Shine
The city rolled past at blinding speed beneath Mami Tomoe's feet as she soared towards the rendezvous point. Nagisa had frantically shook her awake around midnight, rousing her from a dead sleep; dawn was still hours away. A flash of irritation soured her mood, but she buried it quickly, focusing on the task at hand. Witches wait for no one, after all…
"Mami, slow down!" The call came from behind and slightly below her, the tiny voice almost swallowed by the rush of wind in her ears. She glanced back and stifled a sigh as Nagisa struggled to keep up, the young girl's brow furrowed in concentration as she kept a firm grip on her tasseled hat.
"Nagisa," she chided, "you know this is an emergency call. We can't afford to slow down. Maybe this is a good reason to think about not filling up on cheese so much after dinner, hmmm?" She let a hint of sternness into her voice, but not much. They didn't have time for an argument, and besides, by this time her young friend knew all of her lectures by heart. Despite her irritation, she slowed down anyway. Never let it be said that she didn't care...
She righted her course, landing delicately on a rooftop and bounding off towards Shizuki Tower, where Sayaka had said they'd be waiting. She huffed, her chest suddenly tight. Wow, she thought as as a note of concern snuck into her mind, I didn't realize I was this out of shape… Maybe she'd have to re-examine her post-hunt get-togethers. A party can still be a party without cake, after all. Sort of.
The world fell away as she stretched up, up, up, the midnight sky speckled with a powdered-sugar dusting of stars that mirrored the brilliant jewelscape of the city. She spied four figures standing at the edge of the 130th story observation deck, one of them waving cheerfully. Madoka, of course, bright as always, their friends spread out across the deck behind her. Mami amused herself for a brief moment, imagining the world falling to pieces around them, and Madoka standing tall, beaming around at them, encouraging them all to do their best. She suddenly felt sad, and a bit guilty.
One final push, a graceful flip, and she touched down daintily, breathing a bit harder than she'd have liked. Nagisa hit the ground running a few moments later, tackling Kyoko and hugging with all her ten year-old strength.
"Hey, squirt," Kyoko chuckled. "What took you so long?"
Nagisa glared askance at Mami. "I dunno. Ask her."
Okay, now that was a bit much. "Nothing we won't discuss later, believe me. Now that we're here, we have better things to do." She turned to Sayaka. "What's the situation? You sounded a little frantic earlier…"
Sayaka rolled her eyes. "Yeah, 'cause the damn labyrinth opened up right in front of my train. I barely got off in time, but all I could do was watch as it got swallowed whole. There were a lot of people on that train, Mami…" Nagisa gasped. "That's why I called all of you here. Normally I could take care of it myself, but it's not just a hunt this time."
"It's a rescue mission." Homura Akemi, aloof as always, spoke up from her perch on top of the railing. She flipped her hair back, a habit which Mami had just about convinced herself was a nervous tic, and gazed down at the ripple in the air that signified the witch's labyrinth spreading across the city blocks far below. "One whose chances of success grow smaller with every minute we spend up here." She shot a sharp look at Mami, but mercifully kept any comments about her lateness to herself. Mami was cross enough at the evening's events, and an argument wasn't anywhere on her list of things she looked forward to. She simply stared back, then stepped over to the ledge, glancing down at the ground a quarter-mile below.
"Then what are we waiting for?" With a wink at Homura, she tipped over the edge, surrendering herself to gravity and the thrill of the hunt. She thought she heard someone calling her name, but the voice disappeared in the swirl of sound as the space ahead of her folded in on itself before splitting apart to welcome her in a riot of noise and swirling gray.
I was so lonely, but not anymore.
That was the point, right? Not her wish - that was as simple as that sort of thing gets. Who wouldn't wish to live as they're terrified and in pain, trapped in the wreckage of a burning car? No, her thoughts rested on what came after, once she realized her mistake.
It hadn't taken long. She felt like she was in a movie, playing the role of the villain who gets redeemed at the last second once they're confronted with the true magnitude of their actions, and raises their fists to the sky screaming my God, what have I done?!
There was no reason to forget her parents. No reason at all, except panic, agony, the roar of the fire consuming them, consuming her… the knowledge that any second, the flames would find the spilled fuel spreading out from the wreck. It truly would have been too late then, but… well, an opportunity went and presented itself in the form of the Incubator. Mami, her mind clouded by pain and desperation, had screamed the one thing she wanted above all else at the time.
The regret began immediately afterwards, and hadn't let up since. It stayed in the background all her life, an uninvited guest that just wouldn't leave, and made its presence known when she least expected it. When she least needed it.
Like right now.
It was only when her foot slammed into some protrusion in the floor shrouded by the mist swirling around her ankles, and she pitched forward onto her face that she realized she had zoned out. Her fall played out in slow motion, the floor rising up to greet her with cold, unyielding indifference, a blossom of pain spreading out from the tip of her nose. The ridiculous pratfall dragged out for so long that she had time to consider the fact that her arms remained paralyzed at her side the entire time, despite the fact that she even thought to herself it might be a good idea to put your hands out, Mami… before the impact rattled her skull.
