Somehow it went without saying that she had to go. Telling Finn the truth was stupid and silly, but after only a week of living under his roof, eating his mother's food and watching him slowly fall apart under the weight of becoming a dad, she couldn't hold it any longer.
She had never intended to become so evil, bulling kids at school and getting pregnant of her boyfriend's best friend. Somewhere between becoming a complete, beautiful stranger in the new city of Lima and the pressure of staying strong and at the top, where nobody would hurt her, she became someone completely different, to the point where she didn't recognize herself.
Somehow the little swell in between her cutting hipbones made her realize it. That she couldn't live like this, lie like this, tainting the new soul inside her.
Finn's eyebrows were scrunched up, some emotion inside him so strong and confusing he couldn't figure out. Carol's mouth fell open and her knife stopped mid air from the vegetables. No one said a word until she started crying and Finn cried as well. Carol tried to hold his bigger figure as well as she could while he crumbled down, and Quinn just murmured that she would go, her suitcase never unpacked.
She didn't know what brought her to park her car one block away from her house. She was alone and lost, and there didn't seem to be anywhere to go. But she still had pride and a survival instinct and she knew better than to park on her own block.
A tapping on her window made her jump and knock her head on the roof of the car, a young brunette woman was standing, frowning next to her car, and Quinn recognized her as her neighbor, who lived just in the driveway where she was parked. She didn't know anything about her, except her face, and the way she smiled at her every time they crossed paths while walking their dogs.
Her neighbor made a flicker with her wrist to ask her to lower the window, and Quinn hesitated just a second before complying.
"Hey, Fabray, right?" The woman asked hesitantly.
"Uh, yes."
"What are you doing sleeping in your car?"
Quinn's heart was racing; she shrugged out of panic, at a loss for words. What if her neighbor called the police? Or worse, what if she rang her parent's doorbell?
"Are you drunk or high and don't want your parents to see you?" The woman raised her eyebrows.
"They kicked me out." Quinn mumbled, not really sure why she was telling the truth.
The woman seemed to stop breathing for a second, and then her hands moved to clutch Quinn's car window.
"When?"
"A week ago."
"Have you been sleeping in your car ever since?"
Quinn bit her lip and shrugged, not sure why she couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. She closed her eyes, waiting for the woman to say that she'd call the cops of social services or something.
"It's freezing, Fabray girl. Come inside."
Quinn's eyes snapped open.
"What?"
"I said it's cold. Come on."
"But… but why?"
"You seem like a good kid, I know you won't rob me and steal my weed stash when I fall asleep." She shrugged.
Quinn closed her mouth several times before just opening her car door and stepping outside.
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know, will you steal my weed?" It seemed like a real question.
"Uh, no. No, I won't."
"Then let's go, Fabray."
Quinn followed hesitantly, stepping inside the house and looking around. She knew she shouldn't just go inside a stranger's house, less when she knew she had someone else to protect, but really, there was nowhere else to go. This woman was nice, she knew it. Her grass was tidy and perfect length, something that put her in her mom's good books, she didn't knew anything about her personal life, so that must meant Russell couldn't find anything to openly criticize, and she regularly walked her dog, which should mean good things.
"I'm Quinn." She mumbled once she was sitting at the kitchen island and received an orange juice.
"Bella." The neighbor, Bella, winked.
"Um, do you really have a weed stash?" Quinn asked after a long silence.
"I wouldn't tell you so you wouldn't feel tempted." She smiled.
"I wouldn't."
"In that case, bottom drawer in my closet, next to my old socks."
Quinn smiled hesitantly, still not sure if she was serious, and drank her orange juice with a frown. Would she sleep here? Could she? This was a complete stranger, should she just thank her for the juice and walk away?
"Look Quinn, I know we don't know each other, but I promise I'm not a psycho. You seem like a good, lost kid, and I know you from walking that adorable little dog of yours. I have a spare bedroom you could sleep in tonight, at least."
Quinn bit her lip, undecided.
"I know what it's like to get kicked out." Bella smiled kindly. "So really, you need a roof and a bed. Trust me; your neck will be rock hard within a week if you keep sleeping in your car."
Quinn sighed.
"Thank you."
She still didn't sleep much. It was three in the morning before she decided to go explore around the house. She had to know where she was, where to escape if her neighbor turned out to be a serial killer. The house was rather small and only had one floor, but it was still as elegant as it was simple. It was full of photographs of happy people, most of which featured Bella, and of books of literature and women studies. There seemed to be an unordinary amount of elephant decorations, small statues, paintings and even a photo of a little girl riding an elephant in an open field, most likely the wild. The kitchen had a small row of books about cooking stacked against the freezer and inside it, it was filled with vegetables and food labeled organic.
Quinn sat on a stool in the island of the dark kitchen, sipping an orange juice and looking out the window to a back yard washed by the moonlight. There was a hammock between two big trees visible through it. She stood up and walked out the door to the back yard and spotted a big vegetable garden taking up almost half the space. A serial killer wouldn't have a vegetable garden and a hammock and books on women studies and pictures of elephants… Quinn lay down in the hammock and didn't realize she was falling asleep.
Bella woke her up in the morning, dressed in pink scrubs full of elephants. Ah.
"I assume you have to go to school, Quinn. I work at the hospital and won't be back until seven."
"Okay." Quinn nodded, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.
"Will you be back here?"
"I don't know." Should she? She bit her lip and frowned.
"It's not my business why your parents kicked you out, okay? But I just know you're a good kid. So I'm inviting you to stay here at least until you can figure your stuff out, so if you want to, I can make you a copy of the keys so you won't have to wait in your car for me or Spencer to get home."
"Okay."
