(A/N - A few points: spoilers for Chapter 25 onwards, but also AU in that I've made changes to how things went down after Takada got involved. These changes aren't because I hate any of the characters involved, I promise! The characters mentioned in this chapter are the ones who the story will be focusing on (apart from L, him being dead and all) and I've written the entire thing, so there will be an ending posted in time. Reviews welcome!
I don't own any of the characters or concepts in this. Gevanni's backstory is courtesy of lycoris on LiveJournal, who kindly let me borrow it.)
1 - Flight
Up until now, Raito was sure he was awake. He could smell the over-washed sheets of the hospital bed, and hear bleeping, and voices and the words made sense (but not too much sense, not enough to actually be his own thoughts speaking to him). And the pain. He'd always thought he had quite a high pain threshold - but torn ligaments in an over-intense tennis game, Sayu accidentally slamming his fingers in the door, even Ryuzaki's foot in his face, none of them had been like this - constant presence, this awareness that this is what pain really is, in its purest form -
It is still there, crawling through his fingers and up his wrist, but he suspects he may have passed out, because even though he has his eyes closed, L is standing by the bed, stooped over him, long white finger to mouth. Raito sets his teeth so that L can't see how much he hurts, and tries to snap What do you want? He gets the words out, but his voice shakes.
This isn't how I expected things to turn out, Ryuzaki answers, or perhaps has already answered. I thought that Near and Mello would be able to bring things to a close.
Raito tries to make himself smile, but the pain is like a whip cracking against his face. Why? They were inferior to you. It was boring without you, Ryuzaki. What did you think was going to happen?
A shrug. I thought that things would end either with you defeated, your allies neutralised, and the notebook out of your possession - or the deaths of everyone who knew of it and knew that you are Kira. It seems to me, Raito-kun, that things are as much out of your control as mine now.
You're dead. I'm just - he can't say hurt, tears block the back of his throat. I'll be in perfect control as soon as that's -
Really? L scrambles onto the bed, sinks into a crouch - Raito notes that he can't feel anyone's heels pressing against his legs. Allow me to list the finer points of my conclusion.
If you must. Raito would yell at him to shut up if that wouldn't make it obvious how much agony he's in.
Mello kidnaps Kiyomi Takada, L says, and as he bites on his thumb Raito closes his eyes and the shrieks of the crowd, the bullet-ridden red car, and the silence of his phone rise up around him. He was stupid to trust Takada. Oh, she'd had a piece of the notebook on her, but - Mello found it, she whimpers, her big eyes locked on his, her hand clutching his shirt sleeve. I tried to convince him I was too embarrassed to - to strip in front of him, but that bastard- swearing just to convince him how traumatic this was for her, how much her dignity and her pride were wronged - made me do it anyway. There was a fight. Takada makes it sound as if she bravely held Mello off for long enough to destroy the paper - I couldn't let him get hold of it - I knew what he'd do to you - but Raito doubts it was anything worth praising. If the stupid bitch had had her wits about her she would have written down the name -
And then none of this would have happened, L says, conversationally. Although Takada-san did try to take control of the vehicle -
Crashed the damn thing -
Set fire to it to make sure Mello was dead. A smile. You don't seem very grateful to her.
Because she was stupid!
I think that she saved your life, Raito-kun.
Another day. Rain, the cars ssshing through puddles. That damn warehouse, damp concrete. Raito can see all of his enemies standing there in the dim light, waiting, and he wants to scream with the urge to sit up and choke the life out of all of them with his bare hands. Mikami's white, sickly face as he learnt the truth, how his caution and care to pre-empt his god's will had doomed them both. I told him to make no unnecessary moves! Takada hadn't even confirmed the death of her kidnapper! What the hell was he thinking?
He knows what he did, L says. That's why he tried to suicide. A pen to the throat... very appropriate for someone acting as Kira, don't you think? Raito ignores the jibe, remembers the gargling scream from behind him, the voices yelling Mikami's name. At least Mikami is aware of his failure. At least he tried to atone. Takada will never admit she's less than perfect. All she ever thinks about is herself and her image.
Ryuzaki doesn't answer this time. Raito's willing to bet he knows why. It didn't all go L's way. Mikami ruined everything, but then for once Takada's interference worked in Raito's favour.
A little late to prevent Matsuda-san taking matters into his own hands, though, wasn't it? L says, and Raito can feel it, the bullet smacking the pen out of his grip and then - the pain hadn't gone away, that was it, it had spread over his hand, red and sticky and - Raito was patient, he tried to reason with the idiot, tried to explain whose side he should be on - and then -
I think that she saved your life, L says again, but his voice is fainter now, as if Raito is listening to him through water. Trust Ryuzaki to wander off just when he's most needed. He probably knows - how when Matsuda stared Raito in the face, when he saw that Raito wasn't going to be put off doing what was right, he started firing the gun again, blindly, but even as he did, other shots tore through the building because Takada had sent her lackeys, those men in black suits and sunglasses, to keep watch on the warehouse. As if Kira needed a bodyguard, a babysitter. And Raito fled, bleeding, from the building to her car, and she looked at him like she wanted his gratitude, and everything hurt -
I told her not to interfere!
But she didn't listen, did she, L says, shifting a little to maintain his crouch. Interesting.