She lay motionless for a while, tasting blood, her head throbbing unpleasantly (except for her nose, which felt curiously numb), cursing to herself. This was stupid - she was a seasoned magical girl, the veteran of dozens, no - hundreds of witch battles. She'd mentored countless younger girls, some of whom went on to successful tenures of their own in other large, lucrative cities. She'd harvested so many grief seeds she could practically save the universe herself, dammit! And now here she was, tripping over her own feet and wallowing in self-pity like some wet-behind-the-ears newbie.
Ridiculous.
All the same, she allowed herself a moment to be embarrassed before she struggled to her feet. She still had a job to do; failure was not an option.
As her composure returned, she took stock of her surroundings. The labyrinth was wholly unremarkable, practically colorless and quiet as a tomb. Tunnels blended into each other, each junction looked exactly like the last, and her footsteps became more muffled with each step. Something blocked her throat, and she swallowed hard, blinking furiously against the dust in her eyes… it's dust, it's just dust, that's all it is, everything's fine… After some indeterminate length of time, shook her head and found herself back where she started, and everything around her was silent and gray. Mami knew immediately that she had made a mistake diving in so quickly.
She called out to her friends, but the words died somewhere between her brain and the still, clammy air surrounding her. She tried again with voice and mind - nothing. Whatever spell the master of this space had cast, it worked quickly and with merciless efficiency; she couldn't even hear herself breathing. She whipped her head around, expecting to see her friends behind her, but all she saw was darkness. Colors bled out of her surroundings and sounds faded away with a crackle not unlike a badly tuned radio. She struggled to move, as though wading with painful slowness through some unknown substance. Water perhaps, or maybe something thicker, more glutinous. Her breathing grew short as the first tendrils of panic started to worm their way into her brain.
It takes more than stealing away her voice to silence a magical girl…
That voice again… Mami whirled around in time to see a section of shadow detach itself from the wall and step towards her. Homura Akemi, her hair a black so deep it showed up in Mami's vision as a shadow against shadow, her eyes maintaining a hint of violet even in this colorless world. Mami swallowed again and put a hand on the wall for support.
"Are you doing this? Have you stopped time?" It took her a moment to realize that her voice had not returned, so she repeated the question telepathically, with a twinge of annoyance.
No, this isn't me. The witch we're hunting has the ability to alter the perception of those it lures into its world. At best, it could lead to disorientation, confusion. At worst, well…
Mami nodded. No elaboration was necessary. The passengers on Sayaka's train lacked the benefit of magical resistance. They were all in danger, and Mami and her friends were racing against the clock.
Homura grabbed her hand and hurried down one of the featureless passageways. Come on, the others are this way. Mami stumbled a bit but managed to keep her feet, all the while wondering how the hell Homura knew the way.
Are you sure? All these tunnels look the same.
Homura glanced at her, one eyebrow raised. Of course I'm sure. Can't you sense them? Mami's chest tightened painfully. She couldn't. She tried to tell Homura, bust her brain had jammed.
Thankfully, she didn't have to. Homura slowed to a stop, dropped Mami's hand, turned to regard her with a thoughtful expression. You can only hear me, can't you? It hitting you harder than the rest of us. Mami frowned, more frustrated at the situation than Homura's typical lack of tact. Of all the times for something like this to happen, it had to be now, when she was in the company of the one member of their little troupe she was the least fond of. The sooner out of this maze, the better… Only then would she be safe enough to dwell on her weakness, and wonder at its source.
Well, nothing can be done about it now. Take my hand. Mami did, with some reluctance, and they were off again. This time, each footfall reverberated through Mami's body, making the lack of sound all the more bizarre. The vibrations traveled up her legs, through her chest, into her head, where they beat themselves incessantly against the inside of her skull, a hive of angry hornets whose stingers sought every soft, vulnerable bit of her psyche they could find. Despite the unnatural silence, she bit her tongue to stifle a scream.
Mami… Homura's voice carved its way through the cacophony in her brain, and the noise stopped as suddenly as it had started. She opened her eyes, unaware that she had closed them in the first place, and found herself once again gazing at the back of Homura's head as they plunged through the labyrinth. She began to realize, much to her consternation, that not only did she need to be out of this maze, but she needed to rely on Homura to get her there.
What.
Why were you late this morning?
Mami hissed silently. Really? I slept through Sayaka's phone call. Why?
It's not like you.
They ducked beneath an archway made of solidified shadow. Grey shapes, moving fitfully, gathered on top of it. Mami thought they might have been humanoid, but she and Homura were moving too fast for her to be sure. You don't think I know that? Anything else you'd like to point out?
Amorphous shapes that might have been faces gazed down at them from the ceiling. Only that I think it may be a cause for concern. I overheard Nagisa tell Kyoko that Sayaka gave up on getting ahold of you, and called her instead. Nagisa had to shake you awake. Has this happened before?
No, it hasn't. Am I not allowed one day to not be at my best? As soon as the words left Mami's mind, she knew the answer. She'd hear it from Homura anyway, so she let the question hang.
No, not as a magical girl. The instant you let your guard down, you're dead, and you'll likely not be alone. She sounded a bit more stern than usual, and she never sounded light-hearted. A surge of anger flared in Mami's chest, and she yanked her hand out of Homura's. They slowed to a stop, staring at each other through narrowed eyes. The atmosphere, already oppressive, grew a bit more close, a bit more tense. Mami clenched her teeth.
