I have decided that maybe I do need a beta (I know, you were all like "thank God, it's about time!") I want to think redneckduckling for taking on this most atrocious task! Believe me, it is not easy! So upon deciding this, we have gone back and she has started editing my chapters for me – you will see them pop up. If you would like to go back and read them, that is great – if not it really isn't a big deal – none of the plot was messed with. Thank you all so much!
Jack's Samantha
Prelude – Infirmary – SGC Headquarters
The man's head hit the concrete wall behind him again as the fist slammed into his face for what seemed like the hundredth time. He was not even standing on his own anymore. He was at least two feet off the floor as the beast of a man in front of him held him by the neck with one hand and pulverized him with the other. He had lost consciousness by now but the man doing the ponding did not really care. He was blind with rage. All he knew was that this piece of trash had violated his most precious jewel and you did not live after that.
Teal'c and Daniel tried to grab Jacks fist before it slammed again, knowing that there was nothing left for Jack to hit. The man had slipped from Jacks grasp and laid crumbled at his feet but Jack had not even realized it. If they had not caught his arm, he would have crushed every bone in his hand when it collided with the concrete wall of the SGC. Daniel knew what Sam being hurt could do to Jack. Hell, he was Sam's and Jacks friend and he will never forget the day that Jack thought Daniel had feelings for Sam other than friendship. He touched the tip of his nose as he remembered that huge fist coming at his face, several times before the security at the base pulled Jack off him. Yes, he remembered it well and knew that Jack had not even realized that day what he was doing nor could he control it. However, Daniel somehow knew it would not have mattered. If Jack felt that someone or something was threatening "his Samantha", then God help them. He had proven this on numerous occasions on other worlds.
Along with Teal'c's help, Daniel finally had Jack down on the floor so that Janet could give him the shot that she was holding. They all three knew they had to knock him out or he was going to kill the man that laid at his feet. It was plain that the man was not going to tell Jack anything that they did not already know. Jack fought the shot as long as he could but finally he felt himself start to drift off.
"J..a..c..k" The voice coming from Sam sounded so hollow, almost like a haunting from a ghost movie. It was barely audible but Jack heard it as if it were a scream.
"Sam…..take me to Sam" he said the words through a choked voice and looking at Teal'c with eyes pleading, he felt the big man lift him up and help him over to the bed where Sam laid.
"Oh my Samantha, what have they done to you? What have I done to you?" he thought to himself as Teal'c helped him lay across the bed next to his heart.
What in God's name had possessed them to allow Sam to take on this mission? What in God's name had possessed HIM to allow her to take this mission without him beside her 24 hours a day? Yes, it had been an order from the highest and it was plan that he was not supposed to be there. It was a mission and she had wanted to go so badly. Looking up new alien technology was what thrilled her. And yes, normally there was not a problem. Nevertheless, Jack had felt the lingering doubt and dread in his soul as they had left the SGC almost two weeks ago. When he had left her at Area 51 and went back to the hotel where he was staying (under an alias) he felt he as if he was being ripped apart. Something about this did not set right. He had wanted so badly to figure out what it was before anything happened. He had been too late.
Within 24 hours the two bodyguard's that Homeland security had placed on her was gone, disappeared with no sign as to where they went and there was no trace of Sam. She was missing. That was all he was told when they finally alerted the SGC about her disappearance and he fought the anger that consumed him. He wanted to shoot everyone at Homeland Security. He could not help but wonder if he had not gotten suspicious about her not answering his calls, would Homeland Security even known there was a problem. He knew how wrapped up Sam could get when tinkering with a new 'thingamabob' but for her to miss his call was something she would never try to do. When she had not called back within the hour, he called her again. Still no response and he knew. Deep in his heart he knew right then that something was wrong.
As drug induced sleep begin to claim him, he heard Janet telling the General what Sam had gone through and his arm instinctively sought her waist and pulled her close. When Janet admitted that yes, she had been raped, the tears slid down his checks and he did not care who saw him and her as he laid soft kisses upon her bruised and cut forehead. Screw them! Screw the military! Screw the rules and the regulations! Screw them all! Never again would she be out of his sight. She was his and only his to protect, his to keep safe, his Samantha! He would find the low down sons of bitches that had hurt her! He owed that to her. He would find them and make them pay for what they had done. That was his last thought as sleep claimed him.
