THE CURRY EATING CONTEST
Ren and Stimpy were at an Indian Take Away getting Ren's favourite The Bombay Blaster. They were just minding their own business until Stimpy had a look of horror on his face.
"What's wrong, Stimpy?" asked Ren.
"It's…. Thom McGingerstein!" panicked Stimpy as he shook and sweated like crazy.
The door flew open as this tall ginger cat wearing a sleeveless jacket and blue jeans burst in with 3 of his vicious looking friends. They were nothing more than a group of bullies who loved the terrorize people.
"I thought I saw that stupid cat in here!" barked Thom as he looked around. "AH- HA!"
He and his gang stormed over to Ren and Stimpy, as they marched their way over to them, the gang knocked over everyone's plates off the tables and onto the floor as they were eating.
The bullies made their way over to a whimpering Stimpy.
"Why hello, Stumpy!" barked Thom with an evil grin. He called Stimpy "Stumpy" because he had no tail. Thom and his gang used to bully him in school because of this. "Long time no see, loser!"
"Er….. er….. er…. hello, Thom," greeted Stimpy as he sweated in utter fear.
"Here's your order, sirs," said the clerk as he gave Ren and Stimpy their curry. This gave Thom a crafty idea.
"Looks like you ladies like your curry extra spicy," he sneered. "Well, that means you'll be entering the Curry Eating Contest this week."
"N-n-n-n-no," said Stimpy.
"No?" asked Thom in surprise. He then grabbed Stimpy by the throat and held him up to his face. "What's the matter? Are you too Chicken Tikka Masala, Stumpy?"
His friends broke out their obnoxious laughter. Stimpy felt scared and hurt at the same time. That was it. He couldn't handle Thom's bullying anymore. He felt a massive rage build up inside of him.
"OKAY!" he roared. This caused Thom to drop him on the floor. Stimpy looked at his enemy with angry eyes. "YOU WANT ME TO JOIN A CURRY EATING CONTEST? THEN I'LL DO IT! AND IF I WIN, YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Thom and his friends (and Ren) were surprised at Stimpy.
"Very well," said Thom. "And if I win, I get to bully you for the rest of your nine lives. Do we have a deal?"
He held out his massive hand.
"Deal," said Stimpy as he shook it. But Thom's grip was so strong, that he crushed Stimpy's hand. You know when a balloon is burst and it is all shrivelled up? It looked like that.
"See you at the contest, losers!" barked Thom as he and his gang stormed out, but not without knocking over tables as they did.
Stimpy looked at Ren. He then had a massive breakdown.
"OH REN! WHAT WAS I THINKIN'?" cried Stimpy.
He then burst into tears and wailed.
"There is no way, I can beat that bully!"
Ren and everyone in the restaurant felt sorry for poor Stimpy. One of the customers gave Stimpy his napkin. Stimpy took it.
"Oh thank you," he said as he blew his nose on the napkin. It was soaked in snot. He gave it back to the customer, who looked disgusted.
"That's okay, you can keep it," he said.
Ren then gave his friend a big hug. Stimpy continued to wail into Ren's shoulders.
"Don't worry, Stimpy," he said. "You can do it."
Stimpy looked at Ren with his red, puffy eyes.
"You think so?" he asked.
"Yeah, you can do it," said the customer who gave Stimpy the napkin.
"Yeah, you can do it," said the clerk.
"Yeah, you can do it," said all the cooks from the kitchen.
"You can do it!" said everyone in the restaurant.
"Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy!" they began to chant.
"Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy! Stimpy!" they continued.
This gave Stimpy all the confidence he needed.
"You're right! I'll do it!"
Everyone all cheered for him.
"But I don't know how I'm gonna prepare for this," said Stimpy.
"Don't worry, Stimpy," said Ren. "I know how to get you prepared for this contest.
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Two days went past, and Stimpy still was dying of hunger. Ren gave him a strict program to not eat anything for a week until the contest.
Ren was tucking into a massive meal of sausages, eggs, potatoes, chips (fries if you're an American) and beans.
Stimpy sat at the other end of the table salivating.
"Please, Ren," begged Stimpy. "Just one sausage?"
"You shut up!" barked Ren. "If you're hungry, have some water."
Stimpy went over to the sink to pour himself a glass of water. Then he got out a plate and went over to the table. He poured the water onto the plate and using his knife and fork, started cutting and eating the water.
