Part Five of "these battle scars". Content warnings for PTSD, serious injury, mind control, nightmares/flashbacks, and violence typical to war.
Mace Windu is rather concerned about Padawan Ahsoka Tano. She's grown up quite as unconventional as her Master, perhaps more so in some ways. At least until now, however, there had been no real fear that the less traditional approach would do her any harm, but he's beginning to think they may have made a mistake, being so permissive.
On their mission on Cato Neimoidia, he'd felt something a little worse than unconventional from her, and he's worried enough that he decides to call a meeting of the Council, and of course Anakin. Anakin needs to be aware that his Padawan had reached for the Dark Side - and used it with almost a familiar ease.
He sits comfortably in his chair, fingers steepled under his chin, and tries to seem as sympathetic as he can towards Anakin; the young Knight has a tendency to become defensive, to swing quickly to extremes. That has mellowed, some, but Anakin is still Anakin.
"This is about your Padawan, Skywalker," he says, glancing around at his fellow council members. "How is her training progressing, do you think?"
"Just fine, Master," Anakin says, and Mace can tell already that he's on his guard, expecting some kind of criticism.
"Are there any areas you would identify as particularly difficult for her, any… difficulties she's had of late?"
"What are you trying to ask, Master Windu?" Anakin says, almost belligerently.
Mace purses his lips, shakes his head a little. 'When we were on Cato Neimoidia, Skywalker, your Padawan drew on the Dark Side of the Force in the defense of a clone from your battalion. I hope this is not a tendency of hers, but rather an isolated incident."
He senses a tension from Anakin as he answers, and finds himself doubting what Anakin says. "That is serious. I don't believe she's done that before, Master."
"I'm inclined to believe it speaks of a difficulty with attachment on her part," Mace adds.
Anakin crosses his arms and shakes his head, looking fairly certain. "She struggles at times with attachment, but she wouldn't use the Dark Side, not intentionally."
"Intentional or not, Knight Skywalker, I'm concerned. I believe it would be wise for you to discuss this with her - and perhaps she should spend some time in meditation with Master Yoda or Obi-Wan."
"I'd be happy to help," Obi-Wan says, nodding. Thank the Force. Obi may be able to get through to Ahsoka, and Mace knows that Obi-Wan has a great deal of experience with releasing attachments - perhaps more than someone so young should have yet.
Anakin nods, sighing. "Of course I'll talk to her. Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Master Windu."
Mace inclines his head, then turns as Yoda speaks up. "Fail Padawan Tano, you must not, young Skywalker. Much to lose, there is - but much to gain, also."
"We must not let her down," Master Plo says, seriously, tapping his fingers on the arm of his chair. "The Order needs someone like her."
Perhaps they do. Ahsoka has often shown herself to be a shining example of a Jedi Padawan - a fast learner, a good fighter, able to focus and teach and negotiate, and strong of will. They can't afford to let her down - if she were to Fall, the effects would be grave indeed.
...
The Zygerrian empire has finally been destroyed. Unofficially, of course, Anakin tells them, but the news is enough to put a smile on several troopers' faces.
Ahsoka just meets his gaze and nods, a silent thank you passing between them. Kadavo will never hold another slave.
It is enough.
In the wake of the news (most of the men know exactly what it means for their Captain and Commander), and the fortuitous event that is Anakin being called back to Coruscant to speak with the Council about something or other, Fives decides that it's past time for a trip to 79's. Rex protests a little, and so does Ahsoka, but in the end the ARC trooper wins.
And, of course, it's not very often a Jedi comes with their battalion, so the clone bartender determines that all her drinks are on the house. So maybe she drinks a little more than she should, but there's music and dancing and even Rex is relaxed, a gleam in his golden eyes, and she convinces him to dance with her fairly easily. They're all enjoying the break from shipboard life and the constant war.
So really, it's no surprise when Ahsoka lets her guard down, leans in to kiss Rex in full sight of most of the room; she's tipsy and relaxed and the light in his eyes has her stomach doing flips.
It seems like a good idea at the time, really it does. And there's cheering, the sound of credits exchanging hands (apparently Fives has been making bets all night), and Rex is projecting love and wonder at her.
Everything is perfect.
...
Rex keeps his arm hooked around Ahsoka's shoulders even after she pulls back from kissing him, her blue eyes bright with mischief and happiness. She's definitely been drinking too much, and he's headed that way, and there's a warm buzz in his veins and everything feels alright right now. Even kriffing Fives and Jesse with their bets and whooping.
She leans against him comfortably, and he keeps her close, mostly content with watching his men's antics without participating. Zygerria's empire has collapsed, the slaves are free and being given sanctuary on Naboo, and his blaster wound is finally healed enough that Kix and Tuck don't even seem concerned tonight.
Ner'jetii , he thinks, a hum of amusement bleeding through the bond. You're a lightweight .
I am not , she protests, and he smiles, kisses her temple.
Okay. He shouldn't let her have any more Corellian whiskey, definitely. Tell me that again in the morning when you're hungover .
Jedi don't get hungover .
Bantha poodoo, he thinks, laughing. "Soka, you're impossible."
"Maybe a little." She leans into him harder, digging her elbow into his uninjured side. "You are too, though."
Rex rolls his eyes and lets her laugh at him, not really bothered. "Fair enough."
Tup strolls over, holds out a few credits. "I guess I owe you a drink, vod ," he says, and Rex holds out his hand to catch the money.
"Excuse me, what was that?" Ahsoka says, sounding offended.
"I think ," Rex says, tossing the credits up into the air and catching them, "this is the money I won for betting Tup that Jedi can't hold their drink."
"Rex," Ahsoka whines, scowling at him. "That's stupid and rude."
"Not since I won - I think I'm going to get another beer."
Ahsoka elbows him again and he pockets his credits, privately relieved that out of all the odd abilities the Force can grant, apparently "inability to get drunk" isn't one of them. "I'll share," he says lightly. "Come on."
...
The night turns fuzzy, after that.
Ahsoka wakes up in the morning with a splitting headache and a low, persistent nausea. She can tell Rex is awake, but he's not moving around; instead, he sends, how are you this morning? and she swears he feels smug.
Kriff you, she responds acidly, and buries her head in the pillow. Kriff Fives. Kriffing free drinks.
He laughs, and she winces at the sound. Sorry, Soka, but-
Don't you dare say I told you so!
"Jedi can't get hungover," he reminds her, and she swears. Lightweight.
"Shut up," Ahsoka says, and she rolls over, presses her face against his chest. If I throw up I'm doing it on you.
Soka!
Serves you right.
...
Rex shuts up because if she throws up on him he'll probably throw up himself. His head hurts too, although not so much, so he closes his eyes. Truce, Soka, for kriff's sake.
She grumbles at him and twists her fingers into his shirt but she doesn't say anything, so it seems she's listening to him. Rex rubs her shoulder gently and shifts on their bunk, and she huffs a silent laugh.
Did you see Dogma's face when I kissed you?
Rex had not, in fact, paid much attention to anyone else's faces after that kiss, because it was much more pleasant to look at Ahsoka's. No, why?
He looked like he was having a heart attack. Ahsoka shows him the memory of Dogma gaping, cup of whiskey frozen by his lips. Dogma is a good man but he's still very stiff and Rex isn't surprised to see his reaction.
Poor Dogma , he thinks, chuckling.
If I asked Kix for pain meds would he scold me? Ahsoka asks. It's a good question.
"No." Rex sits up, slowly, easing her with him and ignoring her little squeak and "ow Rex." Kix doesn't approve of the men getting drunk, but other than perhaps a little passive aggression, he distributes pain meds without comment. "At worst he'll ask you 'what for' and then shake his head at you when you answer, but he'll give them to you."
"Worth it," Ahsoka decides - but doesn't move to get up. Rex doesn't blame her. His bunk is comfortable and her head is pounding and if she goes to talk to Kix they can't sit like this.
"I love you, Ahsoka," he says quietly, rubbing her back.
"I love you too," she answers, almost begrudgingly, still clearly annoyed at him for implying an I told you so .
...