"Good." Bella smiled. "Do you have a cellphone?"
"For now, at least." Quinn shrugged.
"Give it to me and I'll let you know how we'll handle today, okay?"
"Um, okay."
Bella just smiled at her shy responses and handed her cellphone to Quinn to write down her number. Then she turned around, heading for the house.
"Uh, Bella?"
"Yes?" The woman turned around.
"Thank you." Quinn smiled hesitantly.
"You're welcome." Bella smiled.
"Oh, and who's Spencer?"
"My partner." She winked. "Breakfast's in the kitchen, hurry up so I can go to work."
Quinn changed clothes in her car after washing her face inside the house, and did her braid looking at the rearview mirror. School wasn't something she was looking for now that she didn't have the cheerios and would have to deal with Finn's face and Puck's leer and psycho Terri Schuester, but she still had nowhere else to go. And she couldn't just stop going to school. Someday she would stop being pregnant and would live a normal life again.
It wasn't until third period that she had to face Finn's kicked puppy face, which she knew she deserved. Puck could never be a good father, and she refused to live with a boy who got her drunk to have sex with her and lied about protection; a guy who irresponsibly knocked her up and didn't understand the consequences, begging her for a date when that was the absolutely last thing on her mind at the moment and for the next eight months. He still tried to hold her hand during lunch and almost chased after her when she moved to leave, only restrained because of her deathly glare.
The only reason she didn't skip Glee Club was because Bella hadn't texted or called and she had nowhere else to go. That was staring to become her motto. She sat quietly, strangely, with only Rachel in the Choir room waiting for everyone to arrive. The seconds seemed to tick by slowly as she tried to look elsewhere, anywhere but at Rachel Berry. It just wasn't something she wanted to do if she could help it. She'd have to watch her sing today, most likely, and the anger that gave her, the sweat in her palms and the increased race of her heart, the prickling behind her eyelids, it just couldn't be good for the baby.
Sure enough, everything and Finn's sad face happened, and Quinn was ready to cry, like every day for the past two weeks, when she left Glee Club. She was contemplating whether to go to the mall or the park to wait until seven when her phone beeped with a message.
It's Bella, Spencer's at home with your key ;)
She debated between going or still waiting until seven. She didn't want to be in a strange house alone with a strange man. She still couldn't believe this strange situation she was getting into. Who the hell offered housing a stranger? Someone they found sleeping in their car? Quinn drove off as soon as she saw Puck walking though the parking lot. Without thinking, she drove in her house direction and parked a block away, in front of her potential house, at least until they found out she was pregnant and she got kicked out once more.
Her first thought when the door opened was God, I hope he's not cheating on her or I'll be homeless by seven. Another brunette, with glasses, was standing in the doorway inside the house.
Quinn looked around; checking she hadn't rang the wrong doorbell.
"Um… is Spencer home?" She bit the inside of her lip.
"Are you Quinn?" The brunette smiled.
"…yes?"
"Is that a question or a statement?" The other girl asked merrily, quirking her eyebrow.
"I'm Quinn Fabray. I'm sorry, but Bella told me Spencer would be here so I came…"
"Well nice to meet you Quinn, I'm Spencer."
The brunette's grin widened in tandem with Quinn's eyes.
"Bella's… Bella's partner?"
"Yes, her partner." Her tone was still calm but firm.
"Partner as in…"
"Partner in crime and partner in love." Spencer smiled softly, meeting Quinn's gaze intensely.
Quinn stammered and spluttered for a moment before her thoughts caught up with her mouth.
"I'm sorry, I'm being incredibly rude." She rushed out, stretching a hand in offering for a shake.
Spencer took it and shook it firmly with a smile between relieved and amused.
"It's a common reaction around here, don't worry." She moved aside to let Quinn in. "So, Bella told me your parents kicked you out." Spencer stated once they were facing each other in opposite couches, the brunette stroking her dog's fur and Quinn sitting awkwardly in front of her.
"They did." Quinn nodded.
"We're used to some intolerant people, but I can understand if it's hard to believe we're giving you a roof and a bed just out of the kindness of our hearts." When Quinn didn't say anything, she smiled. "You're going to school, right?" Quinn nodded. "Do you have a job?" Quinn shook her head. "Okay, how about we make a deal? I'm assuming your parents didn't kick you out just because you don't do your chores, am I right?"
"Yes."
"So I'm not wrong if I say you may be in some kind of trouble?"
"You're not wrong." Quinn whispered, shaking her head and biting her lip.
"I'm giving you a week for you to start to figure your stuff out, okay? I know it may be too little time to solve whatever trouble you're in, but we'll use these seven days to see how living here works, and then you'll tell us, whatever is wrong, okay? We're extremely tolerant people."
Quinn nodded, still looking at her hands in her lap. She had seven days to look for somewhere else to live, because she was sure she'd be kicked out once they found out she was pregnant.
"If we see living together works, you'll get a job. Okay? To pay for gas and clothes and whatever, and we'll figure things out. What do you think?"
"Okay." Quinn nodded.
"I met Bells for lunch and we talked about this, but she gets here really tired from work and I want her to rest, okay? Now, do you cook?"
Seven days passes quickly, at light speed, and between hiding from Finn and Puck and vomiting every single damn hour of the day, Quinn found herself at a loss at what to do when the day to speak to Spencer and Bella came.
They were amazing people. They joked and laughed with each other every second of every day they were together, such a far cry from every couple Quinn had ever met she often found herself staring at them while they ate dinner together. They were vegan, which didn't surprise Quinn at all given all the products she'd seen on her first night in the house. Spencer always got home first from work and invited Quinn to cook with her, and she found herself surprisingly enjoying it. But nothing could be so good when the nagging thought that her time there was limited wouldn't leave her mind.