Chapter 1:
Nine days earlier – SGC Briefing Room - Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado
"NO!" Jack said it again and again, he was propelled with arguments from everyone in the room. What was it with these people? He was under the impression that when a commanding officer gave an order than it was obeyed. Hell, he got more obedience out of Sam's collie than he did those under his command. What in the world were they thinking? They had to know that he had their best interest in mind. He had her best interest always in the front of his mind.
"But Sir, you have to let me do this. If it is true what Homeland Security suspects, then we have to stop this before someone gets seriously hurt." Sam's sapphire blue eyes caught his in a desperate plea. God, how could he say no to her? Every time he looked into her eyes, he thought that there had to be a piece of the sky missing. Her eyes looked like the blue sky and someone had stuck a starburst right in the middle of the iris. It was so hard to tell her no. Nevertheless, he had to. This time he had no choice. He was not letting her go on this mission. Jack had a deep gut wrenching feeling that this was all wrong. That something bad was going to happen and he was not about to let his Samantha be tangled in the middle of it.
"They said they will have bodyguards around me constantly, Sir." Sam gently touched his arm without letting anyone else see her. "I will be ok. Besides, I have been kicking alien butt now for over six years. Don't you think I can take care of myself?"
"I know what you can do to alien butt, Carter but it's not the alien butt I am worried about. It is yours and it is not alien's you will be with. It's our own damn people and God knows how much they love screwing us over." Jack said the words and meant every one of them. They came close to dying just as much with the US Government as they did with the Goa'uld. Hell, in a way Jack trusted the Goa'uld more than he did some of the ones that worked for the government. At least you knew going into a mission who was on your side.
The mission was not anything that Sam had not done before. She was going to Area 51 to analyze some type of alien device that had been found there when the rogue NID group had been caught and placed in lockdown. She usually went to Area 51 at least once a month for some type of scientific stuff but this was the first time the NID was involved and Jack did not like it – not one damn bit. He knew that where there was stuff that the NID claimed as their own, there was always a way for them to get it back. After all, how long had a Goa'uld been on earth before the NID screwed up and made complete asses of themselves and being caught? No, there was something else to this and they were not getting the whole story. Jack knew Sam wanted to go. Hell, she lived for finding and analyzing weird things and Daniel was excited because he knew if Sam found something then he would be allowed to go have fun with the thing too.
"I know you can take care of yourself, Carter! This is not about whether or not you can handle yourself. This is about trusting people that we already know will screw us over at the first opportunity." Jack rubbed his forehead as if he wanted to say something else but the General had walked into the briefing room by then and all of SG1 gazed intently at him to see what his answer was about Sam's mission. Jack was really hoping the General had more sense than his team seemed to have but after he opened his mouth, Jack begin to wonder.
"Carter, you will take a flight to Nevada and meet up with Home Land Security at Area 51. Jack, you will go with her until she is secured with Home Land and then you will report back here for a different mission. Daniel, you will be going to Washington with Major Davies to speak with the Joint Chief's concerning the latest planets that we have visited. They want to be briefed on them in person. Teal'c, Bra'tec has asked that you leave for Chulac as soon as possible to help train some new recruits. You can go through the gate as soon as you are ready. Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter, your flight leaves in less than two hours so I suggest you get ready." General Hammond took a deep breath and looked at Jack closely before he said the rest of what he had to say. He knew the Colonel was not going to want to hear this but it was not his call and even President Hayes had agreed with it. Jack already seemed upset about the whole thing and he knew why. Every time they got involved with anything to do with the NID – someone on his team ended up in the infirmary for an extended stay. "Major Carter, Senator Kinsey will also meet you there. He will be taking an active part in the scientific experiment."
They were all taken aback when the chair Jack had been sitting in was pushed back so hard that it hit the glass of the concrete wall that separated the briefing room from the gate room. He was on his feet and looking at the General as if he had grown an extra head. What was going on? It looked as if his whole team was being dismantled and being put in situations that were not the best to be put in. Hell, Daniel was not even safe in Washington. And yes, the thing that set him off the most was what the General had just said about that ass of a senator. It was plain to see that he was less than thrilled that the General had mentioned that Senator Kinsey would be involved in anything to do with Sam and they all knew what kind of temper Jack had and how fast it flared into a fire.
"Sir I have the greatest respect for you and I hope you do not think me less than respectful towards you but really, just how damn crazy are the people in Washington? I mean do you really think that Carter is ….
"That's enough Colonel!" Hammond had to shout to be heard above Jack. Although it was, clear to everyone in the room besides Jack that he did not hear the General.