Ahsoka gives in after a few more minutes, sends a soft I'll be right back at Rex and pushes herself to her feet. Everything spins and she closes her eyes for a moment, swallows, waits it out before she starts moving.
Kix takes one look at her and sighs. "Commander-"
"Rex said you wouldn't scold," she half-whines, squinting against the too-bright lights of the med bay. "Just give me some kriffing pain meds, Kix."
Kix rolls his eyes, but he hands her the meds without comment; she swallows the pills for her and takes a couple back for Rex.
She's almost back to her room when Anakin nudges her mind. Snips, and he stops. What the kriff?
She groans. Fives drug us to 79's. They gave me free drinks.
She can almost feel Anakin rolling his eyes. Well, Obi-Wan and I need to talk to you and Rex, so get yourselves less hungover and come meet us.
Fine, she says sulkily, and she sends the memory of the conversation to Rex.
...
Rex heads straight for the bridge, after spending enough time in the fresher that he hopefully doesn't look as bad as he feels and pulling on his armor. Kriffing headaches. At least his isn't as bad as Ahsoka's.
General Kenobi and Anakin are in their Jedi robes, looking very serious (in Anakin's case, also upset), and Ahsoka glances at him as he walks in, smiling. He can feel she's a little anxious now, which is reasonable. As he walks up to her, she holds out a few pills and he takes them gratefully, dry-swallows them. Anakin gives him a look, like really ? Rex doesn't generally actually drink that much when the 501st goes out. Rex shrugs and crosses his arms. Last night hadn't really been a night to sit stiffly in the corner.
"There was a meeting of the Jedi Council last night," General Kenobi says, and he sounds as collected as ever, although his voice has a bit of a razor's edge. "Master Windu informed us that he had felt you , Ahsoka, using the Dark Side of the Force to fight on your last mission together. To defend Captain Rex here." Kenobi shakes his head, narrowing his eyes. "When I asked the two of you to be more subtle, this was not what I had in mind."
Kriff. Rex presses quickly against Ahsoka's mind, soothes some of her sudden anxiety before it can quite register. "Master Obi-Wan, I didn't-" Ahsoka fumbles, glances at Anakin, and Anakin sighs, running a hand through his hair.
"Master Windu is… concerned," Anakin says, and General Kenobi gives him a slightly incredulous look. "He said he's worried you struggle with attachment, which in fairness," he glances at Rex, shrugs, "is true."
" Master Windu is concerned?" Kenobi asks, then puts his hands on his hips and stares at Anakin. "What do you know about this, Anakin? This should be more serious to you - to both of you. These attachments of yours are one thing, but letting that motivate you to use the Dark Side is another entirely. This is why the Code forbids attachment, Ahsoka."
Ahsoka looks at Rex, thinks, What do I tell him?
I don't know, Ahsoka, this isn't really my area of expertise . Personally, Rex wants to tell General Windu to mind his own business, but that's out of the question.
"If you two would focus ," Kenobi says. "Please, just this once."
Rex feels Ahsoka cringe a little and he looks down. Kenobi is right, this is serious - if the Council has noticed Ahsoka using the Dark Side and they think it's bad enough to bring up to Anakin, maybe they have been a little careless. I think you better try to actually explain, Soka, he thinks.
...
Ahsoka winces, bites her lip. "It, uh, was an accident, Master Kenobi," she says, glancing down at her feet. "I was really tired from trying to use Force healing on Rex and I could feel his pain and the clankers attacked our wounded, Master! I just-"
"Ahsoka, this has gone too far," Obi-Wan says quietly. "Fear and anger are the path to the Dark Side, and attachment is a surefire way to develop fear and anger. I know you're attached already, but you need to take a step back. This isn't healthy."
She can't breathe.
Anakin please, she begs, they're going to take him away. I can't!
She reaches out, clutches Rex's hand tightly. Anakin doesn't respond; he sends her a brief sense of warmth and comfort, but steps across the bridge to mutter into his wristcomm. (She tries not to resent him for that.)
They're going to take Rex away from her and she's alone.
Darth Sidious discards the facade the Republic knows as Chancellor Palpatine the moment the aide leaves his office, steepling his fingers in front of his face in thought. He needs to get young Skywalker alone if his manipulation is going to succeed; before, it'd been progressing as planned, but that damned padawan is going to ruin everything!
He's just received new information, though, that could change everything. A mistake the padawan has made has turned to be the key to revealing a weakness he had not seen: the clone Captain of the 501st.
And Anakin is powerful, yes, but Ahsoka has a wildness to her, an almost ferality that lends itself perfectly to certain aspects of the Dark Side. If he could turn her, could capture her loyalty… perhaps Anakin won't be needed. (He'll still have to kill Amidala, though. She is far too dangerous in the Senate, and he needs his position to be secure when he names himself Emperor.)
He will never be able to win her with the Captain in the way, however. Something needs to happen to get the clone out of the way. He also needs to manipulate events so that the Jedi lose standing in the padawan's eyes. He knows her character well enough to know her loyalty will always lie with the Jedi-unless the Jedi betray her, abandon her, break her trust.
And, given what his spies observed the previous night, perhaps he can kill two birds with one stone, as the saying goes. He presses a button on the commlink on his desk.
Tarkin's response is gratifyingly swift. "Chancellor, what may I do for you?"
"I have security droid footage of a likely relationship between Padawan Tano and Captain Rex of the 501st. There are protocols forbidding such things, as I recall. I do believe the Captain should be sent for reconditioning, or perhaps even terminated, as he is clearly defective. Handle it."
"Of course, Chancellor," and the man is clearly gleeful. "But the Jedi Commander won't allow justice to be done, and the Council will back her."
Sidious smiles, gently persuades another strand of the Force to settle in the pattern he wishes. "I do not think they will be so eager to aid the padawan when they have seen this worrying new evidence. I fear the taint of the Dark Side has spread even to the young."
Tarkin laughs, and the Force snaps into place, a shift so minute even Mace Windu and his gift for shatterpoints will not see it, like a grain of sand; but given enough time, enough grains of sand, and the Jedi will be buried in their unmaking before they even sense its approach. And Sidioussmiles, because not even Darth Bane managed what he will: their ancient enemy's utter destruction at their own hand. There is an elegance, a poetry to being the catalyst inspiring the suicide of the Order.
From the ashes of the Light, the Dark shall arise.
And another thin-as-spidersilk strand of his web is woven into place.
...
Rex squeezes Ahsoka's hand, meets Kenobi's eyes somewhat defiantly. "All due respect, sir, but all she did was pulverize a few clankers. That's hardly going to turn her into a Sith."
Kenobi frowns at him, shaking his head. "Rex, you're oversimplifying things."
"I don't think I am." Rex is a little tired of the Jedi insistence on total calm - he doesn't think it's ever been that helpful to Ahsoka or Anakin or even General Kenobi himself. "Sir, it isn't unhealthy to be 'attached' - not always, at least."
"The minute you're willing to betray your principles for the sake of an attachment, because you fear to lose someone, you're on dangerous ground," Kenobi says sharply. Rex scowls, but he can't argue because the General is right - in part. That was why he'd stopped Ahsoka from killing Agruss. Kenobi turns to Ahsoka again, sighing, stroking his beard. "Ahsoka, it isn't the droids dying I'm concerned about, or you defending Rex. It's the means by which that was accomplished. If you let that become a pattern you could easily go too far, do too much in the name of attachment and protection."
...
Ahsoka grits her teeth. "Alright, fine, I promise I won't do it again, just-"
"What the kriffing hell were you two thinking?" Anakin snarls out, cutting her off.
"Sir?" Rex asks cautiously.
Anakin holds out a holo showing Ahsoka and Rex kissing each other. "Security droid got this last night. Tarkin just commed me because procedurestates Rex is going to be taken for reconditioning. I repeat: what were you thinking?"
Ahsoka freezes, staggers back a step. This can't be happening. Please, no, she begs, but she's not even sure who's listening.
...
Rex can't breathe . He sways a little before forcing himself to be still , immediately, and automatically looks to Ahsoka for some kind of reassurance. She looks as horrified as he feels and he shields some of his more panicked ideas. "Sir," he says, looking at Anakin, "we didn't mean to, to have anyone see . 79's is a clone bar and we were drunk, and I- We weren't thinking."
