DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Walking Dead, any of it's characters, or any of it's original plot line. I wish I did…

Alexandria makes Carl Grimes extremely uneasy and ever since the group has arrived he's felt like a complete outsider. Literally and Figuratively. The entire place just doesn't seem normal to Carl. Then again, normal for Carl is rotting corpses trying to eat him, scavenging for food, living on the road, relying heavily on his group which has become his family, and sleeping with one eye open and with a gun or knife clenched in his hand in case something were to happen. Alexandria is a suburban haven with children playing without fear in the streets, neighbors hosting events and housewarming parties, and cook outs and picnics taking place in grassy back yards. To Carl, that's bizarre. It's not just how the people live, it's how Carl is now capable of living. It's about how he can now take a warm shower whenever he wants. It's about how he doesn't have to go to hunt or scavenge for food when he's hungry, he can just go into the kitchen and open the fridge. It's about how he can walk down the street without a weapon and go to sleep in a warm bed instead of curling up on the floor of some abandoned diner. He's not used to this, not used to this at all. He doesn't have to go to bed scared, cold, filthy, and in an unfamiliar place with an empty stomach. None of Alexandrians can even begin to relate to him or what he's been through. Carl feels like a wild dog thrown into a pen of puppies.

The people of Alexandria seem to feel that way too. They whisper about 'Rick's Group' and watch them all out of the corners of their eyes. It's not like the Alexandrians aren't welcoming, because they are. They bring casseroles and sheet cakes to members of 'Rick's Group' and are friendly as can be, but they see them differently. Henceforth, 'Rick's Group' is 'Rick's Group' instead of just ordinary Alexandrians.

Carol manages to fit right in, sliding right into place with her pans of lasagna and ugly floral sweaters. Carl somewhat envies her chameleon abilities since he's having so much trouble with the transition. After six days, Carl is still spending his time in the house, trying to get used to not having to look over his shoulder every two seconds. Old habits die hard though, and every time someone walks in the front door his hands fly to his holster and he whips around, ready to shoot.

After two weeks, everyone else seems to have found a place in Alexandria: His dad and Michonne are made deputies, Aaron starts inviting Daryl to accompany him on runs, Glenn and Tara start going on runs with other groups, Father Gabriel starts holding masses, Noah starts working with Reg, Maggie becomes Deanna's advisor, Rosita and Abraham and Sasha start to do night watch with Spencer, and Eugene sort of disappears all day.

This leaves Carl solely with his baby sister Judith. Not that Carl minds, he loves Judith and actually enjoys spending his days watching her. He has her schedule down to a science: she wakes up around 8:30, an hour after everyone leaves to start their days. Carl usually feeds her some apple slices or mashed up peaches for breakfast. After breakfast, he changes her diaper before taking her on a mid-morning walk. Around noon he feeds her lunch and promptly afterward she takes an afternoon nap. Once she wakes up, she's full of energy and wants Carl to chase her around the living room or play hide-and-seek out in the yard (Carl hates playing hide-and-seek because the notion of not knowing where Judith is scares him) After an hour or two of playing, he'll change her again, tell or read her a story, and then the two of them will put together one of her baby puzzles with the chubby, thick pieces or he'll watch her play with some stuffed animals that Aaron gave her. Sometimes, he'll take her to the little park in the middle of the town and they'll sit in the gazebo and color or nap in the grass. Around 6, everyone gets home and eats dinner together.

Carl takes care of her so much that he wouldn't be scared of calling himself a 'Judith Expert'. He knows she won't eat watermelon or cantaloupe. He knows that she hates baths and gets fussy whenever he tries to give her one and she sleeps best curled up in someone's lap or nestled into a blanket. He loves taking care of her, it's easy and fun for the most part and it makes him feel good to take care of her. It makes him wonder if this is sort of what it would be like without the dead walking around.

There're downsides to spending all of his time with Judith though. Whenever she gets fussy or cries it kind of sucks, but that's not the issue. The real issue is that Carl wants someone to talk to and Judith isn't an ideal candidate. Sure, she babbles incoherently sometimes and she's a pretty good listener, but the conversations are very one-sided. Carl will rant to her when he's pissed off or sad or just feeling particularly out of place, but he never really gets an intelligent response. Everyone else is always busy and he doesn't really know any of the Alexandrians, nor does he wish to talk to them because none of them will understand.