The seventh day, while cooking dinner with Spencer, Quinn thought about her options. She could go to her parent's house and beg for forgiveness, which of course wouldn't work, or she could go to Puck's house and demand that he took care of the mess he made. Sleeping in her car seemed like the only bearable option. Spencer didn't mention anything about the talk they were supposed to have that night, but Quinn wouldn't be able to push it another day. The tension was eating her alive.
And it was showing. She knew she must look like someone being sentenced to death when she sat, back straight and eyes wide at the dinner table. One look exchanged between Bella and Spencer and Bella was sighing softly.
"Food will do you no good if you eat so stressed, Quinn. We're not going to judge you. You didn't kill anyone did you?"
But Quinn wasn't in the mood for jokes and a noise left her throat without permission.
"Just spill it out, honey. You look like you're going to pass out." Spencer said softly.
Quinn couldn't control the shaking of her hands, so she just did it. Spilled it out.
"I'm pregnant."
The table was silent. Bella raised her eyebrows up to her hairline and her mouth opened slightly, and Spencer straightened almost comically in her chair, as if being shocked.
Quinn felt an overwhelming urge to explain herself.
"I got drunk with my ex-boyfriend's best friend because I was feeling lonely and ugly and my cheerleading coach had called me fat-thighs that day and I couldn't deal with it. I let him have sex with me because I thought it would prove something… I don't know. He said he was using protection and I believed him. I was so confused because I couldn't stop staring –"She caught herself with a hiccup and Bella was already next to her, rubbing her back and telling her to breathe.
"He lied to you about using protection?" Spencer was almost out of her chair in outrage. "Where does that little bastard live? I'll go chop his balls right now, the nerve– he could have some… some… God, I hate men!"
Quinn was laughing a little through her tears now.
"I know I can't really stay here with a baby on the way, I understand, let me just –"
"Quinn, stop." Bella shook her head, face hard and barely containing her anger. "What kind of monsters would we be if we kicked you out pregnant?"
"My parents?" Quinn shrugged.
"Fuck." Spencer breathed out.
"I'm sorry." Bella smiled a little, crouching down next to Quinn. "I didn't think about what I said. But listen… this wasn't what we expected, but it doesn't mean you can't stay here, okay? You're really strong, going through this. You understand that, right?"
"I don't know." Quinn shrugged.
"You still need to get a job, a laid back one where you don't have to make physical effort. We'll help you look. Does that sound okay?"
"Are you serious? Are you… really letting me stay here…?"
"Don't cry; this is a good thing." Bella smiled. "I'll make you an appointment at the hospital tomorrow for an ultrasound; pull some strings to get you a discount." She winked. "I'll get you vitamins and we'll walk though this."
Quinn couldn't help it, she reached down to hug Bella around the shoulders as she cried and thanked them.
After two weeks, Quinn got a job at Spencer's office filing documents three times a week. A laid back, boring, very boring job. But at least she had money to use her car and pay the doctor bills, with help from Puck. But she did missed napping, and that's why she was having trouble staying awake in class.
She was walking hurriedly towards the bathroom in between periods when she almost slipped with red slushie dripping down the hallway and into the bathroom. When she went inside, Rachel was wetting paper towels on the sink.
Sighing, Quinn got her own and put them under the water as well. When she turned to Rachel, the brunette eyed her, frowning.
"What are you doing?"
"Helping you." Quinn shrugged.
"But why?"
"Maybe I'm just tired, Rachel." Quinn sighed, holding up the wet paper towels.
Rachel bit her lip, eying Quinn with narrowed eyes for a moment before her shoulders sagged.
Quinn stepped forward hesitantly, trying her best to stop the shaking of her hand, and rubbed the makeshift cloth on the side of Rachel's face carefully, taking a deep breath when the warmth of Rachel's skin ghosted the side of her hand from the proximity, and looking at the scar on Rachel's forehead to avoid meeting her intense gaze. Rachel was rightfully confused, she wasn't used to the good side of Quinn, and Quinn frankly wasn't used to that side of herself either, but maybe it was time.
"Where are you staying, Quinn?"
Quinn's eyes met Rachel's quickly.
"Finn told me what happened." Rachel explained.
"Right." The blonde took a step back, now irrationally angry. "Are you two dating now that I don't have him in my claws?" She sneered.
"No, Quinn." Rachel lifted her hand to rest on the blonde's arm, but thought better of it half-way and lowered it. "I'm angry at him, actually."
"Why?" Quinn frowned, anger deflating a little.
"He left you homeless, and you're pregnant!"
Quinn shrugged.
"You're not sleeping in your car, are you?" Rachel bit her lip, ducking her head to try and meet Quinn's gaze.
"No, Rachel. I'm... I'm staying at a neighbor's."
"Oh." The brunette's shoulders sagged. "But what about –"
"You should wash your hair." Quinn cut her off, opening the tab at the sink in front of Rachel. "You know, before it dries off."
Rachel pressed her lips together and nodded, bending over the sink and getting her head under the water. Quinn looked away quickly and stood awkwardly there for a minute, before letting her eyes roam over Rachel's hands washing her hair. There was a spot right at the nape where she wasn't getting the slushie off, and Quinn moved without thinking and got her hands under the water, cupping them to gather water and then letting it drop on that spot above Rachel's neck. Rachel's shoulders tensed a little and then relaxed, letting Quinn repeat her movements two more times and then stepping back.
Rachel turned sideways to scurry her wet hair on the sink and then letting it drop on her shoulders and back, starting to soak her sweater.
"Thank you, Quinn." She smiled hesitantly at the blonde, and Quinn nodded stiffly, trying not to pay attention to Rachel's slightly flushed face and the dark wet hair that framed it.