You don't know that, dammit! You don't…
Hamura advanced on her, her hand outstretched, an impatient crease in her brow. She was clearly in no mood, and Mami took a step back, though she didn't remember telling her feet to move. As much as Homura grated on her nerves sometimes… well, most of the time… she could sure look intimidating when she wanted to.
Mami, take my hand. We need to get you out of here. You're a liability.
Mami started to say something, some sharp, biting retort to this bossy, puffed up goth bitch trying to push her around, but once again the words wouldn't come. Slowly, her anger gave way to resignation. A twinge of fear bubbled to the surface as well. As much as she hated to admit it, Homura was right. She wasn't usually like this. She took her hand again without a word, surprised at the sudden tenderness with which Homura wrapped her fingers around her own.
All right, try to keep up - we're getting you out of here. Just follow my voice.
It took Mami a moment to process what Homura just said. Why should I do that? You're holding my… But before she could finish her though, she found herself being yanked down the corridor with enough force to almost pull her off her feet. She let out a silent cry of dismay, then shot a mental growl to Homura as they plunged ahead. Hey, watch it!
I'm sorry, but we need to hurry. The others are close by, but our first priority is to get you to safety. Now, tell me what you see.
Mami wrenched her hand out of Homura's vise grip again, and screeched to a halt. What the hell are you talking about? I thought we were getting out of here!
We are, but you need to do what I say. I can lead you out, but you have to take the first step.
Mami took another step back. This was wrong… Everything about what Homura was doing was wrong. Mami was the strongest out of their group, had the most experience, knew what it was to be a leader. Hell, she taught Kyoko all she knew, took in Nagisa after her mother passed away and her father ran out on her… She even helped Madoka take her first steps towards becoming a magical girl, but only so far as to leave the door open for her to make the decision herself. She knew what she was doing, dammit! You don't throw away years of experience, not to mention an extensive record of witch extermination, just because of one bad day. And now here was Homura, talking to her like she was crazy… Hold my hand, tell me what you see, what does this remind you of, when was the last time you...
Just like always, she thought bitterly.
Mami flinched. Where did that come from? She's never… wait, has she? She glanced upwards, met Homura's icy stare, saw the outstretched hand as the calm voice blossomed in her head once more, echoing this time with strange harmonics that weren't there before. Hideously beautiful musical notes almost lost at the very edge of hearing… Mami, we can do this together, but you have to trust me. I can help you; it's why I'm here. When the last four words reached her, twisted and distorted and overlaid with an unnerving telepathic shriek, a chunk of ice dropped into Mami's gut.
No… Not again. Please, not this again! She turned on her heel and bolted down the featureless passageway. With every step, she felt the impact of her feet on the floor, but heard nothing, and the realization threatened to snap her already frayed nerves.
Homura's voice reached her mind through the fear-induced fog. Mami, wait! Come back!
Turning yet another blind corner, she found herself in a drab gray passageway identical to all of the others. If her brain wasn't paralyzed by confusion, she might have found the comparison to an ant colony dug out of a block of solid gray stone amusing. Instead, she quashed the thought as soon as it surfaced, and called out to her friends again.
No answer, not even from Homura, who she could have sworn was right behind her…
Another corner, then another, and another, and she skidded to a halt as cruel reality slapped her in the face: she was lost, hopelessly so. The chill from earlier had not dissipated; in fact, it spread icy fingers throughout her body and soul, reaching into dry dusty cracks in her mind and pulling out things best left hidden, or forgotten. Her head swam as faces from her youth flitted and capered before her mind's eye, including two she would have done anything to forget. In the back of her mind a small voice admonished her that this was simply the work of the witch in whose domain she wandered, and all she needed to do was hold fast to her strength and convictions… but the crush of fear bore down on her with a weight great enough to stamp out that voice.
She blinked, and an ornately-carved rifle materialized in front of her. She clutched it tightly to her chest, more to have something to hold on to than anything, and took stock of her surroundings.
She stood at the center of a crossroads, with four of those damnably identical passages branching off to what she guessed were the four cardinals. A silver mist swords and pooled around her feet, and the air hung cold and clammy, drawing wisps of fog from her with every breath. Despite the chill, a trickle of sweat ran down her back, a distinctly unwelcome sensation.
Exhaustion had taken the edge off of her fear. As her pulse slowed and her breathing relaxed, the shame returned in full force. This was pathetic. What magical girl worth her gem acted like this, ran from danger, crumpled like tissue when things got just a little bit strange? She'd certainly have some explaining to do once she caught up to the others. The looks Homura was giving her guaranteed that. In the meantime, as alone as she was, all of the anger she felt was directed inward.
Are you alright, Ms. Tomoe?
The mental voice came out of nowhere like a slap to the face, and Mami let out an undignified (and still silent) scream.
My apologies; I didn't mean to startle you. I had merely noticed that you were separated from the others, and felt the need to check on you.
