Title: Flee
Description: "I told you to run". I know, senpai. Manga chap 364/365 spoilers.
Pairings: None intended
Rating: T
Warnings: Vague spoilers for manga chapters 364 / 365
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto (which I don't, sadly), the Kakashi gaiden would've been aired instead of hideous fillers, KakaSaku innuendos would be overwhelming, and Hayate would be resurrected to frolic with Genma. And maybe Raidou as well...
A/N: I was so inspired that I don't think I can hold back the muses any longer! Between the song Frontline by Pillar, beautiful depictions on devART and wondrous prose on FF, I think it's safe to say that Deidara and Tobi shall have some more spotlight from now on. This lil' oneshot is a bit angsty, mainly because of the events that unfold in chapters 364 / 365. I have warped the events to my liking, however, so you can say this is a slight AU or just me using my artistic license for all it's worth! Any who, enjoy the story.
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It's not like I'm walking alone into the valley of the shadow of death
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Somewhere, he wasn't sure where exactly, a pulse was beating down upon him, drowning out all the vestiges of life and enveloping his mind. Even as he could faintly feel his feet leap across branches and sprint across strewn pebbles, and even as his breaths were coming out shallow and wheezy beneath the porcelain, making his head light from not getting enough precious oxygen, he could still hear the frantic pulse with all it's metronomic glory.
He was only vaguely aware of the explosions in the background, how it's repercussions shook the ground and made his rushed steps falter, and he was only absentmindedly noting the dreadful smell of cinder and burning flesh. Trees were blurs of green and brown and the sky was a blear of something between orange and azure. The eyehole that let him view the world and all its malevolent splendor from a tantalizing distance was distorting his vision, creating ghastly apparitions of twisted features and long blonde hair fringing in the unforgiving ashes. Despite his world becoming a blur of what it had once been, the lines of right and wrong so precariously smudged, he spurred onward in a fleeting streak of orange, black and red.
He was following orders – orders that may have been too rashly distributed, orders that may prove fatal, orders that may have been more of a boast of pride than vital – but orders nonetheless. He wasn't one to question his senpai. Never. It was an unwritten law in his unofficial moral code and he wasn't about to break those golden rules. A haphazard twig snagged upon his cloak, a rip of fabric seams filtering through his senses that had been so dull just moments ago. He pulled until the tiny branch gave way, snapping - the sound echoing and replaying over and over in his fractured being - and for the first time since setting foot in the opposite direction, Tobi halted in his tracks.
"Run, dumbass. Get out of here."
Tobi winced as the harsh command skipped and repeated. He should be running, getting as far away as possible, but his feet were no longer under his command. They remained planted to the branch, fused by chakra, while his mind fumbled about. He was disobeying orders. He needed to run away.
"You were always so good at it before, un."
Tobi turned around to face the direction he had been running from. It felt so wrong (which was ironic in a world full of amorality) and he didn't know whether to snub his orders and return or to embrace them and keep on running. The pulse kept pounding.
"I don't have time to explain, un. I just need you to run. Dumbass! Just go! Are you questioning me?"
"Never, Deidara-senpai." Tobi whispered to the trees and sky as he fingered at his moralities, trying to decipher what action, what fate, was the right one to take. He glanced at the dead leaves upon the forest floor as if they'd reveal the cryptic answer. None was supplied. Tobi watched as the leaves fluttered in the slight breeze, their tattered forms quivering and seemingly trying to huddle together for warmth. The orange-masked Akatsuki lifted his gaze to the crossroad presented to him.
He didn't want to have to choose, to be torn so brutally between his senpai's welfare and his orders. What would please him? What would etch that smirking smile upon his face? Tobi wasn't sure anymore. He didn't want to have to think so hard while the precious seconds were ticking away and the window was becoming smaller and smaller, merely a dot in the distance.
"I told you to run."
Tobi nodded solemnly as he took off into the spider web of branches, towards where he had been sprinting from just moments ago, "I know, senpai."
The masked missing-nin was only vaguely aware of twigs whizzing past his head and bark crumbling beneath his sandals. He only minutely noted how his gloved fists were clenched too tight, how his muscles were tensing in perhaps a foreboding way. Tobi could hear his blood pounding within his head as he tried to desperately prevent what Fate was stirring.
"You knew what you signed up for, un. You knew the possibilities."
Tobi bit his lip and kept his eyes ahead to the unmarked path before him, "I know, Deidara-senpai."
The air was becoming thick with ash and cinder as he streaked through branches and charred bark that he was supposed to be fleeing from. A little voice urged him to turn back, pled to just follow his orders like he always did without question. It begged for Tobi to just run away. But Tobi shook his head at the voice, at his senpai.
No.
Perhaps they were both right. Maybe he should turn around and find reenforcements, shelter, a hideout, anything. Maybe he should be clinging to life like he used to so abjectly. He couldn't though. They didn't understand. Tobi felt his nose twitch from the metallic scent of blood that started to haze across the blackened forest. His eye watered from the horrid stench of flesh burning, melting. If he wasn't so attuned to such abominable horrors, Tobi would've gagged at the smell, at the images those odors triggered.
The masked Akatsuki could feel his chakra depleting steadily as he thrust his sandaled feet with all his brute force onto the creaking limbs. The precious life-force was trickling away slowly, crumbling the bark upon the trees that were already falling apart from the dreaded heat that suddenly was hurtled towards the forest. Tobi started to sweat profusely from his heavy cloaking and he could feel the steam build-up behind his swirled mask that tried to hide him from the adulterated world. A sheen of moisture presented itself upon his upper lip, some of the salty substance sneaking its way into his panting mouth.
