Jar Of Hearts, a twilight fanfic

"Jar Of Hearts"

This goes out to Wolfgirl191 (a.k.a. Paigey Poo) who suggested this song and context. Song by Christina Perri – check it out – awesome in every possible definition of the word. Drop me a line/review/PM if you want a songfic done – just give me pairing, song+singer and setting.

Anyway, as Wolfgirl191 put it 'Bella tells Edward she hates him'

I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

There he was – standing there, in front of me in all his god-like glory.

Inviting me in with his smile – more perfect then I remember.

Enticing me with his words – so eloquent that my memory did not give them justice.

But the place next to him – my place – remained empty.

And I knew why.

The hole where my heart used to be remained empty. Seeing him didn't return it to its past glory.

"No," I whispered to him.

"Bella, love, excuse me speaking colloquially, but what? No? It's me, love."

"No, I'm not going with you," I felt tears spring to my eyes but I forced them down.

I wasn't going to take another step towards him.

"Why not?"

"Because, you're only going to cause me more regret!" I couldn't stop the tears from escaping then. "I'm not the same Bella you left stranded in the forest! I'm not your shadow – I'm not your ghost anymore. You lost me."

"The love I loved the most?" His velvet voice even more beautiful when emotion made it crack.

I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

"I learned to live without you – I learned to live while I was only half alive," I had to tell him, no matter that the remnants of my heart were breaking, and that Edward's was too.

"And now, you expect me to come back to you? Now that you decided that you want me?" I spat at him.

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

"Who do you think you are? They were right – you are a leech. You sucked me dry and all you left were scars,"

A lump rose in the back of my throat at the thought of Jacob, of Embry and Quil, of the whole wolf pack.

"All you do is suck up people's hearts and keep them in a jar."

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

"I know you were asking everyone about where I was – if I was still here, if anyone could 'find me'. You were the one who stranded me!"

"Bella, please, believe me, if there was anything I could change in my entire existence, it would be that moment – I never should have left you!" He walked forward, to hold me, but I stepped back.

"I'm stronger now, Edward. I not going to fall back into your arms just because I'm upset and you're here. I'm not going to do that."

I've learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

"You can't expect me to go back to you – not after everything you've put me through!"

"It's because of that dog, isn't it?" Edward snarled. "That flea-ridden, potty-mouthed, dirty minded pup!"

"Don't drag him into this!" I screamed. "All you do is tear people – tear love – apart!"

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

I fell to my knees, the tears falling freely now and I made no move to stop them.

"Edward, he was there. When you left, he was there for me. Do you know what happened when you left? I was dead. DEAD Edward. And it took me so long just to feel alright – to feel even the semblance of alive. And it was him who me – It was Jake who reminded me how to put the light back into my eyes.

"You know what Edward? I wish I'd never kissed you – I wish that we'd never happened."

"Why? Our love was perfect!"

"You broke every one of your promises to me! Every single one! You left me, you hurt me, you never even entertained the idea of turning me! And that's the only thing I'm glad you didn't do – I don't want to be like you!"

"But I'm back now – I'm never going to leave you again!"

"Just because you're back doesn't mean you get me back."

"But Bella, I never meant to hurt you!"

I felt the spite, the hate grow inside me. "You're gonna catch a cold Edward from the ice inside your soul. You can say anything, but you don't get to come back for me. You keep your jar of hearts – I got mine back a long time ago, and now someone better is looking after it – making it better."

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

"Who do you think you are? Get out of here! GET AWAY FROM ME! I HATE YOU!" I screamed at him.

He stood there, and whatever colour he had drained away from his skin.

"I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!" I kept screaming at him.

I kept screaming it even after he left and the rain started pouring.

It was Jacob who found me.

"Bells?" Jacob asked, holding me to his chest. "You alright?"

"I hate him," I whispered. "I absolutely hate him!"

"I know. But he's gone now. He's never coming back."

"I love you," I whispered, before I finally passed out.