"Oh, you think? " Anakin snarls, and Rex flinches a little. "You of all people should have known better, Rex!"
He should have, but he'd been tipsy and lost in Ahsoka's eyes and 79's was supposed to be safe.
Reconditioning means the Kaminoans take his armor, his rank, his battalion, and wipe his memory. Leave him as useless as a shiny, reassign him, and he loses everything before the event of reconditioning. There's one brother in the 501st who's been reconditioned - none of them know his original battalion - and he's always seemed a little lost. They try to help him as much as they can because they all know that he's not really Rush, doesn't belong there.
He wants to plead with Anakin, ask him to please not let this happen to him, but he swallows instead and shifts into parade rest, lost in the sound of blood rushing in his ears. "Sir, I'm sorry, I don't know."
Ahsoka reaches for his arm and puts her hand around his elbow, leaning into him a little. "Anakin, they can't! "
"I know that, Snips!"
Kenobi is frowning, eyeing the footage, arms crossed. "This isn't good," he says softly. "But if we tell the Council, they may be able to help - they don't approve of reconditioning." Kenobi's eyes flash and Rex thinks the General has a stronger opinion than he's just said. "Surely this is not sufficient provocation to cost the Republic one of its best officers. That would mean though, Ahsoka, that we'd have to tell the Council about your attachment to Rex."
Rex glances at her. He does not want the Jedi Council knowing about them, and he knows she doesn't, but if that means he doesn't have to lose himself, lose her, his men, everything , it would be worth it.
"You know Tarkin will probably send them this footage, too, anyway," Kenobi adds, gently, sighing. He does look sorry or else Rex would want to lash out at him - he is angry and scared and everything has gone so wrong so fast .
...
Ahsoka swallows, tightens her hold on Rex. "Please, Master Kenobi, just-I'll do anything, please don't let this happen."
I'm so sorry, Rex, this is all my fault, if I'd just been more careful-
Rex cuts her off with a wave of love and comfort. It's alright, Soka, it'll be alright. General Kenobi will fix this. They won't take me away, I promise, and she knows the words are empty because he doesn't know but she clings to them anyway.
I can't lose you, Rex, she tells him, crumbling in on herself like a tunnel made of sand, I can't. I think it would kill me.
...
I'm sorry, Soka , he thinks, and part of him is terrified because if they can't save him, if he has to go back to Kamino, she has to be alright, his men have to be alright. You'll be fine , and that feels too much like admitting that he's already convinced he's going to lose them, so he swallows. We're always fine.
But clones are made to fight and die, and that finally seems to be catching up to him.
Kenobi sighs again, looks at Anakin, and Rex is pretty sure they're communicating silently. "We have to tell the Council," he says, finally. "It's our best option."
Rex hates the idea of getting Ahsoka in more trouble to save him, but he has no illusions about this: it will be better for everyone if Ahsoka is reprimanded, even told to cut off their attachment, than for him to lose everything he is . They will make this all work, they have to. I'm sorry, Soka,he says again, but he's right .
I know , she thinks, sharp.
The GAR will insist on some kind of punishment for him but surely the Jedi Council can talk them out of reconditioning .
"Okay," he says, glances at Ahsoka. It's up to her, really, much more than it is him.
"Fine, I'll tell them," she says heavily. "Of course I will."
Rex sends her a wave of gratitude, tries to manage the accompanying fear and guilt. Anakin tries to smile at him and Rex wants to tell him it's okay, but he feels too tense and Anakin is clearly still angry .
This still all has to work out. It has to. Rex finds himself suddenly uncertain of everything, aware that whichever way he turns, one misstep means loss .
...
For the first time Ahsoka can recall, the Temple feels more like a battlefield than home. She walks through the hallways with Anakin and Obi-Wan at her back and tries not to flinch at every unexpected noise.
The Force feels strange, thick and choking, almost like it's trapping her inside it; she doesn't think anyone else feels it, so maybe she's just imagining things.
Hopefully.
She clings tightly to her bond with Rex, at the same time trying to hide it beneath layers of shields so that the Council doesn't see, doesn't know. If they find out, they'll want her to break it, and she can't. She's grown too used to feeling Rex-a part of her is scared of being alone again.
Ahsoka can't help but hang back, just outside the entrance to the Council chambers. She's afraid (even if she can barely admit that even to herself) and she wants Rex and some animal instinct inside her hisses that this is a trap and she can't shake it. Anakin puts a steadying hand on her shoulder, projects love and trust and strength. We'll save him, Snips. I promise.
But she can't quite believe him.
The door swings open and she's met with disapproving gazes from most of the Council. Master Windu himself is scowling down at a handheld holoprojector, deep in thought. "Padawan Tano, Knight Skywalker. Master Kenobi. The Council was just about to send for you. We've received some… rather worrying holos and would like to hear your thoughts."
Not good, not good. There's no time. "Forgive me, Masters, but this is urgent. I…" and she doesn't want to say it but she has to, "have struggled with being attached to Captain Rex. The GAR wants to punish him by sending him for reconditioning. I-"
"That is serious," Mace allows, interrupting, "but this is by far more pressing. Why did you not inform your Master you used the Dark Side on Kadavo?"
Ahsoka freezes, eyes going wide. How could they know? She hasn't told anyone about what happened in the control room, besides Anakin and Rex, and she knows neither of them would ever tell. She can't help but reach instinctively for Rex, project sheer panic and they know someone told them, and she almost doesn't even notice how Mace frowns.
...
This is all much, much more serious than Mace had thought. Ahsoka's use of the Dark when he was with her had been unfortunate, but certainly manageable - cause for concern, but nothing unusual, really.
But what the Chancellor has found is something else entirely. That had been Ahsoka deadly, furious, vengeful, ready to kill.
"You made me abandon all those Jedi principles in your mine."
This is dangerous.
When he asks her about it, he expects a denial or an attempted explanation or an attempt to redirect the conversation to Captain Rex, anything other than a moment of silence. She looks at a loss, like she doesn't know what to do or say, and Mace feels her panic humming around her like a swarm of insects, electric and raw. When he focuses on her, on the ebb and flow of her emotions, he feels confusion, anxiety, and… and there's a thin, tough thread of the Force that doesn't quite belong , and Mace latches onto it, feels the pull of it. It's a live-wire of emotion and thought, one end connected to Ahsoka, one connected - he follows it, feels her fear chasing along the thread - to the clone Captain, Rex.
It's a bond , like the connection between Master and Padawan but different, stronger, wilder.
Ahsoka seems to gather herself and Mace leans back in his seat, focuses on her face. This is all looking deeply incriminating - the kiss with the Captain, her use of the Dark both on Cato Neimoidia and Kadavo, and now this bond.
"I didn't know how to tell him," Ahsoka says, twisting her hands together. "I was scared, and it wasn't supposed to happen again. Captain Rex stopped me from doing anything and I-"
Mace holds up a hand to forestall her. "Padawan Tano," he says, lets just enough Force influence into his voice to let her know how serious he is. "First you will tell us, please, why there is a mental link between yourself and the Captain." It is inappropriate, at best , for such a bond to exist. "Your attachment to him is beyond a simple 'struggle,' Padawan."
...
Ahsoka does her best not to look at Anakin, or at Obi-Wan who's taken his seat; she reaches for Rex again. Rex, they know.
Know what? he asks.
About the bond, she says, and this is bad. This is very bad.
This could get her expelled, and then who will protect Rex?
Master Windu is still watching her, and she chooses her words carefully. "In Kadavo," she starts, halting, trying not to remember, "talking wasn't allowed-they punished us, or the other slaves, shocked us or whipped us. On the second day, I-he was just a boy, and he fell and I helped him up, and they electrocuted him. To death," and she can't think about it, can't remember, can't watch his face as hope turned to horror, "and then they punished me and it hurt and I just-it was instinctive, Master, I didn't mean to form any bond."
Which is all true, but doesn't explain why, in the months since, she hasn't broken it. And she shouldn't say this, Anakin is sending her warning and he's the most reckless of everyone, but she can't stop herself. "I won't break it, Master Windu. It saved our lives in Kadavo, and it-kept me from Falling, and helped us heal. The Force thinks it's right, so why don't you?"
