Rating T / M
Recyclable
Humour, romance, slight evil ness?It is crack and attempted humour. No likey, no read. I just couldn't get the idea out of my head, it made me giggle as much as the idea of Konan in a shredder. (Ouch) Well enjoy, read and review. Any criticism welcomed, improvement is good, yea?Summary
For Sakura, the opportunity was far to good to pass up. For Konan, she just felt her affection and distaste for the young medic grow day by day.
Recyclable
She flung her scratched out Konoha headband on the cold, uneven floor pebbles in a fit of desperate anger. Ragged puffs of breath the only sound as fierce emerald flared intensely before ripping out lustrous strands of pink hair then bursting out into a barbarous battle cry as she engraved her fist into the stonewall.
The wall was most unfortunate.
As appeared to be the rest of the musky room as it all depended on the mood of its occupant. The room was usually lucky and well kept when the kunoichi was complacent but today; not so lucky.
Haruno Sakura was bored.
Quite a difficult task in all respects for a girl so curious and fascinated with the world.
Quite difficult in her situation too.
"How the bloody hell could life be boring in the home of the Akatsuki? Ruthless S-class criminals bunched up in a small cramped complex in Amegakure. Where are the morning entertainment bitch fights? The dinner food flinging? Twister games? DDR contests, only to be beaten by the DDR master, the leader?" [1
"We all know he's the leader for a reason", Sakura added offhandedly to her exasperated rant.
"The whole of the organisation is composed of complete and utter freaks, not including me of course, but still! It's got to count for something!"
Life in Akatsuki had been surprisingly dull though the missions were a great deal more interesting and pay was good. But bland all the same for a female used to being surrounded by emotional teammates, especially a joyous blonde who spent most of his childhood defacing important monuments.
"I mean, you can only watch Zetsu eat the pizza man so many times, in morbid curiosity. Disgust too, of course. And you can only snigger at Itachi burning the food for a few microseconds before he ends up giving you a Mangekyo glare!" moaned Sakura, growing more frustrated by the second. The Mangekyo glare, she had found, was most unpleasant.
Sakura had, on occasion, tried to make it more interesting in the grisly organisation of serious criminals with a few pranks, often induced by Inner Sakura and previous times with Naruto. Though for some strange reason, unknown to Sakura, their faces contorted in unappealing anger and then a barrage of kunai, shuriken, senbon, explosive notes and Hidan's dirty socks would come flying her way while Konan would quietly watch, take notes and disappear off in a flurry of paper butterflies. She would then go and tell the leader about her 'extra' activities.
Her little stunts now got her sent to Pein's office: to be glared at, shouted at, threatened at then forced over his lap and spanked, similar to how a parent would punish a child with their hands caught in the cookie jar. Cookies were involved in Sakura's antics but that wasn't the point. [2
After believing it was a once only punishment, Sakura continued to pull her schemes to revive life in the group but that pesky, pesky Konan would always rat her out and tell Pein.
After about forty two times of being carted off to Pein's office Sakura had noted with dry misery that her backside was really starting to, understandably, hurt and that meant that her own little amusement tirade's were over.
It was all Konan's fault.
It was as if she wanted a boring army like organisation the way she frowned upon any sorts of humour. It was like she never wanted Sakura to have any sort of interaction with any of the other males. She even watched when Pein was scolding her. Sometimes she'd have trace marks of a frown or the occasional malicious smirk. But, Konan hadn't mentioned to Pein about the incident when Sakura had attempted origami then filled Deidara's satchel with her half failed creations. It was selfish.
Yes, it was all that woman's fault and Sakura needed revenge. And if you want revenge then it's best to get it as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the further away and more difficult exacting vengeance would be. Sasuke was proof enough of that. She needed her out the way or hell, simply pissing the paper lady off enough to get a reaction or explanation would do…Finding one of those odd computer things then typing in Jigoku Tsuushin seemed a bit harsh. [3
Sakura strode out into the corridor for her room was far too warm for complex thinking and Konan would usually accidentally drop some of her origami inside her room. Well, the way Sakura saw it was that the crafty beauty was probably using them as a ploy to observe and spy upon the members. Still didn't stop Sakura finding them cute.