Dammit, Kyubey! Don't sneak up on me like that! The Incubator popped out of nowhere, floating peacefully in front of her. His paws dangled in the air, waving back and forth slowly, creating an image that likely would have prompted at least a polite chuckle from her, had the circumstances not been so dire. She blew out a sigh, then composed herself. I'm fine, thank you. I've just gotten turned around, so I'm trying to find everyone. He remained silent, simply staring at her. Or possibly through her… She rolled her eyes and asked, in a mental voice sharpened a bit by exasperation, Have you seen them?
Can't you sense them?
She bit back a curse, but just barely. His infuriating way of speaking, concealing things behind niceties, answering questions with questions, giving the impression of providing monumental revelations without actually saying anything, was getting to her more than it usually did. Under normal circumstances, she looked right past it, read between the lines, was able to make sense of his senseless prattle. She'd worked with him long enough to know how to read him, or at least understand his alienness as well as anyone could hope to. She'd discovered during the time since she made that damnable wish of hers that there were ways to work with him.
But these circumstances were anything but normal, and for a moment all she wanted to do was wrap her hands around that little white throat of his and squeeze until his blank pink eyes popped like blank pink grapes. Absurdly, she wondered what sort of sound they'd make, if all the sound hadn't been sucked out of the world.
No, I can't. I think this witch is messing with my perception.
He cocked his head. Why did he have to be so cute? So it would seem. Interesting…
She glared at him. Glad you think so. Where are the others?
Not to worry, they're close.
She wanted to kick something, preferably him. You could be more specific..? I'd like to get out of here eventually, if possible.
For a long moment, he didn't answer. Finally, after the silence stretched long enough for Mami to feel a bit awkward, he cocked his head again, ears twitching. Why are you here, Ms. Tomoe?
A hot coil of apprehension clutched at her heart. What..? I… Before she could finish her response, the world tilted under her feet. Her head exploded with dizziness. Fighting to keep the contents of her stomach down, she stumbled to her knees. Despite the continued unsettling absence of sound, she could hear her pulse throbbing in her ears, could feel her pained groan vibrating in her chest. The world rocked and tumbled around her; she opened her mouth to scream, to beg for the terrifying ride to end, begged to whom she didn't know, didn't care, just stop…
As though the universe heard her cry, the spinning ground to a halt as quickly as it began. Mami kept her eyes shut tight, certain that as soon as she opened them, the world would turn itself inside out, or some ghastly, unseen familiar would reach out from the darkness and drag her to oblivion, or some fresh, unimaginable horror would confront her and claw her mind to shreds in an instant. It had become painfully clear to her: this was no ordinary labyrinth, and its master had her at its mercy.
Mami!
The voice, high and sweet and achingly familiar, immediately swept the worst of the terror from her head, and her watering eyes flew open. Nagisa?
Yeah, it's me! What happened to you? In lieu of a response, Mami gave a cry of joy and threw her arms around her young friend, squeezing tightly enough to elicit a pained grunt. Ow! Mami… can't breathe..!
Sorry… She lessened her grip somewhat, but didn't let go. It was such a relief to see her Bebe, to see proof that she truly wasn't alone here… Nagisa, I think something's wrong. I feel like I'm falling apart…
Nagisa frowned. Mami didn't have to ask why; she almost never used Nagisa's given name unless things had gotten serious, or they were in danger, or she had gotten angry at her for whatever reason. Now, naturally, she had her complete attention.
What? Why?
I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with the witch. It can… change what I see, or feel, I guess. She shook her head, frustrated by how ridiculous it sounded even in her own mind. I know it's stupid, but… She took a deep breath, and admitted what had been troubling her since she ran into Homura. I think I need to get out of here. I'm no use to any of you, and I might even be a liability.
Nagisa's face fell, and she took Mami's hands in her own, squeezing tightly. Tears sprang unheeded to the older girl's eyes, and she pulled one of her hands free to rub furiously at her face. This was no time to fall apart, especially in front of Bebe, who looked up to her as not only a role model, but as a friend. No, more than a friend… More like and older…
A spasm of pain lanced through Mami's chest, stealing her breath and setting her lungs on fire. She slumped to her side, dimly award of Bebe's voice echoing in her mind. As the darkness crept in from the corners of her vision and the world sped away from her, she heard a crash, a scream, and the sound of glass shattering…
When she woke up, she was alone.
Staring up at the featureless ceiling, her mind still in shambles, it took her a moment to realize that she had transformed back into her civilian clothing. A warm weight rested in her hand. She opened her fingers, and beheld her soul gem, normally a bright cheery yellow, now a dull, muddy brown. Flickers of brighter colors danced across its faceted surface; it was not only dark, and getting darker, but unstable as well.
Not good…
She sat up, her body wracked with soreness. She realized that she was far past the point of shame at her weakness. Her life was in danger, and she'd be damned if it ended in this pit.
She gave the mental command to transform, effortless after her years as a magical girl, but nothing happened. No… She stared uncomprehendingly, then shut her eyes and went through the motions again. Visualize your power, imagine it spreading across your body, surrounding you, aaaand… now!
Nothing.
No no no nononono no!
She could feel the tide of panic rising in her chest. Her gem wasn't that dark, was it? It was definitely in need of a cleanse, but still viable. She tried over and over, shutting her eyes, stomping her feet, screaming herself hoarse into the maddening silence, the hysterics accomplishing nothing but exhausting herself more. Casting a miserable glance at her gem, she saw that it was already a few shades darker. All she'd done was make it worse.