She thinks, then, that maybe she's gone too far.
...
Mace leans forward, narrowing his eyes. Suffering leads to hate. What had happened to her and Captain Rex on Kadavo was unacceptable - and if it has led her to Fall, then that is worse still. This cannot be allowed, for the good of both of them. "You have formed a bond with a null, Padawan Tano, based on a forbidden attachment. That is not right , and certainly not the will of the Force. This is not something you should fight us on. Now explain your use of the Dark Side, please. Briefly." There will have to be severe disciplinary action for this.
"Not until you listen to me about Rex," Ahsoka says sharply, and Mace glances at Obi-Wan and Plo for help - Ahsoka will listen better to them. But Plo sighs, holds his hands out.
"Very well, Ahsoka."
Mace frowns, but Plo was probably wise to take that approach.
"They want to recondition him," Ahsoka says, and it's so clear she's desperate for them to listen and terrified that they won't. "It's policy but he hasn't done anything deserving of that."
"That's true," Obi-Wan says, calmly. "We would be remiss in allowing that to happen to him."
"Most likely." Mace nods, gives Ahsoka and Anakin a tight smile. "We will see what we can do about that, Padawan."
She's painfully relieved, and Mace looks over at Yoda, pursing his lips. She is far, far too attached.
"Tell us, you will, why you called on the Dark Side," Yoda says, solemnly.
...
Ahsoka takes a deep breath, wondering briefly how the hell she's supposed to explain it so that the Council can understand. The Council, who have never been slaves.
The Council, who have never been broken.
"Anger, hatred, that was all I had left to call on," she says, sharp and dangerous, because there was no other choice. "Have you ever had to watch someone be electrocuted because you tried to help them? There was no Light in that pit, and not a single one of you would've stayed true. You're welcome to try it if you want to! Except Agruss is dead, so there's no one to force you to call them Master just to make the pain stop, there's no one to whip the people you came to save because it hurts to swing a pickaxe with your hands full of shrapnel. There's no one to electrocute your trooper until he screams and blacks out because you tried to fight." Ahsoka stands straight and tall, eyes flashing, durasteel in her spine, and she meets the eyes of every Councillor. "Agruss intended to use Rex and I to force Anakin to surrender, and he had already set the floor of the command building to drop the other slaves to their deaths. We were exhausted and injured and scared, Master Yoda. You have no idea what it was like, so don't you dare punish me for surviving, because I did what I had to do."
In the back of her mind, Anakin feels proud. Rex is terrified, because she's refusing to just accept the inevitable, but she's not going to let them cow her, let them take away the one good thing in her life.
...
Obi-Wan can't help a thrill of pride and compassion, although this is all wrong . He knows Anakin well enough that he can tell his Padawan had known most, if not all, of this already.
He meets Ahsoka's eyes, inclines his head just slightly, as much support as he will offer - yet.
There is silence, and Obi knows none of them want to be the first to speak, not after that.
Master Tiin breaks the silence with a long sigh. "And yet you have used it again and have persisted in a dangerous attachment. The Dark is not just a power that you may use as a tool."
"It isn't a dangerous attachment! He helped me not kill Agruss. He helps me be balanced!"
"And yet I wonder, Padawan Tano, if you ever would have drawn on the Dark Side had you not been afraid for your Captain. It seems to be the linking factor between your… lapses."
Obi frowns, clenches one of his hands into a loose fist. Saesee has never been a very compassionate man, and the war has made it worse. "Master Tiin, you have a point, but that's quite enough."
Ahsoka is shaking, looks dismayed, and Obi sighs, shaking his head. "Ahsoka… You must understand why we are worried."
...
Ahsoka wants to scream in frustration. They don't understand, just like she'd expected, and even Master Kenobi is looking at her like she's some di'kut youngling who's never seen a battle. Anakin can't intervene, lest the Council realize his bond with Padmé, and Master Kenobi seems be siding with the other Jedi.
She's alone.
"Well," she snaps out, barely even recognizing her own voice, "it's not like the Jedi did anything to save me on Kadavo. Meditation did nothing. Myevil attachment gave me the strength to keep moving. If Rex hadn't been there I would've simply collapsed and let them shock me until I died, because there was no hope!"
"Padawan," Master Windu starts, but she cuts him off.
"You talk about attachment like it's the Darkest thing in the galaxy, but the Jedi Order is founded on love, Masters." Anakin shouts a mental warning, but she ignores him, stares Master Windu down. "And I love Rex. I don't care what you say, I think that makes me the strongest Jedi in the room right now. Now, if you aren't going to help me, I'm leaving. My cyare needs my help."
And she turns and makes to leave the room.
...
"Padawan." Mace layers his voice with influence , as heavy as he can, and Ahsoka stops, glares at him, eyes fierce. "They won't take the Captain yet." Perhaps not at all. But the Captain's testimony will be needed, because Mace thinks things are serious enough they must consider whether Ahsoka may have a place in this order.
"And why wouldn't they?" she snaps, and Mace stands, taking a step towards her.
"Because the Council won't allow it."
"Why not? Wouldn't that solve all your problems with my attachments, if he forgot about me?"
In truth, it would - but such drastic measures will hardly be necessary. At least, Mace hopes. "We will expect you to break the bond," he says heavily. Ahsoka shakes her head before he's even finished. "And we will be holding a hearing to determine whether or not you may remain a part of the Order." They can't risk her Falling, not with all the other forces they're trying to watch. If she's this unrepentant, he has to worry that perhaps her use of the Dark is not an accident or a mistake of judgement but something deeper. He hopes it's not.
"I'm not breaking the bond," she says fiercely, and Mace looks down.
"Padawan Tano… Try to understand the gravity of your situation. Please."
He knows she isn't going to listen.
...
Ahsoka takes a deep breath, closes her eyes. "I understand perfectly," she says, and she tries not to sound bitter.
She doesn't want to do this, she doesn't, but Umbara and Kadavo and even Cato Neimoidia have taught her a few things about priorities, about what's truly important in life. About the things that matter, and the things that don't-such as titles, like General and Jedi Master, because one of those can be a Seppie anyway. The titles don't define the person, the person defines the title.
And she doesn't need to be a Commander to protect her men.
"I understand that there are some things more important than the word Knight."
Anakin is horrified. She's not sure the others have caught on yet. Well, they will soon.
She reaches up, wraps her fingers around the beads representing her padawan braid, and pulls. "I'm sorry, Skyguy. You've been the best Master I could've had, and I promise I'm not leaving you or the 501st," and she steps forward, places the braid in the hand he extends almost numbly.
"Snips, please," he chokes out.
She smiles, sad and sweet. I'm not leaving you to fight alone, Skyguy, you'll get killed without me. "It's not your fault, Master."
She turns back to the Council and bows. "Thank you for your hospitality."
"Your lightsabers," Master Tiin tries, and she shakes her head.
"These sabers are mine. I found the crystals, I made them, and they do not belong to you. Neither does the Force. Maybe someday you'll be able to see that."
And she turns and walks out, never looking back.
...
Rex can't believe it. He pulls a little away from their bond, sags in his seat, rubbing his hand over his face. Little gods. Oh kriff.
They know about the Darkness and him and all of it . They think his Jedi has betrayed them, that she's dangerous and he's dangerous. And she's just… left it all, what she's been working towards ever since he's known her.
Soka, what were you thinking? He presses love warm against her thoughts, tries to calm the anger. You just- Why did you do that?
It wasn't worth it, she answers, fierce. Why would I want to be a Jedi if it's just… if that's what I'd be left with? He can feel her pain at that, her disappointment and bitterness. She'd wanted to be a Jedi, for a long time, but they've let her down once to often. Rex is sick of it, and he has to admit part of him is glad she's left them, whatever implications that may have.
Kriff them , he thinks, and there's a thin wisp of amusement in response. He's glad she said she'd stay with them, glad he doesn't have to worry about her leaving them. He needs her, and his General does too.
"Captain, what's happening?" Tup pushes a cup of caf between his hands. "What's wrong?"