Sasori had been particularly scared when he heard a high pitched squeal of delight and went out to find Sakura, a childlike joy upon her dainty features, fondling the complex origami insect. It appeared that, mysteriously, more and more of these seamless paper creations kept turning up, more so around Sakura's room. He had merely rolled his eyes in mild grimace before stalking back into his workshop. Another annoying female emotion. Terrific.
Wait a minute. Female emotion?
The heartless bastard (though that would be anatomically incorrect though she did go and ask what was anatomically accurate on his wooden body) disrespected emotion, again! Nothing wrong with emotions, they can give an entirely new strength dynamic to a person or couple.
Konan had been surprisingly supporting in their last mission together, Sakura even got to fly on one of those giant origami works of hers. Konan had aided her out of harms away several times and Sakura herself healed her blue haired companion, even numbing the pain from a paper cut.
Sakura smiled vaguely at the memory, as sweet as those origami gifts were, Konan still had a stick shoved up her ass ninety percent of the time and she ruined her fun
Now, the problem came was how to execute said revenge.
'A shredder?'
'Naahhh, Kakuzu is a cheap bastard so he wouldn't buy one of those no matter how much it would terrify Konan.'
'Damn.'
One idea down.
'Ooh, maybe a piñata! We could steal paper sheets off of her and then beat the snot out of our creation later!'
'Nice idea. Know how to make a piñata?'
'Well, bollocks.'
Two ideas down and so, it went on with each idea proving unsuccessful.
'Dammit! We've been at this for hours and not a thing. It's about as useful as two plus two doesn't equal twenty-six. What the hell does it take to annoy or possibly maim a blue haired leader lapdog?'
'I know. The bloody blue haired recyclable bitch! It's not fair, SHANNAROO!''Wait. I've got it…Of course! It's so obvious! Why didn't I see it before?'
'See what?''All in good time my overly loud companion, in all good time. Now, we've got work to do…heh. The opportunity is just too good to pass up'
Sakura looked away to the side of the wall deviously, eying up the sheets of white and green fabrics. Emerald orbs darting from one corner to the other, it would be a terrible shame if somebody else were to see her little plan-in progress after her short hiatus, she may just have to reduce their face to mush. Wouldn't that be a pity?
Slinking away silently back to the deep confines of her room, Sakura began scheming with the occasional sound of fabric being cut and the casual snigger here and there.
'This my friend, is utter gold.'
Heeled footsteps echoed down the dimly lit corridor, the tapping giving a harsh contrast to the ominous silence. Every now and then, brushing her fingers through soft ultramarine hair as it dangled across her eyes, shadowed in a variety of Prussian blues. Impassive faced while her left hand went auto mode on her and started folding a crane, while still allowing her mind to ponder over the past weeks events.
Usually it was good form to prep your-self before talking with Pein about the organisation status. Konan was on her way to her official daily meeting with Pein. It was routine. Granted, she saw him most of the day but this moment of time was directed into the group and nothing but. She was his eyes around the peculiar bunch of men and pretty young girl.
She sighed indignantly. Such a dangerous and pesky little thing.
As refreshing as it was to have another woman around, engage in brief conversation slightly more feminine than the usual talk between comrades, another female with decent skills. But, she was rather spirited in good and bad ways. It reminded Konan a little of herself, only a little as it many respects they were both very different. At least the pink haired nin would listen and give wise output when needed. Only when necessary though and as it appeared, Sakura had decided it unnecessary in her 'fun'.
Rolling her decorated eyes she continued down the hall and then entered into the meeting room, too bad she failed to notice a certain pink haired kunoichi slipping into own her room on the way.