Forcing herself calm, she took a deep, shaking breath. It didn't help much, but it cleared her head enough for her to remember: Nagisa! She resolved to buy her as much cheese as she wanted, if they ever got out of this mess. She picked a direction and started walking, keeping a death grip on her soul gem, as if she could cleanse it through sheer will. As she walked, she called out to Nagisa, softly at first, then with increasing urgency. She had to be around here somewhere… Whoever heard of a witch with an infinite labyrinth?
She wondered about her friends as well. She even spared a thought for Homura, who despite being far from a friend to her, was at least a comrade. They danced the same dance as all the other magical girls Kyubey had contracted, after all. There was no use in being openly hostile, especially in a place like this.
Soon Mami lost all sense of time. She checked her watch - stopped, probably as soon as she entered this horrible place. How long ago was that? Minutes? Hours? Days? Did it matter? She tried transforming again, with no luck, although a few golden sparks shot out of her gem, swirling around her like embers before drifting slowly to the ground. She took heart at this; maybe she'd get her powers back, given time.
Now that she thought about it, they were racing against the clock. The train passengers Sayaka mentioned were in danger, more so every second. She kicked herself for forgetting. Not that I'd be any help anyway, plus I have my own worries right now. Like finding an exit…
Suddenly, a sound reached her through the fog in her mind. It tickled the back of her brain, high-pitched, lilting.
Laughter.
Telepathic, of course, but as clear as day. Familiar, too, but she couldn't think of how… Sound in the labyrinth remained deadened, so she couldn't pinpoint the location, but after a moment she felt a sort of… pull was the best word for it… down one otherwise nondescript passageway.
Well, she thought, nothing ventured…
After a some indeterminate length of time (A few minutes? An hour? A day?), she was no closer to finding the source of the laughter. Was this just another trick of the labyrinth, a cruel prank played on her by whatever demon held sway over this place, a monster who, for reasons forever beyond her ken, seemed to have taken some perverse interest in tormenting her especially?
Or did she just imagine it? Was this all in her head? No, that's ridiculous. I know what telepathy feels like, and this was it, plain as day.
Finally, she turned one last corner and found herself facing a blank gray wall. Dammit. The laughter echoed again, dancing through the still, stale air directly into her brain. She turned to head back to the last intersection and try a different branch… and shrieked in silent terror as she bumped into someone. A very small, young, female someone. She squinted in the dim light. Nagisa?
But when she took a moment to calm down, she realized that no, this wasn't her young friend and protege. In fact, she didn't recognize this girl at all, although she seemed strangely familiar. Was she another magical girl who followed them into the labyrinth? One of the train passengers? Some heretofore unknown third party? The girl stood still as a statue, a strange smile on her face, like she knew something Mami didn't, and was secretly having a blast watching her discomfort.
After a long moment, during which Mami found herself a bit lost in the mystery girl's eyes, which looked quite similar to her own, she winked and turned on her heel, laughing musically as she ran down the hallway. Can't catch me! As she disappeared around a corner, the temperature plummeted, and Mami gave a violent shiver.
Wait! She gave chase, the frigid air making her eyes water. Through blurred vision she caught occasional glimpses of the girl, only a foot, a swish of her coat, a hand waving merrily as she effortlessly eluded her slow, weary pursuer. Mami needed to catch up to her, was desperate to catch up…. She needed to say something, to tell this girl something, but what? Her mind spun in circles as she raced down the corridor. She no longer focused on finding an exit. Freeing herself was no longer a concern. She had to catch up to this child who looked so much like herself, to reassure her, to explain… something…
Come on, this way! the girl called from somewhere up ahead, and Mami pushed herself anew.
Yes, I'm here, I'm coming! But when she rounded the blind corner in front of her, she found herself facing not her target, but a wall of fire. A wave of heat, as solid as a brick wall, slammed into her, driving her to her knees and singeing her eyebrows. She slammed her eyes shut as pain spread across her face. She screamed, her throat quickly becoming raw as the blaze sucked what little moisture there was out of the air.
All in the same unearthly silence.
Her fingernails scraped on the floor as she scrambled away from the inferno, embers licking at her heels and lighting small pinpricks of agony on her exposed skin. When she had gained enough distance from the fire to open her eyes, she turned around, fear and curiosity at war inside her head.
In the middle of the firestorm, wreathed in flames from head to foot, stood the mystery girl, her lips curled upwards in an enigmatic smile, a burning angel fixing her with a gaze like two hot coals. Mami blinked, and saw herself in the child's face. She blinked again, and now Nagisa stared back at her, her smile bringing tears to Mami's eyes that evaporated the instant they fell.
She blinked a third time, and both the girl and the flames vanished. The heat dissipated as quickly as it had washed over her, replaced by a cold so deep, so bone-chilling, that it seemed to freeze the very air in her lungs. She shivered uncontrollably, violently, and lurched to her feet, half-running, half-stumbling down the passageway.
Behind her, a chunk of ice fell from the ceiling and shattered on the floor, next to a yellow barrette in the shape of a flower.