Besides his sudden feeling of desolation and uncertainty with his new surroundings, he notices some of the Alexandrians giving him weird looks when he's out with Judith. Most of the adults smile at him with appreciation, but some of the kids stare at him and whisper amongst themselves, like they think it's weird that 'the kid from Rick's Group' doesn't talk to anybody and is out on a walk with and talking to his baby sister instead of one of them. Carl doesn't care what these people think of him, he doesn't give two shits how they perceive him, but when they gape at him and then talk about him while he's standing RIGHT THERE really pisses him off. Carl doesn't really socialize with the kids in Alexandria. There are 3 kids his age that he's met. The day his group got to Alexandria, Rick sent him over to the Andersons house to meet them, in hopes of helping Carl make some new friends around his age. He remembers that there were two boys named Mikey and Ron and a girl named Enid. He and Enid are sort of friends. She's the only other one that knows what it's like to be outside the walls, but she's not around very much. She disappears for periods of time on a regular basis, but when she's around she chats with Carl and sometimes invites him to go with her over the wall. Carl doesn't really talk to Mikey, but Ron usually makes time to talk to him and they'll occasionally play video games together. But Carl isn't really close to any of them. Enid's gone too much for them to really bond and Mikey and Ron are too ignorant of what the outside is like in Carl's opinion. They're too damn clueless to really understand him.
—

"Hey Carl, I don't have any lookout shift duty tomorrow and no ones going on a run, so I'll be free. Do you want me to watch Judith?" Tara offers as everyone sits down for dinner.

"Uh, no thanks."

Tara looks at him funny. "Really? Are you sure? I mean, I really don't mind."

"Yeah I'm sure. It's no big deal," Carl quickly replies, trying to end this conversation before it gets awkward and personal.

"Why don't you want to let Tara take over babysitting duties for the day? She's capable of watching Judith and you can go have fun," Maggie says, taking a seat beside Carl.

"Yeah kid. I think ya should take a day off. You've been cooped up in here playin' housewife for the last three weeks now," Daryl agrees.

Carl internally groans as Daryl, Maggie, and Tara all look at him, waiting for his response. He doesn't feel like explaining himself.

"I just don't want Tara to waste her day off watching Judith, that's all," Carl says with a shrug.

Tara laughs. "Aw, thats really sweet of you Carl but it's totally fine! Lookout duty isn't exactly action-packed or strenuous around here and I can't imagine watching Judith is backbreaking labour by any means."

Carl looks down at his plate as he tries to come up with another excuse. "Well….."

"C'mon Carl, take a day off. I don't think Judith'll take offense to ya slackin' off for a day," Daryl urges, giving the kid a smile.

"Yeah, take a day off. Do something fun!" Maggie says.

'Like what?' Carl thinks exasperatedly. 'Enid's been gone for two days now, so she's not around to hang out with….'

"Don't you want a day off?" Tara asks, looking a little confused.

Carl doesn't want to hurt her feelings. It's not that he doesn't trust her, because he does. He just would rather watch Judith himself. "Sure, but…well I'm not entirely sure what'd the hell I'd do with myself," he admits.

Daryl laughs and shakes his head. "You're the only kid I know that turns down a day off cuz he doesn't know what the fuck to do."

"You wouldn't know what to do? Why not just go hang out with some of the kids around here?" Maggie suggests.

Carl sighs and is tempted to say, 'if only it were that easy'. Since he hasn't been in an environment where he is constantly surrounded by new people to accommodate with, he has no social skills what so ever and is actually rather timid when it comes to talking to strangers and people he doesn't know well. So, he'd feel more comfortable taking on a herd of walkers than going up to Mikey or Ron and asking them to hang out.

"Do you know the kids around here? I know you meant them the day we got here," Tara says.

"Yeah, I know them. I just don't know them….personally."

Daryl clucks his tongue in understanding. "Ah, I get ya."

Maggie shakes her head. "I understand where you're coming from, but you should get out, try to make some friends. This is our new home and I think you'd like it better here if you got to know some of the kids."

Carl shrugs. "I dunno, they're all really….oblivious about whats going on."

"Well, of course they are. None of them have ever been outside these walls."

"Yeah, and thats fine but I…I dunno."

"I think that you're just shy," Tara says with a teasing smile.

"I'm not shy!"

"Yes you are! You don't introduce yourself to people and you have a hard time getting to know people-"

"I do not have a hard time getting to know people!"

"Oh, ok you're right. You don't have a hard time getting to know people, you have a hard time letting people get to know you!"

"What you said makes no freaking sense. You repeated yourself and flipped the words around!"

"Nah, I think she's got a point, kid," Daryl says. "And it's not really your fault, what with the…lifestyle we've all been livin' the last few years-"

"I am not shy! If I were shy, I wouldn't be talking to any of you!"