The only useful thing to arise from the whole enterprise was that they gunned down Near. Raito knows. He looked back as he ran out of the door and saw the white figure already lying in a pool of blood, the red-spattered mask next to him. Perhaps that's why L has turned away from him. Perhaps that will make him stop talking.
But just as he thinks that, his predecessor's voice, right by his ear, says, people are beginning to act unpredictably, Raito-kun. I wonder how much the new world will have changed by the time you wake up. The water is very deep now. Raito tries to fight it, but it drags him down to the depths, and he leaves L and the pain on the surface.
ooo
The sun's set. Matsuda feels like he's been waiting for it to do so for hours. Ever since they walked out of that warehouse he's been wanting nothing more for this day to be over. To wake up tomorrow and find that things don't look so bad.
He's sitting on one of the couches in the headquarters, watching NHN. For once, watching TV is actually what he's meant to be doing. Mogi and Aizawa have gone out, taken the notebook with them, said they're going to hide it and then one of them will talk to Misa-Misa, get her to stay at the hotel and (somehow) not talk to Raito if he tries to contact her. Ide's at Sachiko Yagami's house, probably not saying much at all because what can he tell her? And Matsuda can't remember where the SPK are, except that the younger guy, the one who made the fake notebook, went off to hospital with Mikami.
There's nothing on NHN: no special broadcasts, no mention of Takada. Just some documentary. Matsuda switches channels, just because he can, but it doesn't feel like getting away with anything, it doesn't feel like much at all. It's more that he wishes he could find something engrossing enough - or simply loud enough - to block out all the memories he keeps going back over.
Afterwards, he was the one who said we should just burn the notebooks. At that point his voice had been so hoarse he'd been surprised anyone could hear him, and he'd been praying no one would ask him to justify himself because there wasn't any logic, there wasn't any plan, it was just that if he didn't get the two black shapes out of his sight he'd end up ripping them to bits himself.
But the others had been happy with it. The woman, Lidner, had taken a book of matches from her pocket (the box had a bloody thumbprint on it - Near brought them with him, she'd said) and they burnt one of the notebooks and it went up so quickly, blink and you'd miss it, that Matsuda could pretend it had never been there at all.
And then the third SPK member, the one at the hospital, had called them to report that at that exact second, Mikami had seemed to forget the reasons he was in hospital. What had led up to it. What he'd been doing at Yellow Box. And they'd realised what burning the second notebook would mean.
Matsuda feels a sick, nasty tightness in his chest and for one horrible moment he thinks he might actually start crying. He turns away from the TV, stares fiercely at the sky - there's just a trace of the earlier glorious sunset in one corner, like someone started painting and got bored - and for god's sake, it's over, Raito is Kira and that's all there is to it, Matsuda stopped him when he tried to kill Near and then Raito didn't listen, just looked at Matsuda like Matsuda was the terrible one and then acted like he wasn't even there -
No one's discussed that part. The part where Matsuda loosed off one shot and then another, sending Raito stumbling and screaming, and knows full well he would have put a bullet through Raito's skull if Takada's guys hadn't interrupted. It's like everyone thinks it's too awful even to mention it. He wants to start explaining, to say you know, about that, I just panicked, I wasn't just going to - to shoot him down in cold blood, I was trying to stop him, that's all -
But it's not true. He knows how in his head his thoughts were just kill him kill him like he deserves I hate him. And no matter what he does he won't be able to change that part.
He wasn't going to think about it, anyway. He was thinking about how if they'd burnt the notebook, Raito would've stopped being Kira. Probably would have been even more devastated than Matsuda is right now when they explained. He'd be so - so sorry, and Matsuda would be able to say yeah, I know, it's awful - I was so mad with you I tried to kill you and Raito would understand because he'd be just as shocked -
But they wouldn't do it.
Takada won't care whether he can remember or not, right? Ide, scowling. She'll want to keep him safe because she's in love with him or whatever. If he forgets he was Kira, she'll use that, she'll present him as an innocent victim. With him acting like he was a few hours ago, that might've been tricky, but with him genuinely positive he didn't do anything? We'll be the ones who end up arrested.
Burning it would destroy Kira completely. That was Mogi, but he didn't sound regretful. Just thoughtful. And Ide only said No, it means he gets away with it and Mogi didn't say anything else, so he couldn't have been that concerned really.
And then the SPK. The older guy. A hell of a lot of people have died for us to get this far. Yagami even tried to - to talk Near into letting him go free, right? I don't see why we need to give him what he wants.
And finally Lidner, cool and collected as always when Matsuda felt he'd never be able to collect himself again. I agree. We can burn that thing when he's in custody.
And that was that. Aizawa was the one who decided they shouldn't hide the notebook in the headquarters - Raito set this up, we have no idea what kind of failsafes he included - and then they all went off to get stuff done. Matsuda kind of wants to resent them for assuming he should be the one to stay and watch NHN. He wants to be angry that they think he's an idiot. But - and this is actually scaring him - he can't feel it. Every time he tries to start getting mad, it just runs into this wall of numbness and the sensible part of his brain pointing out that he did act like an idiot, that he practically killed someone because he couldn't keep his temper.
He flicks the channel back to NHN. Still nothing.