Mami had long since passed the point of caring about where she was, or how long she'd wandered these passageways, fruitlessly searching for a way out of the maze, for a nonexistent light at the end of an infinite tunnel. The last experience with the burning girl had crippled her already fragile will to keep moving. She felt like she was on autopilot, made worse by the disturbing sense of familiarity she felt when she looked in the girls' eyes. She felt like she knew her, or at least should have, the feeling sharpened by a sense of loss and regret so profound, it stole her breath just as quickly as the raging fire had.
She barely even glanced down the hallways she passed now; what was the point? She was trapped here, and in all likelihood she would remain that way. Witches didn't spin their labyrinths so their victims could escape, after all…
She was just beginning to entertain the possibility of sitting down for a moment - to do what, she had no idea. Rest? Sleep? Die? - when something reached out from the shadows and latched ice-cold fingers around her arm. She leaped away in a panic, banging her elbow on the opposite wall and sending a jolt of pain lancing through her arm. She gazed wild-eyed at whatever had grabbed her, her breath coming in short, sharp gulps.
A hand, gnarled and black as stone and attached to the end of a spindly, twitching arm, jutted out from the wall, waving fitfully at her. The fingers clutched at air, reaching for her. The closer she looked, the more she perceived something else as well, strange curves and protrusions, almost like…
She took a hasty step back, horrified at the sudden realization that she was looking at someone's face, embedded in the wall. She started to breathe harder, her heart thudding painfully in her chest, as she began to make out other details: legs, a backpack, a cell phone, all fused into the cold, unyielding surface, as though grown directly from the wall itself.
The trapped figure continued to reach for her, and Mami now saw something in its eyes, a desperate, pleading look. Help me! Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes as she shook her head and slid away from the pitiful figure, only to bump into another, frozen upside down and twisted at eye level. Another silent scream escaped from her lips as a pair of ice-cold arms wrapped around her. One of the hands wore what could have been a wedding ring.
A burst of desperate strength, and she freed herself from the clammy grip. Stumbling away, numb with shock, she found herself in the center of an intersection, with passageways branching off in eight directions. Hands, arms, and faces twisted towards her from the walls and ceiling, and a familiar voice sprang unheeded to her mind…
There were a lot of people on that train, Mami…
The trapped faces contorted in pain, mouthing words she couldn't hear. She had no trouble imagining them though, as a hideous choir of agony, terror, desperation. Help me! Save me! Kill me!
One face, smaller than the others, no more than a child, met her eyes, frozen tears clinging to stony cheeks. As she stared transfixed, the child sank into the wall, the smooth surface spreading to cover it until nothing remained but a hand jutting out towards her, swaying gently in the dead air.
She broke away and fled down a random hallway, screaming into silence.
Voices greeted her as she sat slumped against a wall, tears streaming down her face and falling to the floor as tiny chips of ice. Why couldn't they leave her alone? All she wanted to do was curl up and disappear into a random corner of this maze, so whatever hell its witch had planned for her would never come to pass. Was that so much to ask? Just a little peace, that's all. Yes, she'd made mistakes; yes, she had regrets. But who doesn't? No use dwelling on it; just move on.
But whatever peace from her demons Mami sought so desperately seemed farther and farther out of reach, as first one, then half a dozen, then what must have been hundreds of voices assaulted her mind, raging and boiling into a wall of mental sound so dense, she could not pick out individuals, only the whole. Occasionally, certain words surfaced, spoken in voices she recognized but couldn't name. These came and went more and more frequently until, with a unsettling combination of horror and relief, Mami realized that they belonged to her friends.
Madoka, Sayaka, Kyoko, even Homura and Nagisa all shouted, screamed and sang directly into her mind, their voices a demonic jumbled noise that terrified and soothed her in equal measure. They said her name, sang songs from her childhood, whispered sweet nothings, subjected her to cruel insults. She distinctly heard Nagisa complain about her always being too busy to spend time with her. Homura chided her for losing her focus, for not being up to the responsibilities of leadership. Kyoko and Sayaka chuckled to each other, wondering aloud if Mami was ever going to get herself a partner, or if she'd wind up alone and uptight her whole life. Kyubey's flat, emotionless tones echoed in her head as well, trying to understand why she even wanted to be a magical girl, and bemoaning her nonsensical human frailties. And finally, Madoka, who always had a smile or a hug or an encouraging compliment, lamented that Mami wasn't the cool, confident, beautiful role model she thought she was. I never should have looked up to you in the first place…
Such a waste…
You're a liability...
You should never have come here…
Why did you even make a wish in the first place..?
Ms. Tomoe, this weakness makes no sense… Why are you so reticent?
It's your fault they're gone!
Your fault!
At the far end of the tunnel, something formed. A blot of darkness, black against black, grew in fits and starts, spreading towards her, reaching out with tendrils of inky fog. An almost-solid mass extruded obscenely from the top of the strange accretion, swirling and morphing, the process sending out hellish vibrations that she felt deep inside her, the feeling setting her teeth on edge. Finally, it resolved into something recognizable. A face. A familiar face.
Her face.
Something inside her broke, and she clutched her soul gem, which she had almost forgotten. She shut her eyes and gave the mental command to transform. This time, it worked.
