World of Gray

by CaseyCuervo

Duo struggles with his feelings for Heero, which drudges up questions about his sexuality.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Gundam Wing AC.

Pairings: 1xOC's, 2xOC's, eventual 2x1, 3x4 5XS (background)

Warnings: Dialogue heavy, adult language, sexuality questioning, hetero and homo sex scenes (don't worry my yaoi fangirls, the hetero scenes are brief and hardly descriptive).

A.N: This is a story about the fluidity of sexuality, I guess. Probaby should have broken this up into two or three chapters, but couldn't figure out where or when to do that.

---

World of Gray

"So what are you doin' this weekend? Chillin' with the boyfriend?" Duo asked around a mouthful of french fries.

Heero finished chewing his food before answering, "No. I ended it with Neil a few days ago."

"Aw, that's too bad," the braided man replied with an unconscious smirk tugging at his lips.

"What happened?" Quatre asked, concerned and glaring at Duo for his lack of sensitivity.

"It just wasn't working out," Heero mumbled with a nonchalant shrug.

The grin spread wide across Duo's face. "Well, I say, good riddance! He wasn't a good match for you, man. You could get a much better dude," he boasted, and added a playful punch to Heero's bicep.

Rolling his eyes, the Japanese man replied, "You say that every time I break up with someone."

He then got up and left the cafeteria before the rest of his friends, eager to get back to work. In his absence, his friends turned to discussing his personal life.

"Anyone else notice how Yuy's never been in a relationship longer than a few weeks?" Wufei asked no one in particular.

"Yeah, it's a little weird, right?" Trowa chimed in.

"Well, maybe he would give a relationship a fighting chance if his best friend didn't hate every guy he's ever dated," sneered Quatre, eyes boring daggers into Duo's face.

"I don't hate every guy he goes out with," Duo argued, "None of them have been good enough for him. Sorry if I have my best friends' interest at heart."

"Oh, I get it now. Talking shit on every guy Heero has ever brought around is your way of making sure he ends up with a worthy partner. God forbid you keep your mouth shut and try to get to know them first."

"All right, calm down you two," Wufei attempted to soothe, but his words fell on deaf ears.

Duo growled, "What's your problem, Quat?"

"My problem is that you don't seem to realize how much influence your opinion has on Heero."

Trowa added while popping a french fry in his mouth, "You do tend to pick apart their flaws until even Heero doesn't like them anymore. Most of their flaws are pulled from your imagination, though."

"Well, if he liked them so much from the start, then he'd just tune me out like he does with everything else."

"Yeah, maybe he would if he didn't lik - OW!" Wufei cried, rubbing his bruised shin under the table and staring down Quatre's icy blue glare.

Duo asked, "If he didn't, what?"

"Nothing," Wufei groaned, "Never mind. I'm staying out of this one."

"No, tell me."

"You know, Duo, if no man is good enough for Heero maybe you should just date him," Quatre suggested, snidely.

"Oh, sure. There's an idea, because we all know I have a huge crush on my best friend!"

"With the way you look at him and interfere with his love life it sure seems that way."

"Fuck you, Quatre," Duo barked and stood up from his seat, the chair scraping loudly over the cafeteria floor. "Just because you, Trowa and Heero are gay, doesn't mean Wufei and I are too."

"I am not apart of this," Wufei mumbled into his chow mien.

"I'm not saying you are gay. I'm just pointing out that your investment in Heero's romantic life might be for reasons you're not aware of."

Gawking, Duo tried to think of some clever rebuttal, but all he could muster was: "You're out of your freakin' mind!"- And stomped away.

He fumed all the way to Heero's office. Bursting through the door, and taking a seat across from his friend, the braided man practically shouted, "Quatre's an asshole!"

Amused, Heero chuckled, "Not many would describe him as such, but if you say so...and could you knock for once?"

"But I've never knocked before."

"I know."

"So why should I start now?"

"Because it is the polite thing to do."

"Pft, whatever. Anyways, back to the matter at hand: Quatre's an asshole."

"How so?" Heero asked with a smirk and continued typing on his desktop, working on a detailed report of his last mission.

"Cuz he thinks I'm 'too involved' in your 'romantic life'," Duo bitched; adding air quotes around the phrases, "I'm mean, geez, so I don't like some of your boyfriends' -"

"Some?" Heero scoffed, "You have never liked any of them."

"That's not true!" Duo bellowed, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Name one of my ex's that you got along with," Heero dared.

"Well...there was, um..."

"Exactly."

"Gunther!"

Throwing his head back and laughing loudly, the blue-eyed man leaned back in his office chair and corrected, "I've never dated anyone named 'Gunther', or met anyone with that name."

"The scientist guy," Duo added, recalling a bit more information.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah, whatever. Daniel."

"You called him a dumb fuck all the time," Heero pointed out.

"That's cuz he was a dumb fuck."

"He's a microbiologist."

"Still a dumb fuck."

"Okay, Duo."

Sighing, the braided man conceded, "Alright, so he wasn't stupid, but you're a Perfect Ten. Why should you settle for someone less?"

With a hint of a blush, Heero averted his eyes to the computer screen and replied, "I am flattered you think so highly of me, but I am not a 'Perfect Ten'."

"Sure you are! You're handsome, super smart, and scary strong like freakin' Superman," Duo stated, counting Heero's attributes on his fingers.

"No. You know who was a Prefect Ten? That one guy I dated last year, Luke."

"Which one was he?"

"The one I met in the coffee shop. He could have passed for an underwear model," Heero answered with a hint of whimsy in his voice as he pictured his ex's beautifully sculpted, unscarred body.

"That guy was not a ten."

"He was way out of my league," Heero argued amicably, "You have a weird definition of Perfect Ten."

"Difference of opinion! That guy was not more attractive than you."

Smirking, Heero insisted, "Yes he was...But he, now he was a dumb fuck." They laughed together for a moment, and Heero continued, "So, Quatre's an asshole for pointing this out to you?"

"No, he's an asshole for being a jerk about it and insinuating that I have 'hidden feelings for you'," the braided man mocked with air quotes again, personifying his disgust with the accusation by visibly shivering.

"Oh."

"Yeah, something along the lines of I don't like any of your boyf's so I should just date you myself, or some shit like that. Stupid, right?"

"Yeah," Heero replied curtly as he typed. Clearing his throat he added, "So stupid."

"I know! I mean, come on! I'm straight, for one, and has Quatre never heard of a fuckin' bromance?" Watching his friends' face closely Duo noticed Heero's slight frown, and he asked, "What's with the look?"

"What look?" the Japanese man questioned, feigning ignorance.

"You looked sad for a second there."

"Well, it would be nice for a change if you actually got along with whomever I date next," he white lied.

Duo asked, "Is this issue really that bad?"

"Not bad, exactly, but when I'm dating someone you don't like - which is whenever I happen to be with someone - you never want to hang out with him and me, and on the off-chance you do, you get really curt and sarcastic in a mean way," the blue-eyed man explained honestly.

Sinking in his chair, Duo said, "I'm not that bad."

"Yes, you are. It gets to the point where I feel like I am choosing between spending time with them or spending time with you, because hanging out all together is not an option."

"So I've done this from the start?"

"Yeah, since I began to date at eighteen."

"Pft, nice try. You were at least twenty when you finally put yourself out there."

"Shut the hell up! I was nineteen, at most! So, basically, you have been acting this way for six years."

Duo halfheartedly faked a pout and mumbled, "Imma shitty friend."

"Yeah, kind of," Heero responded with a cheeky grin and a nod.

"Oh gee, thanks. No, 'It's okay Duo, you just care too much.' Or, 'Don't be so hard on yourself. You're not that crummy.'"

"I learned a long time ago that it's easier to agree with you all the time. Arguing with you is about as affective as arguing with a rock."

"Ha-ha! Anyways...alright, I guess I didn't notice that I've been a jerk to all your boyfriends," Duo confessed with a long, exaggerated roll of his violet eyes.

"Maybe you do not like seeing me happy with another person," Heero teased, tapping a pen on the desk.

Snickering, Duo winked and replied, "Or maybe I just love having you undivided attention." And that was followed by Duo's sauciest smile; the one that made Heero's heart beat harder. That light pink hue painted its way across Heero's cheeks again, and he bit the inside of his bottom lip to keep the blush from deepening.

Snapping his fingers, Duo blurted, "Hey! I've got an idea!"

"Oh, no. Whatever it is, no."

"Come on! Let me at least say it before you make that horror-stricken face!"

"Alright, alright, let's hear it," he groaned, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and a leg folded up on the opposite knee, "Spit it out."

"I know a bunch of gay dudes. I can set you up with someone I already get along with and if you like him too then, BOOM! Problem solved!"

Grimacing, Heero groaned, "I don't know about this."

"Come on! It'll be fine! I can set up you up with tons of hunky guys! Someone funny, like me!"

"No one makes me laugh the way you do...but most of the time I am laughing at you, not with you," he joshed.

"Ouch, that hurt," Duo shammed, placing his hand over his heart, "But seriously, let me set you up with someone."

Forcing a smile, Heero nodded and gave in. "Fine. You get three chances, just like Quatre did."

"Awesome!" Duo hollered, jumping to his feet, "I won't let you down, Beautiful."

Heero watched as the door closed loudly behind his best friend. Rubbing the back of his neck, he wondered if Duo's little plan would work out in the long run. He was intuitive enough to know that a major flaw in his liaisons was that he compared each man to the imaginary relationship he had with Duo...the one he wished were a reality. But now that they'd been friends for ten years it was time to move on. Duo would always be his friend.

And nothing more.

Two days later Duo fulfilled his promise to Heero and introduced him to an acquaintance from the vast medical team the Preventers had on retainer. Broc, a six-foot-five, well-groomed, African physiologist lived up to Duo's expectation of a "Perfect Ten", and a good match for his best friend. He introduced them during a mid-morning coffee break near the cafeteria and quickly left so they'd have a chance to chat in private. While standing in the elevator alone on the trek back to his office the braided man received a text message from Heero.

"How did you know chocolate is my favorite flavor?"

The light, happy feelings of doing something nice for a friend dwindled for reasons unbeknownst to Duo as he replied a simple, "lol". Looking at his murky reflection in the elevators silver doors, Duo corrected his posture, pushed the stray long hairs behind his ears, and brushed off his shoulders. For a fleeting moment he felt a greatly self-conscious, but another text message distracted him from his thoughts.

"Alright, definitely got a date this Friday. You beat Quat in the match-maker bizz thus far."

Over the remainder of the workweek, the braided man rubbed his accomplishment in Quatre's face. Telling the blond how wrong he was gave Duo great joy. He did it so often and with so much zest that it made Quatre solidify his original opinion of Duo being in major denial. Though he never voiced this thought out loud.

---

After another three weeks passed, Duo was singing a very different tune.

All the former Gundam pilots gathered at the Peacecraft estate for charity ball, and halfway through the night Duo's mood had soured as he stood at the open bar, eating fistfuls of mixed nuts and drinking glass after glass of bubbly champagne. His violet eyes bore holes into Heero and Broc from a healthy distance while he observed them laughing and smiling. They were both so damn happy, and he tried his best to be happy for them, but he just couldn't for some reason.

"What's up, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, resting against the bar behind Duo's tightly pinch shoulder blades.

Ignoring the question, the braided man snapped, "Why is he laughing so much? Broc isn't even that funny."

"I am good, very good. How are you?" Wufei answered the polite question Duo didn't ask.

"What kind of name is Broc anyways?" Duo sneered around a mouth half-full of peanuts, "Broc. Broc. Broc. Rhymes with rock."

"Didn't you set them up?" Wufei questioned, watching his friend consume a slender glass of bubbly booze and pick another one up from a passing waitress making rounds around the gala.

"Yeah, but it was a mistake. They don't make a good fit."

"They look pretty happy to me," Wufei stated, eyeballing Heero and his current lover.

"But the guy is such a dud, so fuckin' boring! All he talks about is work. Bah, I helped a patient with a torn ligament, blah, blah, blah, blah," Duo ranted in a horrible mock of Broc's voice. "God and his laugh! Ugh! It's so annoying!"

"What is wrong with it?" the Chinese man asked, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"It's so freakin' loud!"

As if on cue, Broc laughed and it echoed across the room.

"See! So loud!" Duo cried, gesturing at the man as if his point had been irrefutably proven.

"Have you ever heard yourself laugh? Or speak for that matter?" Wufei taunted, poking Duo on the shoulder.

Turning his fierce, tipsy glare to the Chinese man, Duo exclaimed, "Oh, shut up!"

"Here's an idea: why don't you go talk to your date over there," Wufei suggested and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder to the cluster of women.

Looking at his date, Katrina, Une's newest secretary, Duo frowned. With a dismissive wave of his hand, he disregarded the suggestion. "She's havin' fun chattin' it up with 'Lena and the girls."

Quatre abruptly joined the two, chiming in with, "What's up?"

"Maxwell is bitching about Broc. Claims he and Yuy are not a good fit anymore."

Faking an expression of utmost surprise, Quatre replied, "Oh, wow! Now there's the shocker of a life time."

"Go fuck yourself, Quatre," Duo seethed, not in the mood for the blonds' sarcasm.

"Excuse me?!"

"You're a goddamn jerk, and I -."

"I'm the jerk, for what? Calling you out on your bullshit? You need a -"

"Not tonight!" Trowa appeared out of nowhere to interfere with the quarreling pair. "You two can hash this out some other time, but right here, right now, is neither the time or place." And he dragged his boyfriend away from the bar to the dance floor.

"Can you believe that guy?" Duo asked to his remaining ally.

"Maxwell..." Wufei started tentatively but wasn't sure how to phrase what he wanted to say.

"What?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but... it does seem that you are, I don't know, overly concerned about who Yuy gets involved with, and it sort of comes off as domineering and jealous," Wufei finished and leaned away from his scowling friend.

"I. Am. Not. Jealous," the braided man stated firmly.

"Then prove us wrong. Stop being so involved in his relationships. Go have your own," he suggested, pushed himself off the bar and marched towards Sally Po.

Once the event ended and Duo brought his date back to his apartment, he was able to release the night's frustrations through vigorous sex. With Katrina laying in bed next to him, he kept telling himself that he didn't give a flying fuck who Heero dated...but a tiny voice in the back of his head kept tell him that was a lie.

The next night Duo had high hopes for a better outcome. Spending time with his best friend and his new beau sounded like a good idea, and it was what Heero wanted. It was why he set them up in the first place! But after forty minutes into the dinner get-together the braided man's usual sunny disposition and friendly demeanor became standoffish and rude, which was hardly veiled by a layer of sarcasm.

While Heero cooked on the stove Broc finished telling a joke, "And so the penguin says, 'Dude, he's not an eggplant, he's retarded'." (A.N.: OITNB reference drop.)

Heero chuckled softly over the boiling pot of pasta, and Duo gave Broc an unsure glare that seemed to say, 'and what?'

"Don't you get it?" Broc asked, smacking Duo on the shoulder, "The farmer thought he was an eggplant-"

"Oh, I get it," Duo interrupted, "It's just a terrible joke."

That ill-mannered remark was the breaking point for Heero. "Hey, Broc," he interrupted, raising his voice high enough to get the man's full attention.

"Yeah?"

"Sauté the vegetables for me for a second, please."

"Sure thing, 'Ro," Broc answered in his deep, husky baritone voice; kissing the Japanese man on the cheek as they brushed passed each other.

The fluttering happiness Heero felt from the simple token of affection was shot down like a missile had stuck a plane flying in the sky when he saw Duo's glowering, disgusted reaction.

"I would like a word with you in private," the blue-eyed man said in a scary, serious tone that made ice drip down Duo's spine.

"'Kay," he squeaked, and was yanked by the elbow out of the kitchen and to the far end of living room. As soon as they were out of earshot Duo bemoaned, "You let him call you 'Ro? I thought I was the only one who was allowed to call you that."

"What is your fucking problem?" Heero seethed in a whisper, ignoring his friends' question.

"Nothin'! The joke wasn't funny," Duo said as an excuse for his bad behavior.

"That is not it, and you know it! You've been acting like an ass for the past half hour! What the hell?" he asked, foot stomping on the hard wood floor out of frustration.

"Nothin'," the violet-eyed man mumbled, "It's just - it's whatever."

"Jesus Christ," Heero grumbled, running his hands through his hair. "You don't like him anymore, do you?"

Gesturing frantically with his hands, Duo confessed, "It's just you and him, ya know, it doesn't make sense."

"You introduced us to each other!"

"I know!"