"That's not true! You've had time to get to know us, let us gain your trust, and learn to love us. And you know, we've been surviving the end of the world together for awhile, so I guess that probably helped us bond pretty fast," Tara jokes, nudging Carl with her elbow.

Carl smiles. "Yeah, the life-or-death situation may have sped up the process a little bit. But I'm not shy."

"Then take the day off tomorrow and go hang out with one of the kids here," Tara challenges.

Carl's face pales as he realizes that he's been cornered. 'Fuck!' he thinks bitterly. Daryl and Maggie look at him as he bites his lip.

"That Enid girl and you hang out sometimes. Just hang out with her tomorrow," Daryl suggests.

"She's not in Alexandria right now. She goes over the walls sometimes and just sorta disappears."

"Then go do something with someone else! Take the day off and get to know them better! Enjoy yourself," Maggie says.

"We'll see…" Carl grumbles, getting up from the dinner table.
—-

"Do you have a minute?"

Carl is in the middle of cleaning his handgun. He looks up to see Carol standing next to him.

"Yeah."

Carol takes a seat next to him on the sofa. "So…Tara told me that she's going to watch Judith for you tomorrow. That's very kind of her."

Carl nods and prepares himself. Carol always starts her talks off subtly and slowly builds up to what she's really trying to say.

"She also told me that you were reluctant to accept that offer. Can you tell me why that is? Most kids your age would jump at the chance to take a day off from watching their siblings."

"I'm not like most kids my age," Carl replies, going back to cleaning his gun.

"I know. You're much more mature and exposed to the evils of this world than most kids your age. But even you must be sick of spending all day changing diapers and picking up toys."

Carl doesn't respond. 'Why the hell do I have to explain myself? I just don't want to take a day off, is that such a big deal?' he thinks angrily.

"Is it because you don't trust Tara to watch Judith? I don't think that's it. You know what I think?" Carol asks, trying to coax Carl to talk. He doesn't comply.

"I think it's because you know that if you're not watching your sister, you're going to have to find something else to do. And I don't think you have the slightest clue of what to do with yourself."

Carl still remains silent.

"You know, you could go hang out with the kids here. They all seem pretty nice." She watches the boy begin to fidget slightly and knows that she's on to something. "Ah, but that's the problem, right? You're no good with social situations. You don't feel like you fit in here. I'm not going to lie to you, you don't fit in here. None of us do. Most of these people are ignorant sheep that don't have a clue as to what horrors have been going on out there. But you know what? You don't have to fit in. Just be a chameleon and try your best. I think it'll be easier for you here if you make a few friends."

Carl mentally curses Carol's amazing gift at figuring shit out as he slowly looks up at her.

"Ask one of the guys to play football or basketball."

"I can't play either of those."

She hums a laugh in her throat as she stands up. "You'll figure something out. I just think you need to socialize a little, for your own good. Your dad's worried about you."

Carl looks at her questioningly. 'Why's dad worried? We're safe now.'

Carol pulls back Carl's hat and gives him a chaste kiss on the forehead before walking away and leaving him to his own thoughts.
—

"What's wrong with him?" Pete grumbles as Sam picks at his dinner.

Jessie sighs. "He's really picky. If its not cookies, peanut butter, chocolate, eggs, or toast he won't eat it."

Pete mutters to himself as he watches his younger son pick at the pasta in front of him. Jessie is thankful he isn't too drunk or he probably would've already gotten up and smacked the shit out of Sam.

"Sam, stop playing with your food," Jessie says, an almost pleading tone in her voice as she watches her husband slowly lose his patience and clench his fists.

"But I don't like pasta, mom!" He whines.

"Well, that's whats for dinner tonight. Either eat it or excuse yourself, but if you don't eat it there's no food for you until breakfast."

Sam petulantly mutters something, rolling his fork around on the table.

"What did you say?" Pete asks, dangerously calm like a viper waiting to lunge and sink it's fangs into an unsuspecting victim.

Sam's face pales and he shakes his head.

"No, what did you say to your mother?" Pete asks, starting to stand up. "She told you to either eat your dinner or scram. Pretty clear, don't you think?"

"Pete…" She mutters helplessly.

Ron watches his father start to walk towards his brother, and he feels sick to his stomach.

"What did you say, Sam?" He asks again, stopping in front of Sam's chair. He kneels down so that he's on the 11 year-old's eye level. "What did you say?"

Sam begins trembling and looks at his lap, eyes wide with fear.

"He didn't say anything," Jessie says.