With a blaze of golden light, Mami Tomoe slowly rose from the floor, resplendent in her magical girl attire, a rifle in each hand. This was it, this was why she was here, this was why she became a magical girl in the first place! To destroy abominations like this, for the good of humanity; that was her mission!
She shook violently, almost dropping her weapons, but she managed to keep the… thing at the end of the tunnel in her sights. She squeezed both triggers at once, sending twin volleys of brilliant golden fire directly into the witch's travesty of a face. That must be what this creature is… She dropped the spent rifles and, in the same movement conjured two more, discharging them and repeating the process until her wrists ached, and her head felt fit to burst from the expenditure of magic. Somewhere in the back of her mind, a tiny voice shouted at her… Your gem! But she paid it no heed. Just aim, squeeze, fire, repeat. That's all. Sweat streamed down her face as time slowed to a crawl. She coughed explosively, and tasted blood.
Dropping to her knees, she saw that her assault hadn't even slowed the witch's advance. Her heart sank, until she remembered her most powerful spell. How could she have forgotten? She took a deep breath, gathering her strength, and yanked a long yellow ribbon out of her blouse. It grew longer and longer, swirling and looping around her as she infused it with her power. Finally, with a crack like a whip, it transformed into a massive cannon, emblazoned with the same intricate lacework as her rifles. She aimed carefully at the witch, took a brief moment to smile through her tears, ignored the voice calling her name repeatedly, and shouted the familiar words in her head.
TIRO FINALE!
"Are you alright, Doctor?"
"Yes, I'm fine," she replied, breathing heavily as the orderly helped her off the floor. Her patient had snapped partway through their session, and had grabbed the vase sitting on the coffee table. Surrounded by a pool of water and fragments of what was once a quite sensibly arranged bouquet, the vase now lay in pieces next to the wall behind the doctor's chair. She had barely ducked out of the way in time to avoid being hit. It had been close enough to ruffle her hair...
Her patient was now screaming and cursing, writhing on the floor as two members of the hospital's security staff held her down and a nurse administered a sedative. "Be gentle with her, please!" the doctor pleaded as the girl's struggles gradually slowed, the stream of foul language tapering to an exhausted whine as the drug took effect. Soon she was snoring. Another nurse wheeled in a gurney, and within seconds, Mami Tomoe was spirited off to her room. The doctor sighed. They'd just have to try again tomorrow…
The orderly nodded and excused himself, and she took a moment to survey her office. It really wasn't that bad; just a broken vase. She'd found it at a thrift store for only a few hundred yen, so it was no real loss. To be honest, the flowers pained her more. Ms. Tomoe had grown them herself over the course of an otherwise fruitless occupational therapy regime, and she saw it as a sign of real progress. Well, this was just another obstacle. Obstacles were meant to be surmounted, and this one would prove no different.
But God… that look in her eyes!
She took a deep breath and held it for a moment to compose herself, then let it out, strode over to her desk, and sat down. Unfolding her laptop, she set her fingers on the keys… then paused. She stared blankly at her desk, her gaze landing somewhere between a photo of her and her husband and the nameplate reading "Naoko Akemi, Psy.D." She didn't know where to begin. Tonight's session had been such a rollercoaster. It had started off just like the others, with Ms. Tomoe talking about one of the most persistent elements of her delusion: the so-called "witch hunts." It was fascinating, really, and Dr. Akemi had spent many of their sessions trying to steer their conversations back to that common thread. It meant something, she was sure of it, something crucial… but she could never keep Ms. Tomoe's attention focused long enough to dig as deep as she'd like. And she wanted… no, needed to know who this "Kyubey" figure was. Something to do with her parents, perhaps? And what did "tiro finale" mean? That hadn't come up before… maybe it would lead to a breakthrough. It sounded almost… Spanish? Italian, maybe? She'd look it up later.
So many questions...
She frowned as she realized that she had let her mind wander. The incident with the vase must have rattled her more than she thought. She gave herself a little shake. Maybe when she was done here it'd be time for some self-care. Well, first things first...
Dr. Akemi's frown deepened as she reviewed her case notes. She had been working with Ms. Tomoe, age 16, orphan and ward of the state, for almost a year now. It had proven to be a compelling, but incredibly frustrating, case so far. The usual tools of the trade had failed to reach the real Ms. Tomoe, hidden deep beneath layers of delusion, the fantasy exacerbated by a mind crippled by months of substance abuse, and Dr. Akemi found herself at a bit of a loss, and not for the first time. Should she continue regular one on one sessions? That seemed the most attractive option for now, as she found herself more than a little fascinated by the depth and detail of Ms. Tomoe's dream world, with its witches and magical girls and talk of energy and entropy and extraterrestrial intelligences. It was like something out of one of the manga she loved so much as a child. She'd have to keep her priorities in mind going forward. No use getting personally involved with her patient…
If their sessions hit a wall, she could always push for increased medication, but that came with its own risks. No sense in jarring Ms. Tomoe's already fragile mind with more sedatives or antipsychotics. Sure, her delusions would likely fade, but the rest of her personality would follow suit as well. Dr. Akemi would be damned if she put her signature on that.
Of course, she could always consider Ms. Tomoe a lost cause, turn her findings in to the board, and move on. She could also tear her license to pieces, take that degree that looked so good on her wall and burn it, and turn her back on eight years of schooling and a ten year career, not to mention the dream she'd had since she was a little girl. But one must consider all options when deciding how best to move forward.