"The whole point of that was so I could date someone you get along with, so I would not have to feel like I was choosing between you and whomever the fuck I'm dating!"

"I know! I know! I thought Broc was a stand-up dude, but -"

"But what? You don't like seeing me happy with someone? You don't like the idea of me getting close to anyone out of a little Gundam circle? Would you rather I date a woman? Or are you just too concerned with my intimate life because you have not dated anyone seriously since Hilde dumped your ass?"

"Alright, hey, that's a low fuckin' blow and you know it," the braided man scolded quietly at that last question, the pain written across his porcelain face.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry," Heero apologized, feeling instantly ashamed of his outburst.

"That bitch didn't want me to hang 'round with you anymore. She tried to convince me to move back to L2 for christ's sake!"

"I know! I'm sorry! It's just...your my best friend -"

"Yeah, I know."

"So, can you be nice for me? Do this, for me? Laugh at his jokes even if they are not funny and be your normal, extrovert self, and just - God! Do this for me! I really like him, okay? I need you to try to like him too because I am sick of being alone." Heero's rant ended in a painful admission.

"I get it. I'm sorry, okay? You're right. You're so fuckin' right. Imma stop being a dickhead right fuckin' now."

"Can you do that? This is the first time I have had a relationship last longer than two weeks, so it would mean a lot to me if you could stop being a righteous asshole and be the lovable guy I know you to be."

"Yeah! Of course! Anything for you, 'Ro," Duo replied honestly, hand on Heero's shoulder squeezing comfortingly.

"Thank you," Heero sighed heavily.

Duo pulled his friend into a tight hug, patted him on the back twice and released him. As he watched Heero walk back to the kitchen Duo knew he'd be forcing his attitude to reflect the opposite of what he felt inside. At the same time, he acknowledged that his promise of 'anything for you' was true even though it felt false somehow in this particular moment. What pained him the most was the realization that even though Heero had a strong supportive group of friends, he was still lonely and craving the trust, loyalty, and affection from someone else. Someone who could become more than just a friend. Standing in the way of that made him feel lower than dirt.

For years he'd systematically destroyed Heero's relationships from the sidelines; that had become glaringly obvious thanks to Quatre, and Heero too. He wasn't sure what it was, but Duo hated seeing Heero happy and affectionate with another person. That revelation only made Duo's head and heart hurt greater because what he wanted more than anything was to see his best friend - the most kind, strong, reserved and caring soul he'd ever met - happy. So why did he have such a problem with Heero when he was forming a romantic relationship? He didn't have any answers.

As for his own love life, Duo only engaged in one night stands or fleeting fuckable relationships. Once he was bored with having sex with a woman, which happened quickly, he moved on to the next girl. He never took any of his short-lived relationships as seriously as Heero did. For the Japanese man, every date he went on held the potential of becoming something more. Duo on the other hand never expected or wanted anything from his countless part-time lovers. Hilde broke his heart. By making him choose between Heero and her, she shattered him. Choosing Heero was the right choice, and he never doubted that for a minute. If he'd picked Hilde his friendships with the other former Gundam pilots would've been put in jeopardy as well. There was no clear way to cut Heero out of his life without sacrificing his bond with the rest of the group. Duo's answer was swift and clear.

Heero.

He choose Heero when Hilde bluntly asked him to make a decision. There was no hesitation. There was no moment to ponder. Heero was his answer...and that would never change.

Since then he didn't trust women to understand the importance of his best friend in his life. If anyone was able to understand their attachment Hilde should have been it, but she failed to comprehend the intense brotherhood that wielded them together. If she couldn't get it, Duo believed no woman could. So from then on all he engaged in were short, sex filled flings.

After a tense meal where Duo kept his mouth shut and pushed himself to be sunshiny, the three men gathered on the couch to watch a movie.

Duo chewed the inside of his bottom lip like a stiff piece of expired gum; gnawing on it with great force to make it chewy again. Heero and Broc were cozy up against each other, and it brought forth a sour ting to the braided man's mouth. This was what he hated most when Heero was in a relationship, seeing him relax into another person. It had taken years for Heero to get that way with him and the rest of their friends, and watching him do it so easily with someone else made him undeniably envious.

Extending his left leg towards Heero's right leg, Duo smugly smirked to himself in the blue TV light when Heero's knee reached out to connect and touch his, nuzzling their knees softly together.

---

The following Monday Duo was in the middle of a session with his therapist - a requirement for all Preventer Field Agents. He was in the middle of a long rant about Heero, which wasn't a surprise to his physician for this was by far not the first talk they had had about Heero Yuy.

"I just think Heero could do way better than Broc, ya know, and accordin' to Quatre, this 'repetitive' behavior of mine means I have unaddressed feelings for him, or some bullshit like that. And I just don't agree. I think it's complete bullshit. I'm fuckin' straight. I have never looked at a dude and thought, 'oh hey, let me mount that'. Am I a little too judgmental of who 'Ro dates? Sure, yeah, I can admit that, but I have his best interests at heart. You see, Heero is a...special guy and I want to see him with someone who compliments him the best, ya know? Dude deserves to find his soul mate more than anyone else I know, but he's so into Broc, and I just don't get that," he rambled.

"Heero's complacency with Broc upsets you?" Ms. Lisa asked.

"Yeah! It does!"

"Hmm, but a few weeks ago you told me they would make a terrific couple. What changed?" She asked; leafing through the extensive notes she had on her eight-year-long patient.

"I dunno, they just...they just don't make sense, and I don't see it lasting much longer," he answered, tapping his foot irritably on the carpet floor.

"Your friend, Mr. Winner, claims that you have romantic feelings for Heero. Do you think he's completely wrong?"

"Haven't I been saying that for the last forty-five minutes?!"

"If I recall, we've discussed you having homo-erotic dreams involving Heero in the past," she said, brushing back her blonde bangs.

"I've only had a few and those and they were, I dunno, years ago when he started to date, remember? We came to conclusion that they were brought about from 'a fear within me losing my closeness with him'," he recited her words from memory.

"Well, maybe it's time we re-examine your feelings and dreams about him."

"Why?" he flabbergasted.

Carefully, she replied, "Honestly, Duo, he is one of your more favorable topics of discussion."

"Just because I like talkin' 'bout him doesn't mean I'm gay," he deflected, crossing his arms over his chest, body rigid with defense.

"I'm not calling your sexual orientation into question. You have long identified as a heterosexual, but if you remember the Kinsey test, you scored a two," Ms. Lisa replied calmly.

"Yeah, so?"

She answered, "It means your predominately heterosexual but also incidentally homosexual."

"What does that even mean?" he asked lurching forward from the couch.

"Let me ask you this," she said, looking him dead in the eye, "And I want you to reflect on yourself honestly before you answer this question. If you were to put your heterosexual nature into a percentage, would you identify with being one hundred percent straight?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"There isn't even a small percentage of you that is interested or open to other men on a romantic or sexual level?" she quizzed.

Her patient rocked back and forth on his spot on the couch, fussing with the cuffs of his long-sleeved, button-up work shirt. "I guess...I'd say I'm ten or fifteen percent gay. Twenty tops, but that feels high."

"Okay, so ten to fifteen percent of you is inclined to homosexual attraction. Do you think your affection, devotion, and loyalty for Heero falls into that small bracket?"

"No! No, nonono! I mean, I love the guy. I'd give my life for him, and I've put that to the test hundreds of times over the past ten years and he's done the same for me, but that doesn't mean I'm in lov -" he paused to take a deep breath and clear his throat, "That doesn't mean I'm in love with him, okay?"

"Alright, relax," she smoothly requested to her nervous, distraught client, "Maybe you -"

Duo cut her off by standing up abruptly and marching to the door. "I gotta get outta here," he grumbled opening the door and disappearing down the corridor.

Ms. Lisa heaved a heavy sigh whilst jotting down notes. Duo hadn't left her office in a huff like that in years, and she worried for him.

On the march back to his office, Duo wiped the sweat from his brow and tried to calm his racing heart. All these accusations and questions were messing with his head. It was stupid. It was all so stupid! How could everyone mistake his care for Heero and turn it into something that it wasn't? Maybe he was a little too attached to his best friend, he could concede that much to himself, but it wasn't like they had a co-dependent relationship that was unhealthy. They flirted a little bit, but that was only because he flirted with everyone! Heero only started to play along with the flirtatious banter a few years after the war.

"Hey, braided-boy-wonder," Heero's voice said, and a strong grip on his shoulder stopped Duo mid-stride.

"'Ro," he gasped, instinctively smiling.

In a nano-second he felt the weight of the world lift of his shoulders only for it to come crashing back down equally as fast when he instantly became aware that seeing his best friend shouldn't bring that amount of relief...or maybe he was over thinking it. It was too hard to tell now.

Not noticing the turmoil, Heero continued, "I am being deployed tomorrow. Will you feed Bo for me? If not, my next door neighbor take care of him, or Broc."

Bo is the fluffy orange tabby cat Duo had gifted Heero with six years ago. He didn't like the thought of the Japanese man living alone, and Heero expressed his minor dislike of dogs that resulted from a sad past incident, so Duo bought him a cat for his "birthday" - a random date pulled out of a hat.

"Ye-yeah, yeah, yeah sure," he said, and maneuvered around Heero to continue to his office.

The hand from before returned to his shoulder and pulled him back around.

"Are you okay?" Heero asked kindly, eyes soft and searching out of concern.

The touch was soothing and the soft, emotional eyes were appreciated, which only added stress to Duo's fracking mind. In a knee-jerk reaction, Duo knocked Heero's hand away from his body with a closed fist and a force that screamed such a touch was not welcome.

"Duo?" Heero bemused.

"Sorry, man. Just havin' one of those days, ya know, claustrophobic, ha-ha. I just need some time alone. Get my head cleared!" he hollered and sped walked down the hall, not looking back at the Japanese man and is soul-piercing Prussian eyes.

"Duo!" Heero shouted after him, but the braided man refused to turn around.

Entering his office and slamming the door behind him, Duo pressed his back against it and cradled his head in his trembling hands. "Son of a bitch," he swore in a wavering voice.

---

During the week that Heero was gone on assignment with Wufei, Duo struggled to get to the bottom of his emotional mind-fuck. He had come to see and agree with Quatre's assertion, but that was only on the emotional level.

What about the physical?

To test his sexuality he watched a few short video clips of gay porn, but nothing really happened. There was hardly any physical reaction to indicate arousal, but he wasn't disgusted by the images either. He chalked all that up to the fact that he didn't think gay sex was weird or cringe-worthy because he was friends with a handful of homosexuals. The idea of being more than friends with the blue-eyed man was idly comforting, only because they'd been friends for so long and the closeness that had developed between them was a very strong bond, but he still wasn't sure if he wanted full sexual contact with him. Then again, the mental image of rolling in the sheets with Heero wasn't disgusting and was far more enticing than the homoerotic Internet pornography. To make matters worse, he stumbled upon a video where one of the actors bared a passing resemblance to Heero.

...It kind of, sort of, but not really, looked like his best friend...and then that block of arousal he'd been experiencing disappeared. His half-limp cock pulsed and flamed with a rush of excited blood. It stood at attention with the eagerness of well-trained soldier. Duo slammed his laptop shut, not wanting to entertain ideas of his friend writhing beneath him, but images of the wet dreams he'd had long ago about Heero filtered through his mind, resulting in a headache. Refusing to give into the bodily excitement, Duo stomped to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water multiple times.

Later that night, his subconscious worked those thoughts out by gifting him with another wet dream about the Japanese man. Waking up moments after climax, Duo kicked off his boxers and used them to wipe off the remnants of semen from his damp skin. He mentally cursed at himself. He wouldn't fall back to sleep until the night sky began to shift into shades of grayish-blue.

The following evening Duo invited Trowa to his apartment. He didn't want to kill time alone. So he invited Trowa over to his place and specifically requested that he come alone, without Quatre, because they couldn't have a cordial conversation. The two friends relaxed on Duo's balcony that overlooked the cityscape, drinking beers and shooting the shit. When the alcohol worked its magic and lowered his inhibition, the braided man decided to ask for his friends' opinion.

"Do you agree with Quatre? Do ya think I'm too engrossed in Heero's life?" he asked, eying Trowa from a sideways glance.

"Um, I don't know," Trowa replied with a shrug, flipping back his hair. "Are you starting to think you are?"

"I dunno, maybe. It-it just feels like everyone is thinkin' it and sayin' it, and now I feel like it's been put in my head. It, um, I'm second guessin' everythin'...Am I makin' any sense right now?"

"Sort of," Trowa chuckled, "I think I understand what you're trying to say. You're all fucked in the head because some people read more into your relationship with Heero, which is causing your perception of the friendship to change."

"Yes! Thank you for being wayyy more eloquent than me," Duo laughed and took a swig from his brown bottled beer.

"It does seem to really bother you when he's in a relationship," Trowa pointed out, gently.

"If I'm being perfectly honest, I do get a lil' jealous, but that doesn't mean anythin'!" Duo argued quietly.

"In retrospect, it does not mean that something else is going on," the green-eyed man debated, "Besides that, you treat him differently, act differently when he's around, and you're a lot more touchy-feely with him than the rest of us."

"What do you mean?" Duo asked, genuinely curious.

"When we have movie nights you cuddle up next to him."

"That's not tru-"

"Yes, it is. You snuggle against him and he leans back on you. When you guys drink together-"

"Drunk nights shouldn't count!" Duo interrupted.

Unfazed, Trowa continued, "Shut up, they do count. When you two are drunk together, you guys hang all over each other and flirt like crazy. On missions you two always bunk up in the same room if not the same bed - "

"That's different! That's wor-"

"I said, shut up," he repeated, "You and him act like more than friends all the time, and I could give you hundreds of examples, but that would take forever. And, for your information, we all were expecting you to come out of the closet for him."

"...even 'Ro?"

"Especially him."

"I'm so confused," the braided man groaned, running his finger through his bangs.

Trowa advised, "Acting on your emotions might help clarify them."

"Dear lord," Duo grumbled, "not this speech again. Follow your emotions, blah, blah, blah."

"In spite of everything I just said, there is a very good possibility that you and Heero have a very strong bromantic relationship, and nothing more. I know from personal experience just how confusing this situation can be."

"Oh yeah, you used to have a crush 'Ro before you got with that blond pinhead, Quatre," Duo mumbled, remembering those first two awkward years after the war. "How'd you get over that?"

Trowa downed the rest of his beer and cautiously asked, "Do you really want to know?"

"Course," blurted Duo as he opened another two beers to keep their little kickback going.

"We slept together," Trowa stated matter-of-factually, taking the beer from Duo.

"WHAT?!" Duo yelled, eyes bugging out of his head, beer clenched in his fist so tight the glass threatened to break. "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS?!"

"Calm down! Stop shouting!" Trowa ordered, placing his hand over Duo's mouth to muffle his incessant questions. "It was one time, a long, long time ago and we decided to never speak of it again."

"Does Quatre know?"

"Of course, Quatre knows."

"Of course, Quatre knows, but don't anyone tell Duo. No, no, no, that's a bad idea," the braided man groused, feeling betrayed by Heero for keeping such a secret from him. "So is that what you're telling me to do? Sleep with him to figure this shit out?"

"No! God, no! That's a horrible idea. I should have never slept with him," Trowa admitted. He took a second to gather his thoughts and find the easiest way to explain the awful situation to Duo. "Look, here's what happened: I knew I liked Quatre, a lot. I also had a crush on Heero, and he kind of liked me in return. Heero and I ended up sleeping together one night and it was awful! It should have never gone that far, but it did. Even kissing him was weird."

"Why? Is he a bad kisser?" Duo asked, not really caring and still very pissed off, but really, he did care.

"Let me finish," the green-eyed man said, "We mistook the respect, friendship and mild attraction we had for each other and made it something that it wasn't. The reason it was so bad was because we were just friends, and that's it. Afterwards we both felt weird about it, agreed that it sort of felt incestuous and decided to never speak of it again."

With one eyebrow cocked and an amused smirk on his face, Duo questioned, "Incestuous, eh?"

"Yes. Even kissing felt that way, which is why we shouldn't have had sex, but we were young and stupid, so we went all the way," Trowa recounted with a shudder.

"Okay, so you're not advisin' me to sleep with him?" Duo chuckled with a hint of sincerity in his tone.

"Yeah, no, don't do that," Trowa laughed.

"I don't think I could ever have sex with a guy," the violet-eyed man mumbled, scratching the back of his neck under the base of his braid.

"No? Not even once?" Trowa teased, elbowing his comrades' shoulder.

