Disclaimer – I don't own dark angel

A/N – this is inspired by 3lw getting too heavy

Getting too heavy

The day we found the cure was probably one of the happiest days of my life. Logan and I could finally be together without me worrying about him dropping dead on me if I was to touch him for even a second. I wanted to start again, basically pretend that the virus had never happened and he agreed. He thought it would do our relationship good to start fresh, turning a new page.

So that was how it started, like before I would go over, he would make dinner, we'd have nice talks and we'd sit or lie on the couch close to each other, holding hands with little kisses here and there and it was good. I was happy and I thought he was too. Everything seemed right in the world. Yeah White was still around and was still hunting Transgenic's but somehow when I was with Logan everything felt better. Not anymore.

Now when I spend time with Logan or when I'm around him I begin to feel claustrophobic. I know he doesn't mean to do it intentionally and I don't think he actually knows that he's doing it but I don't like it. He makes me feel like everything we have doesn't mean anything to him and all he wants is sex. He makes me feel like a piece of meat not someone he truly cares about. Of course I'm used to being leered at by men but coming from Logan kinda hurts.

Now as a transgenic and an 09 escapee, I have always been a loner. So when I started hanging out with Logan, and getting serious with him, it was a big step for me. I understand that it wasn't such a big thing for him-someone who was previously married and engaged understood love, but for me it was different and it was new.

As an X5 female three or four times a year I go into heat, in other words three or four times a year I'm looking for some action. It is my body's way of telling me I need to mate. Now I'm not new to sex but I am new to making love. This is what I wanted with Logan and this is what I thought he wanted too. He says it's what he wants but he doesn't act it and actions speak louder than words.

He started rushing things as if something bad was going to happen and come in between us again. I told him that I wanted to make love with him not just have sex. I told him I wanted it to be special and he said he understood but I don't think he did.

At first it was the subtle approach, he would hint on taking the relationship further, he would touch on me more than usual and he'd be a bit more forceful than before. But now there's no hinting about it, now he would suggest it and offer it, putting me in a very embarrassing position.

I love Logan; truly I do though he doesn't know it because I have never told him, but its times like these when I feel that he does know it and that's why he pressures me because he knows that I won't leave mainly because of the love I have for him is too strong.

Now I'm not the type to take love casually, be it to the fact that I had never loved. So when Logan came along willing to accept me even though I was different gave me hope that love did exist. Love for me is a big thing, heck even relationships are a big thing but all my heat induced relationships if you can call them that were all physical and not emotional. I didn't want this with Logan I wanted an emotional connection not just a physical one.

I don't feel like I'm in a loving relationship with him anymore instead I feel trapped. There's too much pressure and I can't handle it. I want out, I need out. I'm torn in between.

It's getting too heavy for me.

The end

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