Youngest Ever State Alchemist Trashes Shops, Traumatizes Dog

Victims Demand Compensation, Alchemist Works to Fix

By Tora-chan

Rush Valley, Sept. 12, 1914 ­–

Around midday today, several shop and home owners in Rush Valley found their buildings damaged by Mr. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, age 15, as he raced across the rooftops in chase of a suspected thief. One woman even reported that a giant metal monster terrified her poor dog.

Elric, hailed 'the alchemist of the people', might want to rethink his title if he keeps defacing private property in this manner. As exclusively revealed by Rush Valley Inquirer, not only did Elric redesign several buildings, but he also threatened several perfectly honest automail engineers when they refused to give him information unless they could look at his automail arm and leg, a request that any Rush Valley citizen could tell you is perfectly reasonable.

In Elric's defense, he claims, "That woman's a menace to society! Just look at the town!" It would seem that the alchemist is referring to Paninya, a harmless pickpocket who targets tourists. Elric alleges that Paninya stole the pocket watch that identifies him as a state alchemist and that he would go to any lengths in order to regain it.

"Any lengths" apparently refers to running about the back alleys, alchemizing everything within range, including private homes and businesses. One shop owner claims that Elric accidentally trapped him in a cage created from the roof of his own store, and that he wasn't released until two and a half hours later.

Later, victims of Elric's rampage demanded compensation. Elric is reported to have spent the remainder of the day repairing the damage with the same alchemy he used to cause it.

It is unclear whether the object of Elric's chase, Paninya, has been apprehended. So far, she has not been turned in to the MPS, so we can only guess at her current whereabouts. Hopefully, further information will be available in tomorrow's edition of Rush Valley Inquirer.

A/N: This article concerning Ed's incident in Rush Valley was written for a school assignment. Please tell me what you think!