaning back and putting his feet up on his desk, talking about some movie and distracting McGee from work.

Then they heard it. A door was closed. A sigh was heard. Tony came walking down the stairs, looking at the team. He stopped at the entrance to the bullpen. They all starred at him. He went to his desk and grabbed his gun. He walked over to Gibbs, and handed it to him.

"I have to know."

At that moment, they all knew what he had decided. He was going to leave them. It hadn't sunken in yet, but they all knew it. Deep down inside, they knew that they would never see him again. Gibbs tried to hide it. He just nodded and looked at Tony.

"Then you better go."

Tony nodded. He turned to Ducky and Palmer.

"Ducky. I just want to say .. thank you. I've always admired you."

"I wish you the best of luck Anthony."

Tony then looked at Palmer.

"I know you're gonna be a kickass medical examiner someday Palmer."

"Uh .. Thank you."

Tony then took a hesitated step and looked at Abby.

"Tony .."

"Abbs don't say anything."

Tony gave Abby a hug, and then he whipped away one of her tears with his finger. He then looked at McGee, who had gotten up from his chair. They starred at each other like 2 brothers.

"Don't think this is a way of me saying you're no longer a Probie. Probie."

"I know Tony. I'll always be the Probie."

"Take care then. Probie."

McGee seemed surprised at Tony's choice of words, but he smiled at him.

"You too."

Tony then sighed and looked down. Now, it was the hardest goodbye. The goodbye he wasn't sure he would be able to say. He had to gather all the strength he had left in him, and he turned to face her. He had expected to get this confused, betrayed stare from her. But her expression was more longing. Everyone seemed to freeze as they watched Tony and Ziva stare at each other, like they had done a million times before. This time, it was way more intense. It wasn't this sexy, "Hey I bet you wonder what I'm thinking right now" stare they usually had. This was the most intense stare 2 people could share. So many words were hidden behind the 4 eyes that were a part of the stare. Her stare. It was mix of concern, hurt, longing and need. His stare was pretty much the same. Concern, hurt, longing and need. But the feeling that was the most obvious was .. wondering. Wondering, what might have been. What could have been. What would have been. What will be. If there was ever a way for those 2 to have a real goodbye. A goodbye that could hold all those unspoken words, was not possible. Ziva then finally broke the silence.

"I .. I will walk you to your car Tony."

Tony followed Ziva to the elevator, and they were gone. The rest of the team was still in shock. They all wanted to follow and wave goodbye to Tony. But they all knew, that those two had to have their private goodbye.

Tony and Ziva stood beside Tony's car, facing each other. Their eyes staring so passionately into each other, the tension around them was unbelievable. None of them knew what to do. None of them could say the word. None of them were able to handle such a strong goodbye.

"Zeevah."

Tony finally said something to break the silence. Ziva looked at him and was about to open her mouth, but she had no words to say. Actually, she had millions of words to say. She just didn't know how to say them.

"Tony."

His name finally escaped from her mouth.

"Tony, I –"

"Sssh. Remember that song we were listening to, on the way to Paris? The song they played on the radio."

"Yes."

Tony took his hand up to her cheek and brushed it gently.

"We both know what we gotta say. But not today. Cause I don't wanna leave this way."

Ziva looked down. Tony kept on going.

"Don't say goodbye. Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight."

They just kept staring into each other's eyes, as Tony continued to speak to her and grabbed her hand.

"And although we knew, this time would come for me and you. Don't say anything tonight, if you're gonna say goodbye. And if it's over. It hurts but I'm giving you my word. I hope that you're always happy like we were."

Ziva then finished the sentence for him.

"Don't say anything tonight. If you're gonna say goodbye."

Tony let go of her hand and her cheek, and after one last stare, he got into his car. Ziva moved away, and as Tony drove away and towards the exit, she stared at him. There were still no tears in her eyes. When she could no longer see his car, she began to sing.

"Things are changing. It seems strange and I need to figure this out. You've got your life. I've got mine. But you're all I cared about. Yesterday we were laughing.
Today I'm left here asking. Where has all the time gone now. I'm left alone somehow. Growing up and getting older.
I don't want to believe it's over.
Don't say goodbye. Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight. Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I.
And although we knew this time would come for me and you.
Don't say anything tonight,
If you're gonna say .. goodbye."

Ziva stood there for a little longer. Then she walked back upstairs to get her things. She was met by 5 worried stares.

"You can stay at my place tonight Ziva."

"No thank you Abby. I am fine. I just want to go home. Really. I will see you tomorrow."

So now, I am sitting here. Alone. Listening to the thunder outside.

Tony. They say that a picture says more than a thousand words.

In this case, it was a stare.

One last stare.

One last touch.

One last impossible goodbye.

So my first thought after writing this was: Wow, can you write a sadder story girl? ;)

But it just CAME TO ME! I had no idea what I was writing actually.

But don't worry, this story is far from done (;

The song, I was listening to it while writing, and it just seemed to fit.

"Don't say goodbye" – By Skillet.