"Are you trying to be suicidal, un? I gave you an order!"
Tobi, for all his loyalty and bound trust, ignored his senpai. His heart (which still beat, still loved unlike most who had their own ripped out long ago) squeezed at this betrayal of defiance, but continued towards his destination, following the smoke-filled path that he wasn't supposed to ever see again. Tobi felt his lungs burn and itch from the grey hued smoke filled with ash and carbon, his breaths becoming more frantic and labored as time passed too slowly between where he was and where he wanted to be.
Tobi wanted to stay calm. He wanted to prove he could be professional and damn the labels he'd been given. But he was cursed with a soft heart and yet had the hands of a killer. For the life of him, no matter how short it would be, he couldn't stop the whimper that escaped his parted lips and the beginnings of tears welling up behind his eye. The pulse quickened as did his leaps across branches that fell shortly after due to his exertion of chakra and the unmerciful heat. It had been pounded and grained into his childlike mind that shinobi, moral or amoral, slipped up when in a panic. Panic was an unspeakable word. Lives were lost in panic. Blood was strewn in panic. But dammit Tobi didn't care. He had to make it in time. It wasn't an option.
He didn't want to be...
"It's useless, un."
Tobi's blood ran cold, his heart quivering to a sudden stop. His feet skidded, the tree limp he landed upon shaking from the sudden inertia. The Akatsuki desperately clutched at his heart, willing the organ to beat once more as his eye widened in pain and fear.
"Katsu!"
The rumble was still far off into the distance, but close enough to send Tobi stumbling to the ground where he lay upon his side, never wanting to rise again. The masked nin gripped either side of his head as he shook it back and forth again and again. No..no..No! NO!
He ached to scream, to wail out "Senpai!", but he couldn't even whisper the artist's name. The Akatsuki rose from his sprawled position, scooting backwards into a tree that was blackened from what had transpired..what had ended. He couldn't stop shaking. He still clutched painfully at his black hair because it hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt! Tobi was positive that there was a bloodied hole revealing frayed veins where that beating organ should be. He squeezed his balled fists tighter, sure that his knuckles were about to rip open his taut skin.
"I told you, un! Did you think I told you that for no damn reason? You're such a dumbass!"
Tobi desperately clung to his ebony locks and squeezed his eye shut, leaking tears that mauled his hidden face, "Please stop yelling, senpai. Please stop yelling..."
He knew it was over. Deep in his, perhaps, overly-large heart, he knew that it had ended and he was too late despite all good intentions. Tobi gritted his enamels harshly, trying to rake in the sob that jeered and taunted how it would soon break free. He squeezed his eye shut tighter and tighter, not wanting to see the reality of his dire mistake of hesitating. He hesitated. A small sob escaped. How could he have hesitated? Tobi couldn't feel his fingers anymore nor the hair that was twisted roughly around the numb digits.
"Don't just sit there, un. Get up and go."
Tobi shook his head slowly, biting his lip to keep from ripping out a bloodcurdling scream.
"Get up!"
The masked Akatsuki's shoulders shook slightly from suppressed cries as he whispered hollowly, "I can't, senpai."
If he had just run faster... If he hadn't hesitated... If he never left...
I don't want to be...
Tobi smacked his head against the chipping bark, trying to knock out the dreadful visages of what he knew lay beyond the few miles ahead of him that flashed unmercifully in his mind's eye.
"Dammit Tobi! Get the hell up!"
"NO!"
Birds exploded out of trees from the sudden scream of anguish that had sliced through the forest. Tobi gasped and released the stricken hold upon his hair. He could still hear the fluttering wings of flustered birds reverberate above him. He blinked, trying to figure out just where that dreadful scream had come from, not wanting - refusing - to believe it had flew past his own chapped lips. The unexpected barrel of emotion jarred his soul awake – waking it from his blinding, frightening breakdown. Tobi tentatively covered his mouth, where the odious sound had spawned from, in spite of the mask that already took care of the second-hand notion. He waited for his senpai to thrash out, to scream wildly at him for disrespecting him so.
Silence.
Tobi waited.
The forest was still silent, save the occasional rustle of dead leaves upon the barren ground.
Only silence.
Tobi hung his head dejectedly. He suddenly felt so small. Vulnerable.
"Senpai..please. I don't.."
The missing-nin balled his fists in his lap and wondered briefly if his knuckles had split open his skin yet. He swallowed and whispered quietly to the forest, "I don't want to be alone."
Tobi noticed, belatedly, that he could no longer hear the incessant pulse.
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A/N: I need a Kleenex in the most urgent way. Oh dear, what has happened to our beloved DeiDei-kun?? His time came far too soon.
A 5-page introspect on Tobi's side of the battle / aftereffects. I believe Tobi would feel like a piece of him was missing, and feel utter vulnerability once his confidante was gone. I know I'm late with this oneshot since the manga has came and went, but I needed to write this once I heard the confirmed rumors. Correct me if I'm wrong, manga-readers, but I found it was very interesting how Tobi wasn't there. It had me thinking would Deidara tell Tobi to run? To save his subordinate's life? To save him the pain of seeing what he was about to do? I don't know. I may be reading way too much into it, but a writer's ignorance is bliss.
A wee bit of symbolism in here for those who feed off that kind of stuff. Try and find it if you can!
Soundtrack whilst writing:
Frontline - Pillar
Goodbye for Now - P.O.D
Meant to Live - Switchfoot
Please review! It's healthy for the Muse! I'd love to hear what your opinions/comments are!
- - H. 92