"Ah, Konan-san, nice to see you here." Pein greeted. Konan merely nodded and with that, the discussion got under way. As the meeting progressed, many topics came under review: Itachi's blindness and loyalty, Madara's intentions, Sasori's need for poison ingredients, Deidara leaving his clay in unwanted locations, the problem of Konoha nin bodies piling up near the hideout and so on. Solutions and ground plans for each problem discussed and put into motion with Zetsu rising from the earth to deliver information occasionally from various villages. Then, the topic moved onto Sakura.
"It seems she has finally stopped causing trouble. It seems that your lectures have finally gotten through, Pein-sama."
"Your apparent affections for the girl seem to be misleading you, Konan-san. She is, in a way, like you and when determined to do something, she'll go through with it. I have no doubt that she is indeed already planning something."
"But, Pein-sama, she's stopped." Konan questioned, she never favoured questioning him, so he must have a damn good reason. Giving a dry chuckle, the orange haired man leant back in his chair, "You misunderstand Konan-san, some of the most effective plans are well thought out with the element of surprise. I believe I understand Sakura-san enough for my reasons. She is probably lonely; as to her motives… I am not female, there isn't much she can relate to with the other members and I am constantly busy as you know and Sakura-san would unintentionally interfere with my plans if she accompanied me."
Konan nodded in understanding, "Ah, I'll continue my observations." Not that she actually planned on stopping anyway. The light, which ignited on Sakura's face when she received an origami creation, was savoury. That and she could watch Sakura undress with the butterflies in her room but that had absolutely nothing to do with it…
"Konan."
Konan was suddenly snapped out of her musings by Pein's voice. "Be on your guard."
With that, the man stood up and exited the room via the side door that led to his personal office.
Konan merely continued to stare at where he had just been, replaying his words. Without notice, she too rose and then exited into the hallway, past the pantry, up a flight of black carpeted stairs and along into her abode. Undressing from her uniform quickly and into her night camisole then promptly collapsing on the bed central to the room. It was also too bad that, in her tired demeanour, she failed to notice her rack of Akatsuki cloaks had gone missing.
Konan awoke in a sleepy haze, strands of dishevelled blue hair going every which way as she sat up. Blinking her eyes a few times just to get rid of the dark blur that was her room into a sharp image.
She wordlessly got up from the satin sheets and over into the tiled bathroom to fix her image for the day. No matter how many times she brushed her hair, readjusted the origami flower or shuffled her cloak, Konan could shake the strange feeling. Something didn't feel right and it left a rather prominent twitch in her right shoulder. Something just seemed…off. Konan then reprimanded herself for such childish feelings, composed a grumpy scowl on her face and strode out of her room, down into the kitchen for breakfast, frowning when she saw a 'Please recycle' notice on the wall. Since when did Akatsuki take into account the environment? Any important documents were either burnt or taken care of by her. Expression deepening as she remembered noting them on members' doors. Flashes of understandable anger when she saw the badly drawn stick figure picture underneath wearing a cloak with scratchy blue hair. Seems like the drawing Tobi would do but then again, Tobi wasn't as smart as to add a recycle reference to it all.
Every member of Akatsuki, save leader of course, was seated around a huge mahogany dining table, calmly eating his or her pancakes, waffles and sliced orange, curtsey of the pink haired chef who was at current flipping another set of pancakes.
'What a colourful bunch of members Akatsuki has.' Konan thought dryly as she picked up her paper plate and walked over to her seat near the far end. Oddly enough Konan was welcomed with muffled sniggers as she went by, at first she considered this usual Akatsuki men talk but as she continued to her seat it occurred to her that those sniggers were being directed at her. This wasn't acceptable so she turned around sharply.
"What?" she bit out. The sniggers stopped and an eerie silence engulfed the room until Hidan mumbled under his breath quietly, "She should recycle her fucking attitude." Followed by laughs from the entire table except Kisame who was probably too polite to take mockery of her and except Itachi and Sakura, who was now stacking up a pile of pancakes and drizzling golden syrup all over them. Konan gave a glare to the pink one, who then at that moment turned around and asked,
"Pancakes with ice cream and syrup or just syrup? No waffles left, sorry." Glee covering every inch of her face, eyes sparkling innocent yet a sad pang of guilt about them.