"I just don't like things being done to me back there, ya know?"

Trowa laughed out loud, and asking, "You mean you don't like things going in your butt?"

"That's exactly what I'm sayin'. I've done it to myself and few girls have tried things, and I just, uhh, ick, don't like it. But I do enjoy anal sex with girls."

"So you don't like prostate stimulation. That's not all that uncommon, even in gay community. That is why there are tops and bottoms. You'd be a top, clearly."

"Do I even want to know what 'Ro is?"

"He's versatile," Trowa answered, "He's been in relationships where he was strictly one or the other."

"Hmm," Duo mumbled in the back of his throat, not really wanting to know but dying of curiosity all the same.

"Broc is a top, so you can imagine how it goes down with them," Trowa chuckled.

"Really didn't want to know that," Duo uttered, grating his tongue against his teeth to get the sudden bad taste in his mouth to go away.

"You know what, you should kiss him," Trowa suggested, suddenly.

"Yeah? And how exactly would I go about doin' that?" Duo asked with a disparaging tone.

"You are a clever guy. I am sure you can find a way to do it. Plus, you can learn a lot from one kiss."

"I dunno if I can do that, but I guess if I were to kiss a guy…Heero would be my first pick."

"Not Wufei?"

"Ew! God, no! Bleh!" Duo cringed, making a gagging sound.

"What about Quatre?"

"No, no, that's just weird."

"How about me?"

Shivering, the violet eye man asked, "Are you kiddin' me?"

"Okay, so kissing any man other than Heero is 'ew', 'weird' and 'bleh'.? I'd say that says enough about how you feel, and you should try to kiss him," Trowa urged.

"Yeah, I guess, I dunno. Can we stop talkin' about this now?" Duo asked, feeling drained and confused. He wanted to turn the clock back and never have this conversation, while at the same time feeling thankful for all the information.

"You brought it up."

"Well, I'm changin' the subject now."

It was silent for a few minutes. Trowa let the topic drop for Duo's sake. He secretly agreed with his long time lover, but didn't want to force Duo into any action that might disrupt the bond between their groups dynamic. As they simmered in the silence, Duo became increasingly uncomfortable. He thrived on interaction, verbal or otherwise.

He asked, "What do you think is the equivalent of a 'bromance' for women?"

"I don't know," Trowa mumbled with a shrug, "A chickmance?"

"Naw, that doesn't sound right. I've heard 'Lena call Dorothy and Hilde her girlfriends."

"That must be it then."

After Trowa left Duo texted Katrina, enticing her to come over for an obvious booty-call, which she quickly agreed to. While he waited for her, he cleaned up his kitchen and living room, his mind daydreaming about what it would be like to be more than friends with his best friend. Being in a romantic relationship with someone he considered his best friend sounded like the ideal romance. He'd heard people describe their significant other as their best friend, and he was always at his happiest whenever the Japanese man was around. Long ago Hilde had been a best friend; she and Heero shared that title, but that was eons ago.

In the beginning everything had been picture perfect between him and the spunky female soldier. They got along famously and shared many interests, but when she became inexplicably threatened by his friendship with both Heero and Wufei, she demanded Duo make a choice. He did cut back on the time spent with the Chinese man, but he completely refused to cut Heero out of his life even a little bit. At the time her fears seemed unreasonable, but with hindsight Duo could see that he clearly gave more time to Heero and cared about that friendship more than the relationship he had created with her.

The more and more he thought about the sexual aspects, the more they became appealing - or maybe that was the alcohol talking. Though he shuddered at the thought of anything anal being done to himself, he was sure he could perform as the top, and he wasn't put off by image of giving and receiving oral sex with Heero.

"That should gross me out," he mumbled to no one, putting dishes in the dishwasher and daydreaming about locking his lips around his friends throbbing cock. "Why doesn't that gross me out?"

It was slowly becoming clearer and clearer that Heero seemed to be the exception to his identified sexuality. When he thought of any other man in a sexual or romantic setting, it made his mouth screw in a sour twist. Or possibly Heero was no exception at all. Duo approached everything in black and white terms. Maybe his emotions weren't painted in black and white; maybe the world was brushed in brood stokes of gray – some lighter, some darker – they all messed together, creating a world of gray and unsure paths.

What made Heero different from other men? Why was he some sort of exception? Were they really that close? Did he really want more from Heero than the mere friendship - a friendship he'd fought for from the first day they met way back when they adolescent soldiers.

A knock on the door pulled Duo out of his reverie.

Two minutes after he opened and closed the door, Katrina and he fell onto his bed, stripping each other as quickly as possible. As their naked bodies collided, Duo asked between tonguing kisses, "Is your backdoor available for entry tonight?"

"Sure is, baby," Katrina replied, flipping onto her stomach and raising her voluptuous rear high into the air.

Without skipping a beat, Duo spread her wide and licked her down, enjoying the feminine nectar. She moaned loudly as the foreplay commenced, face buried in his musky scented pillow. Duo blocked out the sounds she made, imagining a very different deep, masculine tune. Resting his head against the small of her back, Duo worked on stretching her with lubricated fingers. It didn't take long to prepare her for penetration, and he was more than eager to sink into her and copulate.

She gasped and moaned noisily, interrupting Duo's wild fantasy. He hindered her sounds by pressing her face deeper into the pillow. While thrusting, his mind formulated a scenario wherein Katrina was replaced with Heero.

With his eyes closed, Duo ran a damp palm against his lovers back, feeling the illusory raised scar tissue that he knew marred his friends spine from when he idiotically self-destructed his gundam. The hair he dug his blunt fingernails into wasn't a honey blonde, but a dark chocolate. The muffled feminine cries of tortured ecstasy were replaced with grunts and pleas in a deeper wanton voice. The body beneath his changed in skin tones, darkening in hue. The contours of the body straightened from curvaceous to fit, slender and muscularly defined. A hand clasped over his splayed fingers on the bed spread, entwining the two together that inadvertently encouraged his mind to 'see' Heero's wide, callous hand and long fingers curling into his palm.

Imagination running rampant and uncontrolled, Duo could even smell the pure scent of his best friend.

"Uh, Duo!" someone cried in a weird tango between Heero's and Katrina's voice.

The fantasy playing in Duo's head supplemented a vision of Heero's face: piercing blue eyes ablaze with lust, rolling back into his head, body glistening with sweat. Before Duo could hold back or fight it, he came. Everything that was Katrina warped into Heero; every touch, sound, smell and it all flung him over the edge. He was caught, dragging under Heero's illusionary undertow. They collapsed on the bed, and the violet-eyed man waited for his shaft to soften before extracting it.

"That was fast," Katrina said, her voice dripping with disappointment.

"Sorry," Duo apologized, flopping off of his 'date' and flinging his arm over his face to hide his troubled violet eyes.

"Well if you're not going to finish me off can I at least take a shower and sleep over?" she asked; sheet pulled up above her humble breasts.

"I'd rather you leave," he answered honestly and unkindly.

"Seriously?" she questioned, incredulously, "I drove across town for this. The least you could do is let me clean up and stay."

"Well I don't want you to stay," Duo laughed, but there was no mirth in his chuckle. It rang bitterly.

Jumping out of bed, Katrina sneered, "Alright, fine! Don't ask me to come over and fuck you again!"

Less than five minutes later the front door slammed shut behind her with a force great enough to cause a wave of vibration throughout the apartment. It didn't bother Duo; if anything he was grateful for the silence and solitude, though a small part of him pitied her. This was how all of his hook-ups eventually ended.

Lying alone in his bed, Duo tried to think of the negative sides of being in a relationship with Heero. In a defensive counteraction he attempted to dissuade his growing interest in his best friend.

Heero would expect him to be as clean as him. On the plus side, the entire apartment would be spick-span. Other than that, Heero would inflict his OCD-ness of everything needing to be put in its right place. That didn't seem so bad to Duo since he already prescribed to Heero's compulsive antics. In fact, he went out of his way to appease Heero more than any other person he knew. He would feel responsible for getting Heero out of a funk of depression...but that was already a job he put on himself. His willingness would be responsible for both his and Heero's sexual satisfaction. In Duo's mind that wasn't a problem as long as Heero was comfortable with being 'bottom'. Always. Every negative he mustered up was quickly followed by an easy answer, and that, more than anything, drove him crazy.

It shouldn't be that easy! Real, deep loving relationships aren't that easy! Are they? Can they be?

Frustrated, he pulled out his favorite book from under his bed. He had read it four times already, so he knew it through and through. A while back he'd started reading it a fifth time and choose this moment to jump back into it after setting it down a month or so ago. Flipping to his dog-eared page of Leo Tolstoy's 'War and Peace', the organic bookmark fell from the book onto his lap. There, on his comforter-covered lap, laid a flattened orange bookmark flower - a poppy flower.

Duo remembered when he plucked it from the ground.

It was about four years after the end of Eve's War and Heero and he relaxed at a beach after a mission in Southern California before a returning flight to Headquarters. They parked their Jeep half a mile away from the shoreline and as they walked down the giant slopping hill to the sandy shore, they passed a small house with a front yard full of orange poppy flowers. Heero picked one and told Duo about the little girl with a yellow puppy and how she'd given him an orange flower, for the first time. Heero crushed the flower in his grip and his mood was ruined for the rest of the day, but on the way back Duo picked another flower and tucked it into his pocket. It had been his bookmark ever since.

…His barely furnitured house was littered with tiny mementoes of their friendship…

When he thought about it, Duo could remember every gift he'd ever given to or received from Heero, whether it was for his 'birthday' or Christmas, or a simple token of friendship for no important reason. Nobody else's gift stood out. The entire small, seemingly worthless gifts Heero had given him held a special place in his heart, even the flower, which wasn't even a gift to begin with. The gift that day was Heero opening up about particularly upsetting moment about his past.

Gently, he placed the delicate, paper-thin flower back between the dog-eared pages and pushed the book carefully back under the bed. Curling into the blankets, hiding under the covers, he grumbled, "I've gotta be bi. That the only way this makes sense."

'Bisexual' still didn't feel like a label that fit properly. Was it possible to be straight with an exception? Did that even make sense? Was it okay or even normal to have an exception to the identifying rule of sexuality?

He fell asleep with no answers.

---

For a week Duo's mind ran amuck. Everything he had come to know about himself was pulled into question. The frustration inflated so much the braided man thought his head might literally explode.

And now Heero was finally back, getting checked out in the medical ward and waiting for him to stop by.

At the elevator, Duo paused before pushing the down arrow button, pondering if maybe he should simply return to his office and run into Heero later. Over the years it had become customary, a tradition of sorts, for them to meet in the medical wing to greet and check up on each other's battle scars if they hadn't come in bruised and bleeding together from a joint assignment. Duo figured if he didn't go Heero would think something was up or that he was upset with him or something, which would only add more drama to the crap-storm that had now become Duo's life.

So he stabbed the down arrow button with his thumb.

Locating Heero's room, Duo walked in on nervous feet. A weight lifted as he saw his best friend sitting up right, legs hanging over the edge of the medical gurney, wearing nothing but dirty fatigues and mud splattered boots. The only visible injury lay on his upper left bicep, wrapped in white bandages. The haggard, hollow-eyed appearance of Heero's face told Duo that this mission was more damaging psychologically than physically.

"Hey," Duo whispered, standing in front of his best friend, hand on his shoulder, thumb wandering up and down the column of Heero's pulsing neck.

Heero sucked in a large breath, and released it with a quiet, "Hi."

Duo frowned at the dark circles under Heero's eyes that made the blue irises seem darker and painfully forlorn.

"What's this from?" he asked, mentioning the patched up injury.

"Just a bullet graze," Heero muttered and began to pull his shirt back up onto his shoulders.

Duo helped him button up the shirt while chuckling, "Did you kill the bastard that dare pull a gun on you?"

"No," the Japanese man answered in a barely audible whisper. "It was a nine-year-old boy."

"Shit...Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not right now. I will do that shit with my therapist."

Duo buttoned up Heero's shirt and pulled him into a tight hug. Heero returned the gesture with his uninjured arm, squeezing with the force of three arms. As he inhaled the scent of Heero from his greasy chocolate hair, Duo forgot about all his problems. All he wanted to do was erase the depression from those blue eyes and carry the burden and the pain on his own shoulders. A wish he wished every time Heero came back from a mission. In moments like this, he longed for Heero to have kept his promise to never kill again. Duo knew he could do the killing for the both of them, and shoulder that load alone.

The comforting embrace lingered for a long time, longer than normal and was interrupted when the doctor entered the room.

The physician dismissed Heero with a clean bill of health, and he and Duo went back to work. The doctor in-charge of Heero's care knew he wouldn't simply go home, so he cleared him for desk duty and paperwork. The braided man brought his workload into Heero's office so they could work together in comfortable silence. He didn't think leaving Heero alone would be a good idea. They worked quietly for an hour; Duo watching Heero's body language carefully, wishing he had something worthy to say, but he knew in this situation that his mere company was all that Heero needed, not his lame, witty nonsense.

Duo watched as Heero became irritated while texting on his phone. "What's the matter?" he asked.

"Broc wants to see me tonight," he grumbled, running his uninjured hand through his hair.

"And?"

"I'm not in the mood to be around his optimism," Heero growled with a deep scowl, glowering at his cellphone.

"He's one of those cup half full kinda guys, huh?"

"Yeah, it gets a little annoying after a while," Heero grumbled, bad mood getting the better of him as he turned his frosty glare to his desktop computer.

"Hey, here's an idea: let's leave and go to your place or mine and do whatever," Duo suggested.

"That's sounds good. I can't focus on shit right now," Heero agreed and shut off his work computer.

Duo drove them to their apartment building - they lived in the same building on different floors - and they chose to go to Heero's place to watch television and drink a bottle of whiskey. The braided man attempted to discourage his friend from mixing alcohol with his medication, but Heero wasn't in the mood to heed anyone's advice. So they watched lighthearted programs, not wanting to view anything dramatic or violent for they had enough of that shit in their lives. The bottle of whiskey diminished slowly over the passing hours. They weren't drinking to get drunk, just enough to push the negative thoughts away for a little while; numb without forgetting.

Heero flipped through the programs and Duo caught a glimpse of their reflection during a brief moment between channels, wherein the screen was black. On a couch large enough to squeeze in four bodies, Heero and he were squished up next to each other, his head on Heero's shoulder, and Heero's head leaning against his.

"Do we always...cuddle like this?" Duo asked, quietly.

"Pretty much," Heero answered, lightly squeezing Duo's knee, which brought the braided man's attention to the hand, and how it all felt really bizarre and oddly soothing that it'd been there the entire time.

Sitting up to create a little distance between them, Duo asked, "Did you, at any point, think I was gay?"

Heero's eyebrows pinched together, mouth twisting in a frown as he uttered, "Um..."

"Trowa said something about everyone thinkin' I was gay at one time or another," Duo blabbed, nervously scratching the back of his neck under his braid.

"Well, yes," Heero answered with a shrug, reaching for the bottle of whiskey and taking a swig.

"So you got the gay vibes from me too?" Duo asked, forcing a chuckle to keep the mood light.

Gruffly and irritably, he answered, "I just said yes."

"When?"

Sighing with exhaustion and not in the mood for this discussion, Heero answered, "During the war and a little while after, but then you started dating Hilde and a bunch of other girls."

"Did you want me to be gay?" the braided man asked daringly, taking the bottle from Heero's grip.

Coughing, Heero replied, "N-no, no. That's ridiculous. I never cared what you are."

Violet eyes appraised his friend suspiciously for Heero refused to look him directly. Duo could never tell when Heero was lying; the man lacked a tell. He would be the best poker player ever if he entered tournaments.

And it was a lie.

Heero and all the other gundam pilots got the 'gay vibes' from Duo, especially when he was around Heero. Wishing for Duo to be gay was one thing, but admitting that out loud would be confessing that he held a lasting crush for the former Deathscythe pilot. Revealing his attraction was out of the question. Heero would never do anything or say anything that could possibly scare Mr. I-Run-And-Hide-But-Never-Lie away.

Forcing the conversation down a certain path, Duo questioned, "In your experience, do gay guys kiss better than straight guys?"

"I would not know. I have never kissed a straight man. Where is this coming from?" Heero eyed him with tired, tipsy eyes.

"I'm just curious," Duo said, resting an elbow on the back support of the couch, grinning ear to ear, "Makin' conversation."

"I was wondering how long your silence would last," the Japanese man stated. It was a joke despite his monotonous tone and lack of facial expression. The braided man picked up on that, and played along.