Maybe there won't be anything here at all. Maybe Raito and Takada will just use the small piece Raito was trying to put Near's name on. Matsuda can't even claim that his actions were to save a life, not when Near's died anyway. If he'd been keeping a cool head, he could have returned fire when Takada's bodyguards broke in. At least stopped Raito running away. As it is, Raito did run away and he has that tiny piece of paper and maybe they'll all just suddenly drop dead, right now, him on his own in the darkened room. Another reason why Aizawa wanted to hide the notebook somewhere else. He's got to have considered we might take that step. If we then all die, he's got no way of locating the damn thing. It will buy us time, slow him down.
Matsuda would much rather be out on some anonymous motorway or hospital, or waiting in the Teito Hotel foyer, than sitting here in the shadows in this room which has always before had Raito in it, or Raito's voice, has always been full of bright lights and a sense that this time they're really getting close, this time they might actually pull this off. He is thinking and he doesn't want to think, thinking doesn't get you anywhere, he should have known Raito was Kira, he should have guessed, anyone smart would have guessed -
- and then he should have just been all you're under arrest, back down, it's over, he shouldn't have acted like - like he couldn't deal with it being true -
The door slams, and he swallows and looks round to see Aizawa, who mutters about why hasn't he put any lights on. Matsuda wants to answer, to say something like guess I forgot, you know what I'm like with TV, but everything's stuck in his throat again. Something about Aizawa walking back in and being grouchy just like he always is, and the lights flickering on and turning the sky outside flat black, and everything being just like this yesterday and Raito looking at them all and thinking that soon they would all be dead. Matsuda knows why Raito wants him dead but it still feels like he doesn't get it, like someone hates him and he has no idea why. Like there's been a mistake.
He looks back at the TV, and Kiyomi Takada is watching him.
He doesn't think he speaks - he doesn't think he can remember how to - but all at once Aizawa is right next to him, leaning over the back of the couch, and they're both listening as she stares out at them - not angry, just disappointed - and starts to speak.
"Lord Kira has been attacked by seven of those who rebelled against his rule. He is deeply sorrowful at this crime, and he will do no more judging until the seven have been brought to him - alive - and made to pay for their sins and return what they took from him.
"Kira's loyal supporters can assist by doing all in their power to track down the perpetrators. They are currently believed to be located in the Kanto Prefecture, possibly in Tokyo. Three of them are Americans - including Hal Lidner, formerly one of my bodyguards - and four are Japanese and used to work for the National Police Agency. Kira is saddened by the NPA's betrayal of his ideals, and hopes that this was a few disturbed individuals rather than a symptom of problems with the organisation as a whole. Kira would not wish to have to punish the many for the deeds of a few.
"I will now read the names of the sinners. If you know of their whereabouts, please call the number appearing on your screens now."
And then she does. She just starts reading their names.
It's like another publicity stunt, like something Sakura TV would do, except that she's just - she's just saying this all on national TV and - no photos, he thinks, that's good, right? Because they'd destroyed all the photos of themselves and - even if Raito has some, then he probably can't give them to NHN yet - he's probably too badly hurt -
"Matsuda!" Aizawa is snapping at him. "Come on - Raito knows where this place is, we need to get going -"
Matsuda stands up and then he's not sure what he's meant to be doing. What - come on, it's not like they can just be arrested by NHN, it's a TV station, you can't just -
"They're not police," he hears himself say, slowly and stupidly, and Aizawa kicks whatever else he was going to say right over: "Do you think that will matter if they find us? You know how many of them there are. And she said that stuff about the NPA on purpose, so that they won't interfere - quick, call Mogi and tell him to meet us -"
"Where?"
"Hell, I don't - all right, say by the old headquarters, the place Ryuzaki built - I'll call Ide -"
Matsuda pulls out his phone, tries to remember how to use it. Takada's still speaking. "If any of the thieves are watching this broadcast, I would urge them to give themselves up -"
"Hey," he says, "listen -"
Kira will find them wherever they go. If they return what they've stolen and present themselves to NHN for judgement, he may be inclined to be merciful."
"What the hell is the point of that?" Aizawa snaps. "Of course she'd offer mercy, she and Raito would love it if we actually bought into something that stupid. Stop sitting there staring at the TV and call Mogi!"
Matsuda feels like he's been kicked, but he bites at his lip and starts focusing on making the call, on explaining to Mogi what's happened, on collecting up stuff like razors and toothbrushes and changes of clothes that they happened to have here. Don't be so stupid. He's right, they'd just kill you once they had the notebook back. This is how everything is now. Raito is Kira and always was and Matsuda is his enemy. You can't change it. But he wishes he could.
ooo
Aizawa's trying to think sensibly, trying to work out where the hell he can go, what Takada's next move might be, but as he waits for Ide to answer the phone his thoughts are stuck. They should have seen this coming. Raito wants them dead. Raito has always wanted them dead. It's just they thought he'd recognise he'd lost the game. They'd bought into the mindset that this was a game at all. Or at least that there were rules in it, a clearly defined sphere of play. I should have done something - I should have planned ahead -
Ide's voice, suddenly. He at least doesn't waste time with stupid questions. When the situation's been explained, there's just a sharp indrawn breath and then, "Do you have time to delete the data files?"
Matsuda, on the phone to Mogi, has hurried over to the window, is looking out. "I... I can't see anyone yet -"
"I'll try," Aizawa says.
"Don't risk it if they show up. Want me to call your wife for you?"