"You're welcome." She mumbled once Rachel was drying her hair with a towel from her bag. "I should, uh, go to class."
Quinn opened the door and exited the bathroom without looking back, rubbing her clammy palms on the skirt of her dress and forgetting why she went to the bathroom in the first place.
The way Spencer cut carrots into perfect circles of the exact same width was a little amazing, and she did it really fast, too. It didn't seem like she took the time to measure or think about it; they just came out that way…
"Is there a problem, Quinn?"
"Why aren't you a cook?" Quinn blurted out. It wasn't at all what she was thinking about, more like what she was trying to distract herself with.
"I am, actually. But there's not a lot of work for a vegan cook in Lima."
"Why don't you move to some place better? Anywhere else, basically."
Spencer chuckled.
"It's a little complicated."
Quinn just nodded, and Spencer turned to the carrots again. Quinn tried to move on to maybe a lighter subject, but then she saw the way the girl chopped the carrots and caught sight of the little elephant on her ring finger. And the question just came out.
"How did you know you where gay?" Quinn whispered, and watched the way the next carrot slice came much too big.
Spencer didn't turn around for a second; instead she set the knife carefully on the counter and wiped her hands on a cloth.
"When I was twelve, this new girl came to school." Quinn heard the smile before Spencer turned around and it somehow eased the maddening race of her heart, if only a little. "She had shiny red hair and sat three rows in front of me. She was a trouble maker and that somehow made her fascinating to me, and she always joked with me and was just nice to everyone." A wistful smile spread on her face and Quinn lip her lip. "Then one day, she made something really bad. I don't remember what it was, but the school was talking about expulsion, and I just… I walked home that day instead of taking the bus and cried like crazy the whole way. I didn't exactly understand it then, but I wasn't just crying because I may never see her again, but because I was starting to realize what my feelings towards her meant. I just couldn't stop staring at her, and find the things she did fascinating."
"What happened then?"
"I told one of my friends that I had feelings for that girl. She didn't reject me or anything, but we never talked about it again because I was ashamed and she… I don't know. The second person I told, one of my oldest friends, she was actually supportive. And so I started thinking that maybe it wasn't such a bad thing, you know?" Quinn nodded. "Then we went to different High Schools and I never saw her again."
"And when did you tell your parents?" Quinn asked shakily. She sat down on one of the stools and rested one hand on her stomach, hopping Spencer wouldn't ask her why she was asking so many questions.
"My Mom told me she knew, one day. I was already dating Bella. And my Dad supports me, I know he does, but we never really talk about it. It was something that was there and just didn't need discussion, because it was no big deal." Spencer shrugged, turning to the carrots and dropping them to a pan.
"This kid Kurt at my school gets bullied because he's gay."
"I did get those, too. But those people get older and you find they are really just assholes or repressed gays, and you find there's really nothing wrong with you. That it's them. But tell your friend Kurt to report them, and to stand up to them, because some of those kids just need to get reason in their heads."
"He's not really my friend." Quinn shrugged.
"But you notice, and you care, so you can tell him either way." Spencer arched her eyebrow with a small smile.
They were silent for a long time while Spencer cooked and Quinn watched her, thinking that she wished things could be so easy, feelings so clear an understandable. But she was at a loss and it was hard to be brave, especially when she had nothing to hold on to for support, nothing that was rightfully hers.
"Alright, five people are coming plus us three; we need eight dishes, glasses, coasters…"
"Don't forget the coasters!" Bella rolled her eyes, making a funny face at Quinn, who pressed her lips together to hold her smile.
"Don't mock me, Miss take-off-your-shoes-in-the-bedroom."
"Whatever, there's a tablecloth for a reason, Spence."
Quinn shook her head, amused, while she gathered a stack of dishes and carried them to the dinner table. Some of their friends were coming in to have dinner and both girls had been bantering and arguing all day about the preparations. Apparently, they had been busy for a long time because Bella had been working extra shifts, and it was the first time in four months that their friends would be coming over. Quinn was a little antsy about meeting them, but if they were these women's friends, she was sure they wouldn't be bad at all, or judgmental. Her stomach was starting to grow and some people had started to stare, and Puck had already tried to put his hands there, which almost cost him to lose them. She only hoped these people would be the kind to gracefully avoid the subject, because she wasn't comfortable talking about it with anyone but Bella, but only because she was a pediatrician and they talked about health stuff.
The doorbell rang at eight o'clock sharp, and a huge smile blossomed on Spencer's face while Bella went to answer the door.
"Ever the punctual ones." Spencer chuckled. "They're my favorite friends." She whispered conspiratorially at Quinn, smiling with her tongue between her teeth.
The loud greetings and laughter were heard from the foyer and Quinn felt a familiar but unpleasant tingle settling in her chest. She wasn't the best at meeting new people. Since she was a little kid, she always found herself scared of what they might think of her, even if they were strangers, always insecure about her looks or of being liked. Spencer's hand squeezed her shoulder and Quinn turned around, finding a reassuring smile.
"Relax, Leroy and Hiram are good people, and their daughter Rachel is hilarious. You'll be happy to meet them."
Quinn's eyes almost bulged out of her skull. How many gay men with a daughter named Rachel lived in Lima?
Just two, obviously.
"Rachel Berry?" She squeaked.
Spencer only had time to meet her shocked gaze with a surprise of her own when four people entered the kitchen.
"Spencer!" A small, bespectacled man smiled, while a tall black man stepped behind him with a matching beaming grin.
Quinn made eye contact with him, still unable to close her mouth, and before he could speak, Rachel appeared behind him, saw Quinn, and immediately crashed against his back.