Later that night, when Ren was asleep, Stimpy slowly crept out of bed and as quiet as a mouse, he sneaked down the stairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. But when he opened the fridge, he saw Ren inside. He was wrapped up in his blanket, fast asleep holding a sign saying "No! Bad Stimpy!"
3 more days went by and Stimpy was a skinny as a pencil. Ren was ordering a big pizza for himself.
"I want the Big Fat American Special, with the extra bacon, chicken, mushroom, pepperoni, sausage, double cheese all dipped in lard. Thank you."
Poor Stimpy was suffering. His vision was blurring and his stomach growled like crazy. He was desperate for a just a piece of food. Just a piece. But he wanted to prepare himself to win against that bully Thom.
One more day to go and Stimpy's stomach seemed to have a life on it's own. It had grown sharp fangs and was snarling at Ren who was backing away from it, defending himself with a chair like a lion tamer.
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The next day, Ren picked up the pencil thin Stimpy and took him to the contest. Stimpy sat along with Thom, looking as proud as you like, and 8 other contestants at a very long table on stage in front of an audience.
The weird announcer looking guy from Space Madness, who seemed to keep changing jobs all the time was ready at the mic.
"LADIES AND GENTS, WELCOME TO RED HOT CURRY CONTEST! THESE BRAVE SOULS WITH STOMACHS OF IRON ARE READY TO TAKE THE SPICIEST, MOST DEADLIEST AND MOST DEATH DEFYING CURRIES OF ALL TIME! WHOEVER IS LEFT STANDING IS THE WINNER WHO WILL TAKE HOME 8 MILLION DOLLARS!"
"Ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!" said the audience. Ren was glad that he entered Stimpy in now. He would split the money with Stimpy. He would give Stimpy about 2 bucks and he would keep the rest.
The contests were each given a plate of Chicken 65.
"THE CONTEST WILL PROCEED….. NOW!"
They all dug in. Stimpy finished off his curry in just 5 seconds. The others were also doing fine. So was smug Thom. After a minute, all the dishes were clean out and were replaced with the second dish, the Madras Curry.
The contestants did well again. So was Stimpy, who was diving into that stuff like there was no tomorrow. Thom didn't give a toss.
The third dish, the Kozi Kari.
Stimpy and Thom were successful again. Two other contestants couldn't take it. Their stomachs were too full and they collapsed. They were brought off stage by two paramedics, who didn't bother taking them to the hospital, so they left the patients inside the ambulance, because the paramedics were too busy watching the contest.
"Are we near the hospital?" asked one of the poor contestants in the ambulance.
"Oh yeah, sure," said one of the paramedics. "Nee-naw! Nee-naw! Nee-naw! We'll be there in no time."
The next dish was the Phall curry. Again Stimpy and Thom were doing very well. The audience were impressed by them. But all of the other contestants collapsed. They couldn't take it.
So they were put into the same ambulance by the same paramedics who didn't bother taking them away.
"Almost there! Mee-maw! Mee-maw!"
"AND NOW LADIES AND GENTS, WITH ONLY TWO CONTESTANTS LEFT, WE HAVE THE LAST CURRY OF THE DAY! THE ALMIGHTY VINDALOO!"
A chef wheeled out a massive dome on a trolley near the stage. His hand was shaking as he lifted off the dome to reveal the almighty Vindaloo. The audience was tensed up.
"WE'RE GONNA TAKE A SHORT BREAK! WHEN WE RETURN, WE'LL FIND OUT WHO IS THE GREATEST CURRY MASTER OF ALL TIME!"
There was a small break as everyone all drank booze and chattered away. The patients will still in the ambulance.
"This trip to the hospital is taking longer than it feels," one of them said.
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Ren was inside an internet cafe looking up the Vindaloo. When he got to the page, he was in shock. In bold letters it said:
"BEWARE THE VINDALOO! NOT TO BE EATEN AFTER EATING OTHER CURRIES! RESULTS COULD BE DEADLY!"
Oh no! thought Ren. This could kill his friend. Ren wouldn't have a friend. He would have no-one to talk to or be with. Or beat up when he felt frustrated.
But the 8 million dollar prize?
Ren sighed. He realised that his idiot friend was more important than 8 million bucks.
He had to stop him.
Back at the contest break, Stimpy was drinking away at a glass of water, until Thom and his gang arrived.
"Hey, Stimpy," said Thom. "You actually did good today. Good job."