Konan stared at the plate of inviting food, eyes softening when she saw a makeshift origami flower on the side of the plate. It did bring Konan to wonder what Sakura was up to but considering the fact that she was rather hungry and skipping breakfast is decidedly a bad thing to do, she calmly took the plate, gave a word of thanks before seating herself, ignoring the giggles. What were they laughing about? Nothing was different! Oh well, she'd just paper cut them to death later.
As Konan finished the last of her pancake, she was interrupted by Tobi, whose odd mask was looking at her visible garments curiously. He then tackled the unsuspected kunoichi to the ground from over the table, causing many plates of food to be swept around in chaos along with shocking all the other members. Some of which jumped back from the table with prominent force to avoid pancakes covered in syrup and ice cream coating them from head to toe. Understandably too, that stuff was quite sticky.
Tobi, with amazing speed made a dive for her white heels, black socks, origami rose and spare sheets of paper. Donning them off of her then throwing said items into the blue recycling bin over in the corner. Still determined, he reached for her cloak, with Konan still in it mind you, to attempt to drag that into the recycling bin also.
Konan, who was abashed, confused and more importantly pissed off, tried to struggle out of his clingy grasp, eventually succeeding while kicking the man in the face. Scrambling up, covered in revels of syrup and melt ice cream, she retrieved her items from the blue bin. Konan, eyes alit with violated horror, strode over to the man nursing his back, which had collided with the table leg when her kick flung him back, and with little restraint and a furious battle cry of "BASTARD!" she had punched him in the gut then rammed her foot into his crotch area.
Tobi yelped in pain and other male members visibly winced. That crotch shot looked extremely painful and no one had heard Konan yell, ever.
"But Tobi was being a good boy and recycling. Even your cloak says it can be recycled, especially now that it's dirty! Chucking it away would be wasteful!" Tobi whimpered in protest.
"What the hell makes you think I'm recyclable?" hissed Konan. Swearing and shouting? I imagine that some of the other members are pissing their pants right now.
"Your cloak says so miss." Admitted Tobi sheepishly, hand shaking violently, pointing at the back of Konan's robe.
Konan slowly rotated herself to the sticky item of clothing, now a heap in the carpeting. Bending over to carefully pick up the garment, which gave Sakura a pleasant view so to speak, Konan worked her way up to the back of the material to find several strange patterns not of Akatsuki colours. The pattern of question was a horribly recognisable symbol. She knew what it stood for and she had every right to her grievance, as the implications behind those markings branded to her were truly terrifying. The symbol consisted of three green arrows. Each following the other in a wretched triangle form backed upon delicately stitched white satin.
'Somebody is out to get me' Konan thought anxiously. Well anxious not really the appropriate word. Konan was mature and sure enough of her own abilities that whoever thought this funny would meet an undesirable and probably messy demise. However, it did leave her in question as to whom. No nin from any village could get through Amegakure tower without getting disembowelled even a little. It had to be a member. Pein would not. Simple as that. Tobi wasn't smart enough. Itachi wouldn't care meaning Kisame wouldn't either. Sasori wouldn't care and Deidara would be far too busy working on his art. Kakuzu wouldn't afford recycling bins. Hidan, it'd all end up doused in blood. Zetsu enjoyed fights but seeing as another part of recycling involved a green wheelie bin, Zetsu would not.
It had to be somebody from a village that would be kind enough to recycle… Konoha!
And the only member left was Sakura but she herself had kept watch on the medic. Nothing had been out of place.
Eyes burning a whole through the soft material of the robe, Konan spun on her heels, walking out of the kitchen, tossing the ruined cloak into the bin.
"Konan-sama, remember to recycle! Save the trees!" Called Tobi, chasing after the woman who merely slammed her bedroom door, a loud thunk was heard, indicating Tobi's face had come into contact with it.
An odd silence came over to the remaining members in the kitchen, everybody turned to Sakura who looked bored. She calmly surveyed the remains of the kitchen, looked everybody over then undid her cooking apron, dropped it on the floor and moved to leave.