"Oops!" He smiled while steadying her by the arms, but Rachel wasn't paying attention.
"Quinn?" She squeaked, and said blonde blushed to the top of her ears.
"Do you know each other?" Bella asked, smiling oblivious, but then the doorbell rang again and she turned and left the kitchen with a "Yay!"
"We go to school together." Quinn mumbled, meeting Spencer's gaze for a second and then lowering her eyes. Somehow that conversation they had a while ago came to mind and Quinn felt as if Spencer would see right through her. She didn't miss the questioning glances she received from her from time to time.
"And we're in Glee club." Rachel added, smiling at her Dads who were looking at her funny.
"Awesome!" Spencer cheered, and then handled Quinn a casserole with vegetables to carry to the table.
Of course the few gay couples in Lima knew each other! She caught sight of another male couple greeting Bella in the foyer and lowered her head, hurrying up to the dining room.
Everyone was laughing all through dinner. These people seemed to know each other well and share the same happy vibe Bella and Spencer had, teasing each other and making jokes. It was a far cry from the dinners her parents had with their friends where they made polite conversation about business and discreetly criticized everyone from Church. Quinn knew they were good people, and she would have laughed all through dinner as well if she hadn't ended up sitting by Rachel and her hands shook every time their arms accidentally brushed or they tried to grab the juice jug at the same time. Rachel was, Quinn assumed, unusually quiet, but smiling non-stop and shaking her head in embarrassment every time one of her dads made a lame joke. She answered their questions about school and dance and ballet just as verbosely but with a confidence that didn't seem to come from a need to impress but with an ease and familiarity that came from knowing they were really interested and curious about what she was saying.
"So how is Rachel in Glee club, Quinn?" Bella asked while everyone was drinking coffee and eating vegan cake in the living room couches after dinner. "Because she often complains about how the rest doesn't seem to take the club seriously." She added, winking at Rachel, who huffed.
"Uh…" Quinn's gaze darted from Bella to Spencer, to Rachel's dads, and finally to Rachel, who was looking at her with something Quinn couldn't decipher. She didn't know if it meant 'Please don't make me sound as insufferable as everyone thinks I am' or 'I want to bury my head in the earth before hearing your answer'. "Well, she's kind of right. I mean, it's just that she's better than everyone else and they all know it, so they think… I don't know, that they don't have to try hard because they'll never get to… um, her level." Quinn bit her lip and looked down, embarrassed and sure that she was blushing all the way down to her neck.
"Well, it's true." Rachel's dad Hiram said merrily.
"I keep offering to help them improve their voices, but they refuse. Of course they won't ever develop their voices if they give up before starting!" Rachel protested, but she too was blushing when Quinn lifted her eyes to meet her gaze. "I-I keep telling Santana her voice would be better if she quit smoking, but she almost smashed her muffin in my face the last time…" She added, flustered.
"She's jealous because she secretly loves Barbra Streisand but she's afraid to say it and have everyone at school think she's… lame."
"No!" Rachel sat straighter in her chair. "Please don't joke about things like that."
"I'm not joking, seriously. But don't tell her I told you because she'll mash my face with a shovel."
Rachel snorted and immediately covered her mouth, blushing again and shaking her head.
"No, I know." She giggled, and Quinn smiled softly at her before catching herself and looking at Spencer, who was smiling at them and beamed when their eyes made contact.
Blushing, Quinn looked down and away.
The conversation kept going as if nothing had happened, but Quinn was careful to avoid looking at Rachel or Spencer for the rest of the night.
"Thank you, for what you said the other day." Rachel said quietly while they sat alone in the Choir room, waiting for everyone to arrive.
"What?" Quinn frowned, confused.
"You know… about my talent."
Rachel was unusually shy, and it somehow made Quinn's heart race, a sensation she wasn't getting used to, even if she felt it all the time around her.
"Well… it's true, right?" She mumbled.
"Quinn…" Rachel sighed.
"You're welcome, I guess." Quinn conceded.
"Can I ask you how you ended up living with Spencer and Bella?" Rachel said hesitantly.
"Bella saw me sleeping in my car." The blonde bit her lip.
"Quinn, that can't be good for your baby! You should know no one in Glee club would judge you, you could have just called us or –"
"Rachel, everyone hates me for what I did to Finn."
"Well, that's outrageous. He left you homeless while you were pregnant!" Rachel shrieked immediately.
Hearing Rachel defend her made her heart race even faster, and made her feel something inside, like butterflies in her stomach or… Quinn's hands immediately moved down to her belly, mouth agape.
"Are you okay?" Rachel was immediately beside her, resting a hesitant hand on her shoulder. "Is it –he-she…?"
"We're okay." Quinn breathed out. "And… it's a girl." She added softly.
"Oh." Rachel breathed, right by her ear.
Just then, Quinn shuddered lightly and grabbed Rachel's wrist, moving her hand from her shoulder down to the side of her belly.
"I think I felt her move, right there."
"Had she ever…"
Quinn shook her head.
"Wow." Rachel breathed out, once again by the blonde´s ear.
"I can't believe it." Quinn mumbled.
Rachel moved to sit on the chair next to her, this time, and frowned at her slightly.
"I mean, I know it's a life inside of me and… I heard her heartbeat." She smiled a little and shook her head. "But it's never felt more real –more real than now." Tears gathered in her eyes and she looked up, trying to hold them back.
"You're very brave, Quinn." Rachel said firmly, almost proudly.
"People keep saying that, but I don't…" She took a deep breath. "I don't feel brave. I'm scared." She finished in a whisper.
"That doesn't mean you're not brave, it just means you know there are things more important than fear." Rachel moved her hand to lie atop of Quinn's for a second to squeeze it lightly. "And you can overcome it."