Pete looks over his shoulder at her. "Was I talking to you?"

"Tell him, Sam. You didn't say anything," Jessie insists.

"Shut up Jessie," Pete growls.

"Dad, he didn't say anything. I was sitting right here next to him and I didn't hear anything," Ron says, knowing that he may as well have just dug his own grave.

Pete frowns and grunts angrily. He's opening his mouth to say something when there's a knock on the door.

"I'll get it," Jessie says, hurrying to the door.

Pete looks at both of his sons before slowly standing up. He keeps his cold hazel eyes trained on Sam.

"Pete, it's Nina! Her son just cut open his arm on some glass shards and needs stitches. Are you willing to do it now?" Jessie calls from the front door.

Pete exhales sharply, trying to compose himself. "Well, poor kid cant really wait, now can he?" He dryly jokes, headed to the front door.

Sam sighs in relief and closes his eyes. Ron feels a knot in his chest loosen and he slumps against the back of his chair. He reaches out and gently grabs Sam's shoulder. "You're an idiot, you know that right?"

Sam doesn't reply and just lets out another deep sigh.

Jessie returns to the table after Pete leaves. "You are the luckiest boy alive, Sam Anderson. What did I tell you about when dads home?"

"To be extra good and behave like Christmas is next week," Sam answers, looking guiltily at his mom.

"That's right. Was whining about what I served for dinner a smart move?"

Sam shakes his head.

Jessie sighs and sits back down at the table to finish her dinner. "Don't do that again, Sam. Ok?"

"Ok."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah mom. I'm ok."

Ron stares at his dad's vacant seat and feels a weird ache in his chest. "Hey mom, I'm gonna go outside. Is that ok?"

"Sure. Just be back before it gets dark, ok?"

Ron nods before headed out the front door. Whenever he has a particularly awful day, he likes to go to the make-shift library, an air-conditioned garage full of bookshelves. He's admittedly not much of a reader, but it's calm and quiet in there. He likes to slump against the bookshelves, close his eyes, and take a nap or just keep his eyes shut and pretend that things are better and that he's somewhere else.
—

The next morning, Carl wakes up and is about to go down the hall to get Judith out of her crib when he spots Tara standing in the hallway with his sister cradled in her arms.

"Morning, Carl. You excited for your day off?"

Before he can help it, he feels himself frown. "Uh, yeah."

"Good! Don't worry, your sister is in good hands. Now go have some fun!"

Carl forces a smile onto his face as he heads downstairs to get himself breakfast. Everyone greets him as he digs around in the fridge for something to eat.

"Morning," Rick says, pulling his son into a hug. "I'm about to leave for work. Have a good day, ok? Get outside and have some fun."

Carl laughs a little. "Ok, dad. You have a good day too."

Rick fondly ruffles his hair and smiles weakly at him before walking away. Carl notices that he stops and whispers something to Carol, looks back at him, whispers something else, then leaves. Carl can't help but feel his skin prickle in annoyance. He hates being uninformed. 'What the hell can't he tell me?' He wonders. He remembers Carol mentioning that his dad's been worried about him. 'But we're supposedly safe here,' he thinks again.
—

After a quick breakfast,Tara all but kicks him out the front door with a cheerful, "Don't worry about us! Go have fun!"

Carl sulks down the street and mentally mocks her, thoroughly pissed off and feeling awkward as hell. What the fuck is he supposed to do? He could climb over the wall and go looking for Enid, but he knows that he needs to bring more than a handgun with him be able to leave the premise and survive. To get more weapons he'd have to steal from the armory, which would take a lot of stealth and patience and has severe consequences if he's caught. He realizes that it's just not worth it and that Enid can take care of herself. He supposes that he could go see where Michonne is patrolling and hang out with her, but if her and Rick are on duty together he knows that his dad will get pissed and ask why he's not off 'making friends' or 'doing normal teenage shit'. Maybe he could go steal some paint and graffiti the walls. 'That's normal teenage shit,' he thinks sarcastically with a smirk. He knows that he really shouldn't though, it's a small town and Deanna will definitely figure out that he did it. Then she'll tell his dad and his dad will kill him. He decides that it's not a great idea either.

As he walks down the street contemplating tracking down Daryl and begging him take him out on a run, he spots Ron walking down the street. 'This is what they want me to do, right? Talk to these people and find a place for myself? I could try talking to Ron, he showed me around when I first got here and he seems like an ok guy.'