Eriko. Eriko and the girls.
Raito wouldn't - he wouldn't dare -
Of course he would, he's killed millions already, what the hell has he got to lose? And he sees it, just for a second, then, how far the bastard might go, what he might do, and he actually thinks she just said - she could be merciful - if it came down to it, I could -
He can't. He can't -
"No," he says, "I'll do it," and hangs up.
He acts on autopilot for a bit, erasing the task force's data (not that that would stop Raito, who implemented most of these emergency procedures) and directing Matsuda, and then they're locking the door behind them and hurrying down to the car and Aizawa snaps at Matsuda to drive and finally, as they're hurrying through the darkened streets, lights rushing over them, finally he can call home. He'll have to get rid of his phone, they all will, but - he must have time for this at least - Raito can't yet be in any state to do anything and Takada... hopefully Takada won't think of it, or won't have the resources for it - not immediately, at least...
Eriko sounds tired when she answers, and then he wishes he hadn't noticed that. Right now he really doesn't want to think about her as a person, someone whose life is being invaded by the fucking Kira case despite all his best efforts. He needs to work on the basis that as long as Raito can't find her, she'll suffer no ill-effects at all.
"It's me," he says, flatly. "Listen. Take the girls and go somewhere else. Your mother's or something."
"What?"
"Kiyomi Takada just announced me as an enemy of Kira on live TV, all right? There wasn't a photo but I'm sure some of the neighbours will recognise my name and I want you out of the prefecture as soon as possible."
Eriko draws a shaky breath, and then says, "If - then why aren't you just - just dead?"
"Because - it's a long story. Some stuff's happened. I don't want you to know -"
"For god's sake -"
"No, don't even start! The more you know the more danger you'll be in, so just get out of the city. I mean it, Eriko!"
"Where - where will you be?"
"I don't know. Look, I'll have to get rid of my phone, you can trace... I'll try... I'll try and let you know... just go stay with someone and keep your head down. Okay? The girls - tell the school that -"
"I - I'll think of something," she says. "So you're just - listen, if - if you can call - I don't know, a - a payphone or something -"
"I know." Matsuda is glancing at him and they're almost at their destination but he says it anyway, sounding more as though he's angry than anything else, "I love you." And then he rings off because he doesn't want to hear her say it back.
"Do - do we get out?" Matsuda says.
"No. Just wait, Ide and Mogi shouldn't be too long."
The old headquarters, empty and dark at the moment, towers over them, filling the car with shadow. It was sold on and sold on and Aizawa, in his more ridiculous moments, has wondered whether it still carries a sense of the deaths, of the notebooks and of shinigami and too few people to fill it. Right now, though, he's just glad there won't be any office workers to look out or pass them on the streets, and that it is useless to him and the others except as a meeting place so perhaps Raito won't think to look there. There are more sensible places to begin searching, like their current headquarters, like their homes - perhaps Takada's sent the bodyguards there already, before she made the announcement even -
Matsuda breathes out, slowly, and grips the steering wheel tighter.
"They... they just want the notebooks back, right?" he says at last. "Taki said..."
"Like hell they do. Raito wanted us dead to begin with, us and the SPK. The only reason Takada said she wanted us found alive was so he can get the notebooks off us easily. He doesn't know what we've done with them - if someone else kills us he could easily lose track of the damn things completely." He still sounds furious and he is furious, why the hell didn't this occur to him earlier? Why did he think Raito was going to remain in the role of the fugitive when entire countries are pledging allegiance to Kira? They could have anticipated this, could have done something, he could have warned Eriko from the beginning and made plans, meeting points - but he was too caught up in the old mindset, Near's mindset, that once Kira confessed that would be it -
"But they won't... your family don't know anything about the notebooks," Matsuda says, quietly. "They wouldn't..."
"Don't be stupid. If you don't think Raito's not going to use every opportunity he has to get the damn things back -"
"I know that! I just meant other people won't hurt them, they wouldn't need -"
"There's always some lunatic out there who thinks he's being righteously angry. Stop being so naive, why can't you?" Aizawa realises his voice is rising and he's losing his temper with Matsuda even more than he normally does, but screw that, where the hell does anyone get off telling him he doesn't need to be concerned?
Matsuda's shoulders tense, but he doesn't say anything else. Aizawa focuses on the thoughts which say well, good, gives me a break and ignores all the others. Stares out at the street, at the slice of sky between two buildings, and then breathes a sigh of relief as he spots Ide coming round the corner.
"Did you talk to his mother?" he asks as Ide climbs into the back seat.
"Yeah."
"And?"
Ide shrugs. "Told her that he'd been hurt and he needed to answer some questions. I didn't know how to put it. If I told her everything, she might confront him, and then he'd probably -"
"Yeah, okay." Aizawa doesn't want to think about Sachiko Yagami finding out her son is Kira. He'd visited her, once, after the Chief had died, to give condolences, to tell her it would (what?) be all right, that they'd catch the man who did it, except that he wasn't sure by then who was really to blame or whether they'd even come close to tracking him down. She'd been shut down, quiet, showing the bare minimum of politeness. She'd blamed Kira for taking her husband away, asked Aizawa to look after Raito.
"I doubt he'll go to her now," Ide says. "She'll know something's up, she'll have seen the broadcast. He'll stick with Takada." He glances out of the window. "No sign of Mogi?"