Quinn's head turned sharply to look at her, bottom lip between her teeth and eyes full of tears that refused to drop. They locked eyes and she could see deep, endless brown ones dart around her face, trying to catch a glimpse of her soul. Quinn moved her hand blindly to grab Rachel's, hooking their thumbs.
"Rachel, I… thank you."
Rachel smiled faintly, shyly lowering her gaze to watch their joined hands for a moment.
"This is good, right?" She looked up. "Getting along?"
"Yeah." Quinn nodded, smiling gently.
Maybe being Rachel's friend wasn't such a bad idea. At this point in her life, Quinn needed all the happiness she could get, because things would only get worse once the baby was born. She was in High School, homeless, without a family or an income to raise a baby. Once she was born, she was going to give her up; give her a home where she could have more than just love. Because Quinn loved her, so much already that she could hardly breathe without it aching, but she knew her baby needed a better place to live, and a family that could support her, feed her and clothe her. It didn't mean that she didn't love her; it meant that she loved her more than she loved herself. She could at least recognize that. There were so many things that had been denied at her growing up, things she denied herself when she was older, and she already tried to push Rachel away and it hadn't worked. She could at least give herself this, Rachel's friendship. It was both the simplest and most important thing.
She had never actually hated Rachel as much as she pretended; she actually hadn't hated her at all. Rachel was first a meaning to an end, the loser that would make her popular; her stepping stone. Then she had reminded her of her old self, lonely and without friends, and she had felt guilty. She knew no one deserved to feel the way she had felt growing up, and she hated herself for becoming one of the things she had hated the most. It was then that she started to think about Rachel, watch her surreptitiously in the hallways, and she had started to notice… things. Like the way her hair fell perfectly down her back and shined, the way her legs appeared endless under her skirts, the dimples in her cheek when she caught her smiling, and the way her heart had thumped wildly inside her chest the first time she heard her sing. It was a deathly combination, one that Quinn couldn't escape in her dreams at night, and she had started to think how it would feel to kiss her whenever she was kissing Finn. Rachel had been one of the reasons she needed to prove herself when she let Puck kiss her, and the face that flashed behind her eyes when she let Puck touch her. Rachel was what she imagined when Spencer told her the story about the first girl she liked, the shiny hair she pictured and the kind eyes she remembered. It was so strong, and so scary, but Rachel herself had told her she was brave, and Quinn chose to overcome her fear. Spencer and Bella loved each other more than any other couple she had ever met, and so there couldn't be anything wrong in a love like that. She didn't expect Rachel to like her back, not after everything she'd done to her, and not now when she was carrying a child, but a friendship was the best she could get, and Rachel was offering it, so Quinn decided to hold on tight to that.
The best part of being Rachel's friend was the happiness she radiated, even doing mundane things such as homework. She was surprisingly bad at math, and Quinn had offered to tutor her. It was the first excuse they had to hang out together after school. Then Rachel found out Quinn had never seen Funny Girl, and demanded that they get together to watch it, with Kurt tagging along. It had lead to watching Cabaret at Kurt's, along with Mercedes. Then the four of them got together to set up a list for Sectionals, and with Brittany, who brought Santana, and Mike to arrange the choreography. They had all gathered together after their win to celebrate and brag about their triumph even after the other teams cheated.
It seemed as if everyone had forgiven her about what happened with Finn, and she wouldn't have been surprised if it was Rachel who changed their minds. Despite the foggy and gloomy future Quinn saw ahead of her, she was laughing every day. Bella and Spencer were the most amazing people she had ever met; they were funny and caring, responsible and hard workers, compassionate and unprejudiced. And watching them laugh and have fun and kiss while they cooked, Quinn just knew…
"I'm giving her up for adoption." She said softly from her spot on the backyard doorway.
Despite their loud laughter and the music playing, the women heard her. Spencer moved to turn off the radio while Bella smiled softly at her, drying her hands on her apron and sitting on one of the island stools.
"You don't have to make up your mind just now, Quinn. We can discuss things, the options –"
"No, I've thought about it." She said firmly. "From the moment I saw that plus sign." She continued shakily, taking a deep breath and biting her lips to keep them from trembling.
"Honey…" Spencer rested both hands on her shoulders, and Quinn leaned her head back to rest it against her chest.
"It's hard, I know it. But I…" She took another deep breath. "It's the best, for her. I can't be selfish about this."
Bella nodded, reaching a hand across the marble island to hold Quinn's.
"You're the strongest person I ever met, Quinn."
The blonde squeezed her eyes shut, and didn't open them when she spoke again.
"Have you ever talked about having children?" She whispered.
Bella's hand tightened in hers and she felt Spencer's chest inflate with an enormous breath. She didn't want to see the look on their faces, the silent private conversation she was sure they were having with their eyes. Bella's other hand enveloped Quinn's.
"What are you saying?" She asked gently. Quinn could practically hear her heart in her throat, because she was feeling the same way. The baby was kicking because she was so nervous.
She finally opened her eyes to meet Isabella's.
"My heart was breaking the first time I walked into this home." She started, voice steady but soft. "I didn't know what would happen to me, to this baby. You were… so kind, and –and so selfless. You took me in when you had no reason to, and still accepted me when you found out about her." Her free hand moved to rest atop of her ever-growing belly. "You fixed me; my heart, you put it back together." Tears were falling freely now, but she didn't try to wipe them away. "You are the most wonderful, caring, happy people I have ever met. And… and the only ones I would ever trust this other heart beating inside me."