Duo watched as Heero's pink tongue poked out and licked his lips, making them glisten with saliva, and before he knew what the fuck he was saying, the words fell out of his face: "You can kiss me if you want to compare."

"What?" Heero exclaimed out of shock, yanking the bottle back from his clearly wasted friend. Pointing the mouth of the glass bottle at the braided man, Heero offered coldly, "If you want to experiment, I suggest you find someone else to do it with." And then chugged a few mouthfuls of the amber whiskey. Duo's offer for a kiss was enticing, but he didn't think it was sincere.

"I don't want to experiment," Duo white lied. "I just want to know."

"Why me? Why not kiss one of your other gay friends?" Heero asked, feeling mildly uncomfortable and unable to look Duo in the eye again.

"Because you're my best friend and I can swear you to secrecy," Duo responded with a wolfish grin. Trowa was right, he was clever enough to contrive this scenario and make it appear organic.

The playful response eased the Japanese man's nervousness, and the rapacious grin made him shiver. "Yeah? What happens if I tell everyone?" Heero asked; playing along with the tongue-in-cheek discussion, though his face remained blank and unreadable.

"I murder you in your sleep," Duo deadpanned, causing Heero's stony surface to crack and laugh.

"Oh, yeah?" he bellowed, smiling widely. "You think you could sneak up on me like that?"

"Hell yes I can!"

"I would like to see you try, Maxwell. Now that I know you're game, I will be keeping an eye out for you," the blue-eyed man chuckled, feeling a tiny bit more like his usual self.

"Yeah, whatever. So you gonna kiss me or what?" Duo persisted.

Taking a deep breath and letting it go slowly, Heero inquired, "Seriously?" His blue, drunk eyes flickered with uncertainty. Kissing Duo on the mouth was something he only ever dreamt about, but right now, just coming off a troubling assignment wasn't the way he wanted it to happen.

Duo persisted, "Yeah, show me how you do it."

"Fine," Heero muttered definitively and took another swig from the whiskey bottle.

He set the bottle down on the short black coffee table and leaned back on the couch, piercing Duo with honest, direct eye contact. The braided man's throat constricted, heart pounding in his chest as Heero leaned forward, eyes closing and... a quick peck pushed against upon his mouth.

One chestnut eyebrow rose high on his forehead as he asked, "Is that how you kiss your boyfriends or your mother?"

"I do not have a mother," Heero deadpanned.

"Exactly. Lay a real one on me, Yuy. Show me how you do it...This might be the only time I ask," Duo murmured with an enticing drip to his tone.

A weird flash of ranging emotions ran across the inebriated Japanese man's face for a nanosecond before he cupped his friends' face and pulled him forward. Their lips welded together, pursing against one another.

It was a basic touch that he'd experienced a thousand times before, but this simplistic kiss made Duo's skin prickle delightedly. His pounding heart drummed faster in his chest. The moment Heero's tongue licked against his bottom lip, Duo found his mouth opening, instinctively. Willingly. Their tongues warred playfully with each other. An inferno ignited between them, making both men feel extremely hot, enraptured in the blazing envelope. Somewhere in the mix Heero had climbed onto Duo laps, resting his knees on the couch outside of Duo's legs, their groins pressed tightly together.

It ended all too soon and Heero was climbing off him with a shaky gasp. Duo followed Heero's retreating lips, but a hand against his sternum and a muffled, "Okay, that's it," hindered his pursuit.

Softly chuckling the somewhat awkward arousing encounter off, Duo whispered, "Gay dudes know how to kiss." He was dizzy; head spinning like he'd just been flung from a tire swing, and it was not from the alcohol.

"You weren't so bad yourself, for a heterosexual man," Heero chuckled, rising from the couch and disappearing into the kitchen.

"I can't believe I just cheated on Broc with you!" he yelled from the next room.

"Does it really count?" Duo asked. "Nothin' really happened. Nothin' changed."

..And that felt like the BIGGEST lie he'd ever said...

That kiss was hands down the best Duo had ever experienced.

His entire body tingled from the experience.

Every sense heightened from it.

His lips craved for more.

His mind crumbled as his heart imploded.

"Yeah, you are right," Heero replied from the kitchen where he drunkenly knocked dishes around. Duo knew there was no mess in there, and that Heero retreated to get away from the heat brewed between them. Those four words made Duo feel as if he were a boneless sack of Gundanium Alloy sinking into the couch, heavy with no defined shape. He wanted to hear a different response, but in the back of his mind he wondered how he would have handled Heero saying, 'Actually, that was fantastic, and I want more'.

He knew it was a poor time to act on Trowa's suggestion, but at the same time he knew he couldn't let an opportunity slip by. He felt a bit nauseous that he'd chosen to act on it in a time when Heero was suffering, coming home after a painful mission. But he needed to know, and now he knew.

A part of him is attracted to Heero on a level more than friendship. The new found knowledge didn't come with any relief, just more perplexity.

Heero re-entered the living room and took a seat at the far of the couch, gifting a lot of space between himself and the muddled violet-eyed man. A few silent minutes passed before Duo's head cleared, and he realized Heero was not within arms reach.

Some quirky sitcom played on the television.

Without thinking, he asked, "Why are you so far away?"

"I am right here," Heero replied.

Patting the space beside his left hip, Duo whispered, "Come closer."

Dark Prussian eyes stared at the pale hand resting on the black leather couch before answering, "Okay." He scooted up to Duo's side, grabbing the whiskey bottle before nestling at Duo's side, and reclaimed the position they were in before the kiss.

They continued to watch pointless comedies for another half hour as they both tried to internally reel in their confusing emotions. All they could think about was kissing each other again, but neither said anything to the other.

The unsure, insecure, and secretly crushing-on-Duo side of Heero jumped for joy at finally kissing the man who'd plagued his dreams for so many years. On the flip side, he mourned that the moment had come and passed. To him, Duo was his friend, best friend. Nothing more. Thinking, or even merely entertaining the idea that the braided man's sexuality would suddenly change was naive and irresponsible. Duo wondered why he had asked and done such a thing if he wasn't even sure how Heero felt about it. Was it all worth it? What happens now that he'd confirmed to himself that he'd be wiling and wanting more than a friendship with Heero if said man didn't want more? Love hadn't come easy for Duo after Hilde, or before her for that matter. Now with his sexuality up in the air, Duo couldn't clearly see left from right or up from down.

They continued to watch television for a while. Heero reclaimed his position next to Duo, resting his head on the braided man's shoulder. A second unexpected thing happened. Duo worked his fingers between Heero's, lacing their hands together.

Heero queried, "Why?" lifting their joined hands.

"Did you know in Eastern countries it's normal for male friends to hold hands and show tokens of affection? It's perceived as homosexual in Western countries," Duo stated. "And that's stupid...Is this weird for you?"

"No," Heero lied. It was one hundred percent weird, but comforting and welcomed at the same time. He sighed and nuzzled his cheek against Duo's shoulder softly, asking, "Do you enjoy holding my hand?"

Duo whispered, "Yeah. Yes, I do."

After a while Duo left. Normally he would have stayed over, spent the night on the couch. That's what they did for each other after one of them came home from a strenuous mission; sleep on the couch, be there for emotional support in case of nightmares, and pick each other up off the floor and the piece each other back together. This time was different, and Duo left. Heero walked him to the door, assured him he was fine, and locked the door behind him.

If Heero needed him, he could always call, Duo told himself. They lived in the same apartment structure on different floors. It wasn't like he was across town and unreachable. What bothered Duo was the break from their normal routine. He left Heero, got as far as the elevator, and even pressed the button before he stalked back to Heero's door. Determined to knock and continue their weird sense of normalcy, Duo's fist froze before making contact with the beige door.

Groaning angrily, Duo stepped back and paced before the innocuous door that had suddenly become a scary barrier he was afraid to walk through. He gripped the doorframe tight enough to make his knuckles turn white. He wanted to knock. Why couldn't he knock?

"FUCK!" He growled quietly between fiercely clenched teeth, tears stinging his eyes. His breathing wavered; a few hot anguished tears fell down his soft, pale cheeks as he willed himself to knock on the goddamn door. "Fuck," he sobbed, backing away, marching to the elevator.

He would go to bed in his own apartment, sleep a full eight hours, and wake up feeling like a truck had hit him.

They would avoid each other for the rest of the weekend, and act nonchalant when they got back to work on Monday. Pretending nothing ever happened.

---

They were back on Monday, no rest for the wicked. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It was a regular mundane day. Heero and Wufei were absent from lunch, eating their noontime meals in their respected therapists' office. They stayed late, working out in the vast Preventer gym.

Duo ran at a slow pace on a treadmill. He started off at a fast run but slowed down when Heero began to perform bicep curls on a bench ten feet away from him, shirtless. His violet eyes watched his best friend go through various exercise routines, appreciating the flexing, perspiring muscles. Duo was so engrossed with his observations that he didn't notice when Wufei took the treadmill next to his.

Heero was busy doing one armed pull-ups with his torso parallel to the mat below, legs bent upwards and touching at the knees to inflict the utmost difficult pull-up, and Duo couldn't be bothered enough to tear his attention away...

...Until someone loudly said, "Good run, Maxwell. You're really working up a sweat!"

Jostled violently out of his consuming stalking, Duo flinched at Wufei's booming voice.

His heart pounded in his chest as he eloquently said, "Wa-wahuh?" Almost tripping over his own feet, grabbing the side rails to prevent falling on his face and being flung across the room.

"Distracted much?" Wufei asked, black eyebrow rose comically, eyeing the females in Duo's general viewing range.

"Lost in thought," the braided man corrected with a forced chuckle.

Speeding up to a fast paced run, the Chinese man asked, "Whom are you checking out?"

"The tan brunette with chiseled legs," Duo muttered absentmindedly, watching his best friend continue his pull-up variation routine. He was now completing upside down pull ups, much to Duo's amazement. It looked like a vertigo inducing exercise.

Luckily there was a woman working out close to Heero that fit the same description, and Wufei assumed Duo was talking about her.

"Isn't that Sarah Gross?" Wufei asked.

Duo didn't hear the question but mumbled, "Yeah."

"Didn't you hook up with her a year or so ago?"

"Yeah.."

"You want to go out with her again?"

"Yeah..."

"She was really pissed off when you didn't call her back. Don't you think it would be a bad idea to ask her out again?" Wufei asked, increasing the speed on his treadmill.

Duo repeated, "Yeah..."

"You are kind of an asshole."

"Yeah..."

At that moment Quatre walked by in front of the row of treadmills. He paused between his friends, followed the braided mans' line of sight and scoffed, "Your mouth is open, Duo."

"Yeah..." the dumbed down response repeated again. Duo could lie all he wanted, but his blond, estranged friend knew the truth.

"Everyone's free this Saturday, so I expect both of you to show up at my estate for a pool party."

"May I bring Sally as a guest?" Wufei asked, running at top speed on the treadmill.

"Of course," Quatre replied, happily. Other than Heero, Quatre worried most about Wufei finding someone to stick by his side through thick and thin. It appeared he didn't need to worry about the Chinese man anymore.

When the workout finished Duo, Wufei, and Heero were situated in the locker room. Many sweaty, mostly naked male bodies passed them, but all Duo could focus on was his best friends' form where he sat on the metal bench between the row of lockers. Heero pulled down his blue workout shorts, revealing sexy black briefs with mesh sides and button clasps.

"Those are new," Duo mumbled, distractedly. He chewed on his tongue when he realized that the words fell out of his mouth.

"Oh, yeah," Heero chuckled, blushing mildly. "I am running behind on my laundry, so I had to wear a pair that I, uh, save for other occasions." He added a wink and ripped the sexy underwear off; the button's unsnapping loudly with a pop, pop, pop; leaving his most private parts exposed.

Duo turned his head away from Heero's revealed groin, face burning up to one hundred degrees Fahrenheit. Heero exchanged his under garments for a towel from his locker and walked off to the shower stalls.

By the way he tucked his chin to his chest, Duo was able to obscure his face behind his long bangs so no one could witness his burning cheeks. A little part of him was glad to see Heero acting relatively normal after the other night, even if it was all for show. He also felt ashamed for his reaction to seeing his friend naked. It wasn't like it was the first time. He knew almost every inch of Heero's body, many of the scars were former wounds he'd personally tended to, but now everything, even Heero's nudity, held new meaning. It was all getting so confusing for Duo.

"I never would have guessed Yuy would own stripper panties," Wufei chuckled.

"They're not panties. They were boxer briefs," the braided man mumbled in hushed tones under his breath.

The Chinese man huffed, "Yeah, whatever. The rip off like stripper panties."

Not wanting to go home stinking of sweat, Duo entered the showers and on instinct took the shower next to Heero's. Short, waist-high tile walls separated each stall from the other, but no doors or curtains added privacy. Leering over the edge, violet eyes watched the sloping shapes of white suds wash over Heero's bronze skin. The Japanese man sighed softly under the shower head as the hot water relaxed his tense muscles; lips parted in relaxation, hands wandering over his torso to wash the soap away, hair pushed back against his scalp, his skin sparkling like gold under the sprinkle of water.

The scene played out before Duo like a soft-core porno, ridiculous 1970's bow chicka wow wow music playing in his head and all.

"Can I help you with something?" Heero asked, his eyes gleaming uncertainly.

Snapped out of his reverie, Duo used one hand to cover his excited crotch - even though it was already hidden from view thanks to the wall, and the other flew to twist the cold-water tap on high.

"You're a good lookin' dude, Yuy. What can I say?" he jest and dunked his head under the freezing spray.

"You okay over there?" Heero asked with a dim smile, reaching over the tile barrier to test the water falling from Duo's showerhead.

"Y-ye-yeah, I'm go-good," he stuttered.

Heero pointed out, "Damn, that's real cold."

"Ye-yeah," Duo agreed. "Icy cold temperature's are good for the muscles. I've been feelin' kinda tense lately, so, ya know, follow the doctors orders."

"Doctors orders or what you read off the Internet?"

"A little of both," Duo answered with a forced laugh.

"Alright," Heero chuckled, slapping warm water from his shower at Duo. "Enjoy your cold shower."

He twisted the knob and left the shower a moment later, towel wrapped around his waist. Duo couldn't see in that the moment Heero's face was out of sight that the joking demeanor he sported washed away, replaced with depression and questions.

The cold shower eradicated his arousal, and it also bought some insight. In the very second Heero stepped out of view, Duo missed him. He missed him always when he was gone, out of view or dispatched on a mission otherwise, it didn't matter.

Always, he missed him.

All the confusing, conflicting emotions gathered up within Duo's chest, constricting his throat and bringing tears to his eyes. Submerging his face under the cold spray, he successfully hid his frustrated tears of anguish.

Everything felt so absolutely fucked. Every goddamn thought in his head was devoured by his all-confusing emotions. Love was suppose to feel like home, and if he was truly hetero, why did no one else bring the sense of 'home' that Heero brought? Heero was his center, had been for a long time. Could he be the same for the Japanese man?

He then imagined a home and a life without Heero and found that image bleak, depressing even. Duo could clearly see a life with a wife and Heero as his best friend always by his side, but he could only see his best friend with a nameless, faceless someone - preferably female, though that was not a likely option. It made the guilt build up. And then he imagined his future by Heero's side, as a friend and a lover with a possible family. The daydream caused the heart in his bosom to soar. It made the fantasy of Heero being second place to someone else in his life seem like a false happiness.

...Another kiss, please...he begged.

Were his tortured emotions true? Could he find the happy, simple life he wanted at Heero's side?

He wanted Heero to find love and be happy.

He didn't want to be replaced in Heero's life.

He didn't want to replace Heero in his life.

Duo wanted to be Heero's whole world and vice versa. It's how he'd always felt but was only now understood the complexity of being someone's entire world.

All his thoughts brought him back to questioning his sexuality. He'd identified as a straight man his whole life. On the other hand, he knew sexuality was a spectrum, not some black and white social construct. It's fluid like a river, ever changing, ebbing and flowing from point A to point B. Maybe Heero was the exception to the rule, maybe a lot of other men were too, and he'd been too set in his ways to notice.

So he was left with one defining question as a person who had always adhered to a specific definition: Does gender really matter in the realms of love and happiness?

The answer he found in his heart was 'No'.

---

Saturday rolled around and all the former gundam boys and a few others gathered at the Winner Estate for a pool party. Every now and again Quatre would get it in his head that they all needed to have fun, like normal people. Since they didn't tend to trust outsiders, most of Quatre's shindigs involved the same familiar faces: Relena, Dorothy, Noin, Milliardo, Catherine, Sally, etc. But today it was just the boys, and Relena and Sally. Sometimes Sylvia Noventa would drop in. Hilde was no longer on the invite list after her and Duo's break-up. Broc was invited, but he had work to so the attend played games, enjoyed decadent food and some adult beverages.

