Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the show General Hospital. This story is for entertainment purposes only. The story will not follow the show's storyline, but it begins where today's episode, March 20, 2010, ends. If you are not a fan of Ethan and Kristina please do not bash this story. – Also, Kristina is 16/17 and Ethan is 22; these ages are what I got from Wikipedia. Please enjoy and review if possible. Thank you
Chapter 1: Broken
"I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning" : LifeHouse
The feeling is loneliness; I've come to know it well. If you let it consume you, the silence will drive you crazy. There is no noise; there are no people; just pain and guilt. I lied to protect a monster. If you ask me why, I'll have no answer to give, just tears. I ruined a man's life, a man that I just so happen to be in love with. This wasn't the first time Kiefer put is hands on me and I fear that it may not be the last. So why, why have I been protecting him? Fear, fear is the only driving force behind this mess. I don't want to be beaten to death or near to it. Sam may have been able to cover up the purple trails of fist marks and concealed the scraps across my cheek, but she can't cover up the pain, the anguish, the sheer empty feeling that festers inside me. I need to heal, I need to remind my self that the beating itself was not my fault, but dragging Ethan through this craziness is. "Then you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." John: 8.32
The knock on my door sets my fried nerves pulsing, my skin begins to itch and the faint hairs on my neck stand at attention. It can't be Kiefer again, he just left. Another knock comes and I reach for the door, my stomach in knots, bile sloshing around like an stormy sea. The door cracks open and Ethan stands in front of me and the tears well up and begin to fall. The look of anger, disappointment and sadness cloud his beautiful face. He asks me a question and all I can stammer out is that he can't be near me, there's a restraining order against him. He asks me again why I lied and the stone wall breaks and I fall to my knees clutching my stomach and willing the soar tasting bile not to return. In an instant he has me on the couch in his arms, the door left open. The tears come with such a force I start to heave and Ethan carries me to the bathroom where everything comes up; there isn't much in my stomach to begin with, but if you look at the poetic side in all this, my body is trying to rid itself of the lies, the guilt, the pain … the memories of that night. I blow my nose and we walk back to the living room; my head is pounding and the harsh taste of vomit lingers on my tongue. Ethan situates our bodies in the same position as before and I can't understand it; he should be far away from me, disgusted to even look at me. For what seems like years, when really it's only minutes; we sit and he runs a soothing had through my hair, pulling away the strands that stick to my tear stained cheek gently. It almost sends me into a crying/vomiting fit again, but I force my self to look at him. Everything aches and throbs, but my heart bears the most pain of all. "How can you even look at me, after the lies I told? How can you hold me, like you care? Please don't. Please don't care about me; it's not worth it- I'm not worth it." These words aren't even the tip of the iceberg that harbors all that I need and want to say to him. His thick accent brushes over me and calms me, "I do care Kristina, and I just need to know why."
"Fear that if Kiefer's parents can buy him out of this, he will come back and this time I don't think he will stop until I'm dead."
"This isn't the first time is it?"
"No." Ethan knows now that my busted lip wasn't from lack of coordination; I can walk and text at the same time.
"Kris, baby you need to tell-"
"I know. I just need you to hold me for awhile. Please." I know I sound pathetic when I beg, but I need Ethan, and maybe I should have thought about that before I threw him to the wolves, but fear can drive a person to think irrationally and lash out; most times at the wrong people. Ethan doesn't ask why, he just wraps me in his arms and I dig my nail into his back. We sit like this for a while, him rocking me from side to side and humming a song I can't quite figure out.
When the humming and the rocking stop, I stiffen, thinking he's come to his senses and he'll leave me. Feeling my discomfort he leaves his arms around me and pulls far enough away so he can look at me. "When I first showed up here, I was convinced there was nothing you could say that would make me forgive you. But I know what fear can do, and I know that what you went through is traumatizing and unforgettable and hopefully unforgiveable. Now, seeing you so torn up and broken, I just want to fix you and love you and protect you." He breaks to clear his throat, he has trouble catching the tears and keeping them at bay, so he stops and allows himself to cry and I use my sleeve to wipe them away and he laughs and I begin to feel the preverbal 'but' that I know will follow so I beat him to it, "But you-"
"There is no 'but' Kristina. I want to fix you, love you, and protect you. You need to know though that it will take time for me to forgive you and trust you again, but it's doable." He rubs his thumb over the bruises that have begun to show through my makeup and a fresh set of tears build up in his eyes; but still he leans in to kiss me, but the amount of time his lips are on mine is short lived. We hear somebody's throat being cleared and we break away to look. It happens to be my mom and Sam standing in the open doorway, the door hadn't been shut. I jump up to stand in front of Ethan, to protect him from the wrath of Alexis Davis; if he thought Sonny was some scary shit … "Mom there is something I need to tell you. Please don't-"
"I know honey, we heard." Sam opens her arms to me and I willing fall into them. My mother on the other hand stands in front of Ethan and with emotion thick in her voice she grabs his hands and leans in, "I am so, so unbelievably sorry I didn't listen to you."
"She was your daughter, she will always come first."
"For you to be here right now, to put your fears aside and come here, knowing that there could be a firing squad waiting for you, to hold my daughter and tell her that you can forgive her, means more to me than you will ever know. And I take back what I said about you not being a man. Because you must have the balls of a lion to risk everything for the truth." Sam and I have to laugh at the balls of a lion comment, only Alexis Davis can be so unabashed to say something like that. I'm ever more surprised when Sam apologizes too.
It's some time later when I find my self in the back yard, my mom had called Sonny to tell him about Ethan and Kiefer and more apologies went around. Lucky had come and gone; he thanked me for my honesty and told me that he would break Kiefer's hands before he even thought about laying a hand on me again. I don't know what will happen with Kiefer, but for now I'll just let spring wash her breeze over me. I'll smell the floral scent of the air and I will look up at the sky and no longer see a blackened abyss. I'm still broken, but where there is pain there is healing. When there is loss, there is triumph. Where there is hurt, there is forgiveness. I can't forgive Kiefer, my I can forgive myself. I begin to hear the chirping of late night birds and the smell of a barbeque near by. This is how the healing begins; first you begin to hear sweet sounds again, birds, laughter, music; not the petrified pounding of your heart, the cracking of bones, or the slap of his across your flesh. Then you see; the sun coming in through the open blinds, the curtains sway as they catch the breeze coming from the open window, the bruises fading and the smiles of the people around you. Then you feel the warmth of arms around you; a friend, a sister, a cousin, your mother, your father, your lover. And lastly you forgive yourself. You forgive the person that let him hit you once, twice and over again. You forgive the person that lied; you forgive the person that hid the truth.
I hear the back door open and I know that it's Ethan. "Hello love." He comes to sit behind me and he cradles me in his arms and kisses the side of my face. The first star that appears in the sky, I make a wish on it. I won't be broken forever.