"What? I'm not cleaning that mess up."
Giving an annoyed sighed Konan flopped down on the bed, lifting up the pillow to reach for the stash of sharpened shuriken. Absent-mindedly twirling one around nimble fingers she rolled over to reach for another Akatsuki robe kept in the grand wardrobe on the right. Shifting through the racks she eventually found a thick winter one to suit the cold climate. As she was about to slip the robe on she noted something. Bright green against black. 3 arrows.
Okay then, maybe she wouldn't have a winter cloak, a bog standard robe would have to do then. But yet again, as she filed through the line up of cloaks the result was the same. 3 green arrows. Recyclable occasionally embroided on the back along with childish formed 'Recycle me' sewn on in green and white.
Tobi had apparently caught on to this message since Konan was made of paper, she even said so on her clothing so he obviously tried to do right and be a 'good boy'. Konan couldn't fault him too much. The real culprit was the twisted or stupid individual who had invaded her room and vandalised her cloaks. Not so distracted in her reverie that she didn't notice the pink hair lining one of them. Painted nails finger the lock of pastel pink. Sakura Haruno.
Still not completely sure it was the rose haired menace, it was her best bet so far. Time to make a complaint to Pein.
Taking a pair of untouched sandals from under the bed, Konan wordlessly slipped them on, opening the door to make her away down to Pein's office which was a little further from the recycling bins which by now are causing her some annoyance.
But before Konan exited the room fully, she turned around eyeing the recently bought paddle in the corner. Well she was planning on using it soon anyway…
The hallways were quiet. Not that Konan expected them to be noisy but it just felt the too quiet sort. The one where you expect something or somebody to come charging out of nowhere and scare the living day lights out of you.
This of course was complete and utter rubbish as ninjas can only be surprised to a mild degree. They are able to sense chakra easily so any type of ambush is difficult. Unless of course your ambusher had perfect chakra control but hey, what are the chances of that now?
"HEY! KONAN! HUG!"
With only nano seconds notice, Konan barely had time to register the bounding pink movement, so frozen to the spot, she replied with an intelligent,
"Oh fu--", before being cut off and knocked down a flight of stairs into a series of blue boxes, landing with a distinct thud.
Sakura followed straight after, cushioned by the woman who was now beneath her.
"What a fitting place for you to land Konan-chan!" Sakura reprehended, twisting Konan's wrists firmly behind her back. " It fits so much with your cloak! That and we all know that Pein reuses you."
Konan's eyes widened a fraction before turning into a cool anger. So she had done something. Then the kunoichi's previous words filtered through her head. The cool anger just turned to an Arctic frost.
"You." Her voice was low and dangerous. "You little terror. Okay, girl, explain yourself, give me a reason for your little stunt. To think I actually held affection for you. Do you not like me or just asking for a death wish?"
The cold emphasis on girl made Sakura wince a bit but it was indeed a reaction and it was time to actually get an answer from this mysterious woman. Did she hate her or like her, this was probably the best time to ask.
"You always seem to enjoy ruining my fun! What's your problem? Of course you spend all day with the leader so habits are going to rub off but still!" an aggravated Sakura accused, holding down sections of Konan's hair to the ground while sitting comfortably on the 'butchered' cloak, spare hand resting comfortably on Konan's rear.
Konan looked up with a heated glare, well as much as she could from her position inside the recycling bin.
"You know fully well what children those men are, Pein and I more so do not wish for you to be joining that circle of idiocy." Her cornflower eyes still edging on malicious held a playful glint shining within them. "Besides, I intend to have plenty of fun with you on my own. Why let them interfere?" replied Konan, a lazy smile licking her lips.
Sakura's face then changed several shades, mainly in the pink selection.
Operation tell the truth and embarrass medic is a go. Wait. Did she really just think that? Shit. At least she'd be getting some.
"I, I mean, it's always been like you've got something shoved up your ass," sputtered Sakura as she regained composure and adjusted her weight slightly, accidentally moving her hand over more of Konan's bottom half.