Duo rested on the edge of the pool, elbows propped up out of the water as he watched Heero and Relena lose another round of 'chicken' to Wufei and Sally. The blonde doctor and former soldier grabbed Relena by the arms and tossed her from Heero's shoulders, right into the pool for the third time in a row. Heero growled and punched the surface water; he was not accustomed to losing.

"Did you even try?" Heero bellowed when Relena popped out from under the water.

She yelled, "Of course I did! Sally's stronger than me! She's been trained to fight unlike myself!"

"Then let me sit on your shoulders for a turn, so we can win for once!"

"Switch!" Wufei exclaimed, grinning widely and punching a fist in the air excitedly. "Switch! Switch! Switch!"

"Yeah, let's do it!" Sally chimed in and fell off Wufei's shoulders, intentionally.

Duo laughed into his beer as he watched Sally and Relena try to shoulder the boys' weight. Relena struggled for a moment to get her head above water, but she found her footing and accomplished the task.

"Christ, Heero, you're so heavy," she whined.

"Forward!" he ordered, leaning over her head slightly.

The warring groups got close enough for Heero and Wufei to smack at each other's hands and arms before Relena suddenly dunked below the water. Heero sunk with her and in a flash; slender pale arms threw his tanned legs off her shoulders and into the water.

"I'm done!" Relena cried, swimming away from the chicken fight.

"Relena, what the hell?" Heero hollered, when he broke surface.

She replied, "I don't want to play anymore! I'm done!"

"Winning by forfeit is not what I consider a just accomplishment, but in this circumstance, I will take it," Wufei said, looking down at Sally who easily carried his weight on her shoulders. "We won, Sal."

"It feels good, doesn't it?" she chuckled.

"Yes," he smiled, and they high-fived each other. Wufei doubled over and placed a kiss on Sally's forehead before she tossed him off her shoulders.

A soft smirk graced the corner of Duo's lips as he witnessed the interactions between Sally and Wufei. They were good for each other, and he could see that. Each of them were tough guys to get to know, and they didn't let others in easily. Granting someone the title of "friend" was their way of saying "you are part of the family". It was no wonder why Trowa ended up with Quatre, and Wufei was in the beginning stages of forming a relationship with Sally, a long time ally. She could put up with his stubborn bravado in a manner that no other woman could. At least that was Duo's impression. Hilde was supposed to be Duo's person, and she was for a time.

All that left Heero as the proverbial third wheel in their group.

As a gay man, his only two options within the tight group paired off together, though not without giving it a trying shot with Trowa. Heero's only options for love lay beyond their protective cliché. Heero had the most trust issues, by far. It astounds Duo to see the Japanese man repeatedly put himself near new people. Maybe that was why his relationships were short-lived. He could get close but not close enough, and he kept at it because the need to feel love is a driving force.

I could love him, Duo told himself. I do love him.

It was true, he did, but he wasn't sure if it was the deep, romantic love that Heero righteously deserved. The braided man was still struggling with the new emotion of wanting Heero, or at least yearning his kiss. Apparently everyone else thought he'd be gay for Heero, and he was starting to understand their reasons, but what if he fucked up? What would happen if they went sour? How would their little war-bounded circle survive if they broke up, ended up hating each other? The idea of losing the others felt horrible, but the idea of losing Heero was unbearable.

His mind was stuck in a back and forth, deep in a quarry.

Relena swam up to him under the water and her gasping breath and smiling face drew Duo out of his racing thoughts.

Someone shouted something at Relena and she responded with, "Don't be a poor sport, Heero!" Her fingers gripped the edge of the pool and she rested there by Duo's side for a few moments, panting from the game.

Immediately sucked out of his internal struggle, Duo turned to her and chuckled, "I don't think I've ever seen you give up so easily."

Her face turned bright red and her hands flew around her head as she whispered, "I couldn't do it! I could feel him!"

"What do ya mean?" he asked.

Her blush deepened, covering her face and neck. "I felt him on the back of my neck."

"Oh. Oooohhhh!" And he started to laugh. "Relena, you know boys have a penis, right?" he teased.

"Oh, really?" she replied, sarcastically with a dorky grin, "I never knew."

She swam away towards Trowa and Quatre who relaxed by the shallow end of the pool on towels, sunbathing. It was then that he noticed a striking difference between their bathing suits. Wufei and he wore trunks that almost reached the knee. Duo sported a plain black pair, and the Chinese man wore red shorts with orange and yellow fire print on them. The gay members of their group wore more provocative swimwear. Quatre dressed in rainbow colored Speedo, which wasn't weird because he always promoted his community. Trowa, matching his eyes, sported an emerald colored Speedo. Heero's was a bit more modest, yet not at the same time. His black and white striped suit was less of a Speedo and more like boxer short underwear. It clung tightly to his hips with a thick black band and ended just below the curved of his butt cheeks with a white band without giving anything away. His groin was packaged sweetly between his legs...no wonder Relena felt it on the back of her neck.

Duo shook his head, trying to ignore the Perfect Soldier's perfectly sexy bathing suit as Heero walked languidly into one of the yellow curtained cabanas. Hoping out of the pool, Duo walked over to the table with all the food, eyed the tasty choices and picked something he knew Heero would thoroughly enjoy, a plate of Unagi sushi. Everyone was enjoying their down time, and no one noticed Duo joining Heero in the cabana.

The cushioned cabana chair looked more like a queen size bed. Heero occupied the right side, lying on a dark blue towel on his stomach. Taking the left side and placing the plate of sushi between them, Duo teased, "You're a poor loser."

Heero opened one eye, cringed and mumbled, "I was behaving like a child, I know."

"Maybe you're experiencing this childishness because your hungry," he chuckled and pushed the plate closer to Heero.

"Unagi," he sighed, wistfully.

"Yeah. I thought you might like a treat after your failure," Duo snickered, plucking a piece of sushi, dipping it a small dish of soy sauce and popping it in his mouth.

"I did not fail," the blue-eyed man complained, eating a sushi.

"Sure, you didn't."

Heero argued, picking up another piece of unagi, shoving it in his mouth and chewing, "Relena let me down."

"First time for everythin', eh?" the braided man joshed.

They ate the rest of the plate, talking and joking. The talking turned to flirting. Duo couldn't help himself; flirtatious was encoded in his personality. Slowly they inched towards each other, closing the gap between them. Duo rested comfortably on his back, and Heero propped himself on one elbow. Their faces mere inches apart.

He consumed the last piece of sushi and mumbled softly, "You are sweet on me, Mr. Maxwell."

Gazing into those sultry, deep blue eyes, Duo whispered, "Sweet like sugar."

Neither of them would ever know who started it. Did Heero lean down over Duo, or did Duo crane his neck up to him? Maybe they met somewhere in the middle. It would never be clear but suddenly they were kissing. Duo cupped the back of Heero's head, sinking his fingers into damp chocolate brown hair while his tongue dove demandingly into Heero's mouth. Heero splayed a hand over Duo's chest as he gave into the intense tongues-of-war dance. It felt like Duo was trying to consume him alive, lick every hidden corner of his mouth with his velvety tongue. A playful bite on his lower lip had Heero moaning loudly in the back of his throat.

Running his hand down the braided man's pale, muscular chest, Heero's digits delighted in the plains of Duo's soft stomach. A firm layer of muscle created ridges and valleys ready for exploration by his fingertips. Heero allowed his fingers to play in Duo's subtle happy-trail, eliciting a hearty groan from the man. Feeling bold, the Japanese man hooked his thumb into the waistband of Duo's black bathing suit and pulled it down a fraction.

Violet eyes snapped open, suddenly aware of everything taking place; the lips on his mouth, the scalp his nails were digging into, whose hand was gently pulling his suit down. Instinctively, he gripped Heero's wrist as tightly as he could and tossed the hand away. Their make-out session ended as quickly as it started, and Duo sat straight up, lightening fast at the edge of the cabana chair. Heero mimicked his actions a nanosecond later.

They sat there silently for half a minute, but it felt like an eternity as they panted heavily and their bodies trembled from the touches of excitement.

Gingerly, Heero whispered, "Duo, what is going on between us?"

Spying Duo from the corner of his eye, too nervous to face him fully, Heero watched as Duo's mouth opened and closed several times. His violet eyes fluttered all over the place, seeking an answer.

But no answer came.

And Duo left without a word.

Quatre noticed Duo's fast paced walk into the house. He seemed distressed and the empathetic part of Quatre wanted to reach out and comfort his braided friend, but he didn't do that because they had not been on the best of terms lately, constantly butting heads. His sky blue-eyes caught Heero's escape from the same cabana. The same amount of turmoil that wafted off Duo was also waving off of Heero. Quatre went to Heero who stood at the edge of the pool's backyard, leaning over the concrete banister that overlooked the garden below.

"Spill," the blond demanded when he reached Heero's side. The Japanese man frowned; his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Oh, Heero," he sighed, woefully.

Over the years Quatre and Heero grew very close. Quatre harnessed his empathetic gift to establish emotionally deep, meaningful friendships with his comrades. He was the shoulder they all cried on, except for the ex-Deathscythe pilot, but that slowly happened over the last year. Duo claimed to be Heero's best friend, but Quatre was Heero's closest confidant. He told Quatre anything and everything that he couldn't tell Duo...because most of those things involved Duo and his not so super secret crush on the man.

Heero blinked the tears away without letting any of them fall while Quatre asked, "Do I have to drag it out of you?"

"I kissed Duo…again," he quietly admitted.

Shocked, the blond repeated the interesting part of that sentence, "Again?"

"We kissed the night I returned from my mission a little over a week ago," Heero confessed.

"And you two kissed again? Just now?"

"No, we made out for a good few minutes." Heero was silent for a couple of seconds before the tears returned. "Should I tell Broc? Does this count as cheating? I have never cheated on anyone before, Quatre."

Thinking, his mouth screwed into a frown. Quatre replied, "I can't tell you what to do concerning Broc. You'll have to figure that one out on your own, I'm sorry. As for Duo, I think it's time you put some distance between yourself and him."

"I think you are right."

Quatre gave Heero a quick, tight hug before he marched into his house. He headed towards the room they'd all changed in; with each step he became angrier and angrier. Slowly over the past year he became less of a comforting figure in Duo's life and morphed into an antagonizing one. Listening to Heero yearn profoundly for Duo and watching the braided idiot deny his own feelings over the years wore down his patience. Duo couldn't see what was in his heart, so Quatre tried to guide him there, but that proved to be fruitless. If he couldn't get through to Duo with kind words maybe the clear, direct, although sometimes-rude path would.

He barged through the guest bedroom doors and found Duo in the middle of the room with his black jeans on, searching through the pile of his discarded clothes for his t-shirt.

"Leave me alone!" he yelled before Quatre could get a word out.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" the blond shouted as Duo found his black shirt, hurriedly pulled it over his head while ignoring Quatre. "You do realize that you're screwing with Heero's head, right? What gives you the righ-"

"Just leave me ALONE!" he screamed, his voice hoarse and breaking, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

Duo's internal pain hit Quatre's empathic gift like a punch to a face. It was painful, brutal and unbearable. The Arab stood there, a few feet passed the door, gulping for air as all the confusing heartache Duo felt hit him with the force of a runaway eighteen-wheeler. To escape Duo's torment, Quatre vacated the room and stood against the wall beside the door and took deep meditative breaths. It dawned on Quatre in that moment that he'd been favoring Heero over Duo. He had been caring more for Heero and ignored all of Duo's feelings, affectingly cutting the thick tie he'd created with Duo. No one could make the braided man admit what he was scared to acknowledge lay deep in his heart. Not him, not anyone. Only Duo could overcome that barrier.

The door flew open and hit the wall with a loud crack, and Quatre watched Duo march down the corridor to the nearest exit. For the first time in a many months, Quatre grieved for the closeness he once held with Duo. They were so far away from each other now, and he couldn't bridge the gap.

---

A month passed.

A whole thirty days since the cabana scene, and Heero and Duo had not hung out or talked much.

Duo approached Heero three days after the impromptu make-out session at work, entering his office without knocking and saying, "We should talk about Saturday."

"Saturday? What happened Saturday?" Heero replied, playing dumb and refusing to withdraw his gaze from his computer screen.

"Quatre's pool party."

"Oh, yes. That was fun. Relena and I lost four rounds of chicken to Wufei and Sally."

"...Yeah, and that other thing."

"What other thing?"

Not wanting to say the words, Duo pressed, "That other thing. You know that thing that happened?"

"What happened? I remember enjoying a pleasant afternoon with my friends," Heero answered.

"That thing that happe-"

"Duo!" Heero raised his voice to a booming level, eyes still glued to his work desktop computer. "Do you see what I am doing here?"

Tilting his head, Duo tried to understand and then the blanks were filled in for him. Heero was giving him a way out by pretending the incident never happened. He searched Heero's stony face and found no answers. The man was blank slate. He gulped and clutched the doorknob to Heero's office. His mouth ran dry as he tried to breach the subject, feeling it should be acknowledged, but working himself up to even confronting Heero had been daunting enough. If the blue-eyed man wanted to give him an easy way out, he was going to take it and run with it.

He said nothing as he slowly backed out of Heero's office and closed the door, delicately.

Following that interaction Heero and Duo kept each other at an arms length, both equally scared of what might happen if they were close again. Heero gave all his Duo-free time to his boyfriend, Broc. It was nice...for a week. Broc was smart, intellectual, giving, and drop-dead sexy. He was the perfect package, but a glaring something lacked from Heero's life: laughter. No one could make Heero's sides split like Duo could, and although Broc filled so many of his needs, Heero could tell they weren't the best match. In the end, Heero did not tell Broc about the incident with Duo. It seemed pointless to tell Broc of it because he was positive it would never happen again. Also, he doubted the longevity of their relationship.

As fate would have it, he and Broc stayed together for two and half months. That was longer than any other relationship he'd had. With Duo's absence in his life, Heero gave Broc a fighting chance.

The Japanese man stirred a small tablespoon of sugar into his coffee in the break room. He needed the extra perk for the dulling paperwork. A person walked in, but Heero didn't mind the figure and focused on the spoon in his mug.

"Need that liquid crack, don't ya?"

Heero closed his eyes languidly at the sound of Duo's voice. It was so refreshing to hear him, and he smiled. Heero chuckled softly, replying, "Yes, it is my addiction. As another addict, I am sure you are here for the same treat?"

"Of course I am, bro!" Duo replied cheerfully, and poured the hot, dark liquid into a clean mug.

Heero asked delicately, "How have you been?" Knowing that they hadn't spent time together in a while, but still wishing to be part of Duo's life.

"Good, good," Duo answered, persistently. It was a lie, and Heero knew it. So much for 'I never lie'. "Been chillin' with the Dragon."

"Wufei must be sick of you," he replied, knowing well that 'the Dragon' was more than irritated with Duo. All of Wufei's recent complaints were about Duo and how miserable and cranky he was.

The braided man slumped against the fridge and snickered mirthlessly, "Yeah, probably." They both drank from their mugs for a minute before the talkative side of Duo took over and he blurted out, "Everyone's sick of me."

"I am not tired of you," Heero replied, feeling an indescribable weight in his gut and wanting to reassure his best friend.

Hopeful, Duo peered at him from the corner of his eye through his long bangs. They were enclosed in the small break room, Heero leaning against the counter close to the coffee maker and Duo huddled against the fridge. The two feet between them felt like the Pacific Ocean lay between.

He requested, "Yeah? Prove it. Let's do something on Friday."

"I have plans for Friday."

"Like what? Can't I join?"

"Well it's a double date at a gay club. You are not gay and have no date."

"Double date? With who? Quatre and Trowa?" he questioned.

"Yes."

"At a gay club?"

"Yes."

"Cool, I'll bring 'Fei as my date," Duo claimed, smiling into his coffee mug.

Letting out a good, hearty laugh, Heero asked, "You are going to talk Chang Wufei into accompanying you to a gay bar? I don't think so."

"Never say never, my dear friend," Duo waved a finger in front of Heero's face. "I can sweet talk the Dragon into being my date for night, just you wait and see."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Heero replied, unimpressed by Duo's confidence but smirking nonetheless.

Friday night rolled around and Wufei agreed to be Duo's "date" then backed out at the last minute. Duo arrived at the gay club and sought his friends out through the strobbing lights and booming music. He found them huddled tightly around the crowded bar.