He pulls his thoughts into order, sighs. "A lot, Tup. The Commander just decided she's not going to be a Jedi."
"She what? "
Rex finds himself smiling a little despite himself. "She quit. She told them they were stupid, more or less."
"No kriffing way," Fives breathes.
Rex feels Ahsoka's thoughts lighten, drift towards laughter and amusement, although this is serious and all tangled up.
"They are stupid," Jesse says, and Rex laughs a little, lifts his cup of caf and takes a sip. "Why exactly did she tell them they were stupid, anyway?"
Rex sighs, shakes his head. "They found out about… about her and me. Said all the things you would expect." And he's angry about it, how to them Ahsoka's love for him is just a dangerous obstacle, something to be analyzed and feared. The GAR wants to take her away from him and the Council wants her to break their bond - well, let them try. After everything, he's not letting anyone steal this from him.
...
Ahsoka walks away, and she doesn't stop.
Anakin is screaming bloody desperation in the back of her mind; she soothes him out of habit, reminds him she's not leaving him, just the Jedi. It doesn't seem to completely help, but at least he's a little calmer?
Rex is fire and anger in her head, and she can't help but smile a little. His thoughts echo her own: just let them try. She will fight to keep him.
But she's hurt by the fact that this is necessary, she won't deny that.
Snips, Anakin says, subdued, the Council wants to talk to Rex about the reconditioning.
I'll send him over, she agrees. And she will, just not until after she's had a chance to spend time with him.
The barracks where the 501st stay when onworld aren't far from the Temple, and it doesn't take her long to find Rex sitting at a table with a cup of caf in his hands. She pushes between him and Fives, sitting down and leaning her head against his shoulder. Hey, Rexter.
...
"Hey." Rex puts an arm around her and meets her lovely blue eyes. "You okay?"
"Yeah," she says, smiling a little. She doesn't look so okay, but he lets it go.
"So is it true you quit, Commander?" Fives asks, looking worried. "Are you leaving?"
"Well, I kind of quit," Ahsoka says. "But I'm not going anywhere."
"Oh okay, then who cares," Fives snorts, and slides his cup of caf over to her. "What about the General, is he okay?"
"Mostly," Ahsoka says, and Rex senses that that's a bit of a lie, but there's no use worrying the men unless it's more serious. He tightens his arm around her and sighs, curling his hand into a fist against the tabletop.
"It's not right, sir," he says, and Ahsoka glances at him like she's confused - but he's angry and she's their Commander and just now it feels appropriate to call her 'sir.' "You spent your whole life doing what they told you and the one time you don't, they want to kick you out." He wonders if that shouldn't surprise him so much, but he'd thought the Council was supposed to be wise.
...
She shrugs. "That's making it a bit simple," she says quietly. "Having attachments, romantic relationships, that's against the Code. And I used the Dark Side, Rex. Not just a little bit. On Kadavo I almost Fell. So…"
Ahsoka doesn't want to say she understands, but she does.
"What do you mean, you used the Dark Side?" Tup asks, and she winces.
Oops.
"Kadavo," she says, and sees understanding cross Fives' face, "was bad, Tup."
That's an understatement.
"Oh," he says, and she can tell that doesn't really answer his question, but he doesn't press.
"Well, the Jedi are pretty stupid," Jesse says. "Except the General. And maybe Kenobi."
"So I'm no longer stupid is what you're saying?" she asks archly, doing her level best to keep a straight face.
Jesse sputters, and Fives laughs. "We should've made a bet about this!"
...
Kix meanders over, crossing his arms. "I hope that's what this means," he grumbles. "Now that you're not a Jedi, please tell me that means you can stop being one of my three most insufferable patients."
Ahsoka shrugs sheepishly. "I'm not insufferable, Kix."
"No, no, you are, and I want you to stop," Kix says, sitting down on the edge of the table, fixing her with a baleful look. "No more of this Jedi self-sacrificing shit."
"I don't think she's going to stop that," Rex says, laughing, elbowing Ahsoka, and she thinks traitor at him, scowling.
"I'm asking anyway," Kix sighs.
Anakin says the Council wants to talk to you , Ahsoka tells him.
Well, that's convenient. I want to talk to them too.
"I can try, Kix," Ahsoka says, and Kix points at her, narrows his eyes.
"I'm holding you to that."
Rex pushes away his cup of caf and stands to go. "Ahsoka." She looks up and he bends down, kisses her fierce and strong and a little possessive because he's not losing her, not letting anyone hurt her. Fives makes an annoyed noise, but Rex doesn't care. He rests a hand against her jaw and breaks the kiss, rests his forehead against hers. "Ner'jetii."
"Would you two stop? " Tup groans. "No one wants to see all that. We get it, Rex, she's your girl. Shut up about it."
Rex laughs, lightly kisses Ahsoka again. "I'm going to have a chat with the Council myself," he says, and Fives suddenly grabs his arm.
"Rex, don't be stupid," he says.
"I know."
...
It takes everything Ahsoka has in her to let go, to let Rex walk away. Something doesn't settle right in her gut, doesn't want to let him leave. K'oyacyi, cyare.
He smiles, promises, I'll be fine. It's just the Temple.
He walks away after one last light kiss to the tip of her left montral.
"I'm glad you're staying, Commander," Tup says, and he looks oddly almost shy about that fact.
"Technically, I'm not a Commander anymore," Ahsoka says, tries to shove down the fear that says hold on tight, don't let Rex go, because she may not be a Jedi now but she won't Fall. And fear leads to the Dark.
Jesse snorts, rolls his eyes. "It's a habit now, sir. And frankly, who the kriff cares about technically?"
"Dogma does," Fives says.
"Dogma doesn't count."
"Tell that to him," and Tup laughs.
"Anyway, the point is," Jesse continues emphatically, glaring, "you're our Commander whether you're a Jedi or not."
"Besides, you're basically still a Jedi anyway," Fives points out. "You've still got your lightsabers and the Force."
"True," she says, remembering they don't belong to you, and neither does the Force. So she doesn't have a title, now, or a standing on the Republic. She has her sabers, and the Force, and Rex, and her men, and her Master.
What more does she need?
...
Captain Rex walks into the Council chambers with a confidence born of anger and bitterness and a little bit of fear. They're waiting for him, Anakin standing in front of them in a state of fevered, oscillating worry. Obi-Wan looks deeply frustrated and tired. Rex settles into a wide stance in front of them and crosses his arms, lifting his chin.
"You wanted to see me?"
Master Yoda taps his stick against the floor, smiling a little. "Some questions to ask you, we have, Captain."
Rex nods shortly. He shouldn't antagonize them, but he feels a little invincible - he finds anger does that.
General Windu leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and steeples his fingers underneath his chin. "Captain Rex, Captain Tarkin and Padawan Tano have informed us that per GAR regulations, you are to be taken back to Kamino and reconditioned." Windu pauses, and Rex fights down a spike of fear. "We will do the best we can to prevent that. Your relationship with Padawan Tano is highly inappropriate, but you have hardly earned reconditioning. That being said, we hope you will give us some insight into Padawan Tano's recent actions."
Rex lets out a slow, quiet sigh, some of the anxiety in his stomach subsiding. Obi-Wan and Anakin smile a little at him.
"You killed the slavemaster on Kadavo, when she was threatening him," one of the Jedi says, a wide-faced Iktotchi male with sharp eyes. "Why?"
Rex shifts a little, trying to decide how honest to be. "Because I knew she shouldn't kill him," he says, firmly. "But he needed to die. So I killed him."
"Would she have killed him?" General Plo says, and he sounds almost anxious. "It appears as though she was going to."
Ahsoka has left the Order - why shouldn't they know? Rex meets Plo's eyes. "Yeah, she would've. And I couldn't let her. She wouldn't have forgiven herself for it."
"So even you would say she was going too far, Captain?" Mace asks, and Rex is irritated but he nods.
"Yeah. So I stopped her. And she was fine after that."
He doesn't mention the fear that lingered and their encounter with the Son. If the Council doesn't know about that, he'll make sure they never do.
"Captain, in your opinion, would Ahsoka ever turn to the Dark Side?"