A devilish smirk melded onto Konan's ivory face as she ushered," As long as you're the one doing the shoving I've no problems." And with that she gave a playful wink to the flustered medic.
Shock collided with Sakura like a tsunami to a tree; the rather flushed, embarrassed medic recoiled and loosened her grip. Big mistake.
Using that opportunity Konan pushed Sakura from her and thrust her foot into Sakura's abdomen causing the poor girl to lose breath and smash into the wall with a great deal of force, pale hands clutching at rose strands with such aggressiveness that it hurt. Sakura paniced but that was suddenly was replaced with a sharp stinging feeling as Konan, a look of cold lust mirrored on her face, slapped her harshly. Then promptly drove the pinkette's head against the stone as she kissed Sakura, rather roughly, forcing her tongue inside Sakura's mouth before biting on her tongue, drawing a little crimson substance.
"Is that some of the love and affection you so desperately crave Sakura-san?" mavolence edging every word, laced with dark amusement.
'Affection? Affection my ass! How is violently wounding somebody affection?' complained Inner Sakura loudly.The medic kunoichi, still in too much shock to do anything, what little of her sane mind was still sensory to the world, was working with numbing the pain of the collision.
Sakura swore that woman was bipolar.
The older kunoichi then wrenched Sakura's face towards hers, whispering huskily but harshly, "Don't think I'm going to leave this little escapade of yours unpunished. You needlessly damaged several Akatsuki robes, insulted and attacked a superior. But if you won't listen to Pein or take heed of his spankings then maybe, girl, you'll listen to me. I believe Pein would like a break from lecturing you. I'll show him how a woman delivers a fitting punishment. He'd probably find it quite entertaining to see how you cope with a different outlook." As God's angel, she did still have her job of keeping the members in line, this was no different. Back to business, sort of.
"Damaging Akatsuki robes? You all get through about 5 each, a week! What's a bit of decoration?"
The blue haired kunoichi then grabbed Sakura by the scruff of the neck, facial expression irritated, then proceeded to drag her to Pein's office.
Sakura didn't say anything as her face reflected the utter horror as to what awaited. Pupils dilated as she dread the idea of this fearsome kunoichi, who had some form of twisted affection for her, spanking her for a prolonged amount of time.
Pein slaps hurt but he wouldn't hurt her too much, almost fatherly like in the way he would hug her afterwards and tell her not to do it again. She hated his glare most. It pierced straight through you, it was scary, a reminder that the man who ran the Akatsuki was bloody powerful and bloody terrifying.
And now, she had to be slapped by Konan, whose single slap was enough to bring tears to the corners of your eyes, and watched by her father figure or more unnervingly, his eyes.
Then suddenly as they were about to reach Pein's office door, Konan spoke, "Oh and Sakura? I do have a paddle, just so you know."
'Oh shit. Bye, bye dignity and the ability to sit down', Sakura thought grimly.
"You know, they say you only hurt the ones you love," Konan pondered.
"Oh fuck."
A grin stretched on Konan's lips, thin strips of light catching the stud under her lip.
"Maybe, Sakura. If I'm feeling generous."
\O.O/ Konan's a meanie! But we love her anyway.
So it's not actually funny. Whenever I write I always mutilate it
[1 You know that Pein is a DDR master. He has to be.
[2 I love the idea of Pein being Sakura's father figure. Utter bollocks to the world of common sense but who needs that?
[3 Jigoku Tsuushin (hell correspondence) is a reference to Jigoku Shoujo. An anime that I'm watching. If you type in the name of your tormentor at midnight, the Jigoku Shoujo (hell girl) will appear and offer to send them to hell in exchange for your soul falling into hell for a life of eternal pain and suffering. I'm crap at explaining so find a wikipedia explanation or better yet watch the first episode, or visit the official websites.
To the reviewers
Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews for my stories. Even you anonymous readers, I do enjoy reading them so a huge thank you from me. An extra thanks for liking the hoards of crack I ship out. ;)
Well please review anyhow