"Where's Wufei?" Trowa asked, bellowing over the music.

Before he could answer Duo's arms were enveloped with a very drunk Heero.

"You came!" the Japanese man shouted, overly enthusiastic, clearly far more drunk than the rest of the group.

His arms flew up to catch Heero, encircling the intoxicated man and holding him close to his chest. Duo replied with a grin, "I said I would."

"I wasn't sure if ooh'd exacptly make it," Heero slurred.

The double date group had been in the venue for an hour and a half, and Heero hit the bar harder than usual. He was nervous. Would Duo show up? Did he want him there? Yes. No. His brain fluttered back and forth. The only way to shut his mind up and reduce the anxiety he felt was through the bottle. He missed Duo so much and wanted to spend time with him again, but he wasn't sure if tonight was the best time. It was a gay bar, after all. It didn't help that Quatre kept repeating his disapproval over Duo's inclusion in the night's festivities. Within the given time frame Heero drank three mix drinks and five shots, consuming a variety of vodka, rum, tequila, and vermouth. Broc was amazed his boyfriend wasn't swimming in a pool of vomit on the floor.

"I made it, bud," Duo said, patting Heero's shoulder.

The Japanese man slumped against him, heavy but awake, and Duo propped him up by drawing him close, hand resting against Heero's sternum.

"Partying hard, are we? I need to catch up," Duo laughed.

Trowa repeated, "Where's Wufei?"

"He couldn't make it," Duo shouted while Heero hugged him with the force of a thousand Titans.

"I misseped you," Heero said loudly against Duo's ear.

Trowa stated, "I knew he wouldn't come here with you."

"I missed you too," Duo whispered against the shell of Heero's ear and hugged him back. The last time he hugged Heero felt so long ago, and Duo enjoyed the crushing embrace even though he couldn't breathe through it.

"Yeah, man," Duo shouted over the music at Trowa, "Should have known 'Fei would ditch me for his girlfriend."

Duo ordered a drink and from there on he and Heero were absorbed with catching up with each other. Quatre and Trowa disappeared onto the overcrowded dance floor, which left Broc trying to find a place in the conversation between his boyfriend and his boyfriend's best friend. Repeatedly he was shut out, if not by Duo than by Heero directly. The African man was growing tired of being the third wheel, it had been going on for forty-five minutes, and now Duo was just as drunk as Heero. At least the Japanese man was taking it easy by drinking some water now.

"I'm going to find a hot guy to dance with," Broc said to Heero, hoping it would gain his attention.

"Oh, let's do that!" Duo hollered, "Let's dance!" Yanking Heero by the wrist, Duo led him to the dance floor, bypassing an incensed Broc.

The dance techno music encouraged the two drunk men to get close. Heero wrapped his arms around Duo's neck, enjoying the musk of Duo that perfumed around him. Circling Heero's slender waist, Duo's hands came to rest on the small of his back. Their pelvises ground together and Duo followed the seductive undulation of Heero's hips. The violet-eyed man thanked the gods for making him four inches taller than Heero as he buried his nose in that dark, tousled mop of soft hair. Heero's unique, personal scent overwhelmed his sense of smell, adding to his intoxication and making him weak in the knees. They danced just like any other couple in on floor, grinding for pleasure. Both were too inebriated to care or even think about the consequences of arousing each other, again.

An intense shudder ran through Duo's body when their twin erections ground together. A bead of sweat dripped down the side of Duo's temple, and he gasped at the amazing friction. Heero's fingers griped at his shirt, digging his fingernails between Duo's shoulder blades. He oscillated his hips in a shallow circle that caused their cocks to meet again, press tightly together, and pass over each other. The braided man moaned, and Heero swiftly spun around to grind his rear against Duo's hard-on, hands gripping Duo's hips to keep him moving at the pace Heero desired. Duo's left arm wrapped around Heero's waist and the other snaked up his chest, settling over the Japanese man's drumming heart. Although the music was booming, it faded away and all Heero could hear was the rhythmic pants of Duo's labored breath by his ear. To hear more of Duo's erotic heavy breathing, Heero let his head roll back on Duo's shoulder. In return, Duo nestled his face on the side of Heero's neck, his lips brushing the curve of Heero's ear. Unconsciously with his eyes closed - they'd long ago closed their eyes, blocking everything and everyone else out. No one else existed as they danced in a dark room, a spotlight illuminating them in the darkness. Poking his tongue out, Duo licked and nipped at Heero's ear, coaxing the lobe into his mouth for a gentle teething. The hand on Heero's waist dipped, inching closer to Heero's noticeable erection. His thumb grazed over the swelled tip that lay beneath the dark blue jeans. Instantly Heero arched his back, and pressed his ass harder onto his crotch.

Suddenly the pressure against his body was gone, and Duo's eyes snapped open to find a big black fist flying at his face. Dizzy stars spinning around his head, feet stepping on him, and a lot of shocking gasps and angry yelling, followed that. It only took Duo a few seconds to come out the daze, laying on the sticky dance floor - ew, his mind supplied - and a few dancing couples that hadn't notice the sucker punch almost tripped over him.

"Isn't this prick your straight best friend? He sure doesn't act like any straight guy I know!"

"Maybe he's bisexual, I don't know! That doesn't matter! You just clocked my best friend!"

"Bisexuals don't exist! This fucker is a fag and he's trying to get in your pants! How can you not see his game here?"

"Don't exist?! Are you for real right now - no what, forget it. We're done. This is over."

"Yeah, 'Ro, you're right. This is so over. Have fun with your closeted 'best friend.' Oh, and just so you know, he'll never come around for you because he doesn't love you. You're nothing more than a dirty, dark fetish to him."

That's not even close to true, Duo thought to himself and tried to say the words out loud as he propped himself up on his elbows.

"Well, this has been interesting," Trowa's voice came from somewhere. His vision hadn't come back completely yet, maybe it was the alcohol. A strong force grabbed him by the biceps and hauled him to his feet. Trowa spoke again, "Time to go home, guys."

The Gundam pack made it out the club in a hurry. Quatre called two separate cabs to take Heero and Duo to the same location, feeling certain that they shouldn't share a ride home together even though they lived in the same building. It proved to be a smart decision.

The second they stepped out of the venue the cold night air washed away a small layer of alcohol-induced delusion.

"Broc's a psycho!" Duo bellowed, "Why'd you let me set you up with him?"

That set Heero off. He yanked Duo out of Trowa's leading embrace and slammed him against the brick facade of the club and started hitting him. It wasn't a beating. Heero smacked at Duo's head and arms, slapping him in a way that was considered "gentle" by both Quatre and Trowa, so they stood back. If Heero started to really hurt Duo, they would intervene.

"What are you doing to me?" Heero cried, swatting at Duo as he coward against the wall, not fighting back.

"Nothing!" Duo yelled, trying to deflect Heero's blows but failing.

Heero continued the smack fight as he hollered, "What do you want from me?"

The first taxi pulled up to the curb.

"Nothing!" Duo repeated, screaming at top volume.

"Then stop fucking with head!"

Quatre pulled Heero away from Duo in a chokehold. "That's enough!" he yelled. He released Heero and pushed him towards the yellow cab. "Your ride's here. Go home and sleep it off!"

Duo watched as Quatre shut the car door behind Heero, and the Japanese man buried his face in his hands. The car drove off and he pushed himself off the wall and stepped into the street. "'Ro!" he yelled as the car that sped away. "Heero, I'm sorry!"

He didn't know what he was apologizing for.

Trowa pulled Duo back onto the sidewalk. Duo yanked his arm out of Trowa's hold, leant against the building and sunk to the ground. His head hung low. Quatre and Trowa looked at each other, both miserable with concern. Quatre felt responsible because sometime ago he started to care more about Heero's emotional well being than Duo's. Trowa felt accountable because he gave Duo advice, which he could tell now that Duo had followed through with. Their friends were a fuck storm of a mess. They wanted to fix it, but their meddling had done enough. Neither said anything comforting to Duo as he huddled on the brick wall, covering his face to hide the fact that tears were running down his face. They helped Duo get into his taxi when it arrived. They told the driver where to go, and went home with guilt weighing on their shoulders.

They could send them home in separate cars but they lived in the same building, and Duo went to Heero's door first. Drunk, stumbling and emotionally torn proved to be a toxic mess. Duo approached Heero's door and pounded against it, not caring that it was almost two in the morning.

"Open up!" he yelled with a twinge of hopelessness. What the hell would he say if Heero opened the door? He didn't know. That didn't matter. His point was to see if Heero would open the door at all. Let me in. Let him explain regardless of his lack of explanation.

"'Ro, please!" he yelled and punched at the door. His frustration turned to trying to break the door down with his shoulder. Repeatedly he slammed his body against the door, but it never budged.

Kicking at the beige door, he cried, "Just talk to me!"

"He's not interested! Go home!" an elderly neighbor hollered at him, peering at him from her slightly ajar door. The lover's quarrel awoke her at two in the morning, and she was not happy. "Go get your jollies off somewhere else!" she bellowed and slammed the door shut, locking it.

Duo paced in front of Heero's door for a few more seconds before he leaned against it and whispered, "I'm tired of missing you. Come back to me, please."

He staggered to the elevator.

Heero listened to Duo's begs as he pounded and slammed against his door. He felt the anguished knocks through his body as he sat plastered on the other side.

Go away.

Come back.

Just go away.

The knocks stopped.

Heero rested against the door for a few moments before pulling it open. Duo was nowhere in sight. He heard the elevator chime and knew Duo had left.

---

Duo woke up the following morning with swollen eyes and a raccoon bruise. Broc hit him square between the eyes, right in the middle causing a double black eye affect. If the dark mark around his eyes wasn't enough, Duo remembered the events that led up to it...No wonder Broc sucker punched him.

He spent the rest of the weekend huddled up in his bedroom not wanting to go anywhere. Most of his hours were passed by numbly watching TV while wrapped-up in the comforter on his bed. Ignoring his cell phone was a smart idea, but he did leave it on. Every call or text he hoped would be from Heero, but it never was. He figured they were going to go back to ducking and avoiding each other at all costs just like after the cabana...Only now it would be a thousand times worse, and he didn't know how to fix it. Time wouldn't fix this mess up this time around.

Monday rolled around and dread washed over Duo. He pushed himself to get past the desire to call in sick and made it to his office without bumping into any of his friends. The thought of running into Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, or god forbid Heero, filled the braided man with unbearable anxiety. He even skipped lunch, not having much of an appetite anyways.

A knock on his office door around two in the afternoon made Duo gulp. Before he could say 'go away', the door opened and in walked Wufei. Duo released a heavy sigh. Wufei was the least person he was afraid to see.

The Chinese man let out a low whistle at the sight of Duo's smarting, purple bruised eyes. "I heard you took a hard hit to the face, but damn," he chuckled and placed a white Styrofoam food box on his desk.

"Shut up," Duo grumbled and opened the box. Sweet and sour pork with a side of chow mien and fried rice lay inside. The scent of the food overwhelmed Duo's nose and his stomach growled. He exhaled, "Thank you."

Duo dug into the food with a plastic fork, and Wufei occupied a seat on the other side of his desk. The Dragon was quiet for a few minutes and let Duo eat, but his curiosity got the better of him. "What is going on with you and Yuy?"

Five bites of food were all he ate, five large bites. Duo left the fork inside the box and closed it. Leaning back in his office chair, Duo swiveled so Wufei could only see his profile and covered his trembling lips with a hand. He shook his head back and forth, indicating he couldn't answer.

"Something is going on, and I am being left out. I am not one for gossip, but this is affecting everyone," Wufei stated, "Winner and Barton filled in some of the blanks for me. They told me Broc and you got in a fight that led to Yuy breaking up with him. That is all I know."

He waited for his comrade to say something, but Duo shook his head and a tear rolled down his cheek.

Irritated, Wufei groused, "Everyone is depressed and no one will tell me anything! I do not appreciate being kept in the dark by my friends. Duo," Wufei pressed. He only used their first names when trying to convey his deepest concern. "Tell me what is going on, please."

"It's me and 'Ro," Duo wept, quietly. His chest bouncing with the sobs he was attempting to control.

"What about you two?"

"I don't know," he sighed, resting his elbows on the desk and cradling his head in his hands.

Wufei begged, reaching over the desk and gripping Duo's shoulders, "Explain it to me."

"I can't," he whimpered, and peered into Wufei's dark eyes through his fingers. "I don't even know the words to explain it. But it's bad. It's real fuckin' bad, 'Fei."

Duo broke down before him, crumbling to mess of anguished tears and he tried to be a comforter, but Wufei sucked at playing Quatre's roll.

"It's going to be okay," he said, thinking it was a soothing statement that meant something.

Duo broke more, his shoulders shaking as he bawled, "I haven't felt this lost in years."

Wufei got up from his seat and rounded the desk. No one who knew him would ever call him a good-shoulder-to-cry-on kind of man, but in this moment he knew he had to be that person for Duo. He rounded the desk and pulled Duo into a tight embrace and let the violet-eyed man sob on his shoulder.

This is Winner's place, not mine, he thought to himself, but he knew Quatre wouldn't be there for Duo. He'd been there, watching over the past year as the two started acting less like friends and more like antagonizing siblings that could hardly tolerate each other. Wufei held the former Deathscythe pilot until the tears dried up. Duo released him and thanked him. Wufei assured him it was no problem when Duo tried to apologize for falling to pieces.

He left Duo alone and sauntered back to his own workspace, catching the depression his friends had like a virus. He didn't know what was going on with everyone, and that left him feeling hollow, tired, and somehow scared. Information was being held secret from him, he knew. He yearned for answers but knew they wouldn't come yet. Indifference was his main demeanor, but in reality he cared a lot about his friends. Feeling left out of their weird little clique was hurtful.

He slumped in his office chair and reached for the phone. Dialing a specific number, he mentally sighed at the cheery, cheeky greeting and smiled.

"Hello, Dragon. How may I help you?" Sally's voice echoed through the phone.

"Tell me what you are doing."

"Working. Healing people. Saving lives. The usual," Sally chuckled, picking up on Wufei's despondent tone. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yes," Wufei replied, "I just needed to hear your voice."

"Oh, 'Fei..."

Duo started to get ready to leave at 4:45 P.M. His shift ended at five, unless he was on a mission. He sat somewhat patiently for the clock to turn with his backpack - his form of a briefcase - ready to go.

The clock struck 4:58 p.m. when his shutdown computer rebooted on it's own.

Fuck me, he groaned mentally, knowing only an assigned mission could re-juice his computer. Words typed over his screen.

Mission: Illegal Weapons Trade.

Where: L2 sector of space.

Of course it was his home colony.

When: Deployment at 0300 from Terminal B13.

Partner: Heero Yuy.

"You have gotta be kidding me," Duo grumbled at the computer and sunk low in his seat.

---

The mission went smoothly, for the most part. Ending illegal weapons trade was the most frequent assignment they went on after all this time. In the beginning, they took down militant factions who wanted to disrupt peace and whatnot. Now that the Colonies, Mars, and Earth were on the same avoid-war-at-all-cost page, the big scary missions ebbed. The universe appeared to enjoy peace for a change.

But a mission wouldn't be a mission without Heero doing some suicidal martyr bullshit.

They were at an abandon Oz base on the L2 colony. All the bad guys were in custody, no fatalities on other side. A gold star of all missions. Rather than collect all the weapons from the base, the decision was made to destroy the base and all the weapons along with it. Duo made the bomb. Heero's role was to place the bomb where Duo wanted it to be placed, start the detonation timer and hightail it out of there.

The braided man watched the little green moving dot on his phone. Heero being that little green moving dot. It was a tracker connection made on their phones. The bomb was supposed to be left in Sector C, and the little green dot was running through Sector C to Sector D.

"Sector C, Yuy! Stop running, you've made it!" Duo hollered over the communication link.

Static echoed in his ear before Heero's panting voice stated, "Sector F will create the most damage."

"You won't have enough time to escape!" Duo yelled, watching Heero's green dot barrel into Sector F. "It's designed for Sector C! The detonation timer is for twenty fucking seconds. That's barely enough time to get out of Sector C! Double back!"

"Too late. Detonation timer initiated," Heero huffed.

"Motherfucker!"

With horror-stricken eyes Duo watched the little green dot on his phone move. It came to a grinding halt in Sector B. Sixteen seconds had passed by Duo's calculations when the green dot stopped moving. One of two things could have happened. First, being that Heero tripped and fell, but that seemed unlikely. Second, Heero dropped his phone and kept sprinting.