Spencer's arms circled her shoulders, their cheeks pressed together and their tears mixed. Bella stood up and hugged them both, pressing a kiss to Quinn's temple. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Quinn stopped crying and Spencer's chin was resting on her shoulder. One of Bella's hands wiped Quinn's tears softly from her cheeks and their eyes met, and their smiles matched.
"We'd be honored." She confessed, and Spencer breathed a happy laugh next to Quinn's ear.
"I think it's the best decision you could have made." Rachel stated a few days later.
It was lunch time, and they were sitting on the bleachers eating healthy vegan food instead of being in the cafeteria, especially because the smell still made Quinn nauseous.
"I know they'll love her, and… take care of her, in all the ways I couldn't." Quinn whispered, rubbing her stomach absentmindedly.
"Have you thought about a name?"
Quinn turned her head to look at Rachel, seeing the way the brunette's eyes followed the movement of her hands. She took one of Rachel's and rested it on the side of her belly the baby was kicking.
Her favorite smile blossomed on Rachel's face. It was small and content, with teeth barely showing and eyes shining. A dimple formed on her cheek that always left Quinn wanting to kiss it.
"I haven't. Well, I have, but none of them feel right. Maybe I'll know when I see her, of maybe the girls want to name her." She shrugged.
Rachel's hand traveled from the side of her belly to her hand, resting atop it.
"If you want to name her, I'm sure they won't have a problem."
Quinn nodded, drifting her gaze from their hands to Rachel's eyes.
"I…" She trailed off. Rachel's eyes moved from her own to lower, and her mouth opened a little. "I love being your friend." Quinn whispered.
"Me too." Rachel smiled.
It was the simplest thing Quinn had ever heard Rachel utter, and it made a very warm feeling settle in her chest. Since getting pregnant and becoming Rachel Berry's friend, Quinn's life had turned upside down. The combination of living with such wonderful, accepting people, and having these new friends who supported her like a family, no matter what, made Quinn be surer of herself. Not the confidence she used to fake underneath that cheerleading uniform; she really did felt brave, now, and happy to be the way she was. Everything wasn't always so easy and it wouldn't become magically easier now, but she did felt stronger, and supported, and like she could face things without breaking and cry if she wanted to, and everything would be okay. Everyone had played a part in mending her soul back together, after losing weight and a surgery and a sudden popularity made her break it and glue it back together to make it become something it never was. Quinn felt hole, for the first time in maybe ever, and in the right path to becoming the girl she always wanted to be but never understood, before.
And it was with that realization, and a smile on her face, that Quinn closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to the corner of Rachel's mouth, taking a deep breath when Rachel shifted slightly, with a smile of her own, and made their kiss right.
The dress was becoming too tight, and it was hard to breathe, but Quinn wasn't sure if it was that or what she'd just been through that had her almost heaving in the bathroom. Just then, what she wasn't expecting but her heart was longing happened, and the door opened and Rachel walked inside. Quinn immediately forgot what was happening, because Rachel had tears in her eyes and that would always stop Quinn's world and time.
Surprise flashed in Rachel's eyes for a second, and then her arms were awkwardly wrapping around Quinn and her face has hidden in her neck as best as she could. Once again the blonde found herself cursing the stupid pink dress she was wearing, trying awkwardly to comfort Rachel in spite of it. She pulled away slightly once Rachel had stopped crying to look at her face.
"What happened?"
"What happened?"
Quinn bit her lip and smiled a little, moving one hand to cup Rachel's cheek.
"I want to get out of this dress and this school. What do you say?"
Rachel nodded and kissed her softly, taking her hand since the awkward skirt didn't allow them to hug each other, and they were out.
She looked cute in sweats and a shirt a little too big for her, Spencer was small but Quinn thought no one was smaller than Rachel. She had thin arms and long legs and a tiny waist and the cutest face, it was all Quinn could think about as Rachel helped her take off her Gaga dress. She was only in her underwear underneath it, and she instantly became uncomfortable. Not because of her state of undress but because Rachel was the only one to see her like this, and her stomach was huge, and she didn't feel the slightest bit attractive. Quinn wished the first time Rachel would see her in her underwear, it would match, and her stomach would be flat, and she would be able to look at her feet, which wouldn't be swollen as well as her ankles.
Quinn dropped her head and wrapped her arms around her stomach, biting her lip, but Rachel ducked to meet her gaze and kiss the corner of her mouth. The blonde felt herself blush.
"You look…" Rachel breathed out, and Quinn closed her eyes. She was hideous; she didn't want to hear it. "Gorgeous… breathtaking. God…" Rachel shook her head.
Quinn looked up then, with confusion and hope in her eyes.
"I look horrible." She mumbled, but it had lost some of the confidence she felt about it seconds before.
"That's… stupid, Quinn." Rachel blurted. "I mean… to me, you look like an angel."
"Really?"
"Yes." Rachel nodded, stretching her hand to grab a pair of sweatpants from the chair next to her and squatting down in front of Quinn.
The blonde grabbed the back of the chair for support and lifted one leg, then the other, and Rachel slowly pulled her pants on, ending with a kiss on her belly.
Quinn's breath caught and she cupped both Rachel's cheeks, pulling her up and into a desperate kiss. Pregnancy hormones were definitely not a myth, and Quinn had done all humanly possible to try and suppress them, but it didn't work right now, when Rachel made her feel beautiful after all this time. Rachel's breath ghosted on her neck as she trailed kisses down it and Quinn tried to take in more air, but her lungs couldn't take it and she felt feverish, and her knees trembled a little. Rachel's mouth trailed up to hers again, her hands rested on her lower back and she backed Quinn slowly towards the bed.
Quinn breathed in as best as she could, looking up to meet Rachel's darker eyes. Her hand reached up to tuck brunette hair behind her ear as Rachel's hand, the one she wasn't using to support herself, stroked slow wide circles on her belly.
