Warnings: violence

Spoilers: None, really.

Disclaimer: I don't own death note or any of the characters. Neither do I own the song which inspired this story, but I posted the lyrics below sop that you could get a feel of what it's all about. These aren't the actual lyrics but a rough translation of one of the best and most profund lyrics i know ("gravitation" by Kent).

I stand here, frozen / Finally still / Like gravitation, something sharp / I will never hurt you again
You stick to my Polaroid perfectly / Terrified, you blink, when I stand next to you / You back off when my hand is just about to touch yours

But that's how it has to be / That's how we want it, now / That's how it has to be / Like a perfect and wonderful law / Perfect and indestructible/ Like me

My back against the wall in the end / Finally over / A difficult situation, for sure / I've dreamt about for so long now / A hand around my neck
And breathing becomes difficult / A hand around my neck / Squeezing way too hard / And my legs cannot carry my body anymore / Stand

But that's how it has to be / That's how I want it, now / That's how it has to be / Like a perfect and wonderful law / Perfect and indestructible / Like me

Everything was sharp; a pillow, a wall, a fist colliding with his check. It was a sore spot, and when he thought about it, his face had never taken, nor given, as much as it did nowadays. It was weird, Yagami Raito thought, as he turned over in his bed, resting on his other, less sore, cheek. He'd always been the pretty one. The girls flocking around him in school were proof of that. And if that wasn't proof enough, Misa certainly was; the gorgeous model with the handsome boyfriend. Even Raito himself knew how to appreciate his own good looks. But as much as he'd liked hit, and used it to his advantage, he'd also despised it. Because fact was, Raito was a clever boy. He was very clever. But when a clever boy is also a pretty boy, the pretty boy always wins in the end. Now, however, he wasn't so pretty anymore. Misa worried. The others looked at him, puzzled. No one seemed to lust after him anymore and in a way, it was all he'd ever wanted.

It had all started with him being released from observation and cuffed to L. Not that this action on its own resembled any kind of kinky bondage at all, even though in some people's eyes, it probably should. The chain didn't change anything. Routine did.

Because Raito would wake up when L wanted to wake up. Raito would shower when L wanted to shower. Raito would sleep when L wanted to sleep. It was something they did together, yet Raito had no say in it.

And now he was lying in bed, his left cheek a brilliant red.

Hearing the bed creak on the other side caused his body to tighten, and as a scrawny, pale hand came in contact with his skin, he shuddered almost violently. It was as creepy as it was bizarre. It was as wrong as it was just simply right.

L's fingers ghosted over his arm. Clever, manipulating, ugly, repulsive L; a man who spoke in riddles only to ridicule and belittle.
"Is Raito-kun asleep?"
The man in question buried his fists in the duvet, holding on for his life. He nodded.
He could hear L sigh. "Raito-kun... Talk to me."
Raito didn't talk to him. He couldn't.
"I'm sorry." L continued, his hand now moving to caress Raito's chest. "I didn't mean to. It was just... Raito-kun made me angry."
Raito nodded, his skin burning under L's hand. "It's ok. I know you didn't mean it."

They both knew what this was all about. L was saying he was sorry and Raito forgave him. He always did. They had been fighting a lot in the beginning and Raito had always been the one to make the first move. It had been a surprise when L had started to continue the fighting when they had retreated to their bedroom. He would punch and punch and never stop until he ran out of steam. The first time it happened, Raito had been absolutely terrified. This was it, he had thought. This was how he was going to die.

At that time, he didn't forgive L so easily. Not until the sex came, and then he knew.
He knew how much L needed this, how much he needed this.

Even though L had some undeniably violent tendencies, he was never violent in bed. He always made sure Raito knew exactly how gorgeous he was and exactly how much L enjoyed what they had together. It was basically as close to romantic as it could ever get. He would shower Raito's face with kisses and make sure he got as much pleasure out of it as possible.

"You have to stop, you know." Raito sighed, turning so that he faced the other man.
L nodded. "Consider it done. I will never ever hurt Raito-kun again."
Beautiful, beautiful liar.
Raito smiled, ignoring the pain. "People are wondering..."
"Maybe. They won't do anything about that, though. You know that."
"But my father-"
"Not even your father."

Mutually agreeing the conversation was finished, Raito scooted closer as L's arms closed around him and they fell asleep life that; wrapped up in each other.

---

The punch caused him to fly back, almost comically. Back hitting the wall, he could, for a few seconds, see nothing but darkness. All he could feel was the cool wall against his back and his legs starting to give in. There was blood. He was sure there was blood.
Sliding down towards the floor slowly, his decent suddenly stopped as he came to life again, L's hand keeping him from falling. Sticky fingers were wrapped around his neck, pushing with just enough force to keep him from falling and breathing properly. They smelled of strawberries and cream.

"You piece of shit." L hissed and pressed harder, causing Raito to choke.
He wouldn't beg. He wouldn't scream. He wouldn't cry.
This time, Raito thought, maybe he'd die for real. L would cross the line and it would all be over, just like that. Not because of the case, not because of Kira, but because of a fight in the bedroom. The idea of dying by L's hand actually felt ok.
But just before the world went black again, the other man loosened his grip; Raito crashing down onto the floor.

"Oh my god, Raito-kun!" L kneeled down in front of him. "Are you ok?"
Raito nodded.
"I'm so sorry." Arms wrapped around him. "I didn't mean it. You know that. Right?"

No reply.

"Right?" Slightly threatening.
"y-yes. I know Ryuuzaki, I know."
"Good."

And then L held him, kissing his forehead repeatedly.
"I'd never hurt you on purpose, you know that."
"I know."
"I love you." He didn't really mean it.
"You too." Neither did he.

And just like that, today was over. Tomorrow would be a new day, following the exact same routine, with exactly the same ending.
They both knew it. They both dreaded it. And equally, they both craved it.

Most of all:

They both absolutely, positively needed it.