Full Summary

When you're in love, you agonise about how to tell that special person. You forget to ask yourself, "Is this really love? Am I really in it? And how do I know for sure?" You're so caught up in it, it's almost selfish. Faith has spent her whole life living solely for herself. But now she's Miss Redemption-In-Progress, and she won't say the words until she knows for sure. F/F, M/F

Disclaimer

Almost none of the characters or places in the following story belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon and Dark Horse.

This is a fan fiction centring around Faith Lehane post-Chosen. I'm trying to incorporate Season 8 where I can, so there will be spoilers. But the story will also go wildly AU, because I haven't actually read Season 8, and because I already have a vague plan for the plot (crazy, I know). The maturity rating is also subject to change.

Oh, and just to be clear. This is Faith (or at least a poor re-interpretation thereof): monogamy isn't her strong suit. I have a feeling mono-sexuality might not be either. *TherewillalsobesomeFuffy* Glad I got that off my chest.

Ta.

Chapter 1

"What the hell? What did you just do?"

"It's called a Fork." Giles said patiently, tweaking the position of his glasses on his nose.

"It's called not fair! This is a stupid game."

"Faith, we talked about this. It's all about strategy."

"I don't do strategy, Giles. I just kick ass."

"Kick ass though you may, nonetheless you ought to at least be able to recognise different strategies. In case your enemies use them against you."

"Whatever. Chess is for geeks."

"Faith, cooperate. Imagine the enemy used a Fork against you. What would you do?"

"Give them a pie?" the look Giles gave her silenced her. "Alright. Jeez. I'd sacrifice the less important chess-piece." She looked down at the chessboard between them, at the plastic castle and queen both threatened by the miniature white horse. "The rook, right? Stupid knight."

"Right." Giles nodded. "But you do realise that in a fight you will be sacrificing a human life. And that you will have only split seconds to decide. So make sure you choose well."

"That's easy, Giles. I'd save myself each time," Faith assured him with a laugh.

Giles sighed. "Just remember that strategy is important."

–:::–

Just remember that strategy is important… Faith sighed. It didn't matter how strategic she was, Giles would never agree, would argue. Damn can he argue so much better than me … thank God he doesn't have to agree, or I'd never get my way…

"Giles–" this conversation was never going to be easy, but she hadn't thought it would be so hard to instigate.

"Faith?" Giles asked, adjusting his glasses as he looked up from his book.

"I can't do this any more."

"What do you mean? Do what any more?" he didn't sound worried yet. Somehow that made it easier.

"Do this travelling around putting less-than-perfect Slayers back on the straight and narrow."

Giles blinked. "Why ever not?"

"I'm getting dependent on you." She paused, gathered her thoughts. "I'm broke. It's your money we're using. And it ain't right. This ain't a partnership anymore."

"Faith–"

"Don't tell me it ain't my business how you spend your money. It is when you're spending it on me. And it ain't right. I'm–" she swallowed. "I'm out."

"Out?" Giles asked, nonplussed.

"Do I have to spell it out for you? I'm leaving, Giles. I'm sorry, but I gotta find my own way."

There. She'd said it. Now it was only a matter of time before he ran out of counter-arguments. Then she could leave. Or should she just storm out now? No. She owed it to him to pretend to listen.

She pushed her hair back, out of her eyes. Had she started dozing off? She blinked herself back awake. Giles was still talking, gesticulating, pacing back and forth. Didn't he understand yet that nothing he said would change her mind? None of his reasoning mattered. But god is it boring. She folded her arms. I could really use a smoke about now.

–:::–

"Damien? You're taking Damien and not me?" Roxelana's voice was tight, scarcely reining in her outrage.

"Jealous?" Damien smirked.

"Worried!" Roxelana stormed, "He'll blow your cover in five seconds. Then he'll make a run for it like the damn coward he is. And bang, you're dead, Faith."

"Screw you, grandma! No one talks to me like that! You wanna see who the coward is? I'll kill you right now–"

"You guys." Faith spoke finally, "Shut it."

They fell silent and Faith continued.

"My word's final. Damien comes, Roxy, you stay." Faith rose from her chair and came to stand in front of her desk. "Damien, go get ready. Tonight you're my very human fiancé."

Roxelana waited until Damien had left before bursting out again: "You have to be kidding. This is a joke, right?"

"No, Roxy." Faith sighed, "Listen, it's just dinner. It'll be fine."

"They're Slayers. Doing recon on Slayers is never just 'fine'. You don't even know if they're part of the Summers army, or renegade." said Roxelana darkly. "And you're taking that idiot–"

"Drop the name-calling already, it ain't like he can hear. And they may not even be Slayers, for all I know we got the wrong couple. Anyway, it's equally dangerous, whether it's you or Damien coming. You're both vampires, for God's sake."

"So why him and not me?"

"We have to pretend to be a couple, for starters."

"Since when did you get homophobic?"

"Roxy." Faith didn't deem her question worthy of an answer. "The Slayers –what're their names again?"

"Chazza and Trudy," Roxelana supplied easily.

"Chazza and Trudy," Faith repeated, committing their names to memory. "I told them I'd bring my fiancé, and since same-sex marriage is banned in Ohio, they are expecting a guy. Which Damien is, and you definitely are not."

"We could say we're eloping? Massachusetts isn't so far. And the Slayers are lovers, so that would give us something in common. Y'know, conversation-starter–"

"Stop it," Faith cut her off. "It's possible to try too hard, you know that? Anyway. The other reason is you're second-in-command."

"So is Damien."

"Would you give it up already?" Faith said tiredly. "You know that's just to keep him in line. If I didn't make him equal with you, he'd just walk out and start making trouble of the apocalyptic kind."

"He wouldn't do that," Roxelana muttered, "he respects you too much for killing that Slayer. You're the Slayer-slayer. You know that's what keeps half the demons here following your orders."

Faith ignored her. "The point is, if something goes wrong tonight, it will be ten times more useful to have you on the outside than it would be if you were stuck in there with me. Damien is expendable."

"Now that I like to hear," Roxelana grinned.

Faith allowed herself a small, tight smile, "We done arguing then?"

"Just be careful, alright?" the vampire planted a kiss on Faith's lips.