I sit and wait
Does an angel contemplate my fate?
Do they know the places that we go,
When we're grey and old?
'Cause I've been told that salvation
Let's their wings unfold
So when I'm lying in my bed
Thoughts running through my head
And I feel the love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
And through it all
She offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever she may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
When I'm feeling weak
And my pain walks down a one-way street
I look above
And I know I'll always be blessed with love
And as the feeling grows
She brings flesh to my bones
Or when love is dead
I'm loving angels instead
And through it all
She offers me protection
A lot of love and affection
Whether I'm right or wrong
And down the waterfall
Wherever she may take me
I know that life won't break me
When I come to call
She won't forsake me
I'm loving angels instead
My feelings? I don't know what they were. Castiel had been a confusion point for me. I wasn't supposed to feel anything towards him, but I couldn't help it. Sam would mock me if he ever knew I was thinking there was anything there, but Castiel was in the literal form of the word, my savior. I'd prayed to God when I was feeling worthless, and numb, and when I'd just wanted to feel like me again. Castiel had made that happen. I didn't mean to suggest that Sam, my brother, didn't do anything to make me feel whole again; he'd sure tried. But he had his own problems, he'd been riding with the devil on his back... literally. Castiel and I had been working together while Sam was in the mental institution, which, frankly, only made me more confused about what I was supposed to feel for the angel. Castiel said he felt like I only loved him when I was broken, and felt there was no hope, but he was wrong. I loved him every second of every day. But then again... I'm broken and hopeless every second of every day. But when I felt strong, and hopeful I loved him too. I was walking through an empty motel room, Sam was out with Garth to solve some case in South Texas, and Lord knows where Castiel was hiding. I cranked open a beer bottle, and shot it all down in one gulp. I lied on the uncomfortable motel bed, which I had gotten used to over the years. The beds never really got any more comfortable.
"Cas?" I said into mid-air. My voice hung in the air, and I felt like I could touch them. Everything I said seemed so empty. I was so empty. I didn't know what to do anymore, I felt like I was letting everyone down. I needed my savior, my Castiel. "Cas, I beg you."
I didn't know what I was begging for. I could be begging for anything, I could be begging for hope, for him to make me whole... for him to love me, like I did in this moment.
"Dean," his dark, grumpy voice echoed behind me. I crawled off the uncomfortable motel bed, and looked him in the eyes. I couldn't believe he was here. The last time I saw him, we'd yelled at each other. He'd accused me of not loving him, properly. Whatever that meant.
"I," I tried to speak, but I felt like I couldn't. "I do love you. I always love you. And I always will."
He squinted his eyes, but I could see his small smile. "You finally realized it," he said less grim than usual.
"You're... you're my savior," I stuttered. I walked towards him and put my arms around him. I loved an angel.