More sessions, then. It's not like they didn't have the budget for it.
Back to the case notes. It was clear almost from the get-go that the root of Ms. Tomoe's problems lay with the sudden and horrifying loss of her parents. For a 13-year old to have survived such a catastrophic wreck when her mother and father did not was nothing short of miraculous, but try telling that to the survivor. Dr. Akemi believed that, in a sense, Mami Tomoe's life ended the second the semi collided with their car on that bright morning almost three years ago, and the girl had been simply imitating life since then. The fact that her mother was pregnant at the time didn't help matters in the slightest. When Dr. Akemi read the initial report, and discovered that they had been on the way back from her mother's OB/GYN when the accident occured, and they had found out at that appointment that they were having another little girl, she had to set the document aside for a moment. A brief moment, to be sure, but a moment nonetheless. Rare was the case that could shake her ironclad sense of professional disinterest, but this one did, with nothing more than a brief, perfunctory line.
What had they decided to name their baby? Nagisa, that was it… Dr. Akemi made a note in the case file. Ms. Tomoe had mentioned something tonight, before her outburst: a comrade of hers that she fought alongside in her dream-world, a younger "magical girl" named Nagisa, with whom she shared a closer relationship than she did the others. No doubt a projection of the sister she never got a chance to meet… She supplemented the notation with "push for more…" If there was any way to help Ms. Tomoe claw her way back to the real world, it could very well be through Nagisa. The other figures in her delusion, the friends that she mentioned, could be crucial too. Perhaps they each represented a part of her that she felt was significant; Kyoko, the brash, confident joker; Sayaka, strong but ultimately fragile and uncertain about herself; Madoka, the loving, supportive friend…
And Homura Akemi, a cold, unfeeling girl with whom she shared a very icy relationship. Dr. Akemi smirked. No trouble telling how her patient really felt about their sessions...
She glanced at her watch, stifling a yawn. 9:35 PM. She'd been at the hospital for almost thirteen hours, and fatigue was starting to set in. Her husband complained last night, in his sweet, supportive, good-natured way, that she was spending too much time at the office lately, and it was starting to take a toll. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. Well, she'd finish up here then call it a night. Maybe she'd try to take some time off as well. They'd been talking about heading back to that ski resort in Hokkaido where they'd spent their honeymoon… Maybe the time had finally come.
She decided to go over Ms. Tomoe's history one more time, then turn in. The report read like a television drama, all unhappy childhood and missed opportunities and bad choices. Authorities were unable to find any family members willing to take her after the accident, so she was placed with a foster family. She showed signs of deep emotional scars, even after the physical scars were no longer present, as was common in cases like this. Her foster parents tried to help her as best they could, but met resistance at every front. Ms. Tomoe's school performance plummeted, and she began to rebel, first with her parents, then against authority in general, ringing up quite an impressive rap sheet: shoplifting, vandalism, petty theft, and more. She had a few trips to juvenile hall under her belt by the age of 15, and showed no signs of stopping. She was put in counseling, but refused to participate, spending every session glaring sullenly at her therapist. After about a year of this, she snuck out one night and didn't come back. She fell in with a group of runaways, living on the streets, crashing on friends' couches, and continuing her downward spiral.
It was at this point that someone, doubtlessly one of her friends, introduced her to the new drug that had recently started sweeping through the city's underbelly: a powerful, highly addictive hallucinogen, which its users called shine. She began abusing it heavily, craving its euphoric effects. The drug allowed her to lose herself in her fantasies, to the point where she could create an entire world in her head, where her life was wonderful and fulfilling, and none of the pain she endured ever happened. Her delusions became more and more complex, until they culminated with her imagining herself as a magical girl, surrounded by magical friends, fighting magical monsters for the good of mankind. Dr. Akemi was all but certain that Nagisa appeared as the little sister she never got a chance to meet, with whom she could now have the relationship she was robbed of so cruelly.
But one night, as happens so often in these situations, Ms. Tomoe overdosed. Her friends, panicking at the possibility of facing the authorities, dumped her in front of the emergency entrance of Mitakihara General Hospital and fled. The ER doctors rushed her inside, and were barely able to save her life. To the best of Dr. Akemi's knowledge, her friends were never caught.
The real tragedy came when Ms. Tomoe regained consciousness. When she opened her eyes, it became clear very quickly that she had no awareness of the real world. Months of heavy shine abuse had damaged her brain to the point where she now remained entirely within her delusion. To make matters worse, none of the few family members the authorities could locate were willing to take care of her. As of now, she was a ward of the state, currently under legal custody of the Mitakihara General staff. Dr. Akemi took on her case as a matter of professional curiosity, but now she felt like she may have bitten off more than she could chew. Well, only time would tell.
She finished updating her case notes and closed her laptop with a sigh. This time, she couldn't contain her yawn, and she stood up, stretching her arms before grabbing her purse and turning out the lights. She locked her office and waved goodbye to the night watchman, then strode through the automatic doors and into the parking lot. Tomorrow was another day, and she had a husband waiting for her at home, with all the patience of Penelope.
Tomorrow, she would try again.