Stimpy felt touched. He really did.
"Oh thank you, Thom," he said.
Just then Thom and his friends burst into hysterics of laughter.
"He…. thought….. I actually…..!" laughed Thom. "What a moron! Out of my way, freak!"
He pushed Stimpy on the ground and he and his friends walked over him.
"Prepare to have 9 lives of sheer bullying, Stumpy!" laughed Thom and he and his friends walked away.
Ren ran over to Stimpy, who was lying on the ground as flat as a pancake. Ren lifted his flat body and shook him, which made Stimpy go back to normal.
"Stimpy, you have to forfeit!" said Ren.
"What?" asked Stimpy.
"The Vindaloo is dangerous when mixed with other curries!" cried Ren "You'll die!"
Stimpy looked at him.
"But Ren, if I forfeit Thom will bully me for the rest of my nine lives!" he said.
"You'll lose your nine lives if you win!" said Ren with tears in his eyes. "I can't lose my best buddy! Even if I beat him up and call him an eediot sometimes!"
He wrapped his arms around Stimpy and wailed.
"But the 8 million bucks?" asked Stimpy.
Ren looked at Stimpy with water pouring out of his eyes and snot stretching from his nose to Stimpy's shoulder. Ugh.
"I'd rather be with my friend, than have 8 million dollars!" cried Ren.
Stimpy thought for a moment. Then he closed his eyes.
"Sorry, Ren, but I have to beat that bully once and for all!"
He then marched back onto the stage. Ren couldn't believe it. His only friend is willing to risk his life.
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Stimpy and Thom arrived back at the table each with a plate of Vindaloo in front of them. The audience were all tensed up.
"GENTLEMEN YOU MAY CURRY ON AHEAD!" said the announcer.
Stimpy and Thom started eating the ultra spicy curry. It proved to be a lot hotter than the other curries.
Stimpy couldn't help but notice Ren in the audience in tears. He couldn't bear to watch.
Stimpy had second thoughts. Maybe Ren was right. But that would mean that something would happen to Thom. So Stimpy stopped eating. He placed his fork beside the plate and looked at Ren, who looked back at him with tears in his eyes and a big smile.
Thom was nearly finished. Just a few scoops to go.
He had finished.
"THE WINNER IS THOM McGINGERSTIEN!"
Everyone cheered. Thom waved at the audience. He then looked at Stimpy.
"YOU SEE, STUMPY? I M BETTER THAN YOU! I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND MY 8 MILLION ON A MACHINE THAT'LL GIVE YOU EVERLASTING PAIN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA…..ohhhhhhhhhhh….."
Thom groaned as he held his stomach in pain. Ren was indeed right. Thom felt like he was going to explode. He ran over to the inside of the internet cafe and made his way to a toilet.
As he got to the throne, he dropped his pants, sat down and began to grunt.
However, from outside the building, something burst through the roof and shot into the sky like a rocket. It was actually Thom sitting on the toilet with fire coming out of the bottom of it.
Thom shot right into space. He flew all around the Earth. He howled in pain as his bottom was on fire, literally. He flew across the Earth in all directions.
As he was running out of gas….so to speak…., he began to fall back down to Earth. He was heading towards the North Pole.
Thom and the toilet crash landed into the snow. Thom got out of the wreck and sat down on the snow still with his pants down. The snow cooled his bottom down and he gave a sigh of relief.
Unfortunately, the heat from the inside of his bottom caused the entire snow in the North pole to melt. Igloos melted as eskimos ran out covered in sludge, very angrily.
Santa Claus was also not happy.
"Someone won't be getting any presents this year!"
Thom's bottom has caused all of the snow in the North Pole to melt, that the whole of the Northern Hemisphere had been flooded. The whole Hemisphere had found out it was Thom McGingerstein and now the whole world hated him. Even his friends.
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Thom wouldn't be bullying Stimpy ever again, now that he has spent the 8 mill on a massive bunker for himself to protect himself from the outside world who were still outside his bunker wanting to kill him.
Ren and Stimpy were back at their home swimming away in their flooded neighbourhood.
"I'm glad you didn't finish the Vindaloo, Stimpy," said Ren.
"Well, there is one nice thing Thom McGingerstien gave to us," said Stimpy.
"What's that?" asked Ren.
"He gave us a pool," answered Stimpy. "I always wanted a pool."
THE END
PS. The contestants in the ambulance were still in there.