"Do you really think… I'm gorgeous?" Quinn whispered, searching Rachel's eyes for her soul.
"It's what I see." Rachel smiled softly.
Quinn stretched her neck and it was the only sign Rachel needed to meet her lips once again. Their tongues brushed and their breaths mingled and Quinn wanted nothing more than to feel Rachel's body against every inch of her own, but it was impossible right now and it only served to make her want it more. Until Rachel moved next to her, tucking the back of Quinn's thighs against her lap and turning Quinn's upper body towards her, meeting her lips again. It was then that Quinn was glad she wasn't wearing a shirt, because she didn't think there was anything better than Rachel's hands slowly roaming every inch of skin at her reach. It didn't matter what had happened before they met today, they could talk about that later. It didn't matter that this wasn't leading to anything else, even if her body begged her for it. What mattered was that she'd never felt warmer, inside and out, and her chest had never been so full. It felt as if her very soul was escaping, trying to meet Rachel's in every kiss, every touch; and as far as she was concerned, they had succeeded.
There was something heartbreaking about watching her go after spending hours just watching her baby sleep in her arms on a hospital bed. When Spencer and Bella came into her room just after the delivery, they'd told her everything about Elizabeth; her weight, her height, all her fingers and toes and that they were going to keep the name Noah had asked. But they also told her to take her time, however much she needed. Quinn spent two hours alone with her baby, stroking her face and her brunette hair and watching her sleep; and another hour with Elizabeth and Rachel singing softly to them and counting her fingers and toes for the fifth time. Rachel's voice had lulled them to sleep, and when she woke up it was to Bella opening the door with Spencer right behind her. They showed her the stroller they had bought to take her home, and with a last deep breath with her nose buried in the baby's hair, Quinn handed her to them.
Quinn buried her face in Rachel's hair, waited five minutes until she was sure they weren't coming back, and broke down into silent tears. Rachel took an hour after that to wake up, but one look at Quinn's face and empty arms was all it took for her to understand, and wrap her arms around her girlfriend to let her cry.
It took her a week to gather the courage to visit them. Rachel was holding not her hand but her entire side pressed against hers when they walked in. It was both a familiar and unfamiliar place, the house looked the same but obviously plagued with baby items everywhere. It was a home, where a new born baby lived, with a stroller next to the front door and cabinet latches already placed and a basinet next to the couches in the living room.
Bella enveloped her in a hug as soon as she walked in, but Quinn didn't feel the urge to cry. She smiled widely at her and took Rachel's hand, and together they walked to the room she used to occupy, which they had helped to redecorate before the baby was born. It smelled like powder and baby skin, and Quinn's heartbeat fastened when she saw Elizabeth sleeping peacefully in her crib. It was all she needed to know she'd made the right decision, the final piece of the puzzle that convinced Quinn her second heart was in good hands.
It was senior year, Spencer was sick and they had asked her to take care of Beth for one night. It wasn't the first time she babysat her, but it was the first time they would spend the night together, alone at Quinn's home.
The first thing she did was call Rachel and not ask, but demand, that she came over. It took the brunette half an hour to arrive, and Quinn answered the door with Beth on her hip and a nervous smile.
"Hi, baby!" Rachel cooed, stretching her hands to take Beth, who was smiling around her pacifier and making grabby hands at Rachel.
She kissed Quinn's mouth softly after taking the baby and they walked towards the kitchen.
"Where is your Mom?"
"She went to visit Frannie yesterday." Quinn answered chewing on her lip.
"And what's wrong with you?" Rachel questioned, absentmindedly running a hand through Beth's dark hair.
Quinn's eyes darted everywhere instead of looking at them before she sighed.
"I'm nervous about doing this."
Rachel smiled softly, turning to look at Beth and drop a kiss to her forehead. Beth knocked their foreheads together softly and Quinn laughed a little.
"It's okay." Rachel outstretched her hand to hold Quinn's and brought her closer, kissing her lips and laughing when Beth palmed the blonde's cheek. "How about we go play? Did you bring your toys?" She asked the baby with a happy voice.
"She did." Quinn answered, smiling.
She tugged on Rachel's hand and walked them to the living room, where Elizabeth's elephant blanket and her toys were laying on the ground between two couches. They sat down next to her and played with her toys, but after a while Beth kept dropping them and crawling to sit on Quinn's lap. They both knew what she wanted, and so after a while Quinn crouched down and helped Beth stay on her feet and bounce her legs while she and Rachel sang. It took about an hour of singing and dancing around the living room to tire her out; Beth curled her fists in Quinn's shirt and hid her face in her neck and Quinn smiled, rubbing her cheek on baby soft hair.
They went to Quinn's room and lay Elizabeth between them, Rachel stroking her hair and Quinn stroking her tummy and singing a lullaby to help her go to sleep.
Then it was the two of them, smiling softly at each other and holding hands next to the baby's head.
"I'm really proud of, you know?" Rachel whispered, propping her head on her right arm while her thumb stroked the skin of the hand holding hers.
"I'm kinda proud of myself." Quinn smiled, looking down at the baby between them. "All I wanted was for her to be safe and loved, and she is. And she's happy, I can tell."
"She is." Rachel nodded.
"I was afraid that she'd think I didn't love her, that I didn't care about her. It terrified me, kept me from sleep every night. But I think she knows, and I'll make sure she knows while she grows up." She tightened her grip on Rachel's hand a little. "It wasn't time for me yet. But It'll come, right?"
Rachel nodded, moving her body carefully over Beth's to kiss the tear that'd escaped and rolled down Quinn's temple.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you, Rachel." Quinn smiled, eyes shining for a very different reason than before. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."