"Not yet. Matsuda, did he say whether he could leave right then?"
Silence, and he glances over at Matsuda, who's still holding the steering wheel, staring out at the road.
"Matsuda!"
"I'm not being naive," Matsuda says at last. The words are wrenched out like he's too angry to talk properly.
"Oh, for god's sake..." Aizawa wants to shake him, how can anyone be so goddamn immature?
"I know I didn't work it out about Raito like you did but you don't - you don't need to - I was just trying to help, you don't need to talk to me like I was so stupid -"
"You are being stupid."
"Shut up," Matsuda says, wheeling round to glare at him, "shut up - you're just mad because if - no, when someone does hurt them it'll be your fault and it serves you right -"
The shock that Matsuda of all people could just say that to score points is the only thing that stops Aizawa punching him and keeping on doing so. He is so scared and the only way to get rid of the fear is to beat it out, this fucking idiot who thinks this is just about winning an argument -
But Ide has already cut in, "Matsuda, leave it." Aizawa is almost yearning for him to say something even more dumb - for there to be an excuse to lose it completely - but after a second, Matsudahunches over, not looking at either of them. Aizawa still wants to choke him, but by now he's got himself under control enough that instead he says, "I'll drive. Move it."
Matsuda stays still for a moment, but then he turns away, scrambles out of the car. Slamming the door behind him - the vehicle shakes - he walks round to the other side, climbs into the back. Aizawa stops bothering to look at him, slides across into the driver's seat.
"You speak to your wife?" Ide says at last.
"Yeah. Told her to get out of the city."
"We're doing the same, I assume?"
"They didn't have photos." Aizawa tries to think logically, to focus, but it feels as dark inside his head as it is around them. "People who can rat us out are here; people who know us."
"How far are we going to go?" Ide doesn't say the entire country will be looking for us; he doesn't need to.
"Don't know. I reckon we should just lay low for now. Maybe the bastard will die of his wounds."
"They won't announce that on national TV."
"Well, maybe people will start getting annoyed that Kira isn't killing anyone. Maybe they'll stop trusting his every word, or at least stop with the whole god thing."
"I wish." Ide shakes his head. "Where the hell is Mogi?"
Aizawa is thinking the same thing. He doesn't want to be sitting still in the middle of Tokyo. He doesn't want to be waiting for a call as if everything is normal. And already he's wondering if maybe Mogi isn't going to make it here, maybe Amane betrayed him, and they'll just sit and wait for him until Takada and Raito catch up with them too. It was stupid to wait at all, he and Matsuda should have fled the city as soon as they found out, but he wasn't going to ditch Ide, and - they're still a team, even if their leader's betrayed them, he couldn't just -
Matsuda's phone starts ringing. He seems unaware of it for a while, but then Ide snaps "Matsuda!" and he fumbles for it, answers: "Yeah?"
"Who is it?" Ide says, and when Matsuda mouths Mogi Aizawa leans over, takes the phone from him. If Mogi is in trouble, the last person he needs trying to help is Matsuda. "Mogi, it's Aizawa. Where are you?"
"I'm still at the hotel." Mogi sounds calm, but then he nearly always sounds calm. "I... I'm not going to come with you."
"What the hell are you talking about? Look, is there someone else there? Are you trapped?"
"No, it's nothing like that. It's Amane." A pause, then, "She's obviously very concerned about Raito, him also being part of the task force and... and his injury, so I've said we'll remain nearby so she can find him if he's looking for her."
Aizawa knows his brain is moving more slowly than usual because it takes him a ridiculous amount of time to work out what must be going on. Of course they don't want Raito to be able to contact Misa, because Misa will be happy to do whatever he wants -
"You're keeping her away from him," he says. "Right?"
"Yes."
"I hope to god you know what you're doing. Can you convince her to get out of the city at least?"
"I'll do my best. We're leaving now. I - take care."
"You too." Aizawa ends the call. "All right. He's not meeting us. He's going to keep an eye on Amane. So let's get moving." He passes Matsuda's phone back to him. "We'll get rid of our phones as soon as we can. In the meantime, keep it switched off, all right?"
"You needed him to call back," Matsuda mutters.
"That's not the point! Just keep it turned off now!"
Matsuda doesn't look at him. Aizawa turns away, starts the car.
ooo
Aizawa rings off, and, slowly, Mogi lowers his phone and closes it. He doesn't know quite what he's done, and he really doesn't know what to do next. All right, preventing Raito from seeking help from his devoted girlfriend is a reasonable goal, but Mogi didn't make this decision after rational analysis of the best step to take. He just found himself telling Misa that Raito was hurt, was in danger, and when he saw the way she looked, saw how desperate she was to run off and find her fiance, he -
It doesn't matter. There is no going back now, and Aizawa didn't read him the riot act so he must have sounded relatively clear-thinking. He's just going to get Misa out of Tokyo, to a safe place, and then they will lie low until the danger has lessened.
"Misa..." he begins. "We need to..."
She doesn't look at him; she's gazing out of the window, twisting the thick curtain cord round her fingers.
"I don't want to leave," she says. "Raito knew they'd brought me to the Teito Hotel." But the usual determination in her voice is muted, and even as she speaks she lets the curtains fall closed and starts absently straightening the headed notepaper and branded pens on the desk. "He told me to stay here."