Four seconds was not enough time to run out of the base and get enough distance between the building and the explosion without injury. Hell, if Heero had placed the bomb where Duo wanted it, it still would have been a sprinting challenge for the Perfect Soldier to escape unscathed.

An explosion rocked the ground, sending fiery debris rocketing through the air, and Duo huddled behind a three-foot concrete barrier. He waited a full eight seconds before running towards the burning building, dodging clumps of burning rubble. Panicked, he still felt a ray of hope. How many times over the past decade had he personally bore witness to Heero brushing lips with Death and come out unharmed? It was too many to count. Duo stopped keeping track long ago. It didn't matter that Heero repeatedly defied the odds; Duo always thought this time is it - the time Heero's strength, endurance, know-how, and pure bat shit luck would run out.

Through the fire and smoke Duo searched for a prone body lying on the ground, possibly trapped underneath flaming rubbish. So distracted with scanning the ground, Duo almost ran right into Heero and knocked him over.

"I'm fine," Heero stated firmly and continued to limp pass Duo through the smoke and flames.

"The hell you are, asshole," the violet-eyed man roared, getting and eyeful of Heero's charred shirt. The fibers were singed and torn on the Japanese man's back. A few mild gashes bleed freely, dampening the fabric with hot blood. A visible nick through Heero's black trousers revealed a cut close to his Achilles tendon, resulting in a limp.

Without a word, Duo flipped Heero into a fireman's carry and marched through the toxic smoke.

Heero hollered, "This is completely unnecessary!"

"Deal with it!"

"I can carry myself!" he shouted, wiggling like an epileptic having a grand mal seizure.

His erratic movements had no effect on Duo as he continued to shoulder his weight and carry him to safety.

The medical unit treated them both, tending more to Heero's wounds. Duo's were more psychological than physical, and he'd been dealing with them on his own for some time now. After that they somberly climbed the staircase to the doorway of the Preventer ship that would take them home. Five other Preventer personnel were onboard with them. Heero disappeared somewhere on the craft after take-off when being seated with seatbelts was no longer needed. Duo turned to hiding in the sleeping quarters, which was odd for him because he was typically found in the kitchenette with all the food.

The braided man curled up on a bunk, tired, weak, and exhausted. For thirty minutes he begged for sleep. A ringing buzz in his head wouldn't shut the fuck up, and no sleep mantra could subdue it.

At the point when he had given up, Duo heard the door swish open followed by limping footfalls. The figure walked to the other bunk quietly and nestled between the sheets. Duo didn't need to turn around to know it was Heero. He could tell it was he, feel his presence like a sixth sense.

Heero entered the sleeping bunk hoping Duo wouldn't be there, but there he was to his disappointment.

Heero occupied the bed on the other side of the room, curled into the blankets and rested on his good side, facing the wall to give the burns and cuts on his back ease while also turning away from the man who'd single handedly fucked with his head harder than Dr. J.

Duo listened as Heero climbed into the bunk and deftly rolled over to glare at the back of his head. He was fuming, royally pissed that Heero took unnecessary measures with the location of his bomb and put his life in harms way, again.

Driven by an unknown force, the braided man sat up on his bunk, pushed himself off, and strode the three short steps to Heero's bunk. He didn't wait for an invitation and pulled the sheet back. Gingerly, he climbed onto the bunk and rested his forehead against the back of Heero's neck, leaving a few inches space between his chest and Heero's bandaged and lightly burned back. He tucked his legs between Heero's, nudging his feet apart.

Heero tensed immediately at the sound of Duo's feet padding across the floor. He pinched his eyes shut and grimaced when the mattress dipped. Warm breath caressed the back of neck, tickling the hair at the base of head and feet wiggled between his. Heero was mildly comforted by the body contact, but his head spun with uncertainty. All the mix signals Duo was sending him were frustrating him. The part of him that had crushed on Duo since the war flared with hope, but it was too tiring to figure out the enigma named Duo Maxwell.

Feeling brave, the violet-eyed man whispered, his lips tickling the back of Heero's neck, "If I lost you, it would kill me. I don't think you know how much your death would affect me and the people who care for you."

Melting at Duo's soft words, Heero's stiff posture relaxed. "I do what I need to," he sighed into the pillow.

An arm snaked around Heero's chest. "You didn't need to put your life at stake for this one, Yuy," Duo mumbled against the back of Heero's neck, his hot breath tingling his spine, "It would hurt us greatly to lose you over a basic mission. Don't go out that way, please."

Turning around carefully to face and glare at Duo, Heero asked, "What would you expect me to do? Let the mission fail?"

Pushing his head forward so their bangs meshed, Duo mumbled, "The mission wouldn't have failed if you placed the bomb where I specified."

"Sector F was a better location."

"Still unnecessary," he argued, quietly. Heero made a torn face that told Duo he was right. "You don't need to go balls to wall on every mission."

"I did not-"

"You did."

"I did not!"

"You did!" Duo growled, sunk his fingers into dark chocolate hair, cupping the back of Heero's head and pulling their faces together. Their noses bumped, breath washing over each other's face. Just before their lips were to meet, Duo begged quietly, "Don't leave me like that."

Their lips mashed clumsily, teeth clicking together because Heero was going to argue further when Duo attacked his mouth. It smoothed out swiftly, and the Japanese man grabbed Duo by the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer. Heero parted his lips willingly when Duo's persistent tongue nudged against his lips. They inched together, pressed chest to chest. Heero gave into Duo's demanding kiss; the braided man overwhelmed him with his pillaging, velvety tongue.

A fire was lit, igniting into an inferno like a match carelessly tossed into dry brush. Nibbling on Heero's bottom lip, Duo rolled his hips against Heero's. He moaned into Heero's mouth when their erections ground together. His thighs tensed and twitched at the pleasure of his hard-on grinding and pushing against Heero's. The friction was sweet and torturous. To move past it, Duo unzipped his pants and pushed them down. He repeated the process on Heero, so they could grind together with only the thin layer of their underwear seperating them.

Overwhelmed and eager, Duo tried to push Heero on his back in order to take full control, thrust against him with abandon. A strong grip on his bicep stopped his quest to roll on top of the other man. The Japanese man didn't want to strain his injuries by lying on his back, so he used his strength to maneuver Duo down on the mattress and lie atop him. They moved together, finding an uncoordinated rhythm while tongues tussled for dominion. Submerged in ecstasy, mind clouded with ardor, Duo's bucking hips became more erratic. Digging his heels into the mattress, he thrusted up whilst gripping Heero's bottom to make their teenage-esque dry humping more intense. Heero knew what was to come next when Duo started to break the kiss frequently, taking moments to pant heavily and gasp sharply. With one hand pressed into the mattress, the Japanese man lifted his upper body off of Duo. Their flesh prickled at the separation, goose bumps rising all over their skin when the cold air flooded between their perspiring bodies.

"No!" Duo cried, grabbing onto Heero's upper arms assuming he wanted to stop.

Using his free hand, Heero pushed down his boxer-briefs and yanked down Duo's blue plaid boxers, effectively calming the lustful braided man's concerns with no words. He gripped their pulsing, leaking, flushed members with his unencumbered hand, rested on top of Duo unsteadily to keep enough space between their bodies for his pumping hand. The cooled sweat on their bodies warmed up again thanks to Heero's tugging grasp. Heero pushed through the subtle pain that flared up in his injuries as he jerked their cocks together in a tight fist. Duo selfishly wrapped his arms around Heero's neck to reclaim Heero's mouth, shoving his tongue in forcefully and thrusting into the hand that squeezed him.

The hand buried in his hair tightened its grip, fingernails scratching his scalp as the man beneath him tensed, quivering at the edge of climax. Heero pulled away from the kiss just in time to witness Duo throw his head back, ground out, "Oh, God!" between gritted teeth, and a hot liquid covered their bellies, creating a sticky warm layer of glue. Duo's cumming sent Heero over the edge. In the past, he privately entertained his imagination of what Duo's orgasm face would look like, but fantasy paled in the face of reality. His entrancing violet eyes rolled back into his head, mouth slightly agape, and bottom lip trembling. Small droplets of perspiration rolled down from his temples to his ears. The large mass of chestnut braided hair unwove in parts, covering the bed and loose strands of goldish, ruby brown. His bangs dampened with sweat no longer cast a curtain over his eyes but clung to his forehead in clumps. His cherub cheeks flushing pink in a sweet contrast to his porcelain white complexion. The way his back and neck arched off the grey sheets, overcome with pleasure was more than anything Heero could have conjured with his imagination.

All the visual information overwhelmed Heero and he came hard mere seconds after Duo with a hearty groan, spreading more sticky cum between their torsos'.

Heero continued to pump their cocks until they softened despite Duo's pleas to stop. Clearly, the braided man had never had a lover who would torture his post orgasm prick with soft caresses.

Exhausted, Heero rolled off Duo and lay on his side, not caring to clean the sweat and cum from his chest. Duo laid beside him for a while, panting and thinking. After a short while he wiggled his arm under Heero's neck, silently ushering him to rest his head on his shoulder and sleep. Heero placed a hand on the center of Duo's chest before succumbing to slumber.

All traces of pleasure were replaced by fear. Duo stared up at the tiled ceiling and silently freaked out.

What had just happened?! Why had his anger over Heero's billionth near death experience turned into an overwhelming desire to kiss the suicidal bastard? What was going to happen between them now?

Unsure and giving into the fear, he did what he did best: run.

Duo climbed out of the bed, carefully tucking Heero into the sheets and preceded to pack his bags and wait in the passenger seating area of the craft for arrival to their destination. The plane landed on the runway. Duo's heart raced as the craft came to a stop on the Tarmac. He rose from his seat and waited at the door, hoping Heero wouldn't appear.

Don't do this to him, a voice in his head begged.

He clutched his backpack and duffle bags tightly. He told himself it was for the best.

"The way you live a good life is to act on your emotions," Suddenly rung in his ears as he was about to disembark the landed plane. His head jerked around for Heero, but he didn't find him and exited off the craft with many exhausted Agents and staff.

Standing on the blistering Tarmac under the hot summer sun, Duo found his feet plastered to the asphalt. He wanted to get away. Urged his feet to move, but he couldn't. Something was holding him back. What was that something? For once he was fighting against his ingrained flight instinct.

Out of the corner of his eye, Duo witnessed Heero's descent on the staircase.

Then there he was at the end of the staircase and marching in a B-line toward him. Torn, Duo dropped his gaze to his feet, curious at what Heero had to say, but wishing he wouldn't say anything at all at the same time.

Heero came to stand beside him, staring off into the horizon, murmuring, "We should discuss last night."

Playing the ignorant role this time around, Duo asked, "What happened last night?"

"The thing," Heero pressed.

"What thing?" he asked, his face turned so that is bangs shielded his eyes. Duo whispered, "I don't remember anything."

Nodding and biting at his bottom lip angrily, Heero replied, "Nothing." An angry hiss fell between his words. "Nothing at all."

Duo watched Heero's retreating back through watery eyes. Something good was slipping right through his fingers and he could feel it. Not even that negative voice in his head was powerful enough to tell him otherwise.

Heero reached the elevator on the private Preventer Tarmac and pressed the down button. He was obligated to check in with the medical staff, but he didn't want to go there, not after last night. They would check him out and send him off to psych. He respected his long-term therapist - she was a great help to his mental well being, but he didn't want to discuss his feelings right now. So he made the decision to break protocol and go straight to his apartment.

Entering the elevator, Heero slumped into a corner and brought his trembling hands up to cover his face. Part of him wasn't surprised that Duo used the same tactic he himself had turned to after the cabana situation, but it still hurt. He wondered if this was how Duo felt when he'd done it to him. But this time was different. Heero couldn't pinpoint where 'the line' was now, but it was definitely crossed and jumped over last night on the flight back to Earth.

He couldn't be a friend with Duo anymore, he decided, not with all these romantic feelings for the braided man fluttering about in his heart. He couldn't be a friend with Duo anymore because they weren't treating each other as such or behaving, as friends should. He couldn't be a friend with Duo because it would hurt too much.

Pressing his forehead against the cold wall of the elevator, Heero sighed and allowed one tear to flow freely down the curve of his cheek.

The elevator doors were almost closed when it chimed and opened again. An interfering hand re-opened the doors.

---

Duo watched Heero walk away. The fear in his heart grew tenfold with each step Heero took. Heero was slipping through his fingers.

It's now or never! A voice shouted. It was neither the negative or positive voice.

His booted feet lifted off the tarmac and started to sprint. Damn the fighting voices in his head, he was going to follow his heart, again. For once in his life his wasn't going to run away. For the first time ever in his life, he was going to run towards something.

Picking up the pace, Duo stormed after Heero. His combat boots pounded against the ground, each step deafening in his ears.

The elevator doors were opening and Heero was walking through. His racing heartbeat pulsed in Duo ears as he lurched forward and willed himself to run faster.

The doors to the elevator were closing and so where his chances. Using all the strength he could muster, Duo sprinted at top speed, ignoring the pain in his chest from breathing in too sharply as his body begged him to slow down.

He was almost there and the doors were closing.

At the last possible second, he sunk his fingers between the shiny metal doors, barely afraid of the elevator closing on him and cutting his fingers off. He didn't care. Let the door severe his digits if it proved he tried.

Luckily for him, the doors opened and he stepped into the elevator and quickly turned his back to Heero. In their brief eye contact, Duo saw the trail of a tear along the slope of Heero's cheek and his wide, startled blue eyes. With his back turned to the Japanese man and gulping for air, Duo fought to find the right words to speak.

The elevator descended faster than his thoughts. Running out of time, Duo stabbed the emergency 'STOP' button, halting the elevator between floors One and Two.

They stood there for a full minute before Duo blurted, "I'm scared!"

Heero didn't respond, never moving from his spot in the corner.

Clearing his throat and pushing the fear away, Duo again whispered, "I'm scared." He elaborated, "I'm scared of the feelings I have for you. They're crushing me. It's unbearable." His voice cracked on the last word, and he cleared his throat. "Part of me wants to tuck them away in a box, pretend they aren't there and go back to bein' normal friends...but it's too late for that, isn't it?"

Heero said nothing.

"Is it too late?" Duo beseeched.

With the entire fake cool and calm he could muster, Heero answered, "You do not need me to say it. You already know."

"Then I guess I should embrace the other part of me or lose you forever."

Confused, Heero shifted against the corner and questioned, "And what is this 'other part'?"

Sucking in a deep breath, Duo turned to look over the shoulder, still not granting the other man full eye contact as he cautiously exposed his soul. "The part of me that really wants to try to be with you. That side of me is still scared, afraid I'll fuck up in the long run, somehow." He turned his face to the elevator door and watched Heero's murky reflection squirm. "Maybe that won't happen," he spoke, fear disintegrating. "Maybe I'm feeling pessimistic. Maybe we're good for each other."

He paused again before adding, "I'm probably gonna make a lot of mistakes. Will you go slowly with me? Grant me time to learn? Be patient with me?"

Duo reached his hand out, palm open behind his back, still not turning to face Heero directly.

Tentative fingers wove into his grasp. Heero stepped closer to stand by the braided man's side.

"It a thousand times more terrifying and confusing in here," Heero tapped the side of Duo's head, "than it is in reality."

Staring into Heero's tear brimming eyes, he begged to know, "You promise?"

"Trust me," Heero whispered, "I speak from experience."

The Japanese man pushed a button on the panel that resulted in the continued descent of the elevator. Duo and he walked out, hand-in-hand toward the medical unit for their routinely check-up, deciding to follow protocol.

They were placed in a joint room, examined by the same doctor and waited patiently for dismissal. From his medical bed, Duo kept glancing at Heero with a dorky grin plastered to his face. Relief and excitement were flooding through him. Something new was forming between them. It had been in the making for a long time to come, but now he was open to it. Heero did pull the same sneaky glances with a shy smirk. They kept 'making eyes' at each other like bashful teenagers when the doctor came back and declared Duo injury free and Heero's only serious injuries as first degree burns on his back - no worse than a sunburn - a minor cut above his right ankle that needed stitches, and a gash on his upper arm close to the shoulder that also required stitches.

"I know from experience that neither of you will go home for rest, so I clear you both for desk duty," the doctor said.

"NO! NO!" Duo shouted. Heero looked at him quizzically. "We'll go home! It's not fair that the rules are bent for our stubborn bravado. We need to rest, recuperate after missions like all the other Agents. How many days do you recommend we take off?"

