Set in the beginning of The Kindred II, so beware of spoilers!
Rodney studied Sheppard with the corner of his eye. They were both standing in the observation room above the infirmary room which was occupied by Dr. Carson Beckett. Rodney was still in shock, his mind running a mile a minute for any plausible explanation how could his dead friend be there, alive and well, albeit a bit tired and confused. Rodney didn't know how long they've been standing there; he only remembered Ronon went to the commissary a few minutes ago to get them all something small to eat. Rodney tore his eyes away from the window and eyed Sheppard again. He's been silent since Dr. Keller told them the results and Rodney wondered what was going through the Colonel's mind.
"What?" Sheppard's voice cut through Rodney's musings. He looked at him in bewilderment, noticing the Colonel's gaze was still penetrating the window, but he was no longer staring at Carson. It was some spot on the opposite wall.
"What what?" Rodney asked in confusion.
"I can feel you staring at me."
"I'm not."
"McKay..." Sheppard growled irritably. "What is it?" Rodney shifted on his feet and swallowed.
"It's just...You've been awfully quiet for a long time now." Sheppard didn't respond and kept staring at some imaginary spot. Rodney huffed out a breath. "I-I...I'm not good at this sort of thing, y'know." He could see Sheppard roll his eyes but he brushed it off and continued. "I guess..I...just want to know what you are thinking right now. As your friend."
Sheppard didn't answer at first and Rodney was about to give up when the Colonel started speaking quietly.
"What I'm thinking right now, Rodney?" He sighed and Rodney noticed his pained expression.
These past few months, hell, the past year was hard on them all but he was aware that Sheppard had been more withdrawn than usual. It took a few moments before Sheppard started speaking again.
"I'm thinking about how horrible of a person I must be now."
"What? What are you talking about?" Sheppard exhaled heavily before answering.
"Down there sits my friend, who had been dead for a year now. I was just told it was 100 him. I'm glad he's here, I'm glad to see him again, even if he may be from alternate reality or just a clone." Rodney's brows furrowed when he saw him draw a deep shaky breath and tighten his hands around the railing until his knuckles were white.
"I can't stop thinking about how I wish it was Elizabeth instead."
Suddenly for Rodney, things started to make much more sense now. He was shocked by Sheppard's statement, yes, but it also revealed a truth which he wasn't sure even Sheppard admitted to himself yet. Rodney's chest tightened, feeling the utter anguish at the loss of Elizabeth all over again and couldn't imagine what the Colonel must have been through.
"I didn't know you felt this way." Rodney said quietly and lowered his head. He felt like an intruder, witnessing something which should be private.
"Neither did she." It came out strangled, Sheppard's voice betraying his emotions. Rodney lifted his head when he heard the rustle of fabric, watching as Sheppard slowly turned from the window and with his back towards Rodney started to walk away.
"John." He called out at the last minute. Sheppard stopped, his back straight, his posture tense but didn't turn to look at him, so Rodney continued. "If you ever need to talk...we're here." Sheppard's shoulders visibly slumped.
"Thank you, Rodney." And with that, he walked away.