Carl begins to walk towards the taller boy, trying to figure out what he's going to say to him once he approaches him. But as he gets closer, his heart starts to pound in his chest and he feels his palms sweat. His legs get weak and he slows down, his throat constricting and feeling tight. A sudden desire to turn invisible sets in and he's not sure if he wants to go up to Ron and talk anymore.

He's faced walkers, cannibals, and other awful things during his lifetime, but whenever people, ordinary harmless people, try to talk to him he starts feeling like this. He starts feeling this irrational fear. It isn't a completely new feeling for Carl, but he hasn't felt this way for awhile, not since the prison. When the residents from Woodbury started moving in, Carl was reluctant to talk to them and look them in the eye. He'd blush, sweat, shake, and sometimes have a strong longing to disappear when the new arrivals tried to speak to him. He wasn't afraid of them, not at all. He just felt funny talking to them. The funny feeling eventually went away after getting to know most of the new arrivals, but its been resurfacing ever since they've arrived in Alexandria.

"Carl?

Carl turns around to see Aaron standing there.

"Oh, hey Aaron."

"What's up with you? You're shaking," Aaron says, looking concerned. He reaches out to touch him, but Carl pulls away and feels his neck burn in embarrassment. The funny fearful feeling is still in his chest.

"Do you feel ok?"

"Me? Yeah…I'm just tired."

"You're shaking because you're tired?" Aaron asks skeptically.

"Yeeees."

Aaron can see how uncomfortable the kid is so he lays off. "Ok. Have you seen Daryl? Eric and I were looking over some old maps and we remembered this old super market on Route 89. I was thinking of taking Daryl with me as backup and checking it out."

"I think he went to the supply house to get some stuff."

"Ok, thanks," he says, giving Carl one last look over before briskly walking towards the supply house.

Carl sighs as he walks away and licks his chapped lips. 'Tired? That was a terrible lie. Like, a lie Glenn would tell,' he thinks, feeling stupid. He looks up the street and sees that Ron has vanished. "Great," he mutters. He groans in defeat and devises a plan: if he stays out of sight all day he can just lie to everyone and say that he hung out with Mikey or Ron. All he has to do is find an ideal uninhabited place to chill by himself all day. He recalls that the park is usually pretty empty, so he turns around and starts jogging there.
-

He's right, the park is deserted. Carl smiles to himself as he leans back against a huge oak tree and stares up through the thick leafy branches. It's eerily quiet and he has trouble relaxing, expecting to suddenly hear a raspy moan and smell rotten flesh. His hand subconsciously drifts to his holster.

'You're inside the walls now. There aren't any walkers,' he reminds himself sternly. He can't help but reflexively look over his shoulder anyway. He tries his best to shake it off and looks around for something to do to occupy himself. The oak tree he was leaning against catches his attention. 'If I climbed up the tree could I see over the walls?' he wonders, looking up the tree trunk. The thought of seeing over the walls that both protect and imprison him makes him curious and excited. Before he knows it, he's climbing up the tree with a smile on his face, eager to see the outside world again. Carl manages to find a perch on a thick branch near the top of the tree. He has a clear view of the outside.

It's desolate besides a few stray walkers prowling around near the West end of the wall. He feels his heartbeat pick up as he watches them stumble around. If he focuses on them and the outside long enough, he can envision himself out there, running around with his gun, a knife, and a backpack of supplies. He can feel his legs burn as he runs across the grass, his hands curl around the hilt of his knife, and his muscles ache as he takes swings at the walkers. If he closes his eyes, he can see himself out there, taking out the walkers on the West end.

"Hey, squirrel boy!"

Carl opens his eyes and looks down to see Ron standing at the trunk of the tree, looking back up at him with an amused smile.

"What the hell are you doing up there?"

"Normal teenage shit," Carl shouts down to him.

"I don't think most of us normal teenagers climb up in trees and take naps."

Carl shrugs.

"Why don't you come down and I'll show you how to do some REAL normal teenage shit?"

Carl's pretty sure that that's an invitation to hang out, so he slowly descends from his branch to join the taller boy on the ground.

"Where's your sister?" Ron asks.

"At home. My friend Tara offered to watch her for the day," Carl says with a shrug.

Ron nods. "I was wondering where she was. Every time I see you around, you've got her with you. Anyway, follow me and I'll show you some real 'teenage shit'."

Carl nods and follows Ron down the street. 'Well, as long as it's not basketball or football,' he thinks with a grin.
—

I've rewritten this chapter 4 times now and I'm still not sure that I like it. Ugh! Anyway, I hope to upload more chapters soon. Please feel free to tell me what you thought, but I beg you to be gentle with the criticism. Thanks for reading!