Rex thinks the question is more to gauge his answer, how he answers, than to actually take his opinion into consideration. They know what he'll say already. So he sneers, just a little, and shakes his head. "What do you really think, Windu? Would she? You've all known her since she was a youngling. She's not a Sith or a dar'jetii and she isn't dangerous. She wouldn't turn, not even with all the encouragement you're giving her. Try asking me a smart question, sir, if you want a real answer."
...
Anakin is simultaneously proud and terrified.
He can't help but worry that Snips isn't coming back, isn't staying, despite the promise she'd made him; a little voice in the back of his mind whispers that he wasn't good enough for her, that she's leaving, she's abandoning him like all the Jedi. (That voice scares him: not because of what it says, but because of what it wants, what it promises. You will never lose those you love, it says, patient as a loth-cat, you will have the power to save them, insidious and whisper-quiet and unforgettable as the double sunsets of Tatooine. It cajoles him always, steady as the tide, and it always, always knows his weakest points.) And what Rex is doing-pushing the Council-is dangerous.
But he's proud of his Captain, too, for speaking his mind, for being uncowed by the collective Presence of the Council.
Mace Windu is decidedly not proud. At least, not of Rex, anyway. "Captain, take care to remember who you are addressing," he says sternly. Anakin looks away to hide an eye roll. As if that's going to matter to Rex. "This is not about my opinion of Padawan Tano-"
"It's not?" Rex asks, and he's angry. "That's funny, sir, because it seems like this entire kriffing mess revolves around your opinion." (Anakin tries not to cheer. It'd be vastly inappropriate.) "Also, I was under the impression that Ahsoka has left the Order and isn't a padawan anymore."
Mace Windu, for the first time in possibly all of history, is speechless. And Anakin has never been one to care about appropriate.
He applauds.
...
Rex has to fight back a laugh when Anakin starts clapping; this is, after all, still very serious - but his General is grinning, looks a lot less worried, and Rex lets himself smirk . He can feel Ahsoka at the back of his mind and he wants to laugh even more because she feels a little shocked.
He should feel like he's on dangerous ground but he doesn't - he just feels strong, sure of himself.
"The concern here, Captain," Windu says, icily, shooting a piercing glare at Anakin, "is that if she's left the Order, it may be because she wishes to seek out new instruction. If she is disillusioned with our teachings, it's possible that she may turn to the Dark for answers. Tell me you understand the danger here. The Dark Side isn't a quaint idea, it's a serious threat."
And Rex of all people knows that, knows that the Dark is terrifying and cold, but the Jedi seem so afraid of it that they see a threat where there is none. He knows his Soka, knows what's important to her, what she believes. And she has never wanted that icy kind of Dark and never will.
"I understand why you think this is dangerous," he says, makes himself not be as sharp as he wants to be. "But she's not going to find a new Master or go to Dooku or try to undermine your Council. You don't have all the answers, sir, so she's going to look for them herself. She's not so weak she'll listen to just anyone."
"That is not why we're concerned," Mace says, and Rex is getting sick of this.
"Alright, then what do you want me to say," he snaps. "What's the point of this, if you aren't going to listen? Clearly you all know what you think about all this."
"So you believe she would not turn to the Dark Side," Obi-Wan says, and there's something in his voice that tells Rex to just answer that simply.
"Yes, General."
"Thank you." Obi-Wan looks at Windu, folding his hands on his lap. "Mace, this bond that they have - if Ahsoka were in danger of turning, I believe the Captain would have some idea of it."
"She could be shielding something, Obi," Windu says, shortly, sighing. "I'm simply-"
"She is a Padawan, albeit a strong one." Obi-Wan sounds just barely impatient, annoyed. "Despite our concerns, all of her experiences, and those of Captain Rex, would say she's the last person we need to worry about turning. If she's left the Order, it's barely possible we should consider ourselves before we start leveling accusations at her."
Master Yoda suddenly laughs , tapping his stick against the floor rather gleefully . "Calm yourself, you must, Master Windu. Unbalanced, you must not be." The little Master points at Rex, narrowing his eyes. "Thank you. Help us, this will."
Rex bows his head, quickly. "Fine, sir."
"Just one other thing, Captain, if I may," and if anyone other than General Plo had been asking, Rex probably would have refused to stay. As it is, he nods, because he knows General Plo has always cared about Ahsoka and about his battalion of troopers. "This bond the two of you share- You are alright with it? Are you aware how intimate it is?"
"Yes, General," Rex says, firmly. He feels a hum of gratitude and love from Ahsoka.
He knows what that says about how close he and Ahsoka are, and it's suddenly an effort to stand in front of them without flinching.
"Very well then," General Plo says with a sigh. "I believe that will be all, Captain."
Rex elects to walk back to the barracks rather than taking a speeder - he thinks he needs to clear his head. He's still angry but what he'd done is finally setting in, the audacity of speaking to the Council like that. He doesn't think they'll let him be reconditioned, still, but he is worried about reassignment or demotion. And he's aware he's broken a number of the GAR rules today alone.
The barracks are one of Coruscant's middle levels, and the paths through those levels are clogged with civilian traffic today - these people automatically get out of his way, though, clear him a small path as he walks. He's used to that by now; it's the fact he's a soldier, wearing armor and carrying blasters. It's convenient for him so he doesn't let it bother him.
GAR regulations or no, everything seems like it may be okay. As long as the Council doesn't decide Ahsoka is dangerous, as long as they actually defend him still, maybe this is good. He can have Ahsoka, no more hiding.
He just hopes it isn't too hard for her, this change, leaving the Jedi behind. At least she'll have Anakin still, but now she's an independent agent with all the skills and principles of a Jedi. Rex doesn't know where that means she fits, although he hopes it's enough for her to stay with the 501st.
He turns down a slightly less crowded pathway between a few buildings, mostly domestic shops and cheap hotels, briefly considers stopping to get something to eat. But he wants to get back to his men and to Ahsoka - she may need him, and part of him wants to make sure nothing can happen to her. He's still a little afraid the Council will decide she's a threat.
A small squad of clones with the Republic emblem on their pauldrons is walking towards him, and he presses to the edge of the road to get out of their way; they look like they have places to be. Rather than moving on past him, however, they walk up to him and stop, and Rex frowns. Has something happened?
"Captain Rex of the 501st," one of them says, and Rex nods.
"What do you want, troopers?" he asks.
"Captain, you're required back on Kamino, per an order from Captain Tarkin and GAR regulations. We've come to escort you to your transport."
Rex shifts and every trooper in the squad drops a hand to their blasters. This isn't right, the Council was supposed to fix this. "I think there's been a mistake," he says evenly, and he sends a thought to Ahsoka, tries not to be panicked. "I was under the impression that new orders were forthcoming."
"Those are our current orders, sir, from the Chancellor himself," the trooper says, and Rex has to struggle to keep his breathing steady. "You need to come with us."
Ahsoka is pressing worriedly against his mind, and he can feel she's scared, wondering if she should bring the men, and he forestalls her for a moment. He wants her to come but it's fine, it has to be fine. "I don't believe that will be necessary, trooper."
The troopers all draw their blasters, and Rex steps back once, involuntarily. "Now, sir," and Rex could swear their leader sounds apologetic.
He's not going back to Kamino. He's not. Not after all this. Ahsoka , he thinks, sharply. I need help. Then he dives forward under the squad leader's blaster and tackles him, driving him to the ground and going for one of his own blasters. He gets it free of its holster, struggles to set it to stun while he still has time .
But he's surrounded, and what little confusion he's caused is over before he can really take advantage of it (it was a desperate attempt anyway), so he only manages to stun a few troopers before one of their blasts hits him in his chest, knocks the breath out of his lungs and cuts off his awareness far too quickly.
Ahsoka, please!
...
Ahsoka is in the middle of recounting how Rex had basically told the Council to go kriff themselves when a sharp thrill of fear and a worried, I'm surrounded by troopers and they're saying I have to go back to Kamino, Chancellor's orders, slips through the bond.
She goes still, swearing rapidly under her breath. Do you need help?