"I know, but he was hurt quite badly. I don't think he'll be able to come and find you for at least another day."
"But it must be safer here than it is at home. It must, right? So why..."
Mogi waits to see if there's any more of that sentence, mainly because he isn't sure why himself. Misa stands by the desk, twirling strands of hair round her fingers. She looks very pale - the only light is from the desk lamp, which blazes in her eyes - and, even though her face is as stubborn as only Misa's can be, her mouth is crumpling.
"Misa-Misa is famous," she says at last, softly. "That's it, isn't it? If they're after Raito, they'll know about Misa. And Takada knows, too. People would've seen me come here. That's it, isn't it, Mochi?"
Mogi thinks he preferred the determination, even if it was directed towards the wellbeing of someone who in no way deserves it. He isn't trying just to make Misa miserable. He's helping her. He's spent a lot of time trying to make sure she doesn't get hurt, and doing it for motives she isn't aware of is nothing new.
"Misa," he says, trying to make himself sound practical, "we need to leave."
Misa is still for a second, then nods. "They might use Misa to get to Raito. We can't let that happen." The stubbornness is coming back; her hands are clenched into fists. "Okay, Mochi, let's go. Let's make like we're just going late-night shopping. I won't check out or anything." She starts scurrying round the room, packing stuff into her handbag, picking up a Muji carrier bag to put clothes in. Eventually, she straightens up, looking at him hopefully as if she needs him to say she's behaving like a good fugitive.
"That's right,"he says. "And - and we should leave our phones here. Otherwise we could be traced."
"But Raito might try to call me!"
"I know, but... it isn't safe. Besides, if - if he got caught they might make him phone you, to bring you to him -" To his own ears he sounds like an obvious liar, but Misa's flair for the dramatic has already taken over and she's nodding, "Yeah, and then they could use Misa to make Raito do what they want. Okay. Okay." She takes out her phone and places it ceremonially on the desk, then reaches for his. When she's put it down she tucks her arm into his and hurries over to the door, and even as she opens it she's talking about this cute new store that opened in Harajuku and how she can't wait and she heard they give out free perfume on the door.
He finds himself ridiculously grateful for the act. It means he doesn't have to do anything but show polite interest, which he would have done anyway. He knows that he can lie and fake when it comes down to it, but right now, when he's expecting them to be stopped any moment by men in black suits and sunglasses, or not even stopped, shot at - if he's recognised, Misa will just be someone who's allied herself with him, another enemy of Kira -
This is stupid. Nerves and playing what if aren't going to help the situation.
Misa squeezes his arm a little, giggles. "Don't worry. I promise I won't make you carry all the bags! Misa's strong, Misa can take care of herself."
He glances down at her, manages to nod. He's supposed to be looking after her, isn't he? He reminds himself that under the blonde hair and frills and giggling she's got a core of almost frightening strength, that she can cope with practically anything life throws at her. Of course she's worried about Raito, but she can deal with that - it's still better than leaving her behind either to be exploited or abandoned -
She's still talking, still keeping the lie going. Her voice is bright and loud as they hurry through the silent corridors; there's only the hum of the lights and the heating, the carpet is thick enough to muffle their footsteps. The light glints in the glass and mirrors and windows and for a moment this is five years ago and they're going to meet Ryuzaki - L - and catching Kira is something the world expects them to do. Were L here now, he would probably have managed to concoct some clever plan using Misa as bait, or have wheeled out some secret resource he'd had waiting in the wings. L would not just be running away.
He definitely wouldn't be running away with someone he thought was the second Kira.
Mogi has been trying not to think about this. About L being correct about Raito's guilt. About the thirteen-day rule being fake. About Mikami's memories vanishing when he lost his notebook. It all leads to too many questions, not least why he's assuming Misa needs or deserves protection from Kira. Thank god Aizawa didn't ask about that, because Mogi doesn't think he would have had an answer. Misa might need looking after, but the second Kira wouldn't.
He decides to stop following this line of thought. He's made a choice now, he has to stick with it. They're at the front desk now. Misa slides her key over to the receptionist without even looking, continues to chatter. Mogi wishes he weren't so tall, wishes he didn't stand out. But it doesn't really matter, does it? They're being picked up on camera anyway, and Raito would recognise any of them.
Outside in the darkness it's cold, and Misa huddles a bit closer, shivering. She goes quiet for a few moments, fumbles with the hood of her coat.
"There," she says as she pulls it up. "People won't spot me so easily now. Where - where are we going to go?"
"We should withdraw some money," he says. "Bank cards can be traced too. Then... I suppose we should find somewhere to stay." And what if they're noticed, what if Misa is recognised? He realises, sharply, what he's committed himself to; someone else to worry about in this situation. He could have managed on his own; kept a low profile, been forgettable, tolerated the boredom and the unease. But with Misa it's different -
"Okay," she's saying. "Hey. I know where we can stay."
"Where?"
"A love hotel!" she says, triumphantly.
"What?"
"It makes sense!" She prods him in the arm. "You can be anonymous, they won't ask questions, and there's loads of them about."
Mogi can feel himself blushing and he wonders if it's obvious in the streetlights. Misa looks up at him, evidently waiting for praise, and eventually he says, "I'm not sure that's... appropriate..."