…going to be safe with him there? The man is a damn fruitcake and all he cares about is furthering his own career! Hell Carter could be killed and he would not even care! Shit, that is most likely what he is hoping for! He has been after us since day one and the only reason he has not gotten one of us killed is that we have stuck together. Sir, there's not a chance in hell I am allowing her to ….."
"Colonel, I don't think that is your decision! You ARE bordering very close to insubordination!"
"Well, with all due respect General, I am wondering just how stupid you are for thinking I am going to allow Carter to do this mission with that ass! There is no way in hell she is leaving this base and going anywhere near the NID and you know damn well if Senator Kinsey is involved than so is the NID! Hell I thought you had better sense than this!"
The other three members of SG1 were standing with mouths wide open, listening to their commanding officer berate the General. They knew that Jack was beyond seeing rational right now but the fact that one of his team members may be in danger. They also knew how close Jack had come before to being court martialed and they did not want to see that happen. The General was looking at Jack and although he was not quite as angry as Jack was – you could tell he was getting there.
"O'Neill – if you don't want to spend the rest of your career sitting in lock up, I would suggest you rein that temper in. You are very close to being court martialed. Believe me, I understand how messed up this sounds but since the President has agreed with Kinsey on this and there's not a damn thing you nor I can do about it!"
Jack started to say something else but his attention was averted when Sam touched his arm. He looked down at her as if he had just noticed her standing beside him and wondered when she had gotten up from the table and moved over to him. God she was beautiful! However, he could never tell her that. He could never tell her how he truly felt about her. Hell, he could not even ask her out on a date. And all because of those damn military rules! In addition, the ones that made the rules were the same idiots he was out there trying to keep safe every day. Yet they were allowing her to walk into some mission with that lowdown, self-centered, bastard! Damn, what was he supposed to do? There was nothing he could do and Sam knew it. She stopped him before he ruined his career over her. However, he had news for them all. He would be on them like white on rice – there was no way he was leaving Samantha with a bunch of people he did not know and with the NID and Kinsey involved. No way in hell. He would find a way to be there with her.
He watched her pack her equipment in the lab, trying to get the nerve up to say something but no words would come. He had been trying to say something aloud for the past four years but never seemed to have the guts to follow through. Just like the day, the force field separated them and he knew he would never leave her. Not because it was programmed into him that you never leave a man behind but as he confessed later – he knew he could not live without Samantha Carter. Why couldn't he just say the words? Why couldn't he retire? Hell, he had before and actually rather enjoyed himself. If he would retire, he could tell her what he needed to tell her. But he knew the answer to that question and it was the same reason he stood here frozen, fearful that something was going to happen to her. He would not retire because he would not leave Samantha in anyone else's hands to protect. She was his and as long as she went through the gate, he would be there with her. As long as she went anywhere that may prove to be dangerous, he would find a way to be there.
Jack sneered. It was hard enough to protect Sam and him with her. He hated to be the poor bastard that would have to be accountable for her in Jack's eyes. In the almost seven years they had known each other, she had gotten herself into some tight situations. It just seemed the bad people liked picking on her. Hell, they liked picking on him and all his team. Poor Space Monkey, or Daniel as everyone else called him, always seemed to end up dead. Teal'c seemed to be constantly getting his people out of danger and ending up in prison with Bra'tac. And Jack seemed to be the perfect target practice for the Goa'uld. Especially in the back and legs. He subconsciously rubbed his knee and felt the scars there.
Damn! Why was she so stubborn? He had to admit that was one of the things that attracted him to her. Her stubbornness won him over the first time he laid eyes on her. The way she assumed that, everyone thought the same way. The day she walked into the briefing room with that chip on her shoulder, he knew that day that his job was cut out for him. He would win her over and knock that chip off – either with hard work or something better. He had always hoped it would be something better.
Jack was already watching her back like crazy but when the crap happened with the Shavadai people, he had gotten overly obsessive about watching her. But he did not care. He would be damned if anyone ever hurt her again like that bastard did. When he had seen the glimpse of pain on her face and then 'accidently" walked in on her so he could see what had caused the pain, he swore the bastard would pay for what he had done to her.
Only Jack, Daniel, Teal'c and General Hammond knew that Jack had gone back to that planet. No one knew to this day what had happened to Turghan and he prayed that Sam would never find out. He prayed that she would never find out that he had gone back, sliced the man from one side of his back to the other, and left him there to die. Whether or not anyone had found him in time to save him, Jack did not really care. He had promised him he would not hurt someone he loved again and Jack always kept his promises.