There's a vague feeling of not yet, and though it's physically painful, she sits and waits, all her attention focused on the bond, on the confrontation. Orders from the Chancellor himself. That can't be good.
None of this is right.
And then the troopers draw their blasters, and Rex sends, Ahsoka, I need help. She's already on her feet before the thought even registers.
"Commander, what's wrong?" Tup asks.
She doesn't bother to explain. "Fives, Jesse, Tup, Dogma," and she hesitates, twisting her lips into a grimace before adding, "either Kix or Tuck, with me now-"
Ahsoka, please!
And then there's just nothing. Rex is gone, just silent, his mind quieter than she's ever felt it, even in sleep. "Commander!" That's Fives, and she jerks out of her head, hissing out a few more swears for good measure.
Rex? Rex! There's no answer. "Stunned," she says shortly, and then she registers the looks of confusion on her men's faces. "They've taken Rex to Kamino on the Chancellor's orders. We're getting him back."
"Where's General Skywalker?" Dogma asks, shifting his weight and twisting his hands together nervously.
"Busy with the Council," she tells him, and then, "This is not the time for legalism, Dogma! They've taken Rex and I'm getting him back. Are you with me?"
There's a long silence-well, more like a couple of seconds, but to Ahsoka it feels like an eternity. And then Dogma nods, says, "Yes, sir!" and snaps out a salute.
Fives cheers.
"Alright, let's go," she says, taking a deep breath. "Buckets on, get to a transport! Something fast with a hyperdrive. Do we have anything here or do we need to get to the Resolute?"
"There's one here, Commander," Jesse says. "I'll show you."
Rex is going to be okay. They'll get to him in time. They will.
She tells herself that over and over again, as she commandeers the ship and gets it into hyperspace, and hopes it will be true.
...
Rex wakes up barefoot, in his blacks, in a cell that doesn't even have a bed or a meal drop. His head hurts like hell and he sits up off the floor, finds his shoulders ache and the nearly-healed wound in his side throbs. He knows, from the pale light and the design of the cell and the hallway he can see through the door, that he's on Kamino.
Little gods, they've brought him back. He scrambles automatically to his feet, slams the heel of his hand against the door of the cell. The troopers out in the corridor jump, turn to look at him, then slowly turn away. He hits the door again.
"Kriffing let me out ," he snarls, but they don't respond. Kriffing shinies, can't just listen .
Ahsoka?
Rex! Her relief and terror hits hard and he winces a little. We're coming Rex, it's going to be fine. I'll fix this, I promise, just hang on .
He wants to shield the panic building in the back of his mind but he doesn't, just reaches for her and latches on. He wants to get out , but he doesn't have anything and the guards are ignoring him.
Kriff. He can't do this, won't let them do this. Ahsoka has to get here. He needs her, needs to get out .
Rex, we're coming, I promise.
But how soon can they get to him? And what if they can't, and what if he loses all of it? He clenches his hands into fists, considers hitting the door again except there's no point to that. Soka- he thinks, and he can hear his heart in his ears and his stomach is in knots and he's going to be sick and he can't, won't do this and he wants to be anywhere but here, little gods, please, because he is not going to lose them but what if he does, what if it's all gone and he has to start again and Ahsoka's alone and he can't protect his men and he's alone- I'm scared, please, Soka .
Distantly he knows he needs to breathe so he backs up, slides to the floor with his back against the wall, and grits his teeth, feels Ahsoka projecting gentle calm at him and counting. He holds onto that, forces himself to focus .
I'm sorry , he thinks, after a few minutes. The guards keep pacing outside the row of cells and Rex still feels sick but now he can think. I just… If we can't-
Shut up .
He shuts up.
I'm coming and bringing some of the men, and I'm going to get there. And you'll be fine .
He doesn't think what if I'm not . The question is hot and dangerous in the corner of his mind but for now he's going to plan and wait for Ahsoka and the second anyone comes to that door to take him he's going to get himself out , find a way to get away.
He refuses to let them take anything from him. He knows what he will fight for: his men, his Jedi. They can't steal that; his memories and life aren't theirs to have. He wraps his arms around his knees and slips into Ahsoka's mind, rests in her thoughts (even though they're full of rage and fear and desperation) because he can't be alone.
...
"He's awake," Ahsoka says, pausing her 'saber forms to inform the men watching her. She wants to sink immediately back into the moving meditation Anakin had taught her, back when she'd first become his Padawan, but there's fear on her men's faces and she has to reassure them. "Alright for now, but he's scared."
"I don't kriffing blame him," Fives snarls out, shaky, more fear than anger in his voice. "This isn't good, Commander."
"How far out are we?" asks Jesse.
She shrugs a little, says, "Check the navicomputer, should be less than an hour-"
Ahsoka karking Tano, what the kriffing hell?
"Is that Rex?" It's Tup.
Ahsoka shakes her head, wincing at the mental shout. "No, it's, uh, Anakin." Hey, Skyguy. Problem?
You stole a ship. Also both my medics. Anakin is frustrated and worried, she can feel it. What the kriff happened?
She tilts her head to one side, considering. Well, the Chancellor ordered some troopers to grab Rex. He resisted and they stunned him, so I'm getting him back. You can't stop me, Master.
There's a pause, and then: I know, Snips. The Resolute is on her way with backup, but we'll be late to the party. The Council isn't very happy.
Kriff the Council, Ahsoka snaps back, gritting her teeth against the wave of anger that pulses hot and dark and dangerous through her, and she starts her forms again. I'll get him back, Anakin. I promise.
Rex is still panicky in the back of her mind, and she wraps him in as much soothing warmth and love as she can, presses close against his thoughts and cherishes the feel of them. She won't let this be the last time she feels him. She won't.
And if she has to Fall to save him, then so be it.
...
It's not nearly long enough after he wakes up that the guards come to his door with an officer, four troopers total. He can handle four, can't he? They're in their armor and he's only in his blacks but he must be able to do something . He stands, curls his hands into fists. He can take one at a time if he fights them at the door, break through and run for it. Steal a blaster, maybe - the weapons will be set to stun, because the prisoners here aren't by any means desperate criminals.
He steps up to the door as the officer does, eyes the blaster the other trooper holds at the ready. It is, in fact, set to stun. He looks up, looks at the eyeslits of the officer's helmet. "You should let me go," he says. He's going to get out of here and he's going to find Soka and he will do what he has to.
(He cannot let himself think about the terror hidden under the need to fight, cannot consider what will happen if he can't get out.)
The officer opens the door and Rex strikes, fast, fierce, deadly - and the officer had thought he was ready but Rex just follows his reflexive leap back, grabs him by the front of his armor and yanks him into the doorframe, jerking his blaster out of his hand and shooting two of the guards behind him without pausing. The officer tries to twist free and Rex shoots him, drops him on the floor and backs into the cell again so there's a wall between him and the last guard. He reaches through the door, shoots that trooper, and then he runs .
Out of the cell, over the stunned guards, down the hall, and there are more guards coming and he's alone and has no armor and he has no chance, not really, but pushes himself to run faster, to shoot behind him and weave back and forth so his pursuers can't shoot him as easily, if they try.
But he doesn't know his way around and he doesn't know where he's going, so it's no great surprise when he finds himself caught at an intersection of two hallways and guards are coming at him from three sides. They have their blasters out but they seem hesitant to shoot; he's not sure why.
So he stands with his back to the wall shooting with one blaster on stun, and there are few enough guards that maybe, maybe this will work but they're not stupid, they keep coming, and his heart is pounding out of control and he can't shoot fast enough and even if he does this, he doesn't know where to go. Ahsoka, please hurry , he thinks, and he sense she's hesitant to break his concentration but there's a soft I'm coming .
He just can't keep them away long enough and he can't shoot all of them - eventually someone risks it, just charges him, and that's a mistake because he shoots them but two more troopers rush him from behind, someone grabs his blaster arm, and he can't really shoot but he drives his elbow into a helmet (and it hurts him more than it hurts them), yanks hard enough on the trooper holding his arm that he unbalances them and he can twist partly free and shoot a few more guards.