Misa laughs, resting her head against his arm a moment. "Aw, Mochi, don't worry about Raito. He knows he can trust me with you, right? He was happy for you to stay with me before. And I trust you."
Mogi wants to try and explain that the thought of taking her to a love hotel makes this feel like an even worse situation than it already is, like he's lying to her and taking advantage of the chaos to get her into bed, like that he's abandoned the rest of the task force to go off with the pretty blonde. Of course there's no way he can verbalise that and it isn't like the situation will actually be what it looks like, so he just says, "I suppose it... does make sense. But only if -"
"I'm fine with it. Honestly, Mochi, this is a life-or-death situation. Come on, let's hurry before someone sees us."
The other thing he should have remembered about Misa is that it's extremely difficult to dissuade her from an idea once she's set on it. But in a way, that almost makes him feel calmer. Following her around and keeping her out of the way of the Kira case as much as possible is what he does. Perhaps he just wanted to cling to this last aspect of normal life.
ooo
Gevanni's never liked hospitals. When he was a kid, it was just that he didn't like the memories associated with them: worried parents, funny smells, sick people looking weird and you staring at them before you remembered you probably shouldn't be. Then when he got older, it was because you never have a pleasant reason to be there. He'd rather his work took him anywhere else. Hospitals try so hard to make people feel comfortable and the gap between that and what actually goes on in them makes Gevanni's teeth ache.
His sister Louise would have said that that was all crap and he was just paranoid he was going to catch something. She was good at that sort of belittling.
And he's been doing great when it comes to not thinking about her up until now. Sure, there were some times when he couldn't not, but she died just after the rest of the SPK did and he let Lidner and Rester and Near think any difference in his behaviour was due to that. He was only on this mission because of her, and he wasn't going to let his own emotions fuck it up. And there's no reason to let that slip, especially as it looks like the case is having one last gasp before it ends. The only reason he's thinking of her is because they've lost Near, because that feels like they've lost the war. He's choosing to take the horror of that death and let it bring up the memory of why he got into this case to start with.
(Is it wrong that he's almost grateful it hasn't ended? He's settled into spending his time shadowing someone through unfamiliar streets and never, ever revealing his real name. It may be frightening and dull and lonely but in his own mind it's stable at least. If - when he goes home, sees his parents again and Louise's kids, the one thing it won't be is stable.)
Whatever. One last gasp, whether he wanted it or not. Even as he thinks it he can see Near struggling for breath, face glistening with sweat, staring desperately up at them as the blood pours from the chest wound, just a kid. Worse somehow than seeing the rest of the SPK die, or perhaps the shock of that has just lessened with time. Or maybe just that he and the others should have done something this time. Could have done something.
(Let it go.) The calm, intelligent, never-seems-bothered-by-anything part of his mind reminds him that he'll have time later to work through the shock of Near's death. He can't afford to go to pieces in front of Mikami.
He glances over at the man, who has at least stopped shouting now. When his memories went they'd been in the middle of sewing up the wound in his throat, so it hadn't been fun for anyone concerned. Now he's lying flat on his back on the hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling. The strip lights flicker in his eyes. His gaze keeps moving as if he's watching spiders or flies up above him.
Gevanni's pretty sure it wasn't him who killed Louise. It would have been Yagami, right? In the warehouse he had watched Yagami and he'd tried to wrestle his mind round the concept. He killed my sister. He killed my sister.He thought he was managing to get it. Helped by the way Yagami had revelled in his identity as Kira, of course. With Mikami, it was different; Gevanni had always had to make sure he didn't even try out any thoughts about Louise as they applied to Mikami, because he had to act natural, unconcerned. That persists, even now. (Of course there's no point in getting mad.) There's no hatred of Mikami, just concern that someone normally so controlled, so organised, is now so untidy and twitchy and scared. He'd shouted why am I here? What did I do? and his wide, terrified eyes had locked on Gevanni and he'd just stared and then he'd shouted, coughing blood, who are you? Why are you here? and Gevanni is pretty sure that's because he was the only one who wasn't a stranger.
"How are you feeling?" he says, trying to sound practical rather than sympathetic.
Mikami doesn't move for a few seconds, and when he does speak, he still just stares at the ceiling.
"You've been following me for weeks," he says at last. His voice is hoarse and raspy, slowed by the wound, but it's calmer. He's gathered his thoughts.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I thought that you might be connected to Kira somehow." Gevanni leans forward a little, says it as if it's the most obvious reason in the world to be tailing someone.
"That's not an explanation," Mikami says, but he's looking slightly less frightened, as if he knows that his devotion is obvious. "Besides, I... I am not. I simply want to... to serve him." He swallows, rubs at the bandages on his throat. "I don't understand why... I don't understand what's happened." His fingers clench a little, pick at the dressings. "I don't know what's happened -"
"I know. I know you're very confused right now." Join the club. It hadn't meant to be that Near would die. Near had thought everything out carefully, could anticipate everyone's moves. He'd even said, I doubt Kira will be expecting Takada to play a vital role in the meeting. It's gone beyond that now. And it was true. Takada hadn't played the vital role, there'd been a showdown and Near had been the one thinking fastest. It was just a stray bullet from some hired grunt had got to him after it was all over. After he should have been safe.