When they were stuck on P3R-118, there were times that he really thought that was who they were. That she was his Thera and he was her Jonah. They were together. Even in the dark hot place that they worked and survived, inside he was happy because he was with her. The nights they would sneak out of their sleeping bunks, meet in some corner away from anyone else, and talk. He would sit and hold her against him while she sat in between his legs and they would talk about the life they would have if they could ever get back up on the surface. Then Teal'c had broken through his mind stamp and soon the other three started realizing that where they were and who they were not the truth. That it was a lie. And when they were able to come back to earth, he actually felt sad. When she looked up at him in Brenna's office and called him 'sir' it felt as if a part of his heart had been left on the planet.
He did not look away when she looked up at him. He knew she knew that he was there. They knew when the other was present. The feelings ran too deep now. He just wished there was something they could do about it.
She knew he was watching her. She always knew when he was close to her. She could feel his eyes boring into her and she felt the tingle start in the pit of her stomach. He wanted to tell her the same thing she had wanted to tell him since the day she met him. She did not need her feelings to grow through missions. The day she looked into those chocolate eyes, she had known there would be no one else. However, she had realized that she could never fully have him as her own.
'That's why there were others. Others who never really required anything more from her' Sam thought to herself. 'That is until Pete came along. Maybe he was the one that could take Jack's place. Maybe he could ease the pain she felt at night. Whom was she kidding? Did she really believe that?'
Finally, Sam glanced up and gave him a small smile. She had seen him reach down and rub his knee and she knew what had crossed his mind. He was thinking back about all the times they had been injured on missions. There was even a mission where they all four had been killed and others where they had come so close to being killed that it still terrified her at night. She knew he was worried. Since the episode that had happened on the planet of the Shavadai people, he had protected her at all cost.
She had known that day that he would come and get her from Turghan. There was never any doubt but she had been very scared while being held there. She had already been beaten and she knew if she was there when night fell, then Turghan would take his pleasure with her. And no matter how hard she would fight, he would eventually win.
When Jack had ridden into the camp on the back of that horse and she saw the look in his eyes, she knew somehow that she would be leaving with him. It was not until later that day that she heard him vow that Turghan would not live to hurt another female. And she knew it was because of what he had seen. She had tried to hide it from him but had failed miserably. He had noticed there was something wrong with her when they had gotten back to camp. When she had gone to dismount, Daniel had offered to help her because she had looked so pale. When he had touched her back, Jack had seen the way she jerked away from Daniel. He also saw the brief glimpse of pain that went across her face before she had had time to cover it. While she had been changing back into her uniform, he had 'accidently' walked into the tent and had seen her. The cuts that the whip had left diagonally across her back still had scars there today.
She was raised military. Had been on military bases her whole life. But she had never heard the language she heard coming from him. She quickly grabbed her shirt and through tears had begged him not to do something foolish. Sam had known that if he went back to Turghan's camp alone, he would be killed. The men of that camp would not allow Turghan to be hurt. She had seen how they worshipped him. She knew he did not like the fact that he could not get revenge for her and it tore her up inside but she loved him to much already to lose him. She could still hear him as he walked out of the tent. She did not have the nerve to turn around but Daniel had told her later that the hate pouring out of Jack's eyes made the people in the camp actually fear for their lives.
In the end, and against Jack's wishes, she had been able to extract her revenge on Turghan. Jack had wanted to do it but she had insisted that this was the only way she would begin to feel better about what had happened to her. By taking away his dignity and honor in front of his people, she had won not only her release but the freedom of the women of the Shavadai also. However, Jack never stopped from that day on watching her every step. Where she went and who she was with he had full knowledge of it.
Then when they had the zatarc testing with Anise and he confessed what he did, Sam knew that she meant more to him than just another team member. And it literally scared the hell out of her. Because she knew no matter how much they felt for each other, they could never be. In her mind, the only way she could ever have Jack was to have Jonah. The only way he could ever have Sam was to have Thera – for them to live two separate identities. And they had. They had loved each other so much when they were mind stamped into believing they were two other people. Even though they worked away from each other and slept away from each other, they had found each other. Their subconscious knew what they themselves had had to deny for years. That they were meant to be together in this life also.
Jack watched Sam as her mind whirled. He knew she was thinking about them. They were always thinking about each other. How in the hell was he supposed to let her go on this mission and not be with her constantly? He had to figure out some way to be with her. Surely, there had to be something that Hammond could arrange that would put him there with her.