"Stand down , trooper," and Rex snarls , spins around. He's surrounded and he's without his armor and he can't win but he's not giving up. He lifts his blaster again and two guards grab his arms, someone else grabs his wrist and yanks his trigger finger back so he can't shoot. He hisses, has to drop the blaster, and that was his one chance and panic washes over him so fast he freezes (not all the fear is his). The guards manhandle his arms behind his back and restrain him and he tries to ram his shoulder into one of them, but they don't give him enough space and he can't get enough purchase.
None of them say anything, they just start picking up the stunned troopers, and the two men at Rex's elbows push him into a walk (he tries to plant his feet but he can't resist both of them). It's too quiet, suddenly, and there's a ringing in his ears and he's dizzy and shaking and he's… he doesn't… He tries again to pull free, twisting as best he can, but the troopers just force him to face forward.
Soka , he thinks, and he's starting to feel lost, alone, and she presses against his mind but he's trembling and they won't let go of him and he can't do this. "You have to let me go," he says, and it's been so long since his rank and experience haven't served him but these guards aren't listening .
...
Ahsoka swears, slams her fist into the wall beside the ship's controls. "Kriff!" Rex! We're almost there, Rexter, just hold on, but he's panicked and retreating and he feels so lost and she needs to be there and-
"Commander," Kix says quietly, "I need you to breathe." He doesn't touch her, doesn't get too close, just breathes in and out in a steady rhythm she forces herself to match, even though it feels impossible and her chest is tight and she can't seem to get enough air. "You can't help Rex if you're hyperventilating."
He's right. She closes her eyes, reaches for the calm of the Force with practiced ease, and it takes her too long to fall into the light meditation but she manages. "Thanks, Kix," she says finally, breathes in and out, unclenches her hands, deliberately settles them around the ship's controls. They're nearly to the end of this hyperlane, and she has to be ready, has to focus. She's no use to Rex distracted and scared. (Fear is a kind of strength, if she just uses it.) There's too much terror in her veins, her own mixed with Rex's panic and so she wraps herself in her anger, because anger is better than fear, and she lets rage warm her-but not the deadly, dangerous Darkness she'd used before, on accident, on Kadavo. No, this is sharp and bright and cold, like ice, like kyber crystals, the way a lightsaber carves through solid rock and metal and bone.
This is the Light, in its most warlike form.
I'm coming for you, Rex. I promise.
"Let the others know we're coming out of hyperspace," she orders Kix, crisp and cold and ready. "As soon as we touch down, we move."
"Yes, sir," Kix says, snaps out a salute. "We'll follow your lead, Commander."
She flips the lever, brings the ship out of hyperspace, engaging the sublight engines; Kamino looms in the viewscreen, and she calculates the trajectory on the fly, relying half on the Force to bring the ship down safely through the stormy atmosphere. The bond tugs her to the right city, and she finds a landing platform, sets the ship down carefully. They'll need a ride out of here, after all.
(She should've brought a pilot, someone to keep the engines running.)
Ahsoka jumps up from the seat, powers the ship down with a touch of the Force, sprints out into the main hold of the ship. "Let's go!"
Her 'sabers are in her hands and she ignites them the instant her boots touch the slick, cold durasteel platform; she stalks towards the doors, her men fanning out behind her, blasters raised. The Kaminoans aren't expecting them. That's the only advantage they have-that, and experience: each of her troopers are easily worth ten shinies. (Rex is worth at least twenty.)
Well, she supposes a vengeful no-longer-Jedi counts as an advantage, too.
Her yellow 'saber slashes through the control panel (she doesn't care about property damage) and Ahsoka Tano storms inside with all the Force of a hurricane.
...
Ahsoka isn't here. He can feel her anger like fire and it should be reassuring but it just makes it near impossible to think.
He's still trying to struggle but the three troopers escorting him don't pause for him, don't give him leeway to fight, and when he tries to fight he bruises himself on their armor and he's getting frantic .
It's not until they actually leave the cell block, though, that he really can't do it anymore. "Let me go," he growls, tugging on his arms, icy fear rising into his throat.
They don't answer , they don't look at him , and he raises his voice, can't help the thread of panic that creeps into it. "You know you can't do this, troopers." He's panting quietly, hands opening and closing in fists, and he drags his feet as much as he can.
"The Chancellor has orders, and you broke GAR regulations," one of his guards says gruffly. "This is what happens."
"You aren't a kriffing clanker , you don't have to-" Panic cuts him off, chokes him. " Please ."
The guard lapses back into silence, just pushes him harder and Rex can't . No, he can't do this, they can't do this to him. Part of him is screaming, won't stop, and he can't think . "You can't, please," he says, and his eyes are burning and breathing is hard and he won't lose them, lose her, please. They'll take everything he loves, everything he is , and he can't let them. He's projecting vaguely, a plea for help, please . "Please don't," he's almost crying, "No. You have to stop ." And panic lends him enough strength to try to pull away again, to slam his shoulder into one of the guards, and it hurts and it doesn't do anything . Soka!
She doesn't answer and he can't hold back a sob, finds he's heaving for breath, and this is all wrong , this isn't supposed to happen, it can't . Please, he doesn't want to lose it, he doesn't want to, and he needs Soka. " Gedet'ye, nayc. " He can't do this.
They bring him to a room with half a dozen monitors and machines and there are Kaminoan doctors standing there in front of an operating table and he tries again, uselessly, to struggle free from his guards. One of the doctors moves around behind him and Rex feels cold on his arm and then a prick; there's a pause and then his muscles spasm and give out and he feels boneless, weak. " Nayc ."
He can't, he can't, he can't.
They lift him onto the table and strap him down and he can't move anyway and his breaths scrape in his throat and there are sobs piling up in his chest and this is really happening , they're going to do this.
"His chip is functional," one of the Kaminoans says, peering at one of the monitors. "We're fine on that front."
Rex feels Ahsoka grab onto their bond, suddenly, and piercing anger freezes through his panic, yanks him into some semblance of focus. Rex, oh Force. I'm going to get there, I promise .
"Excellent." One of the doctors walks over with a datapad, and Rex stares at her.
It's hard to find the words in Basic, but he does, forces words past tears. "You can't ." An authoritative tone escapes him. Ahsoka's anger helps him - he senses that she's here, on Kamino, in the facility. "She won't let you."
The doctor taps a few buttons on her datapad, unconcerned. "Is the reintegration facility ready for him?" she asks, coolly.
"Yes, ma'am," one of the others says, and colder than Ahsoka's anger or his panic comes despair, freezing over his thoughts, bringing a terrible, sharp focus. This is happening.
Don't you dare, and Ahsoka prods at him, fierce.
"Let's get it done, then. I have other assignments today," the doctor says.
Rex swallows down tears, still heaving just for a breath. Soka, it's okay , he thinks, and it isn't, and he isn't, and this is a nightmare .
Stop. I'm coming and you're going to be fine.
But he's not. They're here and she isn't and he's going to lose her. I'm sorry, he thinks, I love you, my Jedi. He can't forget her, he doesn't want to, he'll hang onto this, at least. He has to.
You're not leaving! She's desperate and reaching for his mind and he can feel her and she's so angry and scared and he wants her.
Cyare , he thinks, and it's an old vow he remembers, then, and he's shaking but if he's going to lose her he has to say this, has to tell her goodbye(and he can't, he wants to believe she can get to him but he doesn't think she can and she will need this ). Mhi solus tome, he thinks, and Ahsoka is panicking and he senses she wants him to shut up, knows he's trying to say goodbye, but he keeps going because he will have this, will say this, will make this promise while he can. Mhi solus dar'tome, bal mhi me'dinui an. Ret'urcye mhi, ner'jetii.
He closes his eyes, swallows against horror, blocks out the world. Please .
Rex!
Mando'a translations:
ner'jetii: my Jedi
di'kut: idiot
cyare: beloved
k'oyacyi: hang in there/stay alive/come back safely
dar'jetii: "not-Jedi", Fallen Jedi
gedet'ye, nayc: please, no
Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar'tome, bal mhi me'dinui an: Mandalorian marriage vows, "We are one when together, we are one when parted, we share all."
ret'urcye mhi:: goodbye, lit. "maybe we'll meet again."