Mikami seems to be waiting for Gevanni to say more, but Gevanni's got no idea what he's supposed to be telling the guy. Yeah, you killed a bunch of people and we're going to arrest you for that and lock you up without trial for the rest of your life. The guy you thought was your god screwed you over and that's why you tried to kill yourself. Oh, and I'm an FBI agent and part of the SPK and you tried to kill me earlier today. The entire thing sounds so stupid if you're outside of it. And it's not even as though he's got Near in the background providing direction and the idea that everything makes sense in the end.
Luckily, at that moment he hears footsteps coming towards them and so he takes a deep breath, tries to calm down. A moment later the door's opened and Rester has hurried in. He's scowling and he looks tired, and Gevanni finds his stomach sinking as if it's bad news even before Rester says, "Come out of here, I need to talk to you."
Mikami glances at him as he leaves, and he gives something which is meant to be a reassuring smile but probably isn't because he doesn't feel reassuring in the least.
"The situation just got worse. Takada's trying to set the general public on us," Rester says as soon as the door closes behind them. "Our real names - and those of the task force - have been broadcast on NHN."
Gevanni can't think of anything to say other than oh, shit. There's a horrible feeling of falling at the idea that his real name, a secret so important that he's managed to half-convince himself it has nothing to do with him, has just been broadcast on national television, just like that.
"Seriously?" he says instead. Like Rester's the type to say no, I was just messing with you.
"I imagine Yagami managed to remember them. She also specifically said to look out for three Americans. So we need to keep our heads down. We've probably been spotted around the headquarters here, so that's out."
"Does Lidner know?"
"Sure, she was the one who called me. She said there's been no sign of Yagami on any of the official channels, so she reckons this is a distraction technique letting him get medical help without any of us causing trouble. She said she'll meet up with us later if she can." He lowers his voice. "She thinks Mello's still out there. I didn't think it was wise to pin all our hopes on that - I can't believe Takada wouldn't have written his name down as soon as she got the chance - but I suppose if anyone can find him, Lidner can." He swallows. "She's hanging onto her cell - she ditched the one Takada knows about - and I figure she's hoping she can find Mello before keeping her phone on her gets too risky. I've got rid of mine - you do the same and we can use a payphone or steal someone's if we have to."
"Right. And the task force?"
"They know. I don't know what they're doing, though." Rester glances round the corridor, which is silent right now except for the hum of the lights and the voices of two nurses at the visiting desk further down. "We need to get out of here, now. We're too conspicuous."
"What about Mikami? Yagami might try and establish contact with him..." Gevanni trails off, not sure where that point was going. He's still thinking like their main objective is to arrest Kira - well, the various Kiras - when it sounds more like it's just turned into try not to get killed by an angry mob. God, he wishes he was less tired.
"Will he?" Rester says. "He's got Takada now. The only reason he needed Mikami was to act as a proxy. It's us he'll want to track down. Us and the notebook."
"Yeah, but we lose track of Mikami now, we've let him and Yagami slip through our fingers. Not to mention he's confused as hell and remembers lots of things about notebooks and warehouses without knowing why he should keep them quiet. The doctors are going to be back to ask him more questions soon -"
Rester's gaze has moved away from him, over his shoulder, and it turns resigned even as the guy says, "We've got company."
Three of the dark-suited guys from the warehouse are talking to the nurse at the desk. Even as Gevanni looks round, she's nodding, pointing towards them -
"Take Mikami and get out of here," Rester mutters. Then he's running, drawing his gun as he does so.
Which is a simpler objective than anything else that's come Gevanni's way in the last few hours, and his mind runs with it, letting go of the fear and the exhaustion and slipping into the focused, instinctual knowing that's, in an odd, speeded-up way, the same as when he's shadowing someone, or focusing on building a new model ship. He's easing the door open again, saying to Mikami, gently but with the correct undertone of urgency, "We have to go. There are some people coming to talk to us about Kira, and I don't think they're friendly."
Outside there are heavy, running footsteps. Then a shot. Screaming. Mikami's eyes widen, and he glances warily from Gevanni to the door.
"They won't be very happy when they find out you've forgotten everything," Gevanni hears himself saying (not spitefully) (spite will damage this) "Look, I'm not sticking around. If you want to know what's going on, you're going to have to come with me."
Mikami's breath catches in his throat a little. Then, swallowing, he gets to his feet. Gevanni grabs him by the arm and hurries back out into the corridor.
There's shouting, more screams - more shots. Medical staff are rushing around, slamming doors to wards, hustling patients out of the corridors. Gevanni doesn't look for Rester (don't let your hands shake) (one false move and the entire thing's ruined), he's just heading down the corridor, hand on Mikami's shoulder now. Mikami is still looking around. The disinfectant smell of the hospital has been overlaid by the smell of gunpowder. Gevanni reaches for his own gun, and when some doctor comes up to him, saying, "Please, get off this corridor -" he draws it, calmly, and says, "No, I don't think so." The man goes white, and Gevanni walks round him, guiding Mikami. The other man is shaking, and he looks like he's about to say something but as soon as they're past the doctor Gevanni grips his arm and starts to run. Behind him, the doctor is yelling for help. Behind that, there's other shouts, someone delivering orders, or possibly just insults. Gevanni listens for Rester in the commotion, but he can't hear him, and then he's through the door and running down concrete stairs, and the noise has faded away.