By Admiral Albia
Okay, youse peoples, listen up! This story is PG-13 for a reason. It involves cross dressing, swearing, and *suggestive* slash. On that note, though, it's also in Humour for a reason =) If you don't find it funny don't sue me, but feel free to flame. If you write a long enough one, you can be a Slytherin in one of my upcoming stories! =) And boy do *they* get beaten up...
Disclaimer; Let's put this to the test. How many people out there actually think I'm J.K. Rowling? You do? I'm honoured! =) But sorry, I'm not. Nevertheless, on with the story! *points dramatically as all characters head purposefully in other direction* What the...? Hey! Come back! COME BAAACK!
Marauder Matchmaker
"JAMES POTTER!"
"I didn't do it!"
"Huh? Jamesee, that's your girlfriend, you
idiot."
"Is it? Oh. What is it, Lianna?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT IS IT?" By now the entire
Gryffindor common room was watching.
"Um. Qu'est-ce que? Quid? What the hell?" Lily Evans
pursed her lips at his last statement, but Sirius, who had crept up behind
her, stuck his hand over her mouth - not that anyone really cared what
she thought.
"YOUR DAMN' FRIENDS'VE ONLY STUCK A DUNGBOMB DOWN
MY ROBES, THAT'S WHAT!!!"
"Ooops," Peter murmured sheepishly.
"Not my fault what they do," James said.
"I thought being your girlfriend meant this DIDN'T
HAPPEN!"
"Excuse me? Are you saying that that's the only
reason you came out with me?"
"Well...." Lianna seemed to realize she'd put her
foot in it. Then she stiffened. "As a matter of fact, yes, you disgusting
little... GEEK!"
"I AM NOT LITTLE!" James screamed, losing it at
last and drawing himself up to his full height of five feet. "I'm not a
geek, either," He added as an afterthought.
"But he admits to being disgusting," Remus murmured
to Peter, who giggled.
"Well, I'm through with you! You can take your dating
techniques and shove them up your-"
"A-HEM," Lily said, having worked Sirius' hand off
her mouth at last. Lianna's mouth snapped shut, and she stalked over to
her friend. Sirius came back over to the other three, grinning.
"Well, that was entertaining... boys, we must do
this more often." James, however, had other things on his mind.
"Who stuck the Dungbomb down her clothes?" Peter
reluctantly put his hand up. "Why just the one? Why not twenty?" And with
this, James headed up to the boys' dormitory, grumbling all the way.
"Not Lianna, then," Remus said once James had gone,
pulling out a long list of every girl in their year and crossing off yet
another name. "His soul mate has to be here somewhere..."
"Yeah... shame really. She's pretty." Sirius gave
a large, fake sniff, before turning to pore over the list with Remus and
Peter. "How about Emilily?"
"What, Dinglebonk?"
"Is there another Emilily in the school?"
"No." Remus paused. "Trouble is, he gets tongue-tied
just looking at someone that famous."
"I'm almost that famous..."
"Yeah, but you've known each other since you were
nine, and you didn't start acting `till you were twelve, Sirius. Anyway,
she's got her eye on someone else."
"Really? Who/"
"You."
"Ewww! No way!"
"Are you calling this nose a liar?"
"I have an idea," Peter said.
"More or less, yeah..."
"I have an idea..."
"It's night-time..."
"I have an idea. Hello? Is anyone listening to me?"
"Yeah. So? I'm not scared of you, Mr I-Bite-At-Full-Moon..."
"Keep your voice down!"
"Hellooo? Am I invisible?"
"Jumpy little doggy, aren't you?"
"And I'm a mad little bitch," Remus' elder sister,
Canina, butted in. "Sirius, I think Peter wants to say something."
"Does he? Oh. Hello, Peter."
"Oh good, I'm visible again."
"You interrupted our argument to tell us that?"
"No. Huddle, boys?" The Marauders (except James
who was sulking in the dormitory) went into a huddle, and it only took
a couple of seconds before a great burst of laughter emitted from the group
and Sirius rocked back into his chair, alternately laughing and crying
`Perfect!`
"I'm not even going to ask," Canina muttered. "Remus,
try not to get detention on our family night this time, OK?"
"It's not my fault if they don't consult the lunar
calendar, is it?" Remus hissed.
"No, but it's your fault for getting the detention..."
"Guilty through association, I was..."
"Whatever. Just tell them it's... well, tell them
whatever you tell them."
"You can never get any further than `but` with angry
teachers."
"Then don't say `but`!"
"And watch out for the werewolf. You sound just
like mum, did you know?" She stuck her tongue out at him before turning
back to her work.
"I'll write James letter, as per usual," Sirius
began, but Peter cut across him.
"No - his date'll recognize the handwriting. Pretend
he's someone else. Someone like -" he reached up and whispered in Sirius'
ear. Sirius snorted with suppressed laughter.
"OK. Wormy, go and set up your cauldron. Do you
need any ingredients?"
"No - just a few good insults to throw at Myrtle."
"I'm sure you'll find some." Peter grinned, and
headed for the portrait hole.
"I'll do the date's writing, then, shall I?" Remus
suggested.
"Yeah, OK. Don't forget, neat writing! It's a girl!"
"I have neat writing. It's you who scrawls
al over it and makes it look messy."
"Picky, picky... Saturday night OK with you?"
"Hmm... no, actually. Make it Friday."
"Friday it is. Where are you going on Saturday,
then?"
"Home, to see my mum... she's really ill, you know..."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Forest," Remus added in an undertone, "Remember?"
"Oh, yeah. How is your mother, by the way?"
A/n; Want to see what'll happen? I understand reviewing works =)
Actually, I'll put the next (and probably last) part up whether you review or not, but if I get reviews for this I'll write it before I finish Raindrops and Rosebuds...
So go on! Review!
|
V