"Well, your injuries aren't that bad," the doctor started, but Duo tuned him out to look at Heero's knowing face. The blue-eyed man knew he was pulling this stunt to get out of work, not because they genuinely time to heal. Duo sent a wink in his direction. "...I'd recommend two days off," the doctor concluded.

"We'll follow your recommendations and stay home. Thank you, Doctor," Duo replied, pleasantly.

"Good, a nurse will be in short to tend to Mr. Yuy's injuries."

A nurse patched up Heero. Duo lent against the door, waiting. When that was done and Heero was within arms reach, the braided man extended his hand and Heero intertwined their fingers together, confidently. The left the room and headed for the parking garage.

---

Wufei received a notification that both Agents Yuy and Maxwell were back from their joint mission late in the work day. Everyone in their little circle knew the two checked up on each other, even when they were coming back from a joint task. But with all the drama raging between the two, Wufei felt the need to be there to see them both. It would have been nice if Barton or Winner were there to help with awkward situation, but they were both indisposed for the time being. So it all fell onto Wufei to check-up on the troubled pair.

On the way to medical unit he was stopped by many subordinates who had questions. He answered them swiftly and curtly. Co-workers usually avoided him at all costs because of his reputation for having a short temper and strict appearance. Now people who dodged him in the halls were approaching him.

He blamed Sally.

She'd convinced him to "soften" his appearance by ditching the ponytail. With his hair free from the tight, unforgiving do, his overall features soothed and made him more approachable to his colleagues. Never would he tell anyone, but he truly appreciated the change in his appearance, but only in front of his girlfriend.

He started the new trend the day after Heero and Duo were sent off. All the extra attention annoyed him until Quatre and Trowa remarked positively about it. Maybe the change was good, he'd come to consider, even though random people who'd previously steered clear of him were now comfortable enough to chat him up.

Finally, after being caught up by four different people he reached Duo's and Heero's room in the medical wing. He was surprised they were placed in a joint room, and when he entered no one was there. Confused, he stepped into the room and back out.

His dark eyes found Duo's snaking braid through the busy passing bodies in the hall. Between the rush of hurried people, Heero and Duo walked towards the exit, hand-in-hand.

"Huh," he mumbled with his head tilted towards his shoulder. The blanks he didn't know surrounding the Broc situation were starting to fill in, and the questions about Duo's feelings for Heero were finally clear. A short chuckle leapt from his mouth.

"Always knew you were gay for Yuy, Maxwell," he said to himself with a smile and progressed back to his office.

---

In the car park Heero reluctantly let go of Duo's hand and asked him what he wanted to do.

"You, uh," his mind drifted back to how he would impress his girlfriends, "Wanna go for a ride on my bike?"

Musing at the idea, Heero hummed sarcastically, "I don't know. You drive that thing way too fast and take turns too sharply."

"I do that for a reason, ya know."

"You enjoy being an asshole on the road?"

Duo's wolfish grin reappeared as he replied, "I like it when you have to hold on tight and squeeze up against me."

They were already walking in the direction of Heero's Kia when Duo said the words. Popping the trunk open and dumping his luggage, Heero turned to him and playfully threatened, "I could squeeze you tighter than a boa constrictor."

"Mmmhmm," the braided man purred sexily, his eyebrows bouncing on his face as he threw his bags into Heero's trunk, "I like the sound of that."

They walked over to his bike. Chuckling, Heero asked, "You like the sound of your own death?"

"As long as it's done by your hands," Duo was quick to respond as he hoisted himself up on his black and red two-wheel sports motorcycle.

Heero climbed on behind him. Duo placed his helmet on Heero's head.

"Hold on tight, babe," Duo warned before the bike lurched backwards, screeching tires echoing off the cement walls of the grey parking structure.

Heero wasn't surprised by the sped in which Duo drove his motor bike, yet he was torn between amazement at the braided man's comfort and quick flirtation, and the warming glow he felt at witnessing Duo dive head first into their new dynamic.

In reality, it shouldn't have surprised him, even now because Duo was just as headstrong as he was. The flirting wasn't new, but the context of who there were to each other had just changed, so the words they spoke had more of an impact on him. More importantly, Duo was an impatient man, and when he claimed he would do something, he did it right away. If it were anyone else, Heero would be second-guessing his words and actions, especially considering the events that unfolded over the past few months. But this was Duo Maxwell, and when he committed to something or someone, he gave one hundred and ten percent. He couldn't give less if he tried.

Revving the bike and speeding through the parking garage, Heero clung tightly to his waist, hoping and somehow knowing that the past wouldn't be repeated again. Would they make it in the long run? He wasn't sure, but it felt damn good to be trying.

Duo was in.

He was in.

They arrived at their apartment complex after speeding through the city and racing up and down the autobahn at three digit speeds. It was fun, another new thing they hadn't done together before. True to his word, the braided man drove his bike like an adrenaline junkie, purposefully taking each turn as sharp as possible because that was the only time he could get Heero to tense up and hold on a bit tighter.

Jumping off Duo's bike, they walked up the flight of stairs, forgoing the elevator with their hands laced together. They wouldn't be returning to Preventer HQ to retrieve their belongings from Heero's car. Nothing there was essential that they would need for the next few days.

Duo walked Heero to his apartment door. The Japanese man twirled his keys nervously. A cautious sigh slipped from his lips when he plunged the key into the lock and opened the door.

Over his shoulder, he said, "Good night, Duo."

He tried to close the door behind him, not wanting to push the envelope too far, but a booted foot refused to let the door close. He looked back to find Duo's determined fiery gaze piercing him like a sword.

"I don't wanna go home yet," the braided man stated firmly.

"Okay," Heero replied, nervously, "Come in, then."

Duo stepped through the threshold and closed the door behind him. Neither of them reached for the light switch. A tension filled the dark space between them.

"What um, what do you want to do?" Heero whispered softly in the dark.

He could feel the heat wafting off the violet-eyed man in the pitch-black room and it only got more intense when he took two silent steps forward. Unsure of where he was, the motherfucking stealth master as he is, Heero ventured, "Duo?"

The name barely left his mouth before warm lips pressed to his, kissing softly. Gently, Duo backed Heero up against a wall by pressing on his shoulders, his lips carefully caressing Heero's in a new, unhurried manner. This kiss he wanted to be different from before. Duo didn't want to dive right in for the good stuff for once. All he desired was to memorize the way it felt to kiss his best friend, his mentally repressed crush, the person he cared most about.

Breaking the kiss and sucking in some air, Duo answered Heero's question with: "You."

"Uhm, what does that mea-"

"You know what it means."

Inhaling a meditative breath to simmer down his drumming heart, Heero released it slowly and mumbled, "I do not want to rush into anything we are not ready for."

"I'm ready if you are," Duo replied, quietly and quickly. As he spoke his words, Duo ground his erection against Heero's thigh and cupped the blue-eyed man between the legs, palming his arousal. The Japanese man shuddered against the wall and rocked his hips forward, grinding against Duo's hand. When the hand retracted, he mewled with disappointment.

Nervously, Heero led Duo by the wrist to his bedroom, walking through the darkness with ease. The door closed quietly behind them as Heero's anxiety began to peak.

"I'm not sure-" he began, but Duo flicked the lights on and the comfort of darkness was gone, "…we should do this."

Already unbuttoning the top few buttons on his work shirt, the violet-eyed man asked, "Why not?"

Heero's eyes flickered back and forth from Duo's undressing hands to his smirking face. "It's a little fast…don't you think we should ease in to this?" he murmured.

Duo smiled and pulled the shirt off his shoulders with a bit of a confident swagger in his motions. "When have we ever eased into anything? We live in extremes, 'Ro."

He stepped up to Heero, exchanged a thoughtful look and pulled the hem of his shirt upward. He raised his arms up and let Duo pull the shirt over his head. Sighing with appreciation, Duo unabashedly ran his eyes over Heero's torso. He already had most of his body memorized, knew where all scars were, knew exactly what he looked like when bare, but tonight it was new under the soft glow of a bedroom lamp. Heero's skin prickled under the braided mans' lustful gaze, goose bumps rising everywhere and his dusky nipples perked up.

Duo gently ran his fingers over the bandages on Heero's arm and back, whispering, "I'll be mindful of your injuries."

Heero chuckled against Duo's lips when they brushed against his, mumbling, "I will be fine. I heal quickly, remember."

The braided man hummed against Heero's lips as a form of a reply and continued to kiss him. His hands cupped the Japanese man's elbows, tenderly requesting him to reach out and touch him. Heero obliged the silent signal, running one trembling hand up Duo's chest and the other digging under the woven strands of chestnut hair at the base of his head. Their bodies flushed together warm and tingly, both quivering at the new sensation and the heat from it.

Duo rested his hands on the small of Heero's back and pulled his hips forward. Heero instinctively gasped when their arousals rubbed one another, breaking the soft kiss. Duo was quick in action to resume the kiss by yanking Heero by the neck. The kiss turned from slow and patient to hungry and carnal.

The simmering flame erupted into a blaze. Duo used both arms to pull Heero even closer to him, dove his tongue between the soft lips and devoured Heero where he stood. The patience with which he wanted to use for this night evaporated, his regular do-it-all-now nature taking the forefront. Between their pressed bodies, the American reached for Heero's belt, unbuckling it with a clumsy hand, pushing it aside and stripping his best friend of his trousers. Heero repeated the same actions on him, and suddenly they were bouncing on the mattress, Duo on top of him.

Ceasing his pillaging tongue, Duo sought out to place his next attack on Heero's neck. By the wrists he held Heero's hands down. Overwhelmed with a new kind of hunger, Duo dragged his tongue up the slope of Heero's neck, relishing the taste of him and how he shivered beneath him. Heero never quaked or shook under any pressure. Feeling the Perfect Soldier tremble beneath his touch and tongue hit Duo's senses, hard.

He shuffled down the bed, pulling Heero's boxer briefs with his descent.

Duo's breath was hot on his prick when the blue-eyed man gasped out, "You don't have to do that."

Staring down Heero's leaking cock, watching a drop of precum bubble at the tip accompanied with his excited, twitching thighs under his fingers, Duo reassured, "I wanna do this." And without skipping a moment, he took that needy, cheery prick between his lips and sucked down.

It was very different from giving oral to woman, which Duo expected it would be. But what surprised him was how much he enjoyed it. Sucking dick was not on his list of things he liked to do, but it was now. He worked his way down, taking more of Heero in. Just when he was thoroughly enjoying the thickness in his throat and readying himself for attempting deep-throat, he was pushed up and off.

Heero's cock fell from his lips with a pop. Instantly he was the one his back and Heero pulled his boxers off, lightening fast. With barely a moments notice, Heero was returning the pleasure favor, running his tongue over the tip and licking his sack when he reached the base. Heero's cheeks hollowed when he provided more siphoning blissful techniques.

Twitching on the bed, Duo begged for Heero to stop. It was too good. He was going to cum right then and there if he didn't cease.

Heero relaxed on the bed beside Duo, peering into his lust glazed violet eyes waiting for further instruction with uncertainty shimmering underneath his excitement.

Grateful for the break, Duo twined his fingers into Heero's dark luscious hair and kissed him, twirling the short locks between his digits. "I want this," he reassured, rolling on top of him. Between Heero's legs, he pushed his hips down, moaning, "Oh god, I want this."

With their strained cocks rubbing together, Heero reached for his nightstand and pulled out lubricant. Eagerly Duo's fingers twitched around the bottle of lube, pop it open and poured it onto his fingers, some of it spilling over his partners' bicep.

Duo placed one finger to the soft pucker and pushed in. He watched over Heero as his face squirmed from indecision to pure bliss. This was a new facial feature he'd never witness cross Heero's face, and Duo envied every man to come before him and witness it. Jealousy quickly shifted to pity. He pitied the men before him. They never knew the gift they were receiving. To have this strong, intelligent, caring man open up to them was not received as the token it should have been appreciated as.

'He's so damn amazing.'

And that thought ran continuously through Duo's mind as he stretched Heero.

Everyone before him didn't know what they had, never valued who they were holding. He hoped that Heero knew what he was worth. Duo always wanted him to be cherished by someone who really, really loved him. But no one could or would love Heero like him, Duo realized as his best friend quavered beneath him and begged vocally for him. For so long he had suppressed his feelings for him all the while hoping for Heero to find the love he so righteously deserved. Now that the denial had lifted, Duo wished it had happened sooner. So many people speculated, questioned and wonder about his devotion to the blue-eyed man. Hilde saw eons before he. In her heartache, she handed him an ultimatum. Duo didn't pick Heero over her just because he was his friend, no. He loved Heero more than her even back then. For oh so long it was just too bizarre to approach his affection for Heero on real terms because he'd never harbored romantic feelings for another man. Love and sexuality weren't so black and white anymore, everything mixed in shades of gray. He just wished he could have seen it sooner, but now was not the time to beat himself upside the head for being blind.

It was happening now, and that's all that mattered.

Three fingers pumping in and out, scissor stretching his passage, Duo purposefully over stimulated Heero's prostate. It wasn't too hard to find, being located a mere inch past the entrance like in all men. The more he worked his fingers over the bundle of highly sensitive nerves, the more Heero convulsed beneath him.

"I'm ready!" Heero howled, not for the first time. Duo continued to stretch him for a few more moments until the Japanese man's legs wrapped around him, and he twitched and begged, "Duo!"

At the call of his name, the braided man climbed over Heero and pressed his lubricated sex in. It took a little more pressure than he thought it would be necessary to get in, and for a moment Duo wondered if he should have prepped Heero a bit more, but then he slipped in. Golden arms enveloped his neck. Thin, strong legs wrapped around his midsection. Calloused heels provided extra pressure at the top of his buttocks, pushing Duo's hips down. Heero bucked upward underneath him, forcing their physical welding deeper.

Together they cried out silently under the soft glow of the yellow orange light on top of a deep blue bedspread. Their joining had them both calling out for a Deity.

Fingers gripping the edge of the bed in white-knuckled grasp, Duo's hips rose and fell with a steady, shallow rhythm. Heero's mouth was white hot on his ear, licking, panting and moaning. It drove him crazy. Increasing the speed of his hips, Duo turned Heero's head so he could drink from him again. The blue-eyed mans' whimpers of pleasure were muffled against his lips and echoed down his throat. Blunt fingers scratched up and down Duo's back and tangled his long hair, untwining it from its usual carefully styled rope.

Wrenching his face away, Heero ended the deep kiss, breathlessly begging, "More…More…"

Duo propped himself up on his hands and pumped into Heero at frenzied pace. The legs swaddling his hips help increase the pace and depth of his thrusts. From above Duo got to see the stunning manner in which Heero's face was torn with unadulterated sexual pleasure; a new sight for him. His eyebrows knitted together, similar to the way they would when he frowned with anger. Instead of tightly firm scowl, his mouth was open, beautiful whimpering sounds coming up from the deep depths of him. A nice little flush spread from his cheeks to his chest, shimmering with a thin layer of sweat. Best of all were his blue eyes. They clenched closed, opened and fluttered around before rolling back into his head and closing again.

"I gotta – I'm about -, I, huh," Heero choked.

Duo knew what was to come next before Heero slid his tan, slender hand between their bodies and started their unavoidable end. The limbs around him clenched, squeezing him like a sturdy tree trunk as his new lover's ecstasy seeped up to the surface like sweet honey.

An unexpected climax ripped through Duo like a rouge wave when Heero came underneath him. Hearing his name bellowed in Heero's deep, raptured sobs companied with his body clenching around him in every sense brought forth his end before he was ready for it. He came hard, pumping his hips harder than ever as he rode the shockwaves of his orgasm into Heero's body.

When it all over, Duo hovered over Heero, not moving but shivering from head to toe. Carefully, Heero guided him down to lay over him as they quivered from the experience.

Heero fell into a deep sleep under him. Duo slipped out of Heero's body with a bit of a remorse that their moment had come and gone. That feeling flitted away when he realized that even though it was the first, it sure as hell wasn't going to be the last.

Duo cleaned them both up and tucked Heero into bed.

Looking at his peaceful slumbering face, Duo leaned in and kissed him on the tip of his nose. He'd always wanted to be close to Heero and here they were. All those crazy, confusing feelings from his fifteen-year-old self finally made sense. He fell asleep next to Heero.

In the early grey morning light, Heero stirred from his sleep. He'd dreamt a dream that couldn't be real, but when he turned over and found Duo sleeping beside him with long strands of chestnut hair strewn and knotted everywhere, he knew.

It wasn't a dream.

He smiled, shifted deeper into the warm sheets.

A warm arm curled around him and he fell back into a comfortable sleep.